Bring the kids to the wedding or not?

[bisous]

Another sibling is getting married now. That is the third this year for me. My brother is getting married in November. He's invited our whole family to attend the wedding festivities. They include a ceremony and a reception but they are over a two day period. The wedding is in (long) driving distance for our family so we could afford to have the whole family attend. I'm just wondering if I should bring them.

Normally I'm all about family at weddings. This feels a little different to me. This is my half-brother. He's my only sibling who was raised by my Dad and Stepmom and honestly I'm not as close to him as I am to the siblings I was raised with. I want to be though. I guess I'm just not sure what he really wants when he says we're all invited. Nobody else in my whole extended family has young kids that will be invited or going. My kids aren't easy. I think if it was one day of festivities we could make it work somehow. Two days means it is likely I'll have a bunch of tired and out of sorts kids on my hands.

Should I plan to bring them? Should I plan to go alone? Bring DH? (I probably could do that) What are your thoughts on kids at weddings? Do you think he really wants them there? What is the etiquette around family and kids at weddings?

TIA!

[SnuggleBuggles]

More fun without them sometimes. ;) Just take dh.


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[PZMommy]

For me it depends on school/work. We have no one where we live to watch my kids, so the kids would have to come. If the wedding would involve us missing work (both DH and I are teachers), or the kids school, we wouldn't go unless it was a close sibling. If it wouldn't involve missing work/school, we'd go and take the kids. If kids weren't invited we would have to pass, or just one of us would go.

[bisous]

More fun without them sometimes. ;) Just take dh.


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Sounds good to me! I just don't know if that would somehow hurt my brother's feelings? Or leave the kids out of an important family event? I'm probably overthinking this...

[bisous]

For me it depends on school/work. We have no one where we live to watch my kids, so the kids would have to come. If the wedding would involve us missing work (both DH and I are teachers), or the kids school, we wouldn't go unless it was a close sibling. If it wouldn't involve missing work/school, we'd go and take the kids. If kids weren't invited we would have to pass, or just one of us would go.

It is in the Bay Area and we're in the Greater LA area. Since it is on the weekend I'm pretty sure nobody will have to miss work or school. I'll be going for sure. Everyone else is up in the air!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds good to me! I just don't know if that would somehow hurt my brother's feelings? Or leave the kids out of an important family event? I'm probably overthinking this...

I bet they won't mind. Have the kids write a card or something. The bride and groom will be glad you're there.


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[KpbS]

It could be a fun get away just for you and DH or it could be fun to have a family trip too. I totally get what you mean about the kids being worn out for a 2 day event. If I took them, I would consider either skipping the first night (rehearsal dinner?) or making it an early night for the kids (totally understandable) OR just going to the Saturday festivities with the kids.

[mommy111]

Take them! He's inviting them, it will be a memorable event for them. I'm sure no one will fall to you if you have to leave a little bit early one of the days because you have kids there

[AnnieW625]

:yeahthat: I think it is a great way to be closer to your brother and his new wife; plus I am sure your dad and step mom would love to see the kids.


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[PZMommy]

It is in the Bay Area and we're in the Greater LA area. Since it is on the weekend I'm pretty sure nobody will have to miss work or school. I'll be going for sure. Everyone else is up in the air!

In this case, I'd take the whole family, provided the kids are invited.

[mom2binsd]

What kind of reception will it be? Is he LDS? Will the ceremony be in the tempel? A simple LDS reception that is shorter, no sit down dinner is easier on kids. If it's a typical wedding at a church then lengthy reception I'd maybe just go with you and dh.

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[bisous]

What kind of reception will it be? Is he LDS? Will the ceremony be in the tempel? A simple LDS reception that is shorter, no sit down dinner is easier on kids. If it's a typical wedding at a church then lengthy reception I'd maybe just go with you and dh.

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He's not LDS. That's why I'm just not sure how the kids will do. My big kids would do great. I'm not so sure about my littles!

[Philly Mom]

I would either leave all kids at home or just bring the two big ones assuming it won't be too expensive to have them watched and you trust the sitter. I assume it will be your mom so my advice is predicated on that. I try not to put my kids in situations where I think they won't succeed even if it means not doing some things. Oh, and a wedding in the Bay Area without kids sounds heavenly.


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[StantonHyde]

I would leave them at home. They won't have cousins there, it will be hard on you. Give yourself a break and go with just DH. You deserve a break!!

[StantonHyde]

I don't think your brother will mind. I assume he invited the whole family thinking it would be easier for you. Your dad and step mom will be busy with wedding guests. Arrange a visit at another time. I used to drive from USC to Stanford once a month-not a horrible drive.

[JBaxter]

He invited them I'd take them and go as a family.

[TwinFoxes]

I think you should do whatever works for you. I don't think he'll be upset if the kids don't attend (why would he be, really?) I don't think he'll mind if they do (since they were invited.) I think you are waaaaay overthinking this.

[AnnieW625]

He's not LDS. That's why I'm just not sure how the kids will do. My big kids would do great. I'm not so sure about my littles!

Your kids will be fine! It might be a long day, but if they have a DJ the kids will be having fun on the dance floor....I am a fan of kids at weddings.

[bisous]

Your kids will be fine! It might be a long day, but if they have a DJ the kids will be having fun on the dance floor....I am a fan of kids at weddings.

I am such a fan of that too!

BUT I think I'm leaning towards not bringing them. I do think it would be a nice kids free weekend. I also think that it would be okay for my kids but not terrific.

Also, I've posted about this a little bit before but I'm trying to limit my emotional entanglements with my Dad and Stepmom. They just don't treat me and my family the same as they treat this brother of mine (who is guiltless and I am pursuing a relationship with him!) I am going to pursue a policy of treating the parents with kindness but I'm not going to go out of my way to further relationships between them and my kids. I think my brother will be fine.

So for now I think I'm going to go kid free. Though I'm not I'm still open to persuasion if you have a radically different opinion, lol.

Thank you for all your ideas.

[bisous]

I think you should do whatever works for you. I don't think he'll be upset if the kids don't attend (why would he be, really?) I don't think he'll mind if they do (since they were invited.) I think you are waaaaay overthinking this.


I probably am overthinking this. One aspect I haven't mentioned on a whole lot on this thread is that with my four kids, my lower income, and my less prestigious educational background, I feel a bit self-conscious around my brother and his friends. I think it will be easier to feel less "different" and "other" with my brother if it is just the two of us.

Family dynamics are so tricky.

[gymnbomb]

I am such a fan of that too!

BUT I think I'm leaning towards not bringing them. I do think it would be a nice kids free weekend. I also think that it would be okay for my kids but not terrific.

Also, I've posted about this a little bit before but I'm trying to limit my emotional entanglements with my Dad and Stepmom. They just don't treat me and my family the same as they treat this brother of mine (who is guiltless and I am pursuing a relationship with him!) I am going to pursue a policy of treating the parents with kindness but I'm not going to go out of my way to further relationships between them and my kids. I think my brother will be fine.

So for now I think I'm going to go kid free. Though I'm not I'm still open to persuasion if you have a radically different opinion, lol.

Thank you for all your ideas.

I don't think there is a wrong answer to this, but personally I am with you and would prefer to go kid free if possible.


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[jgenie]

You've been wanting to get away with just DH. This is your chance! I would leave the kids behind if you have childcare readily available.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

You've been wanting to get away with just DH. This is your chance! I would leave the kids behind if you have childcare readily available.


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:yeahthat: Why hesitate from this rare opportunity? Please take the weekend trip with just your dh! You'll be glad you did!

[jacksmomtobe]

I would have just you and DH go. I think your brother just invited your kids to make it easier for you so do what is easier and leave them home. Enjoy the kids free weekend!

[WitMom]

Is it possible to take the whole family, but not have the kids attend all of the events? All of you attend the "main attraction" or whatever event is most kid friendly, and then you attend the rest of the festivities alone while DH hangs out with the kids at the hotel.