american_mama
03-01-2017, 08:00 PM
My son is almost 9 and a less boy-ish boy, and I am worried about what that means for him socially in middle school. I have 6th and 9th grade girls who have gone through this same public school, and I've led Girl Scout troops for years with those ages in them, so I know a lot about the school and some about girl development at that age, but not a lot about boys.
DS doesn't like sports, isn't very good at them, likes imaginative play, talking, building with legos, and video games. His circle of friends is more than half girls and has been since he started kindergarten. His elementary school ends at grade 4, and I am considering sending him to a private boy's middle school for grades 5-8 (which I'm calling middle school here for convenience). A major reason for this is to ensure that he has a peer group of boys in middle school. This isn't the only reason, since I know many families who have sent their sons to this school and give it rave reviews, so the school itself is a draw. DS is starting to goof off and underperform in school, and he complains mightily about kids who misbehave or are sassy in class, and the smaller private school might help with both of those. But the boy peer group is my primary reason.
Do other parents see that kids start to segregate a lot by gender starting in 5th, 6th grade? I know for some kids, that changes in 8th grade, but I think that's the minority. Am I falling into gender stereotypes, that it's bad to have a "girly" boy and needs fixing? In the abstract, that is not my philosophy. I think DS's willingness to talk and listen, his ability to work with girls as peers will make him an awesome husband and co-worker. In the specific here and now, however, I am concerned about DS having a lonely 4 years in middle school.
One significant reason I say this is the example of my male neighbor, who is now in 8th grade and fairly similar in personality to DS. My neighbor had even more female friends and no male friends for most of elementary school. My feeling is that he is fairly lonely in middle school, because the girls he was friends with have dropped him as they started having parties and sleepovers that were all girls, hanging out with girls, playing on all-girl sports teams, and meeting new girls at the new grade 5-8 schools. It has shrunk his social life a lot - no one to trick or treat with, no party invites, never been to a sleepover, etc. He and my DD2 used to play a lot, but she dropped him too for all the reasons I stated above. The neighbor also seems less happy and confident than he used to be when he was younger. I don't want that to happen to my DS, and I am already seeing some of his female friends dropping him a little bit.
My 9th grader DD was friends with two brothers who both went to this boys' school. One was kind of gangly, non-sports, artsy misfit in elementary school who completely blossomed at this boys' school into a tall, confident leader with a unique personal style. He entered high school strong, whether due to the boys' school or his own growth, who can say. But it's a trajectory every parent wants. His younger brother had maybe less of the ugly duckling transformation, but I know his first few weeks at high school, he ate lunch with his peers from the boys' school and they seemed to have a built-in group to help with the high school transition.
Just wondering what other parents thoughts are, especially if you have a middle or high schooler, or a non-boyish boy. Is being different than the norm always rough in middle school, and I can't or shouldn't buffer that? If having men who can relate well with women is important, which I believe, do I have to support that at every stage of life before? Are any of those abstract ideas worth having a lonely kid for several years?
DS doesn't like sports, isn't very good at them, likes imaginative play, talking, building with legos, and video games. His circle of friends is more than half girls and has been since he started kindergarten. His elementary school ends at grade 4, and I am considering sending him to a private boy's middle school for grades 5-8 (which I'm calling middle school here for convenience). A major reason for this is to ensure that he has a peer group of boys in middle school. This isn't the only reason, since I know many families who have sent their sons to this school and give it rave reviews, so the school itself is a draw. DS is starting to goof off and underperform in school, and he complains mightily about kids who misbehave or are sassy in class, and the smaller private school might help with both of those. But the boy peer group is my primary reason.
Do other parents see that kids start to segregate a lot by gender starting in 5th, 6th grade? I know for some kids, that changes in 8th grade, but I think that's the minority. Am I falling into gender stereotypes, that it's bad to have a "girly" boy and needs fixing? In the abstract, that is not my philosophy. I think DS's willingness to talk and listen, his ability to work with girls as peers will make him an awesome husband and co-worker. In the specific here and now, however, I am concerned about DS having a lonely 4 years in middle school.
One significant reason I say this is the example of my male neighbor, who is now in 8th grade and fairly similar in personality to DS. My neighbor had even more female friends and no male friends for most of elementary school. My feeling is that he is fairly lonely in middle school, because the girls he was friends with have dropped him as they started having parties and sleepovers that were all girls, hanging out with girls, playing on all-girl sports teams, and meeting new girls at the new grade 5-8 schools. It has shrunk his social life a lot - no one to trick or treat with, no party invites, never been to a sleepover, etc. He and my DD2 used to play a lot, but she dropped him too for all the reasons I stated above. The neighbor also seems less happy and confident than he used to be when he was younger. I don't want that to happen to my DS, and I am already seeing some of his female friends dropping him a little bit.
My 9th grader DD was friends with two brothers who both went to this boys' school. One was kind of gangly, non-sports, artsy misfit in elementary school who completely blossomed at this boys' school into a tall, confident leader with a unique personal style. He entered high school strong, whether due to the boys' school or his own growth, who can say. But it's a trajectory every parent wants. His younger brother had maybe less of the ugly duckling transformation, but I know his first few weeks at high school, he ate lunch with his peers from the boys' school and they seemed to have a built-in group to help with the high school transition.
Just wondering what other parents thoughts are, especially if you have a middle or high schooler, or a non-boyish boy. Is being different than the norm always rough in middle school, and I can't or shouldn't buffer that? If having men who can relate well with women is important, which I believe, do I have to support that at every stage of life before? Are any of those abstract ideas worth having a lonely kid for several years?