eagle
06-14-2017, 09:32 PM
this is not a serious issue, but i wanted to ask about others thoughts...
i have not witnessed this personally but my son says another boy has: thrown my sons water bottle away and taken my sons hat off of his head and had called my son a "coward". my son said that he retaliated by throwing water and ice at the boy. he chased after the boy for his hat but didnt do anything about the coward thing.
the camp is only 3 hours (its soccer camp) and when i went to pick up 15 minutes before it ended, i saw them scuffling during the end of the day matches. i _thought_ they were just playing, dueling. i yelled at my son from far away "focus on the game!" and he did but he soon went back to kicking / sparring with the other boy. then the camp kids were all told to gather around the pavilion for the end of the day pep talk and i noticed that my son was right next to the other boy and i finally realized they werent playing but angrily fighting.
it was pick up time, so even though the coaches were still talking, i pulled my son out away from the other child and we sat behind the coaches and listened.
we went to our car and at the car my son told me about what happened. he asked me what "coward" meant.
we had a talk about things to try: avoid the boy. get your stuff back and ask the other kid not to take stuff. go to the coach. if the boy approaches, to go the opposite way.
we talked about why we are in camp: 1) to try to have fun, to 2) learn more soccer. if there are other kids who dont want to have fun or who arent interested in soccer, to stay away from them.
then it was about 15 min after pickup started, i went to the coach and asked him if he knew the boys were scuffling. the coach said he was aware of it but had them make up and shake hands. i asked the coach if he was aware that they were scuffling during the closing talk and he said he was not aware. i asked the coach to try as much as possible to separate. i also said i understood that since theres only like 12 kids, it might be hard, but just to keep an eye on things to make sure things dont escalate. i also told the coach that i would talk to my son about strategies to cope with issues.
ii dont know if hes really being picked on, but i do think that its very possible he is. however, its hard to trust a lot of what he says. when my husband asked my son how the day went, my son said "great!" i told my husband afterwards what happened and he asked my son again what happened at camp and my son said "nothing, it was fun!" and shut down the conversation.
so im trying by having these talks about the big picture.
some strategies i had were: if someone tells you that youre a coward or that youre a scaredy cat you say "yeah, i am a coward, so what?" or to ignore. i also said that if they continually call you names, to go to the coach. are there better ways to deal with name calling?
i also tried to explain that retaliation is not good. so to stop with the throwing of the water, to stop with the kicking and trying to get even. i told him i understand its not fair when someone else takes your stuff, calls your names or kicks you, but that you try not to kick back, dont call them names, etc.
its life, i told him. there are always going to be people who are mean. just do your best to avoid them and try to enjoy whatever it is youre doing.
really, there are only two days left. i considered briefly pulling him out completely since in all honesty hes not learning that much. also its hot. but i also want him to learn how to deal with other kids if they are picking on him.
want to know if i should go back tomorrow and stay the whole three hours from the sidelines, not get involved (not pull my son out, etc) but just to observe. i have not stayed and generally as a rule, i dont stay during camps. its my time to clean and run errands...
thoughts? strategies? criticisms of what ive said or done? i welcome it all... i dont have many friends here to talk with about this sort of stuff.
i have not witnessed this personally but my son says another boy has: thrown my sons water bottle away and taken my sons hat off of his head and had called my son a "coward". my son said that he retaliated by throwing water and ice at the boy. he chased after the boy for his hat but didnt do anything about the coward thing.
the camp is only 3 hours (its soccer camp) and when i went to pick up 15 minutes before it ended, i saw them scuffling during the end of the day matches. i _thought_ they were just playing, dueling. i yelled at my son from far away "focus on the game!" and he did but he soon went back to kicking / sparring with the other boy. then the camp kids were all told to gather around the pavilion for the end of the day pep talk and i noticed that my son was right next to the other boy and i finally realized they werent playing but angrily fighting.
it was pick up time, so even though the coaches were still talking, i pulled my son out away from the other child and we sat behind the coaches and listened.
we went to our car and at the car my son told me about what happened. he asked me what "coward" meant.
we had a talk about things to try: avoid the boy. get your stuff back and ask the other kid not to take stuff. go to the coach. if the boy approaches, to go the opposite way.
we talked about why we are in camp: 1) to try to have fun, to 2) learn more soccer. if there are other kids who dont want to have fun or who arent interested in soccer, to stay away from them.
then it was about 15 min after pickup started, i went to the coach and asked him if he knew the boys were scuffling. the coach said he was aware of it but had them make up and shake hands. i asked the coach if he was aware that they were scuffling during the closing talk and he said he was not aware. i asked the coach to try as much as possible to separate. i also said i understood that since theres only like 12 kids, it might be hard, but just to keep an eye on things to make sure things dont escalate. i also told the coach that i would talk to my son about strategies to cope with issues.
ii dont know if hes really being picked on, but i do think that its very possible he is. however, its hard to trust a lot of what he says. when my husband asked my son how the day went, my son said "great!" i told my husband afterwards what happened and he asked my son again what happened at camp and my son said "nothing, it was fun!" and shut down the conversation.
so im trying by having these talks about the big picture.
some strategies i had were: if someone tells you that youre a coward or that youre a scaredy cat you say "yeah, i am a coward, so what?" or to ignore. i also said that if they continually call you names, to go to the coach. are there better ways to deal with name calling?
i also tried to explain that retaliation is not good. so to stop with the throwing of the water, to stop with the kicking and trying to get even. i told him i understand its not fair when someone else takes your stuff, calls your names or kicks you, but that you try not to kick back, dont call them names, etc.
its life, i told him. there are always going to be people who are mean. just do your best to avoid them and try to enjoy whatever it is youre doing.
really, there are only two days left. i considered briefly pulling him out completely since in all honesty hes not learning that much. also its hot. but i also want him to learn how to deal with other kids if they are picking on him.
want to know if i should go back tomorrow and stay the whole three hours from the sidelines, not get involved (not pull my son out, etc) but just to observe. i have not stayed and generally as a rule, i dont stay during camps. its my time to clean and run errands...
thoughts? strategies? criticisms of what ive said or done? i welcome it all... i dont have many friends here to talk with about this sort of stuff.