How practical is this? (parental leave)

[megs4413]

this is kind of convoluted, so stay with me...

SIL and her DH lived in STL. SIL was offered a job in our city (DFW) that is a HUGE step up in her career and just an incredible opportunity. She knew it was a possibility, but didn't know when the offer would come, but it came last month. Her DH has been on the waiting list for a program of study for 3 years. He didn't know when that call would come, but it came last month as well. SIL decided she would move in with us until his program was completed and he could join her down here. His program is 18 months. Then, about a week after they decided this, she found out she was pregnant. At the end of the day, the decision was made that she would still move in with us and take this job and BIL would stay in STL and go through his program. We're all on board with this.

Here's my question...I've never worked outside of the home while pregnant, so I don't really know if this is practical or not. SIL wants to take 12 weeks maternal leave when baby is born. Her plan is to have baby, stay in town for like a week, and then fly to STL and spend the remaining 11ish weeks there with her DH. He will continue to be in his program the whole time, though he hopes to be able to be present for the birth.

In theory, this sounds ok-ish. But, then i was wondering about:
-pediatric appointments. there's like a 2 week and an 8 week and a 3 month, right? how will that work? can you have two pediatricians in different places? what about insurance?

-flying with a newborn during pp period. is that a thing? i mean, it has to be, but somehow I feel like it would be better if we drove....a newborn on a plane during cold/flu season is making me anxious. WWYD?

-how will SIL's post-partum check work? can she see a different OB in STL? how necessary is the PP checkup? can she put it off to 12 weeks? what if she gets mastitis or something?

I can't bring any of this up to her. I don't want to stress her out...she's already pretty much maxed out on stress, but I'd like to prepare for what the reality of our situation will be...not what her hopes of the situation will be. She doesn't even have insurance yet, so we won't know anything about how her insurance will work until next week at the earliest. She was able to get in a doc appt before she left STL, so she's had an ultrasound and some early blood work, so that's all OK. If she's going to need to do more back/forth, we will need to travel with her (which is fine...we have room to stay in STL and my kids are homeschooled/myDH works from home) but I'd like to get an idea of that now, so that we can plan. Does anyone have any input on how all of this might work? TIA!

[JBaxter]

She may not have 12 weeks if she has not been at her job for 1 yr. That she needs to check on FMLA used to be contingent on 1 year of employment. As for baby visits.. They don't need them actually unless there is an issue. DS4 went at 2 weeks for a weight check then 4 months 6 months We did not vaccinate until he was a year old which is why they schedule the 2 , 4,6 9 & 12 month appts. Again with the Post Partum visit you don't have to go if you don't have issues. But I wouldn't fly with a new born but lots of adoptive parents do.

Her biggest thing is checking on the FMLA she may only be entitled to 6 or 8 weeks maternity leave vs the 12 FMLA

[AnnieW625]

If she has the option of a large hmo network like Kaiser would work well because a member can get treatment in two different areas and all that is needed is a medical record number for each region.

Maybe I am missing something but why would you have to travel with her? I traveled alone until 32 weeks with DD1, and at 37 weeks 3 days still traveled by car to work each day which is when most doctors say stay close to home. I had DD1 at 37 w 6 d.

She will most likely qualify for 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery (although sometimes if the on appt. is scheduled at closer to 7 weeks you can get an extra week....I did this twice and no one looked twice) and will get 8 weeks for a c section. She could do the remaining time as unpaid leave or use vacation or other leave time that has been accumulated.

I flew with DD1 at 2 mos pp

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[lalasmama]

As Jeana points out, the huge road bump in this is going to be the maternity leave. States have varying laws; for instance, in my state, you get 6 weeks maternity leave if you've been at the company 6 mos and the company has more than 25 (50?). However, then there's also FMLA (which kicks in at 12 mos of employment or something like 1000 hours, and 25 employees, and is a federal mandate).

[hillview]

I'd wouldn't stress she should check for fmla and her hr department on leave. I traveled a lot before I delivered and a few weeks after birth.

[mom2binsd]

The mat leave is something to figure out and then the baby's visits will be the other thing. If baby is healthy, great, but of there are complications it might be hard to start with a ped in Dallas and then find one in the other location. Her post partum checkups aren't as tricky. Again, if she ends up with a C section it'll complicate things. Also, I would want a whooping cough vaccine before baby travels, and I would drive not fly with the baby.

Also, she should be able to find an ob in Dallas and shouldn't need to travel back while pregnant, and shouldn't need you to travel with her.

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[trales]

She lives in St. Louis now, I bet her current OB will see her after the birth when she is back there. If she wants 12 weeks, it will most likely be unpaid. You can fly right after the birth, that is not an issue, adoptive parents do it every day. She should find a pedi in St. Louis, and then find a permanent one in DFW when she moves back. When she gives birth the hospitalist will see the baby.

It all seems manageable to me. I flew up to 37 weeks. I had to fly with DD2 as a new newborn for a family thing that I did not want to/ could not miss.

She should just opt for the insurance plan that gives her the most out of state/ out of network coverage.

[abh5e8]

It sounds fine. Most airlines will need a Dr note if baby is less than 14 days old. I flew with ds3 at 11 days with the note and had no problems. I also had a note from dh, giving permission.

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[Globetrotter]

I think it will be doable if everything goes well with the birth and the baby is healthy. There should be a backup plan in case there are complications. I had a hard time after my first c/S but some folks manage better.
She should get an OB and pedi. Set up in Dallas and STL. And explain the situation.

[megs4413]

She lives in St. Louis now, I bet her current OB will see her after the birth when she is back there.


She's not in STL. She moved in with us already, her job already started. She doesn't have an OB there or here...she was able to get in a visit with a nurse practitioner at her GYN's office before she left STL just to confirm the pregnancy. She doesn't yet have insurance (she picked up COBRA for just august, but it's an HMO, so she can only use it in MO and she's already here in TX.) She's heading up HR for this new business and her first order of business is setting up benefits. She's hoping to have something in place by september 1st.

I'm glad to hear it sounds doable for the most part. We'll be planning to go with her just to help with the travel. I think she's going to drive so that she has a car with her while she's in STL for 3 months, but everything is still up in the air...we have a long way to go!

[mom2binsd]

I have friends who drive that drive, it's only 9 hours, and an easy drive.

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[rin]

It sounds totally doable if there are no complications; if there are complications everything goes out the window obviously, but that's the case no matter what. If her DH can do as much of the legwork as possible to find a pediatrician in St. Louis and gets things set up beforehand it should make things easier. In her shoes I'd start with asking my OB in Dallas for advice, see if they have any recommendations for a partner etc in St. Louis.

I *personally* would much rather do a short flight with a newborn than a 9 hour drive. I flew cross-country with DD1 at 20 days old, and it was the easiest flight I had with either child for the next five years, the white noise just knocked her out for the entire flight.

[specialp]

A friend who was in a somewhat similar situation many years ago, although her work stay was a little longer at 6 months. She needs to be established as a new patient w/ a pediatrician and OB in both cities, but that can be done later in pregnancy. It does need to be done before birth. OBs are harder to come by after midway point. Even if there are no complications, it's best to have a pediatrician you can turn to if there's a sudden fever or illness.