I goofed and will have an extra kid this Monday that I am not really prepared for!

[bisous]

HELP! I told my friend that I would watch her DS for the day. He is 13 and has bipolar and ADHD. I thought DH had the day off (he said he did) but he was wrong and he has next Monday off. Normally an extra kid or two is no big deal for me. Especially a 13yo but last time I watched him it was HARD and I had DH with me. He was in a manic phase and couldn't take his ADHD meds while that was happening. I don't know if that will be the case on Monday. My friend is a single mom and she also has disabilities. Her job is not only her source of income but (I believe) a place of sanity that she can go to in her very difficult life. It would be difficult or impossible if she has to watch her DS on Monday (his special school is out and his after school program is closed as well).

I want to help but now I'm concerned about how I'm going to keep him entertained for 9.5 hours without my DH's help plus my four other kids. We were going to go to a really nice zoo that probably would have been awesome but I'm not comfortable taking him without another adult. Now I'm not sure how to fill the time. Last time he needed a new activity about every half hour or so.

My best thought is to meet up with friends in shifts throughout the day. Like go to the park for a few hours. Or have them and their kids over to play. I figure even with the extra chaos that they would bring (their own kids) that it would be good to have a second adult to kind of work on things if I need to deal with this child and help keep him entertained.

I guess I need to come up with activities. Last time we had gardening time, legos, I even pulled out the kinesthetic sand (thinking he might be into it--DS1 is!), park time, we went to the donut shop, the pizza place, we played outside and we had a little bit of tech time but minecraft was hard for him to figure out.

I need ideas and strategies I guess! I would hate to have to call my friend and tell her that I'll be unable to take care of him. I do think I can keep him and my children physically safe if I'm at home but it will be a very difficult day and one maybe not very fun for any of them.

WWYD? What activities would you do to get through the day?

TIA!

[Kindra178]

Can you arrange playdates for some of your other children?

[jren]

Can you ask the mom what he does at home? I'm really having a hard time believing the mom is occupying her son the way you did. I have a 13 year old DD with bipolar, and she spends most of her time listening to music or on her phone. I don't occupy her. Can he be tasked with helping you occupy the younger kids?


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[jgenie]

I wouldn't take him out if I wasn't absolutely sure I could handle it. Plan to spend the day at home. Invite other friends over or arrange for your other kids to be out to lighten your load. Good luck! You're a great friend to be willing to help.


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[bisous]

I'm not going to go to the zoo. That's an outing that I can do with my four kids but it is huge. Add another kid who is unpredictable in public and it just doesn't work. With DH is would have been totally fine but without him not going to happen.

At home I have some ideas, that I might be able make it work better. My mother is concerned that I might not be able to provide the level of supervision to keep everyone safe and that makes me feel terrible. I'm praying to figure out how to do the right thing by all five kids in question and my friend. My mother thinks that there are probably other people that might be able to provide care for him on the same day. If so, telling her now would be better.

I appreciate all the opinions!

[bisous]

Can you ask the mom what he does at home? I'm really having a hard time believing the mom is occupying her son the way you did. I have a 13 year old DD with bipolar, and she spends most of her time listening to music or on her phone. I don't occupy her. Can he be tasked with helping you occupy the younger kids?


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The first time we watched him he was so incredibly easy. Last time was so so hard. I think because he was in a manic phase and unmedicated.

Also, I don't know anything about him or his background. His mom is not good at communicating. I think she sees things very simplistically. She has called me to tell me that he has indicated that his teachers (he is at a special school for children with mental illness) was hitting him. The school denies it. I feel like I'm just not sure what he will say about us or what he will do. I do feel like I'm safe. I don't know that I'd trust him with my smallest kids, not because of the bipolar so much as the accusations if that makes sense.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm not going to go to the zoo. That's an outing that I can do with my four kids but it is huge. Add another kid who is unpredictable in public and it just doesn't work. With DH is would have been totally fine but without him not going to happen.

At home I have some ideas, that I might be able make it work better. My mother is concerned that I might not be able to provide the level of supervision to keep everyone safe and that makes me feel terrible. I'm praying to figure out how to do the right thing by all five kids in question and my friend. My mother thinks that there are probably other people that might be able to provide care for him on the same day. If so, telling her now would be better.

I appreciate all the opinions!

I think both your impulses were spot on. First, let your friend know your concerns and see if she has another option, but tell her that if she doesn't, you will take care of her son as you had promised. If you are going to be taking care of him, contact other adult friends and see if they're willing to stand in for your DH. I think with two adults you can manage however many kids you've got, especially if you're at home, though I wonder whether the distraction of things at the zoo might not be helpful. Sometimes it's a lot harder to fill a bunch of hours at home than it is to go be part of an activity, but you know best what the potential problems may be. I think the suggestion of seeing if some of your kids might be able to have a playdate elsewhere is also a good idea. As for activities at home, the mom is your best source of advice. She must have many tricks up her sleeve, and I'm sure she can be helpful. I don't think the situation is as dire as your mother may believe. I think you can handle this even if it might not be fun. Having another adult there would certainly be better, though.

[schrocat]

Tell your friend that you're unable to watch him because your husband is not on leave that day and you can't cope with watching him and your kids at the same time. It's the truth.

[bisous]

I think both your impulses were spot on. First, let your friend know your concerns and see if she has another option, but tell her that if she doesn't, you will take care of her son as you had promised. If you are going to be taking care of him, contact other adult friends and see if they're willing to stand in for your DH. I think with two adults you can manage however many kids you've got, especially if you're at home, though I wonder whether the distraction of things at the zoo might not be helpful. Sometimes it's a lot harder to fill a bunch of hours at home than it is to go be part of an activity, but you know best what the potential problems may be. I think the suggestion of seeing if some of your kids might be able to have a playdate elsewhere is also a good idea. As for activities at home, the mom is your best source of advice. She must have many tricks up her sleeve, and I'm sure she can be helpful. I don't think the situation is as dire as your mother may believe. I think you can handle this even if it might not be fun. Having another adult there would certainly be better, though.

I actually think this might be the answer. I have 2 SILs with passes to the zoo and a dear friend who might come with me. My pass covers any 3 adults plus some extra kids (and I have extra passes) so if she'll come with me I think we can still have a really nice outing and I can treat. I actually bought passes to this zoo years ago because I always felt like it was the one place where my hyperactive (later diagnosed ADHD) boy could just BE. I think he'll like it too. It is physically, mentally and even somewhat spiritually (because it is nature and outdoors) stimulating and soothing. And with either my SILs or my friend, the dynamic would really be fine. I might even be able to drop off my 5yo at my MILs (he's my runner and he's the reason the zoo is challenging for me) and then I should be fine.

Off to see if I can make that happen!

[bisous]

Tell your friend that you're unable to watch him because your husband is not on leave that day and you can't cope with watching him and your kids at the same time. It's the truth.

It is the truth. I think I'd be within my rights morally to just do this. I think it comes down to the fact that I do really want to help this boy and this mom. I think with some tweaking I can still make it work.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It is the truth. I think I'd be within my rights morally to just do this. I think it comes down to the fact that I do really want to help this boy and this mom. I think with some tweaking I can still make it work.

They can find other help. Don't stress about it. They'd have made it work if you'd said no originally. Don't get sucked in and make your family miss the zoo.


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[123LuckyMom]

I actually think this might be the answer. I have 2 SILs with passes to the zoo and a dear friend who might come with me. My pass covers any 3 adults plus some extra kids (and I have extra passes) so if she'll come with me I think we can still have a really nice outing and I can treat. I actually bought passes to this zoo years ago because I always felt like it was the one place where my hyperactive (later diagnosed ADHD) boy could just BE. I think he'll like it too. It is physically, mentally and even somewhat spiritually (because it is nature and outdoors) stimulating and soothing. And with either my SILs or my friend, the dynamic would really be fine. I might even be able to drop off my 5yo at my MILs (he's my runner and he's the reason the zoo is challenging for me) and then I should be fine.

Off to see if I can make that happen!

I think this would be ideal! With multiple adults, you'll be totally fine, and all the kids can have fun! I hope the adults are free and can join in!


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[maydaymommy]

I'm just wondering...because I keep getting mixed up about which week we're off for President's Day...is there any chance your friend is mistaken and her son's school is closed next Monday, when your husband is also off?

I thought that may explain why his two schools are closed on this particular Monday.




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