Food allergies at large gatherings

[petesgirl]

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm hosting a dinner in a few weeks for my family and DH's family - - kind of giving everyone a chance to meet our baby and celebrate with us. It has been difficult planning the menu because my siblings are pretty picky eaters and they are very vocal about foods they dislike. Everything I've thought of for the main dish my mom will say, 'but so-and-so won't eat that.' she has made it clear that I shouldn't change my menu based on their pickiness but once she has told me about I start to feel bad.
Anyway, I had pretty much decided to serve BBQ chicken sandwiches and just let others deal with whether or not they like it.
Then today someone in DH's family texted me, telling me that she has developed a meat allergy and can not eat any type of meat. Text ended with 'I wanted to make you aware of this so you can keep it in mind as you plan the menu for the family get together.'
Okkaaay.... So what now? I really don't want this to get too complicated. I was hoping to do something simple but am I now obligated to provide some kind of meatless main dish for her? Also, I don't know anything else about her food preferences. There will be other side dishes - a Broccoli salad (but it has bacon), a potato salad, some fruit salads, and chips. Is it rude to just let her pick from those? Should I tell her the menu and suggest she bring something else she can eat if she wants to?

[georgiegirl]

Keep your regular menu and add one more non-meat side dish or leave the bacon out of the broccoli salad. I don't eat meat (except fish), and I'm always annoyed when there's bacon in every single side dish. I'm perfectly happy just eating sides, but I'm not happy with the bacon in everything trend.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree, it seems easy enough to just leave out the bacon.
Add a big green salad.
Maybe buy a pack of veggie burgers (there was a recent thread with recommendations)?
I love a good mozzarella, basil, tomato, bread and balsamic "salad" too.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MSWR0319]

I'm an allergy mom, as well as someone who developed a beef allergy in my 20's. I would never expect anyone to alter their menu for me or my child. I always pack my son's food and will throw in something extra for myself if I think there will be nothing I can have (not usual). I usually just eat sides or whatever I can find without beef. That being said, I think it's totally fine for you to send her the menu and say "This is what I was planning on having, please feel free to bring something extra for yourself if you don't think there are enough options for you." Maybe by "meat" she doesn't mean all meat? Usually an allergy is to one protein, unless they have the allergy you get from a tick or something similar to that. I think (and could be very wrong) even with that allergy, they can still eat chicken. It's also possible that it's not a true allergy and instead some type of special diet. I've had numerous people tell me they have an "allergy" only to find out it isn't a true allergy, but instead some type of new diet or intolerance.

[BunnyBee]

Add vegetarian baked beans? I would send her the email and explain you can't prevent cross-contamination with the buffet, so you would not be offended at all if she chooses to bring her own meal along to stay safe.

I can't even believe the nerve of someone saying that to a new mom! Eat a granola bar in the car and hush.

[trcy]

I am a vegetarian and I have never asked someone to alter their menu for me. If I was coming to your house, I would bring along a veggie burger and eat your meatless sides. I guess you could pick up some veggie burgers and either make the broccoli salad without bacon or set some aside without bacon.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[Simon]

I have kids with food allergies and only with our closest friends do I expect any accommodations for my kids. I do the same for them. At a potluck gathering as you describe, I would reply with a description of what will be offered and also an invitation to to the relative to bring their own food(s). I usually pack food for my kids, but it can also feel awkward/offensive to the hosts to refuse what they are serving even if we really can't eat it.

[petesgirl]

I agree with not liking the 'bacon in everything'! I'm not a huge fan of bacon myself. But, I'm not making that salad, another family member is. Is that rude to ask her to leave out the bacon? Ha ha... Why did I decide to do this again??
A big green salad is a good idea, maybe I'll do that.

[Pear]

At a potluck or buffet, I eat before and stick to dishes that tend to be safe. i don't expect to get anything resembling a meal and I am just pleasantly surprised when there are dishes I can choose from.

[ahisma]

I'm a vegan, my kids are all veggie. We bring our own food or eat before. I'd never expect anything else, even from close family.

That said, a true allergy is something that I do try to accommodate. I'd pull some of the broccoli salad out before adding the bacon and keep it in the fridge for her and pick up a box of veggie burgers. You can fry that up on the stove and put it on the buns you're using for the BBQ.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree with not liking the 'bacon in everything'! I'm not a huge fan of bacon myself. But, I'm not making that salad, another family member is. Is that rude to ask her to leave out the bacon? Ha ha... Why did I decide to do this again??
A big green salad is a good idea, maybe I'll do that.

If you're close enough that you could ask her to leave some salad without broccoli, go for it. It's a reasonable request.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JBaxter]

Dish out some for her before adding bacon The Bacon is the best part

[TwinFoxes]

Look, I'm all for being an accommodating hostess, but people need to get a grip! I think it's pretty nervy of someone to write to you and tell you to keep their allergy in mind. Be that as it may, I would be accommodating of someone with an allergy (although I've never heard of an all-around "meat" allergy, but whatevs) than people who are just picky. I'm also happy to make vegetarian or vegan food. But just "oh, so and so doesn't like fill in the blank"? Come on, suck it up for an evening and be a good guest!

For the situation at hand, I like the idea of either a bean side dish. Salad doesn't have a lot of protein, which is what the meat allergy person will be missing. If you do a salad, maybe top it with garbanzo beans? (Although I'm sure the picky eaters will turn up their noses.)

[NCGrandma]

Look, I'm all for being an accommodating hostess, but people need to get a grip! I think it's pretty nervy of someone to write to you and tell you to keep their allergy in mind. Be that as it may, I would be accommodating of someone with an allergy (although I've never heard of an all-around "meat" allergy, but whatevs.)

I completely agree about the nerviness of someone writing to, if I'm not mistaken, a new mom who is trying to host a family gathering (aren't people supposed to bring food TO new moms instead of placing special orders that new moms are supposed to fill?).

But for anyone who is interested, an allergy to "meat" is indeed possible (with a bit more specificity). I recently heard a fascinating lecture from an allergist at our medical school about a pretty newly identified allergy to mammalian meat. It's called alpha gal, and does not behave like a typical food allergy. The symptoms are typically delayed for several hours after the food is ingested, so it's often hard to diagnose initially. Like most food allergies, there are various degrees of severity, but the most severely allergic people cannot eat any mammalian meat or dairy products, and can definitely have anaphylactic reactions. The trigger that results in the allergy being first developed is apparently the bite of a tick (although researchers are looking at whether other insect bites can trigger it), so people can develop the alpha gal allergy at any age. A team here is doing cutting edge research on this, and they are still trying to figure out all the mechanisms involved. It's definitely an allergy but the mechanisms are clearly different from most food allergies. (And despite the tick connection, it has nothing to do with infections.) Interesting stuff!!



Sent from my iPad using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[Momit]

I'm another vegetarian who would never ask a host to change the menu for me. With that said, adding meatless baked beans and/or maybe macaroni and cheese would work.

[solsister]

My daughter and I both have food allergies and sensitivities, and I always make sure we are fed and have snacks, when we are not at home. We never, ever ask people to accomodate us. Of course, we have friends that offer, and I tell them I will bring a dish that we both can eat. Why? Two reasons. 1. I hate being a pain in the ass. 2. I don't trust them to know what I know, and to keep us healthy. Not their job in life. Example, I'm can't have nightshades. I tell our hostess this, and she says ok, she will make something without them. I tell her no peppers, no potatoes, no tomatoes, no eggplants, and certain spices. Well, she used paprika to make it "look pretty", she didnt mix it in. Uhhhh, ok. If I hadn't been able to see it because of the color, I would have eaten it and had extreme pain for days. Nobody really "gets' it, and that's ok. We have to take care of ourselves.

[lalasmama]

Look, I'm all for being an accommodating hostess, but people need to get a grip! I think it's pretty nervy of someone to write to you and tell you to keep their allergy in mind. Be that as it may, I would be accommodating of someone with an allergy (although I've never heard of an all-around "meat" allergy, but whatevs) than people who are just picky. I'm also happy to make vegetarian or vegan food. But just "oh, so and so doesn't like fill in the blank"? Come on, suck it up for an evening and be a good guest!

For the situation at hand, I like the idea of either a bean side dish. Salad doesn't have a lot of protein, which is what the meat allergy person will be missing. If you do a salad, maybe top it with garbanzo beans? (Although I'm sure the picky eaters will turn up their noses.)
This made me feel better, and I'm not even the OP.

SIL1 (this case, son-in-law, not sister-in-law) doesn't like anything with sauces, spices, herbs, or flavoring. In short--breads, plain pasta, or baked skinless chicken; occasionally a green salad will pass muster. SIL2 doesn't like plain chicken, or anything spicy. Both SILs are getting better, but it's been a long road. We used to try to make, essentially, 4 meals for each family dinner--the main meal, the kid-friendly meal, SIL1-friendly meal, and SIL2-friendly meal. Now, we've given up. I try to have plenty of side dishes, and otherwise, I'm feeling guilty while saying, "Suck it up buttercup!"

I totally feel like being a good guest means you eat what's served, assuming there's no a true allergy, or even a moral-conviction issue (vegan, etc). But it seems like it's not a universally-taught nugget of good etiquette.

[azzeps]

All I have to say is I hope your mom is volunteering to bring at least HALF the food..... because didn't you just have a baby????

[TwinFoxes]

But for anyone who is interested, an allergy to "meat" is indeed possible (with a bit more specificity). I recently heard a fascinating lecture from an allergist at our medical school about a pretty newly identified allergy to mammalian meat. It's called alpha gal, and does not behave like a typical food allergy. The symptoms are typically delayed for several hours after the food is ingested, so it's often hard to diagnose initially. Like most food allergies, there are various degrees of severity, but the most severely allergic people cannot eat any mammalian meat or dairy products, and can definitely have anaphylactic reactions. The trigger that results in the allergy being first developed is apparently the bite of a tick (although researchers are looking at whether other insect bites can trigger it), so people can develop the alpha gal allergy at any age. A team here is doing cutting edge research on this, and they are still trying to figure out all the mechanisms involved. It's definitely an allergy but the mechanisms are clearly different from most food allergies. (And despite the tick connection, it has nothing to do with infections.) Interesting stuff!!



Sent from my iPad using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

This is very interesting, and I've heard of people not being able to eat red meat (like beef, lamb, venison etc). OP said she was cooking chicken though, and her guess found that problematic. I'd never heard of anyone who couldn't eat poultry and mammals.

[TwinFoxes]

I totally feel like being a good guest means you eat what's served, assuming there's no a true allergy, or even a moral-conviction issue (vegan, etc). But it seems like it's not a universally-taught nugget of good etiquette.

I agree. And all the people here who say they bring their own food for their FA kids or themselves, bravo to you and thank you. Because that has not been my experience IRL. There's a mom who's kid will be in DDs class for years to come, who always writes to parents to remind them to bring a nut-safe snack for her kid. I always wonder, why do you trust people to provide a nut-free snack?

[MMMommy]

Seriously, I can't believe this relative has the audacity to send that text to you in such a presumptuous tone. You are a new mother. They should all be bringing you food! That text would have annoyed the heck out of me!

[abh5e8]

I agree... Op that is nuts! I would never text a host and request certain foods. We don't have allergies, but we chose to follow a pretty strict diet. I always eat and feed my kids before going to any family dinners or potlucks and I make sure to bring a few "safe" dishes.

Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

[Tenasparkl]

This is very interesting, and I've heard of people not being able to eat red meat (like beef, lamb, venison etc). OP said she was cooking chicken though, and her guess found that problematic. I'd never heard of anyone who couldn't eat poultry and mammals.

My daughter has a metabolic disorder that makes it hard for her body to process meat protein. Luckily she can still eat meat (although others with the disorder can't) but we try to keep her meat intake low. The line her doctor has said often is that "she should never enter a hot dog eating contest". So in her case it isn't an allergy but the lack of enzymes to properly break down the protein.

I agree with those that said that the new mom shouldn't be the one to have to worry about what everyone can eat. Add a salad and that should be enough.

[petesgirl]

She said it is a pregnancy - induced meat allergy, she can eat meat when not pregnant. She did specify that it includes poultry and seafood also. I think I may bag the idea of BBQ chicken and do cold cuts/cheese on rolls. Then she can just eliminate the meat portion. My brother's family won't eat cold cuts though, but I'd rather accommodate a true allergy than just a food preference.

[Kindra178]

I agree. And all the people here who say they bring their own food for their FA kids or themselves, bravo to you and thank you. Because that has not been my experience IRL. There's a mom who's kid will be in DDs class for years to come, who always writes to parents to remind them to bring a nut-safe snack for her kid. I always wonder, why do you trust people to provide a nut-free snack?

It's because those kids feel left out and they want to eat what everyone else has. As to the trust issue, it isn't hard to find a nut free product.

Op, just deconstruct everything. Do a three bean salad with avocado, serve the chicken apart from the rolls, have a green salad and a pasta salad.




Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[DualvansMommy]

I agree. And all the people here who say they bring their own food for their FA kids or themselves, bravo to you and thank you. Because that has not been my experience IRL. There's a mom who's kid will be in DDs class for years to come, who always writes to parents to remind them to bring a nut-safe snack for her kid. I always wonder, why do you trust people to provide a nut-free snack?

This is me to a T. I always send/bring DS2 snacks and approved party treats from ME. I just don't trust anyone, as I can't really expect everyone to remember my child's allergens. It isn't just PB ds2 is allergic but all kinds of nuts as well, especially the coconut which most people seem to think it's ok. It isn't for him.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[DualvansMommy]

She said it is a pregnancy - induced meat allergy, she can eat meat when not pregnant. She did specify that it includes poultry and seafood also. I think I may bag the idea of BBQ chicken and do cold cuts/cheese on rolls. Then she can just eliminate the meat portion. My brother's family won't eat cold cuts though, but I'd rather accommodate a true allergy than just a food preference.

Honestly, I would just do what is EASIEST for you to assemble. The cold cuts from Costco platter tray is perfect for this! I get your desire in trying to accommodate a true allergy, but it sounds like to me most of your guests is just the garden variety "picky" eaters, and THEY can bring side dishes and mains. You just had a baby, can't believe the balls on your guests putting you on notice to accommodate them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[petesgirl]

Deleted my mean rant :)

[TwinFoxes]

It's because those kids feel left out and they want to eat what everyone else has. As to the trust issue, it isn't hard to find a nut free product.



I understand that kids want what everyone else is having. But there are people out there who "don't believe in" nut allergies, or are completely lackadaisical (one of the mom's in our class dropped her her 2nd grader and kindergartner at our neighborhood pool unsupervised) and others have their nannies do the snack. I wouldn't trust these people to check labels or make sure their homemade snacks were nut-free. I took a picture of labels and texted it to the mom to make sure it was okay, but if I hadn't, she would have just let me bring whatever.

ETA: To clarify, I don't mean snack like preschoolers have every day. I mean like people bringing cupcakes in for birthdays or foods for class parties. I just don't think other people can be trusted to care as much about allergies as the parent. I always think about that girl in, I think, Chicago who's class had Chinese food as a treat, and somehow it had peanuts in it even though the teacher said "no peanuts" with tragic results. The mom I'm talking about says only Duncan Hines frosting is acceptable, I wouldn't trust people to forget/not care and use something else.

[MelissaTC]

My cousin is allergic to poultry. She's fairly young and has had this allergy since early elementary school.

I would just make a green salad and call it a day. Or do a veggie spiral salad if you are feeling in the mood to be more accommodating. I buy zoodles, sliced cucumbers, throw in shelled edamame, some fresh basil, squeeze some lemon, throw in some avocado. It's delicious.

[MSWR0319]

She said it is a pregnancy - induced meat allergy, she can eat meat when not pregnant. She did specify that it includes poultry and seafood also. I think I may bag the idea of BBQ chicken and do cold cuts/cheese on rolls. Then she can just eliminate the meat portion. My brother's family won't eat cold cuts though, but I'd rather accommodate a true allergy than just a food preference.

Does anyone know if there's just a thing as a true pregnancy induced allergy? I've never heard of such a thing. I've heard of severe food aversions, not not an allergy that only occurs during pregnancy.

OP, bless your heart. You don't need to be catering to her. You do what you want to do and don't worry about her. She's not going to starve.

[solsister]

Anything is possible, these days.
I'd believe that it could be a food sensitivity, induced by hormones during pregnancy. Hormones do wacky things to us. I know that I never had a food sensitivity until I hit peri-meno at 42, and that my daughter outgrew some of her food allergies when she went through puberty, as well as my son outgrowing his allergy-induced asthma, when he went through puberty, as well.

Also, I wanted my daughter to have what other kids had, so when she could, she did, but for bday parties, etc., there are cakes or cupcakes. I always had a batch of frozen, dairy-free cupcakes ready to go for her, so she could celebrate with everyone. I'd just slap some frosting on, and she was just like everyone else. They even kept some at school for her in the school freezer for class parties.