Work WWYD

[lalasmama]

I've started this thread about a million times, then stopped, as I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or not, or if maybe I'm a big baby. But, DH's opinion is "HULK SMASH!" whenever something upsets me, so I can't count on his advice ;)

Quick background: New department started 9 months ago. I have the seniority, having been with the company for 18 months or so before that, and doing the work before the department was made. New office was made available, so they hired Coworker #2 (me being #1). Then, 6 months ago, we hired #3. Last week, we brought on #4. We share a fair sized office (about 14x14ft maybe?). Job is essentially medically-based data entry right now (this will change).

Now, the quandary... Life was golden when it was me and #2. Then, #3 was brought on. I adore #3. #2 likes #3. #3 likes #2, but is much more "buddy-buddy" with me (similar aged kids, similar backgrounds related to our family's military service, both fairly open-minded, and we just get along well; however, we DO NOT do anything together without #2 unless #2 is gone for some reason [like vacation] and then we don't talk about it). So, when it was just me and #2, #2 talked to herself some, but not a lot. She questioned a lot (like trying to invent the wheel before she knew how to useful the wheel was), and was a mite annoying, but not "OMG" levels. So, #3 comes on, and #2 gets bad. Continues to question me, the workflows, etc., on top of arguing with me about how things should be done with #3 (who I was in charge of training). #2 and #3 tend to butt heads a bit--both are opinionated, and think their way is best. #3 politely discusses these things with me; #2 just says I'm wrong and does 170º from what I'm doing because she doesn't want to do the complete opposite.

#2 recently went on vacation. #3 and I had a discussion about how the mood needs to change in the office, because it's bringing us all down, and I didn't want to bring #4 into such a negative environment. So, we decided to try a few things: (1) When she talks to herself, we clarify if she's looking for an answer, or just talking to herself, (2) offer help each and every time she expresses frustration, and (3) "kill her with kindness" (frequently bringing in chocolates she likes, letting her choose activities for us to do together on our breaks, talking sweetly, etc). When #2 came back from vacation, our plan went into effect. #2 seemed better for about 3-4 days, and then things got worse than ever. I actually did a tally today. In 10 minutes before she was leaving (early, to go get some beauty treatment), she made 5 negative comments, and 1 positive one. Negativity could be any myriad of reasons: bad data entry program, to incomplete medical histories, to the fact that I'm choosing a terrible care home for my aunt and uncle, to a changed provider schedule that makes no difference to her, to the nail place was a shade off on her manicure last month. For what it's worth, this is a only a partial list of her issues *just* this afternoon.

#4 started last week, and came to me about 3 days into her week to clarify some things. Turns out while I have been going to the doctor for some elbow issues, #2 was telling #4 how to do her job, in stark contrast to how I was training #4. (#3 has been out sick.) I assured #4 that #4 was doing well, her work was my responsibility, and I was pleased with what she's doing, and she's doing well, and needs to, essentially, let #2's information go in one ear and out the other. She said she appreciated the information, and would continue to come to me with any questions and concerns.

#3 is out with stress-induced cluster headaches. #4 and I are picking up the slack from #3 not being at work. They cover my butt when I can't do something, so I'm good covering her, and thankful that #4 is pitching in. #2 hasn't helped a lick, other than to comment how far ahead #2 is.

Our supervisor comes back from a leave of absence next week. Do we bring this up to her? Or am I being a big weenie?

[kara97210]

A couple of questions -

Are you all peers or is there seniority based on time in role? Are you technically senior to #2?

Has your supervisor addressed any of these issues with #2 before or would this be coming out of left field for her.

A couple of the things you mentioned are big pet peeves for me. My mom talks to herself a lot when she is visiting, and I never know if she is looking for a response. I'm also don't do well with a constant stream of complaints. When someone is complaining, I assume that they want help fixing the problem, but as I've learned some people just get something out of complaining. That said, I would probably try and address this with #2 before bringing it to a supervisor. This is challenging, because most of what you are describing are personality traits, but I'd really try to keep it about the work when addressing her. For example, "I was working with #4 on something and realized you and I are training her differently, can we work out a way to keep the training consistent?".

Good luck, it can be so hard to deal with a challenging co-worker.

[mommy111]

I don't have a clear understanding of the managerial structure here. Are you in charge, or is she in charge, or are you both managed by a supervisor?
If you're in charge, you need to set the limits. Negativity is a personality trait, nothing you can do about it. However, if you're responsible for training someone, ask her to butt off unless there is some specific task you want her to undertake for you
If your supervisor is in charge and you're both collaborating, then do your thing and don't get annoyed by her input, her work is her business
The issue here is that the interpersonal is getting mixed with work and there seems to be no clear lines of responsibility set. You may be equal and friends as far as social life goes, but work has specific delineated responsibilities and people in charge and whoever is in charge is in charge (I am assuming you) in which case you have to be able to tell her to butt out........and agree that her nail polish is horrible

[TwinFoxes]

I don't have a clear understanding of the managerial structure here. Are you in charge, or is she in charge, or are you both managed by a supervisor?
If you're in charge, you need to set the limits. Negativity is a personality trait, nothing you can do about it. However, if you're responsible for training someone, ask her to butt off unless there is some specific task you want her to undertake for you
If your supervisor is in charge and you're both collaborating, then do your thing and don't get annoyed by her input, her work is her business
The issue here is that the interpersonal is getting mixed with work and there seems to be no clear lines of responsibility set. You may be equal and friends as far as social life goes, but work has specific delineated responsibilities and people in charge and whoever is in charge is in charge (I am assuming you) in which case you have to be able to tell her to butt out........and agree that her nail polish is horrible

I agree with this. If you're the supervisor you have to be the one to tell her what things are unacceptable. If you just have been there longer but you have the same position, I don't think you can really tell her how to do her work. Frankly, she sounds awful, the negativity would drive me bonkers. I don't agree with it can't be changed. If I were her supervisor I would talk to her about it, and then at performance review time I would put it in writing how well she'd done since it had been brought to her attention. She's never going to be little miss sunshine, but she can dial it back.

It's nice to work in an office where the workers are friends, but it can't be forced. There seems to be a lot of personal stuff being brought into the office that's adding to the bad work environment. I think unfortunately this might be an office where it's better to keep personal interactions to a minimum. (although now with four people, going out one on one won't be quite as noticeable. It was a good idea to never do that when it was only three of you.)

[lalasmama]

OP here. Regarding the supervisor situation, I'm the interim supervisor for just #4. I have technical seniority over #2, as I had been doing the job part time for 18 months before we brought her on, but that doesn't mean too much. Really, just means I'm in closer with our overall bosses. Our immediate supervisor isn't st our site, so she has no idea of the issues with #2. I'm actually thinking about asking her to come hang out one day to see if #2 does it when supervisor is there. I'm supposed to be on the "administration track" in the company, but considering I don't even know how to politely tell #2 to shut her trap, I'm rethinking manager future, lol!

[California]

My take on this:
1) Ear plugs with head phones over them. Now that there are four of you in there, it makes sense. You could ask your supervisor of it'd be possible for the company to provide them, and if not get your own. Can you IM with #2 if she needs to alert you that she has a question?
#2: Start to cut back on the social talk and interaction. You know this already.
#3: Ask for mentoring! You could bring it up to your supervisor as a legitimate request for help or training on how to navigate this very common work issue. A case study :-): A former boss of mine was being made miserable by a couple of chronic complainers. She was a great boss in general! She just needed some extra help. She got some mentoring from someone in a similar position at a different company, and she took a new tact. When the complainers would start venting, she'd stop them and offer to set up a short time to talk- but only if it would be helpful. She would clarify that that meant either the person wanted feedback on possible solutions, or they would feel better after getting a NEW issue off their chests. With your particular coworker, since you are not the supervisor, I would probably give a noncommittal noise-response, "hmm" and then change the subject. If she repeatedly complains about an aspect of the job that's when I'd add in a "If this is bothering you so much, maybe it's time to suggest some solutions to our supervisor."

[specialp]

The only thing I see worthy of mentioning to a supervisor would come from #4 - she is getting conflicting direction from you and #2 and when you are in training, you need to know who is training you. The other stuff, either there is a right way/wrong way and you need the supervisor to come in and tell all of you which or there is more than one way to do the job and you both should just do your job and go on.

Complaining and critiquing about personal stuff will lessen when you dial back the social talk. For complaints about work, agree with California to suggest coming up with solutions and use ear plugs. I would have a hard time concentrating with all the talking out loud! I would hate to involve a supervisor about personal stuff that isn't involving work/productivity without doing the things I could improve myself. "We fed her favorite candy, were super nice, and let her pick our break time stuff" seems personal; Things involving productivity, having to redo her work, for example, is supervisor worthy and I would want to try and take steps like earphones or coming up with other solutions first.

It’s odd that it went from Golden Relationship to OMG awful level just because #3 entered the picture. My guess is the social talk increased & #2 became the unwanted 3rd wheel so started complaining.

[crispychicky]

The only thing I see worthy of mentioning to a supervisor would come from #4 - she is getting conflicting direction from you and #2 and when you are in training, you need to know who is training you. The other stuff, either there is a right way/wrong way and you need the supervisor to come in and tell all of you which or there is more than one way to do the job and you both should just do your job and go on.

Complaining and critiquing about personal stuff will lessen when you dial back the social talk. For complaints about work, agree with California to suggest coming up with solutions and use ear plugs. I would have a hard time concentrating with all the talking out loud! I would hate to involve a supervisor about personal stuff that isn't involving work/productivity without doing the things I could improve myself. "We fed her favorite candy, were super nice, and let her pick our break time stuff" seems personal; Things involving productivity, having to redo her work, for example, is supervisor worthy and I would want to try and take steps like earphones or coming up with other solutions first.

It’s odd that it went from Golden Relationship to OMG awful level just because #3 entered the picture. My guess is the social talk increased & #2 became the unwanted 3rd wheel so started complaining.

I agree with everything in this post.

Also, why do you even mention your "seniority"? I get the impression that the 4 of you are all peers with the same supervisor.
You've been there only ~9 months longer than #2 (maybe more if you count part time work), which really makes your seniority a technicality and inconsequential.

The reason I ask is I wonder if #2 sees you all as equal peers and you see yourself as in charge of the group when your supervisor is absent/remote.
Even if you do have legitimate, manager dictated authority, #2 doesn't see it that way, or hasn't come to terms with it yet.
I think when #2 openly disagrees with you and your methods, it's her way of cutting you back down to what she sees as your "right" level in the office hierarchy. Throw in a glass-half-empty personality of someone who feels like a 3rd wheel, and you've got the lousy work environment you're in now :(