how to accept compliments at work?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Wondering if anyone has any tips on how to accept compliments/praise in a work setting? I'm totally awkward about this thing in general. Just smiling and say "thank you" is often all I can think of, but seems so trite in certain situations...

I was completely caught off guard today when i was called aside to a special mtg w/ my boss & his boss. Being the somewhat paranoid person that I am, I was worried all morning that it was going to be something bad - that i was going to get reprimanded for not putting in enough hours (once a week or so i leave at 4:30 to pickup my kids, and often i take long lunch breaks to go work out). I am an engineer and one of only two women in my dept, and one of the few with young kids so I don't stay as late as most others in my dept. And to top it off, very early this morning the CEO sent a company-wide email notifying all employees that they were going to start "targeted workforce reduction" to cut costs so *everyone* was on major pins & needles!! Especially me after seeing i had this meeting..seriously i was doing the mental equivalent of pacing the floor all morning.

to my astonishment, they said they were giving me a special stock award for my work on a particular high-visibility project. i was kind of gobsmacked to be quite honest. it was more than 10% of my salary. apparently this kind of award often only goes out to one person in our dept, has to be approved by the VP, CEO, etc. i did spend a ton of time & effort on leading that project, but i don't usually work crazy hours (not even close, TBH sometimes i wish i had more work), and i felt like I didn't discover anything earth-shattering (though i will admit i did facilitate findings that would result in major $$$ for the company).

my initial reaction was a feeling a huge sigh relief and "OMG, really?" I think i smiled i mumbled thank you a few times. I was so caught off guard though, looking back on it i'm sure i could have handled it way better than I did. anyway, ideally i would say something like "wow, thank you so much. this is awesome, it is so nice to be appreciated, it motivates me to work harder, looking forward to other new projects" but i didn't want to say anything that sounded too sappy or fake or seemingly wishy-washy or too arrogant. again, i'm one of few women in a very old-school, conservative industry, and i'm one of the youngest in my department, so not sounding silly or fake but not TOO confident is *constantly* on my mind.

Also, an aside - does anybody sometimes think that as women, we tend set ourselves to impossibly high standards? And that can really screw us over and mess with our minds?? It's so hard to shake sometimes. Sometimes i wish i could bottle up the confidence and sheer arrogance i see so many men have and wish i could have just a tad of that, and my life would be sooooo much easier. lol.

(if you are still reading this - thank u for listening!)

[lalasmama]

Congratulations!

No real suggestions on how to handle big compliments. I usually stammer out an "oh, thank you" while blushing, and an "oh my goodness, thank you so much, I really appreciate that!" if there's an additional monetary component. So, it's honest and sincere, but not acceptance-speech worthy either. But my company's CEO is a good ol' boy, small town fella type. He asks us about our kids, how the new grandbaby is, if Joe ever managed to get his truck runnin' again. Heck, I'm pretty low scale at this place, and there's only 4 people between me and the CEO. Even with large awards at my company, a sincere acknowledgement of appreciation of their recognition is more than adequate. I think at my last big raise (6.5%) left me just repeating "oh wow, thank you so much, I mean wow, thank you."

[squimp]

Congratulations! I would also like to add that you deserve the award. Find a way to accept that, and take it to heart. I would probably email them a thank you note so you can say what you said above.

[klwa]

Another female engineer here. I think you did fine by saying thank you at the time. It's kind of that "Do you send a thank you card for a nice thank you gift someone gave?" conundrum. The award was their way of thanking you. There's only so much you should do other than thank them for noticing the effort put into the project. And say it means a lot to be recognized.

Honestly, I'm having a similar issue with figuring out how to accept praise, except I have reason to believe that the "praise" coming to me is just to keep me quiet and here. So, I don't really want to even say thank you, because it doesn't come across as honest praise. But, that's a different issue altogether.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Another female engineer here. I think you did fine by saying thank you at the time. It's kind of that "Do you send a thank you card for a nice thank you gift someone gave?" conundrum. The award was their way of thanking you. There's only so much you should do other than thank them for noticing the effort put into the project. And say it means a lot to be recognized.

this is a great way to look at it... thanks!!

And yeah I'm lucky that in this case the praise seems honest and genuine vs just trying to keep me here. At my previous company it was not like that and had more of a culture in which people were compensated mostly to try to prevent them from leaving for a competitor or to do a startup. Not a great environment, looking back on it. Not that my current company is so perfect in awarding employees, I had actually been complaining that ppl often are not recognized enough for good work...good to see that someone was listening, i guess! :)

[StantonHyde]

Send a follow up thank you email along the lines of what you said--I appreciate being recognized for my work. I enjoyed working on xyz project because I (learned new skills, got to work with a new team, forge new relationships, got to use my xyz skills etc).

Yes, women hold themselves to higher standards. Research shows that women will look at a project and think "I'm not qualified" and men will think, "heck, yeah, I can do that". So yes, lower your standards. Look at an opportunity--can you do it? Without killing yourself? Can you fake some of it? Learn as you go? then, go for it! I have applied and gotten jobs that I totally bluffed my way into. This was before kids so I could put in TONS of hours to do stuff over if I needed to etc.

Now I am in a job where I can do a lot of it in my sleep. I am underemployed. But nobody else does what I do or wants to so I am very valued and appreciated. Win, win for me! (aside from being bored but that's the way it will be till the kids are out of the house and I can work full time again)

In your case, I totally understand why you were so nervous. that was a complete mental set up!! But send the email, and keep looking for good opportunities!

[twowhat?]

Wow, that's super awesome - congratulations! Agree with others than a thank you is plenty! And then maybe volunteer for other high profile projects as you are interested since now you have this to back up your awesome skills:)

and most definitely make sure you have a placeholder for it somewhere on your resume, for the future.

[bisous]

Congratulations! Good work!

I'm sure your genuine surprise was appealing to your coworkers. I doubt you came off as too overconfident. Your work is obviously speaking for itself so now you can maybe plan for what to do when you receive acclaim at work. I bet there is a script or something out there that you can file away for "the next time" but I honestly cannot imagine it being a bad thing that you were so surprised to be honored at work. Seriously, so impressive! Go you!

ETA: I think "appealing" is perhaps the wrong word. It stands out to me reading this. What I maybe me is endearing? I know when somebody is genuinely surprised to receive an honor it is really so fun and exciting to watch. :)

[hellokitty]

Congrats!!! It's difficult to accept compliments, especially when you were brought up to be, "humble." I realize now what a disservice I had done for myself by trying to downplay my accomlishments, the way my parents had always taught me, bc out in the real world, you need to be able to sell youself in certain situations and this was one where you shined and deserved it! Just a smile and thank you, with a follow up thank you note, if applicable is all that is needed.

[California]

My current boss is hands down the best boss I've ever had, and he coaches all of us that a sincere "Thank you" is the best reply. He used to run a major company (this is his 'retirement' dream job/second career.) He says women are too likely to feel uncomfortable when recognized for their work and downplay their accomplishments, and he calls us on it every time. So hey! You did pretty good! You said thank you, and you didn't try to pretend your contribution wasn't a big deal. A follow up note that you have more time to compose will give you some closure. And congratulations!!!