Any experience w/girls sharing a room w/6 or more years of age difference?

[ourbabygirl]

If you're 6 or more years older/ younger than your sister(s), and you shared a room, please chime in with your experiences. Or if you have daughters with a big age gap that share a room, please comment. How has it been when the older one gets to middle or high school? Would you do it again, or no? Do you know what square footage the bedroom is, and do the girls have bunk beds, lofted beds, or something else?

When we move, we'll be downsizing, but still planned to let each kid have his/ her own room. In the interest of simplifying and opening up more home options, though, I'm wondering if we should have the girls share a room, or if it's a terrible idea. I imagine kids can get closer by sharing a room, but maybe it's not worth it?

Thanks for your feedback!

[NCGrandma]

No personal experience but my DGDs are 7 years apart (now 6 and 13), and it's hard enough to keep DGD2 from messing with her older sister's stuff without sharing a room. Also, at these ages, their bedtimes are quite different. I can't imagine sharing would work well for them unless it was absolutely necessary.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

My sister and I shared when she was in high school. I'm 7 years younger. Neither of us liked it but we tolerated. Eventually she went off to college and moved into the finished attic when she got back (my brother was living up there before that). The worst was she was a night owl- as in she did art all night. The light annoyed me (just a large desk lamp). I don't remember much as I was little.


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[AnnieW625]

I shared a room with my sister who is 10 yrs. and 2 weeks younger than I am (her due date was my 10th birthday so I was very happy she was late....my mom not so much!).

We shared a room together full time from the time she was just shy of 1 until she was 9 so from the time I was 10 until I was 20, and then again during the summers I was 21, and 22 and post college for 9 months until my brother moved out so I was 22/23 then.

Our room was maybe 10x9 and there was no extra room for a desk as initially her crib (then a twin bed) and dresser were in the room and my twin bed and dresser were in the room. She had half the room and I had the other. I was/am scared of climbing on any ladder more than 3 ft. off the floor so a bunk bed was not a solution for us (I fell down a set of bleachers at a baseball game when I was about 4-6 years old and have been scared of heights like that since). My desk (which later became her desk when I moved to college) was in my parent's room. Occasionally when she was mad at at me (between ages 4-7) she would put things like sand or cracker crumbs in my bed, but nothing crazy. She went to bed around 8-9 and I could read until 10:30 so I had a 25w light above my bed and she slept right through it. If I had to study late at night I would study in my parents room or in the living room (no tv, just a couch and a radio) and by the tail end of high school I did most of my studying in that room. She would dump her stuff on my bed from time to time as well and that would tick me off and I would throw it right back at her bed. We didn't know any different though and we lived through it. It made living in a dorm in college easier (I had 7 different roommates in the 4 semesters I lived away from home).

I actually think it was harder to share post college than before moving out, but my sister was also 12 when I returned and I was 22. We shared for 9 months post college and then my brother moved out and I lived in his room for another three months before I moved out.

If I were in your shoes now and wanted to downsize (keep in mind though I grew up in a 1500 sq. ft. house with 3 beds., 2 bath with 5 people and currently live in a 1122 sq.ft. house with 3 bed, 1 bath and 4 people) I would find a 1600-1800 sq. ft. 4 bedroom house with equal sized bedrooms between 8x8 and 10x10 and give your girls their own space. Yes the rooms will be small but you can easily fit a twin bed, a dresser, and a desk in each room and each child will have their own space. If your kids were smaller (i.e. dd1 7, and DD2 1) I think it would be easier than say 10 and 4 especially if both are used to their own space.

If I had another choice I probably would've pressured my parents for my own room especially when I was in high school and college, but I knew financially it wasn't possible. My parents though by being thrifty and not buying a larger house when my sister was born (they loved their neighborhood too much and still live there today) had saved enough money to send me away to college for 2 yrs. and I wouldn't have given up that opportunity for anything and had I had my own I probably would've been happy living st home until I got married, which wouldn't have been a great voice either.

I voted that it worked well, but if there had been option I would've preferred my own room I would've voted for that option.

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[JBaxter]

I shared a room with my sister that was 7 yrs younger from when she was 2 until she was probably 9. It kind of sucked. When she got sick at night I ended up getting up because I heard her puking if she wet the bed she stripped and climbed in mine. She got into my personal things I had no privacy. If its avoidable I'd avoid it for the sake of the older child.

[bisous]

Growing up I almost always shared with a younger sister (I have three of them) and it was more successful with the ones that were significantly younger than the one that was just two years younger than me. We used to fight (though she is my BFF now). We had different interests and schedules but it was a good experience for me as an older to help my younger sisters and I really liked being an example for them. I had my own stuff pretty locked down so they weren't into my stuff.

[jgenie]

I shared a room with my sister growing up. She was 6 years younger than me and I hated it. We are very different and drove each other nuts. She was always getting in my stuff and she was messy. We had no choice but I would avoid it if at all possible. My DC each have their own rooms. On weekends and school holidays they sleep together. They love it and would love to do it permanently but they keep each other up. I think the key is they each have their own space where they can be alone.

[ourbabygirl]

O.k., thanks, Everyone, for the feedback! I really appreciate it!

[ged]

my girls are 5+ years apart (12, 7) and share a room. It is not ideal, but we have no choice. The oldest really craves her own space, and the youngest has a later bedtime than I would like.

[MommyAllison]

My girls are 6 years and 3 days apart, and have shared a room since DD2 turned 1 (at which point DD1 was super excited to share). DD1 is in 6th grade this year, and it has gotten harder for her as she hit puberty and wanted more privacy. DD2 still makes bad choices sometimes (like using DD1's things without permission, usually not *too* destructive, but it varies) and bedtime can be a challenge. They are both in twin beds and each has a dresser so their room is cramped, and sharing a closet is difficult! We are just finishing building a new house where they will each have their own rooms and DD1 can't wait - she's an introvert and needs that space and time alone. DD2 is a little sad and says she'll be lonely (she's our extrovert) ;) but her new room is pink and she's excited for that.

I agree with a PP who said that the large gap seems to work better for sharing than it would have worked for me to share with my 17 month gap younger sister, in terms of fighting! When we were building, we were told that studies that have been done show that age gaps 3 years and bigger are in different stages of life and benefit from having their own room. Obviously there are tons of kids with age gaps bigger than 36 months that share and they're fine, so take that FWIW. Good luck with your decision!

[jerseygirl07067]

We are about 4 years apart in our house, our 8 year old has her own room but doesn't like to sleep alone so she sleeps in her 12 y/o sister's room. There is a bunk bed in there, and we keep an extra mattress under that for sleepovers. There are pros and cons to our arrangement:

the pros: it is super bonding for them, and 8 y/o DD is scared of sleeping alone. She'll do sleepovers no problem, as long as another child is in the room with her. (she is my 3rd btw, so yes, we have done many sleepovers already!)

the cons: my 12 y/o has many sleepovers and this is an issue since she doesn't want her 8 y/o hanging around all the time. Also, the bedtime difference is big. Middle school for us doesn't start until 9:25, so if elementary school starts at 8:30. So if my 12 y/o is up a bit late, I don't care since she still can sleep in a bit due to the late start time. But the issue is it keeps my 8 y/o up too, which drives me nuts, because when she is tired we all feel the effects of her crabbiness!

I could see these issues being even more so if the age difference were 6 years, vs ours of 4, but I also think the girls are closer because they sleep in the same room.

Good luck on your decision!!

[lizzywednesday]

I'm just shy of 8 years older than my sister.

After he lost our house, my father put my sister and I into a shared bedroom for college breaks. It might have worked had Dad prepped me for the loss of the home I'd expected to come back to, the renting of the house the family needed to move to, and the reasoning behind putting us together in the room, but he didn't.

It was a major factor in why I moved out the following summer.

Admittedly, I was 19 and my sister was 11 at the time and I guess I could have handled myself better, but having to deal with everything all at once (the foreclosure, the move, college, and roommates PLUS the "demotion" of a shared room with my "baby" sister) didn't exactly put me in a forgiving mood.

[123LuckyMom]

My sister and I are six years apart. We both had our own rooms growing up, but we chose to sleep together in one room or the other almost every night. With our age difference, there was no competition or jealousy. There was never a problem with our "stuff" either. But I had no ambivalence when she was born. I was just all-out thrilled, and I never saw her as a pest, only as a gift. For a pair that didn't get along so well, sharing with such a big age gap might be hard. Kids that far apart don't generally have the same interests or the same kind of taste, so bedroom decor and privacy for a teen with a child sibling might be issues. If the kids really adore each other, though, and WANT to be in the same space, it can work beautifully.


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[KpbS]

My nieces are that age apart and they have done really well sharing. They have become even closer and while they do have different schedules, they enjoy sharing a room and the logistics haven't been a problem.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i've been the older kid (my brother was 5.5 years younger) and with that much of a gap, it would be annoying, i think. we never had to share rooms, but i can only imagine.

could your dd share with your DS-i think they would be closer in age? my DD and DS are 1 year apart and they've been sharing a room for 2 years, and they love it! it's funny bc they totally don't need to share....started out in separate rooms as babies and had their own rooms for years until we moved a couple years ago. we lived in an apartment for a while and they had to share a room, and after we moved into our new house they still wanted to share and it's been like that ever since. they are 6.5 and 7.5yo now and i think they'll probably share a room for another year or so. to me, i think the age gap plays a huge role. since they are close in age, they share the same bedtime, wake up at the same time for school, etc. Around here, elementary schools and middle schools have totally different start times/schedules so i imagine having different sleep schedules would be difficult.

[bw52]

My girls are close in age--2 years apart---and share a room. I would only have them share if thats the only option. If we only had 2 kids they would have their own rooms. But we have 4 so there are 6 of us living in 1400 sq ft. It works, but I think everyone needs their own space sometimes, esp as they get older.

[ourbabygirl]

Thanks for all of your replies!

Yeah, DD1 and DS are 2 years apart and play well together for the most part, but they both really want their privacy at 6 & 8, and I can't see them sharing. DD1 and 2 get along really, really well, but it might be a bit much to have them share starting next year at 3 and 9. DD1 loves bunk beds, though, and that might be an option, though she has a hand-me-down full-size bed now, and I'd rather not spend money on bunk beds that she'll outgrow soon when we would have the other new house expenses. Having occasional sleepovers in each other's rooms would be fun, though. :).

We're looking for 2 story houses with 4 bedrooms up, which is hard to find in some of the areas we're looking in... a lot of what we're finding is 3 BR upstairs (for 2 kid families), nothing on the main floor, and a guest BR in the basement. Neither of the older kids wants a basement bedroom, and I wouldn't want them two floors away from us, anyhow, so we're looking for either a rambler with 2 on main floor and 2 or 3 downstairs, a 2 story with 4 BR upstairs, or (not common, and we've only seen it in one house so far), 1 on main floor and 3 upstairs.

[abh5e8]

Dd1 is 10 and dd2 is 4. That have shared a room for about two years now. They did great sharing a queen size bed for 18 months and then it was like a switch flipped. Kicking, yelling, all manner of fighting at bed time. We finally decided to get dd2 a twin bed and all is well. We are moving soon and they won't need to share, but I'm not sure what to do. I think the sharing is good for them. They get along well and we don't really keep toys in bedrooms, so that has been fine. We may let dd1 decide how she wants to decorate get new room, but I'm not expecting anything wild.

[Mikey0709]

Honestly - they are kids, they will survive. Some situations may not be ideal, but you can make them work :)

I shared a room with my older brother until I was 11, he was 13.... in bunk beds. We survived, and I think it made us a little closer.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Thanks for all of your replies!

Yeah, DD1 and DS are 2 years apart and play well together for the most part, but they both really want their privacy at 6 & 8, and I can't see them sharing. DD1 and 2 get along really, really well, but it might be a bit much to have them share starting next year at 3 and 9. DD1 loves bunk beds, though, and that might be an option, though she has a hand-me-down full-size bed now, and I'd rather not spend money on bunk beds that she'll outgrow soon when we would have the other new house expenses. Having occasional sleepovers in each other's rooms would be fun, though. :).

We're looking for 2 story houses with 4 bedrooms up, which is hard to find in some of the areas we're looking in... a lot of what we're finding is 3 BR upstairs (for 2 kid families), nothing on the main floor, and a guest BR in the basement. Neither of the older kids wants a basement bedroom, and I wouldn't want them two floors away from us, anyhow, so we're looking for either a rambler with 2 on main floor and 2 or 3 downstairs, a 2 story with 4 BR upstairs, or (not common, and we've only seen it in one house so far), 1 on main floor and 3 upstairs.

re: bunkbeds, we thought similarly at first (didn't want to spend $$ on bunkbeds, thinking kids will want their own rooms soon after). We got super, super lucky though and one of my friends gave me her really nice bunk beds that her kids had recently outgrown. They're the really nice Swedish brand (starts with an "f", i can't remember the name)..one that can be modified to be various different configurations...we have ours in the "L" configuration so one isn't completely above the other and there is room to make a little "clubhouse" inside it. Anyway, i thought the kids would use it for 6mos to a year and then would want their own rooms. Well, 2 years later, they are still going strong and have no desire yet to get out of them! They really like the idea of a share bunk bed/clubhouse and use them for playing with stuffed animals as well. i could see them going for another year with them. so i guess maybe check craigslist or ask friends with older kids who are looking to get rid of their bunkbeds?

and as for the privacy thing, for us it's not a big deal...we have huge walk-in closets (has lighting, etc) and DS just changes in there.

[khm]

anyhow, so we're looking for either a rambler with 2 on main floor and 2 or 3 downstairs, a 2 story with 4 BR upstairs, or (not common, and we've only seen it in one house so far), 1 on main floor and 3 upstairs.

We have master on main, and 3 up. I really like it. In my market, it's called a "1.5 story". The second story isn't the full footprint of the house, like a 2 story is.

Just throwing that out as I think a lot of people don't click that option in their real estate searches because they think it is a split level or something like that.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Honestly - they are kids, they will survive. Some situations may not be ideal, but you can make them work :)

.

So true! Have a bit of perspective- many, many, many families don't have the luxury of multiple bedrooms. I was listening to an interview the other day with John Cho (actor) and he said he never slept in a room alone until his 20s. He shared a room with several family members. It made him appreciate his crappy studio apartment so much as he was the only one there. :) Kids don't need a lot of things we think they'll do. My college roommates were dumbfounded when I said my family had one bathroom (and I didn't have my own). It really made me laugh that they thought I must be poor and deprived. No, I just lived in a house build in 1920 and 1 bathroom was the norm.
Anyway, be flexible with layout. If a house is otherwise great, your kids will live.


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[ourbabygirl]

ITA! DH grew up in a house with 3 BR and 1 BA for 5 people through college, and often didn't have a bed to sleep on, and he was fine. Just trying to decide what trade-offs are worth it. :)

[abh5e8]

Oh I would take fewer bedrooms in a heartbeat, if it meant other layout features instead. We have been house hunting for 9 months, so I know the frustration. For us, multiple showers is key, even more so than everyone having their own room. In fact, we will have more than enough rooms for kids to have their own and I'm pretty sure I will still have them share.

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[megs4413]

My girls are almost 9 years apart. They share a room by choice (though now that my SIL has moved in with us, it's necessity.) The biggest issue is that my little one has a significantly earlier bedtime, but my oldest uses that time to read or listen to music on headphones. It shocks me that she's still fine with it, but she really, really adores her little sister. One night a week we take the little one in with us and one other night a week the kids stay at my mom's (yes I'm spoiled with the free babysitting.) so it's 5 nights/week, which I imagine helps some.

I do think it makes my oldest take on nighttime parenting responsibilities she otherwise wouldn't have. I try to tell her not to, but she's a caretaker by nature. whether she'll end up resenting it is yet to be seen...