What are your rules for eating dinner?

[petesgirl]

DS definitely isn't what I would call picky-we've been lucky that way. He likes a pretty good variety of fruits and veggies and doesn't usually shy away from trying new foods-until lately. The last few months he is in a rut of not even trying whatever main dish I make; just immediately says he doesn't want any. He has never been a fan of things like casseroles or pasta dishes where meat, sauce, veggies, and grain are all mixed together so I try to take that into account when I plan dinners.
Anyway, he is just starting to reject the main dish more and more often, even when it is something I think he would like if he tried it. And I am turning into more of a short-order cook than I want to be. I will give him a bit of everything on his plate, we all sit down, he eats everything he likes and then says he wants a PB&J or something else instead of the main dish and I end up getting him something else halfway through the meal which disrupts the meal for me.
I guess I have two main questions. Are your children required to at least try everything you make? If they don't like what you serve, is there an alternate option? What is it and how do you keep it from turning you into a short-order cook but still healthy?
Thanks for any advice!!

[gymnbomb]

We make ds try one bite unless it is something we know he really doesn't like. Usually he likes it and eats more. We don't make other things if he doesn't eat it. But we do serve at least a couple of things we know he will eat (even if it takes a bit of nudging to get there). If we intentionally make a dinner we know he will hate we so make him a sandwich instead, but that is something we decide ahead of time, not his decision. And we don't do it frequently.


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[specialp]

I put everything on their plate, but only a tiny bite if it's something I know for sure they do not like. That way there is little waste, but they keep seeing (and will eventually try it again - they have both started eating foods they once hated because I continually offered it), and get the practice of politely not eating something they do not like vs. having a fit that something unappetizing is befouling their plates.

If they do not like anything, they can get a cottage cheese cup out of the refrigerator by themselves. That's the only option. Cottage cheese or what is served.

[o_mom]

We encourage trying everything. If they want something different, they have to wait until the meal is over (they stay at the table with everyone else) and then make it themselves.

He is almost 6? Old enough to make PB&J on his own or microwave leftovers.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We encourage trying everything. If they want something different, they have to wait until the meal is over (they stay at the table with everyone else) and then make it themselves.

He is almost 6? Old enough to make PB&J on his own or microwave leftovers.

:yeahthat:

[JBaxter]

I know there are somethings Jack wont eat I make sure I cook at least one thing he will and if not I will heat him a left over but I wont' cook him something different. He will try things if I ask although he almost puked on his plate the last time he tried a green bean and tried to swallow it. I don't bother with potatoes anymore it just isn't gonna happen with that kid.

[123LuckyMom]

How old is your DS? My DD, who's almost 5, is just starting to get picky. DS ate EVERYTHING, including diverse cooking from multiple cultures, until he was about 5, too. Broccoli used to be his very favorite food. Now he's SUPER picky. I always swore I'd never be that mom who made different food for her children, but after a couple of years of trying the Ellyn Satter method with my regular dinners (the parent decides what is served and when; the child chooses what to eat and how much), I changed my tack. With that method, my kids were not eating a balanced diet. If I ever served a carb, it's all they would eat, or they'd gorge themselves on fruit and not get any protein-- this is by week, not by meal. I got tired of trying to find family meals they would eat properly and still get to eat foods I liked, so I gave in, and now I cook for myself and my husband only so we can eat what we like. At the beginning of the week, I cook for the kids. I make plain chicken and spicy turkey meat. We always have cheese and Greek Yogurt. We have nuts, fruits, and veggies that they like. They get to choose from those options and/or from the meal I've prepared for the grow ups. It's all healthful food, and they're happy. There are still some family meals I know they will eat, so they do get some variety, but otherwise, they can have some plain chicken, fruit, and nuts, for example. It takes literally two minutes, including microwaving time, to throw together a plate for each kid. I make sure they're set before I sit down. My rule is that once I sit down, I'm not getting up again until I'm ready. The kids are not getting the taste exposure to different flavors that I would like them to have, but my hope is that as they get older they may be willing to try more. For now, I've simplified things for myself, I'm getting to eat food I like, they're getting to eat food that's healthful and that they like, and we don't battle or stress about food, which was the most important part for me.


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[specialp]

We only ask for a tiny bite if something is new and praise when they do, but that one bite is it. If it's an old thing, we encourage them every once in awhile to try it again and see if they still dislike it. We've talked about each of us used to not like something and then our tastebuds changed so it's good to try an old one thing every once in a while to see.

But like pp, mine do not like white potatoes at all in any form.

[lalasmama]

We require an "adventure bite" of everything. They can have as much as they want of their preferred food being served after that adventure bite. However, I refuse to make any other "main" dish (including pb&j). I don't make any meal that has nothing each person will eat.

[JustMe]

I am lucky in that both of my kids are good eaters (at meal times anyway, they are accessing way too much sugar at school, but that is another story). However, I have looked into this a lot, for other reasons, and it seems what makes sense to me is put the dinner in front of them that you make. You are responsible for giving them good food, not making them eat it. If they don't eat it, I would probably offer PB&J, but nothing else. If they are hungry after dinner, the dinner is what they can eat. There is no eating snacks/desserts, if they didn't eat dinner--snacks/desserts are what you eat if there is room after dinner. We do have some exceptions at my house. My kids both do have a few things that they absolutely do not like and I do give them another option if I make that for my main meal, as I figure everyone is entitled to a few things that they don't like.

[barkley1]

We require an "adventure bite" of everything. They can have as much as they want of their preferred food being served after that adventure bite. However, I refuse to make any other "main" dish (including pb&j). I don't make any meal that has nothing each person will eat.

This is pretty much what we do. If my kids thought there was ANY other option, they would literally never eat what I serve...and I DO try hard not to make meals I know they will hate. I know you're not supposed to, but we do use dessert as leverage. They don't have to have a clean plate, but need to eat "most" of their dinner (minus anything super adventurous or definitely acquired taste) to get a small dessert. This usually works. Sometimes DD decides she doesn't want dessert and that is fine, but we put her plate in the fridge in case she gets hungry later and that is what is available to her to eat. sounds mean, but 90% of what I make for dinner is stuff I know they can eat if they want to.

[essnce629]

I'm super mean. I make a meal and if you refuse to eat any of it then oh well, I guess you'll be going to bed hungry. My kids are pretty good eaters though and I can't really think of a time where they hated every single thing on their plate. Last night I made corned beef, potatoes, and sauteed cabbage with bacon for St. Patrick's Day with orange slices as the fruit. DS2 didn't end up liking the corned beef after he tried it, but he ate his potatoes, cabbage, and oranges. We always have fruit with dinner so they can always just eat that.

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[abh5e8]

I'm super mean. I make a meal and if you refuse to eat any of it then oh well, I guess you'll be going to bed hungry. My kids are pretty good eaters though and I can't really think of a time where they hated every single thing on their plate. Last night I made corned beef, potatoes, and sauteed cabbage with bacon for St. Patrick's Day with orange slices as the fruit. DS2 didn't end up liking the corned beef after he tried it, but he ate his potatoes, cabbage, and oranges. We always have fruit with dinner so they can always just eat that.

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I'm the same way. They always have milk and a fruit with dinner, although we do not allow seconds of those if they don't eat the rest of dinner.

[PZMommy]

I'm a super picky eater. Growing up, my parents had a rule that we would have to try a bite of everything, I would sit at the table until my bedtime often in tears, as I just could not handle trying a new food. I've asked my mom now why she did that, and she said that is what the doctor suggested and that he said it would be a phase that I would outgrow. Meal times became a huge source of stress for me, and it really has affected me even now as an adult. I still get super stressed out if I'm invited to dinner somewhere. I try to find excuses to not go, or if we are going to a restaurant, I try to steer it towards someplace I can at least find something I like. I don't ever want my own children to stress over food/eating like I do.

My youngest will eat just about anything. My older son is more like me and very cautious about trying new things. I offer my kids whatever is being served for dinner. If they don't like it I always have sliced turkey and crackers that they can have instead. I do not want mealtime to be a battle or stressful.

[KrisM]

I generally have something they like with all the dinner meals. We don't force them to try things or to eat things they dislike. We have one meal that the other 4 really like and I don't. I eat the sides or make myself an alternative. They are allowed to make themselves something else as well. If I had to "try" a bite of peas every time they were served, I'd be really unhappy! I do not like peas and I don't need to keep trying them to know that. So, I don't make my kids eat the stuff they've tried and disliked either. It works for us.

[rin]

My kids are pretty good eaters in general (they only eat about 4 things at school lunch, but at home they are usually relatively adventurous), but definitely have their moments of flat-out refusing to try things. Here are our rules:

* We are not rude about the food. No comments about it looking yucky, smelling bad, "ew'", etc.
* We do not talk about not liking foods in general, who knows if you might be in the mood for it next time. We talk a lot about foods that either DH or I used to dislike as kids and now love.
* Everyone is served about one bite's worth of everything being offered at the meal. You must finish everything on your plate to get more of anything at the meal. (We do make an exception for things that someone *really* doesn't like, i.e. currently things like large pieces of mushroom, beets.) After you've had one bite of everything, you may ask for seconds of whatever you want, no requirement to eat more of a certain thing.
* Many foods at a meal will have a rough per-person allowed serving, i.e. if we serve roast salmon no one person can have more than roughly 1/4 the salmon, once you've had that much if you're still hungry you need to eat some of the other things at the table or wait for the next meal.
* You may not have anything else to eat aside from what's served. Skipping a meal won't kill any of us, if you're hungry enough you'll eat.

*Snacks are offered at specific times, and are limited; meals you can eat as much as you want but snacks do have a max allowed. We want to encourage eating at mealtimes, not filling up on apple slices and yogurt.

We have no special dietary needs in our house, I'm sure we'd have to change things up if we needed to accommodate different diets. Sometimes one of my kids will literally eat one bite of food at dinner and then announce they're done; they'll usually even it out with a huge breakfast the next day. They're both among the tallest in their classes and have always had good height/weight ratios, so we figure they're not suffering from occasionally skipping meals.

ETA: In general, we do always make sure there's something being served that everyone should like. Sometimes though one of our kids will just flat out refuse to eat something that they've loved in the past.

[DualvansMommy]

DS1 is our usually most adventurous eater, always has been since babyhood. Lately as a near 6 year old, he gotten slightly picker with his meals, but I'm attributing it to peer pressure though. DS2 is the more pickier member in our family, again has been since babyhood. Literally only likes corn as a vegetable and isn't much for meat. But loves fish and especially salmon, so I usually feed the family with salmon 2-3x a week easily. He loves Mac and cheese, potatoes, ie starchy or carb items and it's often things DS1 doesn't really care for. So I usually have green vegetables that 3 of us would eat, while also fill DH, DS2 their carb and skip DS1 and my plate.

Sounds complicated, but it usually works for us. I refuse to become a short order cook, and if there's a meal either of both of my boys won't eat. They can have Cheerios or leftovers from previous meals.


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[jgenie]

We follow Ellyn Satter. I make dinner and always include something I know they will eat. Generally I add cheese and fruit to the offerings. Everyone gets a bit of everything being served and we don't allow rude comments about food. I will alter food preparation if I have time. DS1 likes pasta with plain sauce but won't eat it if I add meat to it. I leave pasta plain and just add sauce to it for him. DC like cauliflower raw and I love it roasted. I always leave some raw to add to their plates if I make cauliflower. If presences were opposite, I would roast theirs and leave mine raw. We encourage them to take a taste test of everything offered but it isn't required. There are times I'm just not in the mood for something and I would be annoyed if I had to eat it just because someone felt I needed to eat it. I was a very picky eater growing up and remember having to sit at the table until I ate what was offered. There were nights I sat at the table until bedtime. When we were dating, DH would make comments aloud in front of me others about what I ate and didn't eat. I hated it and had to train him that it's rude to comment on people's food preferences. I am a very adventurous eater now. I eat lots of different things and will try most everything so I know that being a picky kid doesn't have to mean being a picky adult.