First Communion Questions from a protestant guest

[MamaSnoo]

I know a young girl, the daughter of a client, who will be making her First Communion next month. She is my namesake, but not my Goddaughter, and I know the mother better than the child, who I last saw when she was about 4 yo. (I have one of those jobs where people occasionally name their babies after you.)

I was very honored that her mother asked me to attend the mass, but there are language and cultural differences between us, in addition to me being a liberal protestant (PC-USA), not a Catholic. So, I have some questions that I do not want to have to ask her mom, and I would appreciate feedback from Catholic moms here.

1. Is it appropriate for me to give a small gift? If so, ideas?
2. For my dress, is any tasteful/professional dress appropriate? Is a knee-length skirt ok, or only below the knee? Open-toed sandals ok, or only closed shoes?
3. Am I correct that a veil is not necessary for me for the service?
4. As a confirmed protestant Christian, I assume that I may not take communion in the Catholic mass; is that correct?

If it affects your answers, the Mass will be at large Cathedral in Atlanta, and will be a special service oriented toward Hispanic families.
TIA for your help. I was extremely honored that she asked me to attend, and I would like to do so to show my support and respect for her family.

[lizzywednesday]

To answer your questions:

(1) Yes, a small gift is appropriate - this is a life occasion, like a graduation or wedding, so it should be celebrated. The last First Communion gift I gave was a small pendant stamped with the child's name (https://www.etsy.com/listing/68893760/dainty-initial-necklace-tiny-cross?ref=shop_home_feat_4). Before that, I'd given a wristwatch (my male cousin) and cross pendants which I'd had blessed (my female cousins.)

(2) I'd lean toward what you might wear at church on Easter. Depending on the congregation, covered shoulders are not necessary, but erring on the side of conservative in dress will probably help you feel comfortable. (Being that it's in a Cathedral, I'd cover my shoulders.)

(3) Chapel veils went out with the 2nd Vatican Council. They are not required, though I saw much older Catholic women in my own parish back home wearing them when I was a chid. You may see older women who still cover their heads, but generally it's not expected.

(4) If you're not Catholic, it's not appropriate for you to receive Communion due to the schism among the denominations. (There's better wording than what I'm using in the Missal.)

Oh, and if the service will be in Spanish, get a copy of both the Spanish missal and the English one to follow along. (I attend Spanish Mass with my mother & her husband when we visit overnight on summer Sundays and I find this helpful.)

[MamaSnoo]

Thank you so much!

Something like this (https://www.amazon.com/Misal-2017-Spanish-Various/dp/0814643868/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492209195&sr=8-1&keywords=spanish+missal) is what I would need?

I do read Spanish and speak passably well as long as the discussion is not too complex-- such that I can chat with this mother or a neighbor or watch TV, but not take a university class.

[trales]

1- a gift is a really nice thing, - go to the nearest christian or catholic bookstore near you and pick something off the shelf, book about her saint, picture frame (they have specific ones with first communion engravings), cash in a card, rosary beads - listing all the things people gave us - most were from the catholic bookstore in town - we don't have an old navy but we have catholic and a christian bookstore.
2. Any nice dress or skirt is appropriate- if you would wear it around work, you can wear it to this. Open toed shoes are totally fine- given the cultural part, assume more dressy than less.
3. The only time I have seen veils in on REALLY old people at funerals
4. You are best to avoid communion.

In the back of the church when you enter - there will be a missal in english/ spanish - that will really help you follow along- tell you when to sit/stand/ kneel.

[trales]

Here are some gifts - Not my taste or style, but we now have a collection of them -
https://www.catholiccompany.com/albums-and-picture-frames-c182/

[PunkyBoo]

I agree with PPs, but I wanted to point out that you may, if you wish, go up to the altar during communion with your arms crossed in front of your chest and they will give you a simple blessing. But it's ok ti just stay in the pew during as well. Before I became Catholic, I always enjoyed getting that blessing, it made me feel more a part of the mass and more connected to the church community.

[lizzywednesday]

Thank you so much!

Something like this (https://www.amazon.com/Misal-2017-Spanish-Various/dp/0814643868/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492209195&sr=8-1&keywords=spanish+missal) is what I would need?

I do read Spanish and speak passably well as long as the discussion is not too complex-- such that I can chat with this mother or a neighbor or watch TV, but not take a university class.

Sort of. What I'm talking about is typically in the pews already, along with a hymnal, so I wouldn't spend money to get one ahead of time.

Parishes here in NJ (and also in NY State) use this one (https://www.ocp.org/en-us/missals/bb).

The reason I suggested a copy of the missal in both languages is mostly to do with the fact that I don't speak Spanish, not having practiced at all since high school (I didn't take a language in college), but want to be sure my on-the-fly mental translation is getting close to what I'd hear in English. (I generally read more Spanish than I speak.)

[specialp]

1. Yes
2. I would make sure shoulders are covered since it is a cathedral just to be on the safe side. A lot of cathedrals have older congregations and can be more conservative. Open toe shoes are fine and I knee length is fine.
3. No. You will see some, but definitely not the norm.
4. No, you do no receive and at a first communion ceremony, there will be a lot of people not receiving. You can remain in your pew kneeling, just letting others pass you to go and come back to the pew. Alternatively, you can walk in the communion line with everyone, but when you’re next, you do not hold your hands out/or open your mouth to receive. You cross your arms like an X over your chest (think like a pretzel shape - google pretzel prayer arms) and either walk past or receive a blessing from a priest.

[ETA: Do not worry about buying a missal. They are typically there in the languages that church serves and if not, just follow everyone else's lead. Even in English, I do not find the missal easy to follow for visitors because it jumps from the front to today's readings, to the back. ]

[ray7694]

At our church people that do not take communion still go up but cross their arms and receive a prayer.

[TwinFoxes]

My DDs got lots of different gifts, including gift cards, a really cool book of religious art, and religious jewelry. Don't stress too much.

I think PP's recommendation of an Easter type dress is a good one.

The only time I've seen veils during mass were on women in their 90s. In Rome.

It's fine to stay seated in your pew during Holy Communion, IME. Even some Catholics don't take Holy Communion for various reasons. Whenever there's someone in my pew who isn't taking it, I just scoot past them. :)

[Kindra178]

Great advice above. No reason to go up for communion unless you want a blessing - lots of people stay seated. The priest also may specifically invite all non Catholics up for a blessing, and discuss the the pretzel cross.

Re: dress, any business casual dress would be fine. You could even go more casual than that. Any length that looks appropriate on you would be fine. You could even wear pants if you feel more comfortable. Sandals are fine.

Re: gift. I would give whatever amount of money you intended on spending on a gift in the form of money. Grab a communion card and you will be set. Yes, $25 is perfect. The problem with the catholic gifts is that they may never get used.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[gamma]

For a gift idea, if the child is named after you and you each share a saint's name, then a medal with the saint on a chain would be very meaningful. For instance if your name is Elizabeth, then a St. Elizabeth medal would be a nice gift from you.

[llama8]

Catholic Churches are very welcoming to all. My daughter is making her communion and attends a Catholic school. We are a mixed family (Catholic/Jewish) and a few of her classmates are Protestant. There is really nothing special that you need to do. To answer your questions:

1. You should give a gift. It depends on your area what the gift is. Money is usually given.

2. Dress should be anything you are comfortable with. Communion is usually a big deal, so people do get dressed up bit, as opposed to the usual casual clothes/jeans that people wear on Sunday. A nice dress, skirt, or dress pants would be fine.

3. I have never seen anyone wear a veil at a Catholic church and no need to be covered up. I think the only Church I ever had to cover up my shoulders was the Vatican in Rome. Sandals are fine.

3. You wouldn't get communion so just don't get up for it. That is probably the only time you wouldn't participate in the mass. You will probably see many people not get up, especially because there are probably many non-Catholic guests at a communion.

[smilequeen]

Bring a gift. Does not need to be religious unless you want. I remember getting necklaces, earrings, etc. and money.

Dress how you would dress for your own church. Catholics are all over the place wrt dress. I'm pretty liberal but dress up for church. There are no rules. Unless you are visiting the Sistine Chapel...I had to cover my shoulders there.

Go up to communion for a blessing or stay seated, whatever you want.

[MamaSnoo]

You guys are the best- Thanks for all the advice. Given my relationship with the family, I think money would be odd, but I will be able to find something meaningful with your suggestions.

I love the beautiful idea of a medal from gamma with our shared saint, but alas, our shared name is not a saint's name.

I appreciate all the explanations about what to expect in the mass as well. I have been Presbyterian most of my life (childhood and currently), but attended Lutheran and Episcopalian churches off an on as well over the years. I am comfortable with liturgical worship; however, I have only attended a few Catholic Masses (1-2 at most, about 10 years ago).

[AnnieW625]

1. Is it appropriate for me to give a small gift? If so, ideas?
Yes, like others have said something religious like a Catholic prayer book, a small necklace, earrings or charm with a cross on it, or even a gift card. My brother got a baseball mitt from our great uncle because the uncle thought everyone should get something fun at their First Communion. My sister gave my DD1 a Mickey Mouse watch because she had gotten one from our grandparents (and my grandpa had gotten one for his first communion as well)

2. For my dress, is any tasteful/professional dress appropriate? Is a knee-length skirt ok, or only below the knee? Open-toed sandals ok, or only closed shoes?
Catholics at least in California have become casual in the last 20 years. At easter today there were men in Hawaiian shirts, jeans, and or leather flip flops; this is standard for most weekly masses. DH wore khakis and a button down, and I wore a knee length skirt and a short sleeve sweater top with open toed wedges. One woman wore white distressed jeans and ballet flats with a flowy top. No one threw her out of mass and I would consider a holiday mass like Easter similar in formality to a First Communion, but I wouldn't go that casual for either.

3. Am I correct that a veil is not necessary for me for the service?
There are very few women who wear veils or head covers over their heads these days, but every so often I will see a 65+ yr. old woman wearing one, but not it is not necessary even in the hispanic community who goes to our church. Like I said above the church has gotten pretty casual with dress in the last 20 years, and it was rare that I saw someone wearing one as a child in the 1980s, so I really think that veils went away (except for the girl receiving her first communion) with Vatican 2 which started in the 1960s and everything was finally complete sometime in the 1970s.

4. As a confirmed protestant Christian, I assume that I may not take communion in the Catholic mass; is that correct?
Yes it is not appropriate to receive communion, but at most churches a priest or eucharistic minister will give a blessing when you walk up to communion and you place your hands in a X over your chest so you can participate (they do this with children or adults who have not received communion.)

Our church uses the OCP missal linked above as well and it is in the pews. If the mass is being said in Spanish then you can follow along in English and all you need to know is the date and the readings are in order if you want to read them.