ADVICE PLEASE: How to deal with NOT including some friends to DDs' joing bday party

[ckso]

We've always done joint bday parties for DD1 and DD2. It just works for us as most of the friends we invite are friends of both girls. Anyways, in the past we've rented a recreation center room or had it at the house so we were able to invite more people and allowed siblings as well since we're not as restricted with count. We've also invited friends that I'm friends with the mom and the only time the kids play is when the moms are chatting.

This year we are doing it at CPK so we have to limit the number of kids for budget reasons. We decided that we should only invite kids that are good friends of DD1, and DD2. Anyone that the kids don't really play with or haven't seen for awhile (ie the moms group I'm in. The kids only get together maybe 3 or 4 times a year for gatherings).

So...even with that I'm at 25 which I'm ok with. But as school is starting soon, we're seeing more friends that we previously invited but not this year. It feels awkward to me and not sure what to do. I know not to bring it up and have already told the girls not to talk about the party in case of hurt feelings. But people still talk or accidentally say "hey, are you going to X party?". Friends also tend to post of facebook during the party and I feel like some might be offended?

What's your thoughts and am I overthinking this? Should I say something upfront? If so, what? I can't exactly say we're keeping it small because at 25 kids...it's not small. (Please don't tell me to just make it small or separate the party because that's doesn't work for us for various reasons).

I just don't want people to feel like they're not DDs' friends but I can only invite so much :/

HELP!

[Kindra178]

I think it's time to do separate parties.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

I think it's time to do separate parties.


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Totally agree. Once kids are in school and have independent social lives, that's when you should make the switch.
At this point, just remind yourself that not everyone gets invited to everything. Schedule play dates with some of their school friends and call it good.
You're worried more about this than 99% of your friends are. Relax, have fun, and go separate next year. :)


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[KrisM]

I think you are over thinking it. Sure kids talk, but I don't think it's as big of a deal as you are thinking it is. Not every one gets invited to everything. And there should not be any reason to think that just because you were invited once you will always be invited.

[TwinFoxes]

Well, we always have joint parties. :)

Honestly, if people are going to get bent out of shape because their kid isn't invited to a birthday party there's not much you can do about it. I assume your oldest is around the same age as mine are. Whole class parties, or even gigantic parties ended here, no one has them now. My girls don't expect to get invited to every single party, I don't expect them to get invited to every single party, and honestly, I'm happy when there's a weekend without a party. I have found that kids are actually pretty good about not talking about parties in school. Moms, not so much, they post on FB. But again, who cares?

[gatorsmom]

Having separate parties for the girls isn't going to solve the problem. SOMEONE will always be left out. It's a fact of life. Most adults should understand that not everyone can come every time. And hopefully parents can gently explain it to their kids because kids have to learn it too. I think OP should just re-emphasize to her girls not to talk about the party with their friends, keep it to themselves as a polite thing to do. If anyone asks just say you had a limit to the number of people who could come. I think most everyone can relate to that.

[specialp]

I think you are over thinking it. Sure kids talk, but I don't think it's as big of a deal as you are thinking it is. Not every one gets invited to everything. And there should not be any reason to think that just because you were invited once you will always be invited.


Agree. I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone eventually ends up in the same boat of having to reduce invites/be selective.

[Globetrotter]

I do understand. At a certain point most people shy away from the whole class parties. At some point we stopped inviting all the playgroups etc. and stuck to good friends. If there were two friends friendly with each other and equally friendly with my kid, I would invite those two. They are at the same level, so to speak.
I don't think you should worry too much about acquaintances because most families struggle with this.

[essnce629]

I do understand. At a certain point most people shy away from the whole class parties. At some point we stopped inviting all the playgroups etc. and stuck to good friends. If there were two friends friendly with each other and equally friendly with my kid, I would invite those two. They are at the same level, so to speak.
I don't think you should worry too much about acquaintances because most families struggle with this.Yes, you're overthinking it. Just invite your kids' actual friends. Not a big deal at all. My youngest is 8 and I just ask him each year who he wants to invite and I go along. No one really invites entire classes, etc once you get to a certain age. We did whole class parties in preschool and kindergarten, but that's it.

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[rlu]

When we stopped having park parties, we told DS to invite only good friends. We ended up with the same three to five kids every year. With the smaller numbers we were able to do mini-golf, bowling, movie, etc. Recently it's been a sleep-over and they watch movies.

[candaceb]

Last year (DS was in 1st grade) was the first year I started hearing about parties that he wasn't invited to. We also moved in-between K and 1 so I'm not entirely sure if it's a local "norm" - I didn't ask anyone here if K parties were whole class.
DS's party was last weekend and he invited about half his class. If someone who wasn't invited asked me about it, I would just say that we couldn't accommodate everyone.
I think there's a difference between inviting *almost* everyone and excluding 1 or 2 kids, and inviting a smaller group of close friends. In the latter case, I think you just hold your head high. Your decision has been made and it is a perfectly acceptable decision.

[AnnieW625]

I would invite way less kids especially to a pizza party at CPK. I would do 5 each and leave it at that. If you want to do something larger then go back to your rec. center party. I totally think you are way overthinking this.

I for sure know that way back in the 80s and 90s when I was In school I wasn't invited to every party and that was just life. The only invite that honestly was kind of hard to deal with was my bff's 16th birthday party (she was one of two friends who are twins) and they didn't invite me because they knew I had to babysit my sister and brother (my parents were going to a wedding that day) and I have a feeling I wasn't invited on purpose (I wasn't getting along with one sister then and she was the one who told me they didn't invite me because I had to watch my siblings) and I know my parents would've hired a sitter had they invited me to the party. That was teenage drama stuff though and not elementary school parties. I think your friends need to get that there isn't going to be a huge party every year and leave it at that.


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[KpbS]

Well, we always have joint parties. :)

Honestly, if people are going to get bent out of shape because their kid isn't invited to a birthday party there's not much you can do about it. I assume your oldest is around the same age as mine are. Whole class parties, or even gigantic parties ended here, no one has them now. My girls don't expect to get invited to every single party, I don't expect them to get invited to every single party, and honestly, I'm happy when there's a weekend without a party. I have found that kids are actually pretty good about not talking about parties in school. Moms, not so much, they post on FB. But again, who cares?

:yeahthat:

I think joint birthday parties are great. We have done a couple with friends that have close birthdays to my DC. It will all be fine.

[ckso]

OP here

Thanks everyone. Just to clarity, I wasn't doing a whole class party and have never done them. Most that were invited aren't classmates

We just have a group of friends whose kids are also good friends of both DDs. So I started doing joint parties because we find that we ended up inviting some of the same kids.

But thanks for the reassurance about my overthinking.


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