How do I help DS2?

[jgenie]

DS2 is a tough kid. He feels he's awful at everything, if something goes wrong it's a huge tragedy, he always sees the bad in things even if he has to look really hard to find it. We were at the bank and they had a basket of lollipops. instead of being thrilled to have a lollipop at 9:00 in the morning he was upset he couldn't find his favorite flavor. He won't listen when we ask him to do things and I find myself having to physically move him more than I like. He will see something that catches his eye and won't see anything else. Today he wanted to go home with a friend but I had already told him no. He kept following them and I had to run after him and pull him back to our car. Yesterday he ran out of a friend's house and I had to hold onto his arm to keep him from going into the street. I hate taking him to gatherings because I never know how he's going to behave. I would rather stay home than have to deal with his moods. He has OT to help with his focus. I'm thinking I should find a therapist for him to see but I don't know what type of therapist. A family therapist? Something else? Thanks

[ang79]

Couldn't help but read and send hugs to you! My 10 yr. old DD1 is very similar and we are very seriously considering finding a therapist for her, though have just started looking into what is covered by insurance, etc. She always looks at the bad side of things, thinks everything she does is not good enough, dwells on problems and worries, and is not having trouble sleeping at night. Its very hard to see her go through this, but at the same time I get so frustrated with her poor attitude about everything! Her 8 yr. old sister is the exact opposite, very happy-go-lucky and marches to her own drum. Even she can see when her sister is in a mood and she tries to help me out by giving me extra hugs, helping around the house, etc., to make up for it.

[chlobo]

When my kids first started having issues beyond my parenting capacity, we found a therapist who works with both parents and kids separately. Rather than have my very high strung daughter think we though something was wrong with her, we visited the therapist a few times to get ideas on parenting strategies and talk about what works an what doesn't. Over the years this approach has been really helpful.

[pinkmomagain]

How old is your child?

[jgenie]

How old is your child?

He's 7.5.

[jgenie]

When my kids first started having issues beyond my parenting capacity, we found a therapist who works with both parents and kids separately. Rather than have my very high strung daughter think we though something was wrong with her, we visited the therapist a few times to get ideas on parenting strategies and talk about what works an what doesn't. Over the years this approach has been really helpful.

This is what I'm thinking we need. I'm guessing a family therapist? In my area many therapists are private pay only. What are the chances that we would find a good therapist through our insurance?

[pinkmomagain]

He's 7.5.

At that age, I'd look for a child psychologist who works mostly with the parents. I would ask your pediatrician for recommendations. Plenty of good therapists take insurance, but there are areas where therapists are doing mostly self-pay. You can check your insurance's out-of-network benefits to see if/how much you would get reimbursed if you wanted to use someone who doesn't take insurance.

[BunnyBee]

I would seek a developmental evaluation primarily over looking for therapy. Therapists can be good when it's a parenting/child personality mismatch (over simplification) or situational anxiety or something, but this sounds more complex.

[Charlie]

I would seek a developmental evaluation primarily over looking for therapy. Therapists can be good when it's a parenting/child personality mismatch (over simplification) or situational anxiety or something, but this sounds more complex.

I agree with this. Maybe a neuropsych evaluation? We just did this - ours was covered in part by insurance and now that we have a diagnosis, it will be easier to get services and get insurance to pay for them.

[Simon]

I have a child like this but I don't have any great solutions. I feel like I'm floundering whenever it comes up. Usually I try and be a calm and reassuring presence for him while coaxing him to let go and move on emotionally. With variable success, we do things like put a time limit on how long he can stew/pout and we sometimes play the "remember the good things" game, where we take turns thinking of something good that happened recently, or about him if he is feeling bad about himself.
You might try this book (https://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Grumble-Much/dp/1591474507/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=M25GEDK9JQCYN94849W9). I haven't used this one although I did use the "...worry too much" book by the same author and liked it quite a bit.

ETA: I second the recommendation for family therapy. We have friends who benefited immensely from a period of family/individual therapy, they were very happy with the results and as friends we noticed a difference, too. A neuropsych eval may or may not be useful. My similar kid had one and it honestly gave us little to no information useful to situations like these.

[bisous]

I would seek a developmental evaluation primarily over looking for therapy. Therapists can be good when it's a parenting/child personality mismatch (over simplification) or situational anxiety or something, but this sounds more complex.

I agree with this. I think that everything you wrote about is definitely something that can be worked on. I wouldn't feel too discouraged though. These are all things that can be worked on. I think figuring out what issues are driving the behavior will lead to the best treatment options.

[kdeunc]

Many of those traits sound like ADHD. My 12 year old has the self-doubt and hyper focus/fixation. You also mentioned focus issues. If you haven't had an evaluation that is where I would start. I completely understand the parenting struggles!

[hillview]

I'd get a neuropsych eval and also look for a therapist