Update: this just got worse/need advice-Question for Club soccer parents

[JustMe]

So, ds has told me that he has to be early for practice because the coach said if anyone is even one minute late the whole team will have to "run". Ds is very worried the whole team will have to run because of him, if he is one minute late. Ds said the coach said that parents need to e-mail him and the team manager if this will be an issue. Now, I am not 100% sure this is what was said as ds can sometimes mis-hear things,especially if he is being anxious about what is being said. That said, I am not sure what to do. I think I can get him there on time, but early is not really possible for me. The beginning of the school year means a lot of traffic congestion around schools. We are way on the other side of town, which means we pass by several schools including getting out of our own school parking lot-which is difficult the beginning of the school, so even if another parent was able to pick him up, it is not impossible that there could be difficulty getting there on time--Wednesday is the first day of school and the next day of soccer practice, and it will be crazy. I also don't love the idea of having another parent come all the way across town to pick my son up and then go all the way back to avoid being 1 minute late.

Also, although I am not 100% sure this was actually said, if it was I hate it. I understand that what one person on the team does effects all, but making all kids "run" because one kids is late causes shame (for the one kid) and resentment from the team that seems out of hand. So, WWYD--

--I can attempt to call the team manager on the phone and talk to him on the phone to ask what he thinks.
--I can e-mail the coach and the team manager, but am not sure how much detail to go into and what to say. The coach may not have even said this. OTOH, I don't think its out of the range of possibility. I have seen him get really stressed and this is his first year as head coach as opposed to asst coach. Maybe those are the expectations.

Part of why I put ds in club soccer is because i feel he needs to be more accountable and learn to work for something he wants...but this is a little extreme.

ETA: I just went back through the e-mails from the coach and saw that after this Wed he expects to change practice time to 6:30 for over a month, as he is coaching another program, and it won't be back to 4:30 for another 5 weeks or so...by that time things will have calmed down at least as far as being a little less traffic due to the beginning of the school year...so still looking for advice, but it is less stressful knowing we won't have to worry about that for several weeks and the new school year traffic rush will be over by then (although there is still afterschool traffic regardless)
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So, this is specifically about Club soccer, as opposed to rec soccer. In your experience, are the practice times changed frequently? I don't mean just having added practices added in, but I mean the time of the practice is changed a lot.

I am asking because ds' practices were at 4:30 during the spring and summer, which was really hard for me but I was able to make it work. However, several times practices would be changed..usually to a later time. The e-mail went out usually the weekend before, but sometimes as late as the day before. Since it was to a later time, it was not usually a problem--but sometimes it was when dd has a school event/concert, etc. We just had a break, and before that the coach said practices would start at 5. I was relieved, as it effects my work schedule a lot--not too mention how hard it is to get ds from school and get him there on time. I am thinking that maybe it is just moved up because kids are still on summer break here, but honestly I am pretty sure the coach thinks nothing of changing the time based on many things that have nothing to do with the families involved.

I'm not sure this is sustainable for me as a single mom. I am thinking about getting a better paying job now that my kids are older, and don't think soccer should be what stops me. OTOH, it has been really good for ds in multiple ways. I can't just hire someone to transport him, as I have found people are super-unreliable when I tried to hire for similar postions and I get calls at the last minute that my ds has no ride. Plus, with time changes happening so frequently, I can't expect that anyone else I hire would be able to accommodate that. Also, all of the other families seem to have at least one stay at home parent who can do this. None of them live in my neighborhood, so are not really up for transporting ds to practices (I have asked). We don't really have another local club (which is probably why they feel they can do this), although there is another non-rec soccer that focuses on skill building (as opposed to just a rec place). Its a different model because there are no games, etc, but they keep consistent times.

Anyway, just wondering how typical this is...

[westwoodmom04]

Maybe a different club in your area would be better? (edit -- just saw you didn;t have this option, maybe the stronger rec?) DS has played for 2 clubs -- the first practiced between 6-8 during the outdoor season and 6 to 7 in the indoor. The outdoor practice time would change by half an hour or so because of it getting dark earlier or later. In November and March, they rented lights.

The current club practices 6 to 7:30 one night a week, and 5:30 to 7 the other, with an optional one night of gym fitness that starts at 7 for my son's age group -- U11.

[JustMe]

Thanks for the info, westwoodmom! Yes, unfortunately this is the only "full" club locally. I think we are pretty much committed to it for this soccer year (through April), but I may need to look into that other hybrid option beyond that. Also, will check with the club as I believe at a certain age they go to later practice times, but not sure when that is.

Thanks!!

[bcafe]

No, our club practices are always at the same time: 6-8. There may be a change if we are scrimmaging another team, but that is rare. I can't even imagine a 5 o'clock practice! I would talk to the team manager about this issue ASAP.

[squimp]

That would drive me crazy as well. Our club sports practices are fairly well set in stone. They might change from season to season, but within the season they are fixed. Is there any way to let the coach know how inconvenient it is? I would guess though that the coach's schedule (day job) is shifting around.

[JustMe]

Thanks for the replies! Its good to know that (so far) the constant schedule changing is not the norm...not that it matters to some degree, as this is the choice we have here, but I still like to know.

I know that some of the changes have to do with the club itself---like its later when they have the short-term classes for much younger kids; however, yes other times probably have to do with what is working for the coach. I think what I want to next is if this is typical for all of the teams in the club or is it particular to this coach. I guess I need to ask the team manager, but want to tread lightly as I really feel like I am in a new question and don't know how things work. Our team manager is very nice, and I know his kids have done the club for a couple of years, but there is a lot he doesn't know as well.

I am not sure about letting the coach know how inconvenient it is--doesn't seem like it bothers the other parents. I did e-mail him this morning and asked if he expected he would be having practices earlier than 5 a lot this fall, as I need to know for work. He responded that almost all practices would move up to 4:30, and I could ask the team manager to find a ride for my ds if we need to. That doesn't go as smoothly as he thinks, because none of the parents really want to..although someone may do it if they feel like they "have" to. At this point, I can make it work (although its difficult), its just that I want to be able to move on with my life in a way in which it would not work!

[squimp]

Can you send out a group message asking for help with rides? We have a couple of single moms on one of our teams, and we always made sure someone would help get their kids to practice. We are spread out all over the place in several different towns, but we try to help each other out.

Is there any way he could ride the school bus or city bus to practice? My DD does this and gets to practice a little early to the gym and works on her homework while waiting.

[belovedgandp]

This sounds like it is being dictated by the coach. If the field is available he would prefer to practice earlier.

Our practice times are dictated by field availability, so once you get your slot(s) you keep your slot(s). Not always the most CONVENIENT times, but always CONSISTENT. The changing would drive me batty.

[HannaAddict]

Thanks for the replies! Its good to know that (so far) the constant schedule changing is not the norm...not that it matters to some degree, as this is the choice we have here, but I still like to know.

I know that some of the changes have to do with the club itself---like its later when they have the short-term classes for much younger kids; however, yes other times probably have to do with what is working for the coach. I think what I want to next is if this is typical for all of the teams in the club or is it particular to this coach. I guess I need to ask the team manager, but want to tread lightly as I really feel like I am in a new question and don't know how things work. Our team manager is very nice, and I know his kids have done the club for a couple of years, but there is a lot he doesn't know as well.

I am not sure about letting the coach know how inconvenient it is--doesn't seem like it bothers the other parents. I did e-mail him this morning and asked if he expected he would be having practices earlier than 5 a lot this fall, as I need to know for work. He responded that almost all practices would move up to 4:30, and I could ask the team manager to find a ride for my ds if we need to. That doesn't go as smoothly as he thinks, because none of the parents really want to..although someone may do it if they feel like they "have" to. At this point, I can make it work (although its difficult), its just that I want to be able to move on with my life in a way in which it would not work!

If you can get a ride there, maybe you can be the driver home and make it a little easier for the other parent. We had a carpool that worked that way and it worked well, one of us that could would drive and drop off and not have to sit and wait and parent after work would do pick up.


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[JBaxter]

Club practice here is 6 to 730 or 730 to 9 U10 and under is 2x a week others are 3 x a week

[Kindra178]

My boys have set practices. I feel your pain though because basketball practices change all the time.


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[jacksmomtobe]

Both kids who play for diff soccer clubs have set practice days and times. They stay the same all fall. The winter schedule will likely be on the same nights but location will change and possibly the time slightly but nothing dramatic. For spring the location may change but one club has stated that they will keep practices same nights and typically the other club has kept night and time the same. The only changes that I've experienced in our 6 years of club is dd's region last year split 3 facilities among multiple teams in the fall including some indoor locations so there was a rotating schedule that we knew in advance which varied time slots and locations. Dds new club this year included practice days and times and location in their offer which is unheard of.

I echo the suggestion of others to see if a parent can drive your kid to practice and then you drive their child home.

[JustMe]

Thanks so much for the replies and suggestions! I have tried asking for a ride, as well as offering to take the other child home. No one really wants to, but if push comes to shove and I actually cannot do it, I think the team manager would do it. At this point, its more that I am not pursing things (work-wise) that I want to, rather than I actually can't do it, so I feel bad asking. Part of the problem is that I am cross town in the other direction of practice from some of the parents most likely to be okay doing it. They really don't mind picking their kids up and its just not exactly a trade (for them) to have to go all the way across town to get mine to bring him to practice (its almost as if they're on the way from my house, but I am in a totally different direction and out a ways). Anyway, there's no school bus there and not enough time for ds to take any other kind of bus.

At this point, we'll probably just stick with it and I will look into what the other sort of hybid club-rec program is like.

[bcafe]

4:30 practices are ridiculous. My DS doesn't get off the school bus until 4:10!

[jerseygirl07067]

That would drive me nuts! Our club is fairly new, we are in our 3rd year But one of the fields they were going to use for practices got flooded so they did have to switch our practices slightly, and even that little bit threw me off, since I have 3 kids who play soccer (2 club, and 1 rec). Luckily the club is in our area, and we often help each other out, since many of us work. One of the dads even calls himself Uber Joe as he owns his own company and often picks up kids who can't get there, he is awesome. But for the most part, other than the small change in times, they stay fairly consistent. The only thing is they may change again to accommodate the middle school soccer schedule, which a lot of the kids play, but hopefully not by much.

[JustMe]

Thanks for all of the replies! Sigh! Both validating and frustrating to know these early/changing times are not common. I will just take it one step at a time.

[khm]

Thanks for all of the replies! Sigh! Both validating and frustrating to know these early/changing times are not common. I will just take it one step at a time.

Hopefully once everyone's schedules calm down and you get to know people, you might find a ride-share or two. I can kinda see that everyone is dealing with chaotic and changing schedules (likely for multiple activities / kids) so it'd be hard to commit to helping someone out.

I absolutely do not yet have a handle on which of my kids needs to be where and at what time and for how long, and our practice schedules are fairly fixed, and I only have two kids! If the schedules were random and ever-changing - UGH!

Off the top of my head, I MIGHT know when a couple practices are, but I have no clue re: their school cross country meets or their soccer games. Those vary and I just.... don't have that in my mental space, or my phone yet.

[ahisma]

I have our practice times for the entire year already. They shift in the winter when they play indoors, but are already announced.

Outdoor practice is 6:30 - 8:00. DS2 is U10.

[JustMe]

Update and asking for advice in OP.

[westwoodmom04]

No advice, but this suggests to me that your family is not the only one who struggles to get their kid there by 4-:30. Have you spoken with the coach?

[JBaxter]

Some of our team struggles to get there by 6. Parents work for heaven's sake.

[bcafe]

Some of our team struggles to get there by 6. Parents work for heaven's sake.
No kidding! I would email or call the coach and if I was not satisfied with his reasoning then I would escalate this issue. I would personally talk with the CLUB manager.

[JustMe]

Thanks for the replies. The coach prefers e-mail and tends to respond right away. Its also not uncommon to cc the head coach (actually not sure what he is, but the coach above the coaches) and the team manager, so I would probably do that. What would you say in your e-mail? I am just so befuddled and irritated by all of this that I can't think straight.

ETA: At the beginning of the soccer year, both the coach and the head coach did say that if there was any problem getting there, they wanted to know, so I think it is fine for me to e-mail the coach and cc the head coach. I just want to be as matter-of-fact as possible, despite my frustration.

[SnuggleBuggles]

There's a chance this league just is a bad fit for your family. Does the school eventually (later grades) offer soccer? I know the club kids will possibly have a leg up on the school teams but a talented kid coming up through rec programs can excel just fine, imo. Just a thought.


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[JustMe]

There's a chance this league just is a bad fit for your family. Does the school eventually (later grades) offer soccer? I know the club kids will possibly have a leg up on the school teams but a talented kid coming up through rec programs can excel just fine, imo. Just a thought.


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It may very well be the case that this is not a good fit for us. There is no soccer in public schools here until high school, which is 3 years away. There is another kind of hybrid club that I mentioned, and I found a parent whose child goes there, so I plan to try to call her. I would not do the rec program, which we did for several years again, as it was more negative than positive; the parent volunteer coaches receive no training and it was a chaotic non-productive time. Ds' skills went downhill, as well as his attitude.

Even if its a bad fit, I think its premature to make that decision without e-mailing the coach..they did ask for that during orientation. So, I guess I will just think about how much to say..not sure if I want to come out and day that it may be a bad fit or not, but also don't want to beg for someone to take him or express anger.

[niccig]

I'd email head coach and the team manager telling them you will do you best to get DS to practice on time, but due to work, it may not always be possible. You do not want any team punishments due to your work situation, and you thank them for understanding.

Tell DS you've talked to the coach about it, reassure him you'll do you're best to get him there, but there may be times he's a little late, and coach understands it's not his fault.

If it's an issue, then go higher up.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

"Due to our school/home/work location, the earliest I can comfortably and reliably get my ds to practice is X time. I'd hate for my son's tardiness affect the team negatively but I really struggle with getting him there due to my work schedule and rush hour traffic. As a single mom, I don't have another parent to help out. I hate to ask for rides because we appear to be across town from other teammates and practices. Can you help me come up with a solution? We really do like the team and [what he's getting out of it] and hope to make this work. Thanks!"
That's my initial draft.
The hybrid idea sure sounds better but good luck figuring it out.


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[niccig]

Double post

[Simon]

"Due to our school/home/work location, the earliest I can comfortably and reliably get my ds to practice is X time. I'd hate for my son's tardiness affect the team negatively but I really struggle with getting him there due to my work schedule and rush hour traffic. As a single mom, I don't have another parent to help out. I hate to ask for rides because we appear to be across town from other teammates and practices. Can you help me come up with a solution? We really do like the team and [what he's getting out of it] and hope to make this work. Thanks!"
That's my initial draft.
The hybrid idea sure sounds better but good luck figuring it out.


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I think this looks great. I would also use this opportunity to mention that the lack of a stable schedule and last minute changes to practice times are an issue. I would even go so far as to ask the coach to pick a time and commit to it. If there are scheduling issues for the fields then they can mention them in the reply. As many of other posters here have said, it is within your rights as a parent to expect them to have a regular time that doesn't change. Our times are stable until we have to end early because its dark, which is a different story than you are experiencing.

[jerseygirl07067]

I'd email head coach and the team manager telling them you will do you best to get DS to practice on time, but due to work, it may not always be possible. You do not want any team punishments due to your work situation, and you thank them for understanding.

Tell DS you've talked to the coach about it, reassure him you'll do you're best to get him there, but there may be times he's a little late, and coach understands it's not his fault.

If it's an issue, then go higher up.


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"Due to our school/home/work location, the earliest I can comfortably and reliably get my ds to practice is X time. I'd hate for my son's tardiness affect the team negatively but I really struggle with getting him there due to my work schedule and rush hour traffic. As a single mom, I don't have another parent to help out. I hate to ask for rides because we appear to be across town from other teammates and practices. Can you help me come up with a solution? We really do like the team and [what he's getting out of it] and hope to make this work. Thanks!"
That's my initial draft.
The hybrid idea sure sounds better but good luck figuring it out.


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I would do either of the above. Good luck!

[Kindra178]

This may sound odd but the coach may not want to hear a sob story. In fact, the twins' soccer coach made it very clear that he doesn't care why your kid is absent, just tell him about the absence.

I would keep the email simple - "due to my work schedule, ds will arrive at practice at 4.45 every week."


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[marinkitty]

Responding to your update:

If and when the drop off time becomes an issue, I would simply send the coach and manager an email letting them know that because of the distance from your child's school, release time and traffic, he may be 5 minutes late to the 4:30 practice. And thank him for being understanding. That's it.

[Zansu]

As a team manager, I can tell you that the coach doesn't care why your player is going to be late, so there's no need to explain and no need to justify or be defensive. Coach wants to know how many he will have on the field so he knows what drills he can start, and when he can schedule scrimmages.

[khm]

As a team manager, I can tell you that the coach doesn't care why your player is going to be late, so there's no need to explain and no need to justify or be defensive. Coach wants to know how many he will have on the field so he knows what drills he can start, and when he can schedule scrimmages.

I agree with these last posts. Scheduling this stuff is a complex nightmare. They are dealing with other issues from other parents too. They don't need a ton of info, times that many parents.

They just need to be informed of the basics.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree with these last posts. Scheduling this stuff is a complex nightmare. They are dealing with other issues from other parents too. They don't need a ton of info, times that many parents.

They just need to be informed of the basics.

I was basing my wording on the idea that they might give push back without added information- as in they won't consider it a valid reason to be late. But, I assume OP can navigate the waters and knows her audience better than we do. Edit as needed. :)


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[JustMe]

Thanks so much for the replies!

Thanks so much for the e-mail sample, SnuggleBuggles! I think it is great, and I actually do think it would be important to give this info to the coach..he seems a little over the top around being a few minutes late so I think the extra info is needed.

That said, we have practice tomorrow and 4:30, but then it won't be 4:30 for a while. As I said, it will be shifted down to 6:30 for about 5 weeks while he teaches another program..so I am going to put things off for a while as getting there at 6:30 is no problem. I am going to do everything I can to get ds there on time tomorrow. Since its the first day of school, there may be unreasonable traffic and if that is the case, I will talk with the coach about that when we get there. After that, I am going to try to get some more info from other parents as to if this is typical of the club, what they think, etc. I will re-evaluate when we go back to 4:30 at the end of October and may be sending SnuggleBuggle's e-mail at that time!

[Kestrel]

Just curious... If you are switching to later practice for a while, how many more practices will you have after you switch back earlier? At our club, practice lasts through October. If it's just a few at the end of the season back at the earlier time - I'd just do my best and try not to worry to much. After all, even if coach makes them run, it won't be the end of the world. I don't agree with the running, mind you, but if that's the worst thing.... try not to stress on it.

[JustMe]

Thanks for the replies! To answer Kestel's question, our practices go at least through mid-November and pick up again in February.

That said, I ended up e-mailing the coach today. I had to e-mail him anyway, as we have been having really bad air quality, most practices have been cancelled earlier in the week, but since it is somewhat better today he sent a message saying they are not sure yet if they are having practice today and he will let us know. I had to e-mail him as ds asthma has been aggravated and its unlikely he can practice. (Usually his symptoms aren't problematic but its been awful here). I decided to add on that ds had told me about being one minute late and the sprinting, and basically said something similar to SnuggleBuggle's e-mail. He responded that he completely understood if we are a few minutes late due to school or related issues, and he had told the kids tht parents need to communicate with him if that is the case; there will be no punishment if parents communicate what is going on.

So, problem solved. Still not thrilled about the whole team punishment for a kid being late, but looks like it will be fine for us.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Good update!

[squimp]

Sounds like a good update. I wanted to add that DD's club coaches are very intimidating and they have all the kids reciting "if you're not early, you're late". They don't punish the whole team but the kids who are late do regret it. She always wants to get there early and warm up (or perhaps chat with her friends).

The smoke has been horrible lately, really affecting sports and races all over the state.