DS, irrational and obsessive fear of the dark

[ArizonaGirl]

Please help!

DS, who is 8.5 years old has over the last 6 weeks or so developed this completely irrational fear of the dark.

I have put a lamp on his nightstand, I have tried the sleeping bag on our floor.

I am at my wit's end and exhausted like I was when he was a newborn.

For full disclosure he is autistic and we did a medication change around this same time and I realize this might be related.

But I'm dieing here and I also can't keep having him sleep on the couch with all the lights on in the family room, because when I leave for work really early I have a devil of a time not walking him up plus then no one can be in there to watch TV after 730 when he goes to bed or he won't sleep.

Any help would be great. :sleep:

[sariana]

Hey, now, there's nothing irrational about fear of the dark.

Why can't he sleep with a light in his room? More than a desk light?

Autistic people often have heightened senses. Is he hearing something that is scaring him? Animals on the roof or in the walls? Tree branches?

[ahisma]

I agree - can he have a brighter lamp in his room? What about one of those Coleman lanterns and a podcast?

My 9 year old has anxiety. My lightbulb moment (no pun intended - seriously) was when his therapist told me that anxiety is rarely rational. Our current problem is that he now has a phobia of islands...and we have a week long vacation booked on one. This may not end well.

[ArizonaGirl]

The irrational part is when he screams and yells to the point that everyone is awake multiple times a night, I'm sympathetic to his fear, but this can't continue as is.

He has a 60W desk lamp and a string of Christmas lights (his decoration choice), the only thing left is the fan lights which light up the room like an operating room and then he will get awful sleep quality because of the room brightness, he is already falling asleep at school.

He says he doesn't hear anything, believe me I've asked. Nothing has changed at all in or near his room and every time I've stumbled out of bed and into his room I haven't heard anything either.

[azzeps]

Boy, this is a tough situation you have! I would try to be compassionate, like you, but boy howdy would I be running out of patience once I became sleep deprived!

So, I would probably try leaving more lights on... maybe he can wear a sleep mask? Or you wear the sleep mask so you can sleep? (I love total darkness for sleeping, but have had to give that up since kids...) Could you sleep in his room with him? My kids both have trundle beds and I might be able to placate them by telling them at bedtime that I will come sleep in their room when it is my bed time. So he won't come into your room quietly to sleep in the sleeping bag? Ugh. That is really hard when no one is sleeping. I can't imagine. Why is he waking up so many times during the night? Maybe if you could solve that, then he wouldn't be waking up screaming? :( I wish there were an easy answer for you!

[ahisma]

Does he have any ideas? Often DS2 is the one around here to come up with a plan to mitigate his anxiety.

[ArizonaGirl]

There is no place other than his floor for me to sleep and with this going on 2 months I need something else with a more long term plan.

I'm so tired that I'm practically in tears over the whole thing and the medication change isn't going well either so that definitely isn't helping things.

He is so rigid in his routine that whatever we start may take months or years to "undo."

[ArizonaGirl]

Does he have any ideas? Often DS2 is the one around here to come up with a plan to mitigate his anxiety.

His plan is to sleep in my bed and at 4.5 ft and 60 lbs that is not an option if I want to sleep there too.

[KpbS]

That is so hard, I'm sorry! What about falling asleep with his lights on a timer (or you turning them off) after he's been asleep for an hour or so? New stuffed animal? Stuffed animal that lights up? Maybe this one? https://www.walmart.com/ip/Pillow-Pets-Dream-Lites-Snuggly-Puppy-11/184855699?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=4040&adid=22222222227049498895&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=146684955065&wl4=pla-258231959966&wl5=9025856&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=117430533&wl11=online&wl12=184855699&wl13=&veh=sem

Or this one https://www.target.com/p/cloud-b-twilight-constellation-night-light-turtle/-/A-13398679#lnk=sametab

[KpbS]

I like the idea of the light up stuffed animal because to see the lights from the animal (projected) the main lights/overhead lights need to be off or very dim, increasing the chance of better sleep quality!
:hug: :hug:

[ArizonaGirl]

That is so hard, I'm sorry! What about falling asleep with his lights on a timer (or you turning them off) after he's been asleep for an hour or so? New stuffed animal? Stuffed animal that lights up? Maybe this one? https://www.walmart.com/ip/Pillow-Pets-Dream-Lites-Snuggly-Puppy-11/184855699?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=4040&adid=22222222227049498895&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=146684955065&wl4=pla-258231959966&wl5=9025856&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=117430533&wl11=online&wl12=184855699&wl13=&veh=sem

Or this one https://www.target.com/p/cloud-b-twilight-constellation-night-light-turtle/-/A-13398679#lnk=sametab

The problem with turning off the lights or setting the lights on a timer is that this goes on all night long at various hours and if he wakes up in the dark, like the family room where he fell asleep with the light on and then it gets turned off, he becomes even more agitated when he wakes up.

There might be something to a light up stuffy, he is very attached to his stuffed animals...

Thank you all for taking the time to respond I'm just looking for any thing that in my sleep deprived state I haven't thought of. Please keep them coming. :hug5:

[sariana]

Can you install a dimmer on his fan lights? I don't think it's very difficult to do. Though if he's truly afraid of the dark, I think having bright lights on is not what's keeping him from getting good sleep. I agree with PP about trying to pinpoint the root cause of his wakefulness. The meds are a likely culprit, unfortunately. Maybe ask the doctor or pharmacist if there is an herb or supplement that works to mitigate the effects of the meds.

Sometimes my DC need music on all night long. It's a battle I'm not willing to fight because I have trouble sleeping too. So I let them figure out what works for them.

Sleep troubles are painfully common with autistic children. I have known families who went years with only a couple of hours of sleep at a time.

I wish I had more advice. I know that I sleep better with a full body pillow between my legs and to hug. (DH travels a lot.) perhaps your son could try different positions and/or support items. I also usually sleep better sitting up, though it hurts my neck. But for some reason lying flat gives me panic attacks. So maybe see if he sleeps better in a chair or propped up on pillows.

[Charlie]

What about music or a sound machine? Even if he says he isn't hearing anything, the absence of sound could be the problem. And the dark can feel lonely. The sound might make him feel more secure.

[azzeps]

His plan is to sleep in my bed and at 4.5 ft and 60 lbs that is not an option if I want to sleep there too.

Move his bed in your room? Get a bigger bed? We have a king, and my son comes in with us almost every night. Some nights my daughter comes in, too, and so I usually move to one of their rooms. At one point she was coming in so frequently that I seriously considered moving her twin pop up trundle into our room for her, because, yes, it's a King, but 4 people do not fit. Nighttime is such a struggle in our house. I totally get not wanting to set a precedent but it sounds like no one is sleeping and that's unsustainable too. My nighttime parenting has been to pick my battles and give in. I know it's not for everybody, but most nights I sleep all night.

Do you think he would share a room with his sister? I have heard that this can sometimes help for siblings to share a room. But maybe then he'd drag her into the nighttime wake ups.

Maybe could you get an air mattress to sleep on his floor to see if that calms his anxieties?

My other thought is to call the doctor about the medication that's not working. If it's new, maybe it is disrupting his sleep or making him more anxious than usual. Medicine can have funny side effects. How much longer do you have to wait before you can decide it's not working and you need to move on?

Sigh. I'm sorry.

I like PP's idea to leave lights on that you can then go in and turn off.

Or hey, what about a light switch near his bed so he can control the light from his bed, if he wakes up in the dark, he would feel more in control? I think there are wifi enabled light switches now that you wouldn't have to rewire anything.

[lalasmama]

You said it changed with a medication change. Is the daytime benefit of the medication worth the nighttime issues?

Several years ago, I tried taking Trazadone for sleep. Night 1, I did 50mg (a small dose for a 200# adult). While I realize it makes no sense, and was essentially a hallucination, I was "hearing" through my eyes, and "light" was coming through my ears. I "saw" the music I was listening to at bedtime. I never took it again! But, even without any potential communication issues such autism, it was hard to explain what I was experiencing after I took the medicine. That being said, DD and DH both take it without any issues, though.

Similarly, my happy medicine now is known to give nightmares. Instead, I have dreams so vivid that I rarely feel well-rested--I felt like I had a whole adventure every night, and was ready to sleep as soon as I woke up. And, as you know after not sleeping well for 6 weeks, not feeling rested can affect all of life. Is there a chance his new medicine is causing vivid dreaming, so he's waking up and finds it disorienting to wake up in the dark? Just an idea. Not having a good nights sleep tends to become a vicious cycle where you just can't get a full night's sleep because you are so over tired.

Good luck! I wish I had better suggestions! But I've been on both sides of the equation--however it was screaming night terrors for DD, and the medication issues above for me.

[LBW]

Add another floor/desk lamp or two on the other side of the room? Motion sensing lights? Move things around in his room, maybe putting his bed closer to the door or farther away from it (in part to just change things up to help break up his new routine)?

I like the dimmer switch idea, too. It might allow you to gradually make the lights less bright over the course of time (might take months!).

Here are some light up stuffed animals: http://fiestatoy.shptron.com/c/nightbuddies

Would it help to give him an "action plan" for when he wakes up and practice it ahead of time? Just something to get him out of the habit of screaming first. If he likes to read, maybe give him a Kindle Paperwhite (the light up kind) to keep next to his bed. He could read if he wakes up. Or an iPod/iPhone/iPad with music or podcasts.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Lower wattage bulbs in the ceiling fan?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jren]

My DD has anxiety and went through a phase of having to sleep with the lights on. Only the big overhead light would do. It didn't affect her sleep any more than waking several times a night would. So personally, I'd try that if it works. I wouldn't sleep in there myself or move beds to your room if that's not something you'd be willing to do for a long long time.

My DD was on a medicine for bipolar that caused extreme anxiety, so it's possible his new med is causing anxiety and it's not really about the dark at all. Anxiety wakes him up in a frightened state, and it happens to be dark, so he's associated the fear with darkness. Could you ask about anti-anxiety meds or an increase in those if he's already taking them. My DD takes Zoloft, which has worked better than Prozac for her. But she's on a relatively small dose so as not to trigger bipolar symptoms.

The anxiety (that she still has, meds only mute it), caused an extreme reaction to any stressful situation. She forgot some homework sheet and freaked out clawing at her face and crying uncontrollably (she's in 8th grade!), whereas my 3rd grade DS forgot something and was like "oh well, I'll just do it in the morning when I get to school." So I get the extreme reactions and can only imagine that his autism makes it even worse. It really does sound like the anxiety waking him up though. My DD still comes and wakes me some nights when she is woken by anxiety, in tears, and can't get back to sleep.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[jren]

Another thought, does he have a TV in his room? Would keeping that on with sound muted help? I realize that it's not perfect sleep! But maybe falling to sleep with it on, waking up with it still playing, would help and be darker than full on landing strip lights.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[elephantmeg]

You've gotten great suggestions, I just want to send hugs. That sounds so hard for all of you! I hope it gets better ASAP!

[robinsmommy]

The irrational part is when he screams and yells to the point that everyone is awake multiple times a night, I'm sympathetic to his fear, but this can't continue as is.

He has a 60W desk lamp and a string of Christmas lights (his decoration choice), the only thing left is the fan lights which light up the room like an operating room and then he will get awful sleep quality because of the room brightness, he is already falling asleep at school.

He says he doesn't hear anything, believe me I've asked. Nothing has changed at all in or near his room and every time I've stumbled out of bed and into his room I haven't heard anything either.

I think everything you said here is telling me that checking in with the prescribing doctor needs to happen, as soon as you can. There has got to be a better medication than this. Bad sleep will affect health and learning in so many ways - for all you. It would have to be a fabulous medication in every other way to make it worth the side effects for all of you.

[daisyd]

I think everything you said here is telling me that checking in with the prescribing doctor needs to happen, as soon as you can. There has got to be a better medication than this. Bad sleep will affect health and learning in so many ways - for all you. It would have to be a fabulous medication in every other way to make it worth the side effects for all of you.

Exactly this. hugs

[squimp]

My DD has anxiety and went through a phase of having to sleep with the lights on. Only the big overhead light would do. It didn't affect her sleep any more than waking several times a night would. So personally, I'd try that if it works.

Same story here. I don't think my DD's sleep suffers because of the lights being on.

[TwinFoxes]

My DD has anxiety and went through a phase of having to sleep with the lights on. Only the big overhead light would do. It didn't affect her sleep any more than waking several times a night would. So personally, I'd try that if it works. I wouldn't sleep in there myself or move beds to your room if that's not something you'd be willing to do for a long long time.


I agree. My DDs sleep with their overhead light on, with low-wattage bulbs. We've tried the letting them fall asleep and then turning the lights out trick, and that results in one of them waking up in the middle of the night and freaking out. They do not seem tired at school. It really bugs me that they have the lights on all night, but it works so I bite my tongue.

[azzeps]

I thought of you and your son when I saw a Gravity blanket advertised on Instagram. I'm sure there are other types of weighted blankets out there, too. My friend whose son has autism, is helped by a weighted blanket. Also maybe essential oils to help him sleep all night? Just more ideas for you. Hoping you find something that works.

[BunnyBee]

I agree with checking with the prescribing doctor ASAP. Also, can you change out the bulbs in the overhead light to lower wattage and leave it on?

[essnce629]

Maybe try some smart light bulbs in his lamps? We have Phillips Hue smart color light bulbs in every single lamp in our house and I can change them to any color and dim them from 1-100%. DS2 is 8 and goes to bed with his light on blue and dimmed to 20%. Later on I dim it to 1%. DS1 likes purple. In the app you can set up schedules for them to come on automatically at the same time every day and then shut off automatically. I love them! There's also color scenes you can choose if you have multiple bulbs in each room. My room is set to "spring blossom" every single night and then later changes to a custom "nighttime" scene which is a red color.

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk

[ArizonaGirl]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond!

Someone suggested a weighed blanket and loves it, I recommend them.

I do have a follow-up appointment scheduled for him at the end of September (her first available).

I will try additional lighting as well.

Thank you again for responding.