How involved is your DH in your neighborhood/ community/ kids' school?

[ourbabygirl]

We're planning to move next year, and want to move to more of a neighborhood (currently have more acreage & spread out houses). I'd like more of a community feel, and want to have neighbor friends and neighbor kids for our kids to play with. One problem is that I feel like I'm the one doing all of the socializing, joining groups and volunteering at church, at the kids' schools, planning neighborhood get-togethers, double dates, etc. DH works from home and doesn't do anything to meet other people around here or socialize with people other than one friend from high school. We're still deciding whether to stay in the school district or not, and though we're still kind of torn, I'm currently leaning towards staying in the district, partly because I'm tired of starting over with finding friends for myself and our kids. :). I'd like to build on what we have here, but I'm kind of done with being the only one in the couple to put effort into socializing and making new friends.

Does your DH take action to meet other dads/ parents of your kids' friends? Or in your neighborhood/ town/ place of worship/ other groups? Is there anything you've done that has helped him to branch out and meet more people and extend his/ your (as a couple) social group?

Thanks for your feedback!

[TwinFoxes]

He makes no efforts to make friends. However, he volunteers for things (like helping out with sports teams etc) and is friendly and will take the girls to birthday parties if I'm not available. He's not an outgoing person, but he makes an effort to break out of his shell. But to say he tries to make friends is a real stretch! He has specifically told me that he tries to be more outgoing because he doesn't want to make the girls suffer because he's not interested in people. :)

[niccig]

DH makes friends through work and some have become couple friends for us. He has good friends here from college that are now good friends of mine. He’ll set up going to concerts or comedy shows with a few friends. DH isn’t involved with day to day at school or in the community. He says he can’t because of work, but I’m starting I call him out on this, as he has shown he can be more involved in other things that interest him.


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[essnce629]

Not involved at all, but that's because up until this year he was working crazy long hours and not getting home till after dinner and working on weekends as well. We barely saw him ourselves!

Now he's working normal hours and no work on weekends ever. This is the first time ever he tried to be an assistant coach on DS2's soccer team. They ended up not needing him. I'm still the one that does all the school volunteering (mandatory 50 hours a year) because I'm a SAHM. Last year, between both kids' schools, I put in about 150 hours of volunteering. Neither of us have close friends out here so don't really do any socializing. He's an introvert so doesn't really make friends at work (well last year he had one at his old job but I felt like he was an alcoholic and bad influence so was happy when he moved away)! I do have several mom friends but we really don't see each other much outside of school, sports, and play dates. I am trying to organize a monthly breakfast between my 4 mom friends. We've had 2 breakfasts so far. Also, I'm the one who organizes our annual family trip with my 3 best friends from HS and their families. Both of us are friendly to our 3 immediate neighbors, but I'm the one who invites their kids over now that we have a pool. I'm also an introvert so it's definitely out of my comfort zone to put myself out there. I'd much prefer to be invited to things and then I'd just show up without having to do any work! That doesn't seem to happen though!

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[ahisma]

Moderately. He grew up here, so he does know some folks from high school and college. I generally drive the social train, but he does join in. He's engaged in their activities and does get together here and there with a group of local dads. We do have some SAHDs who are super engaged in the school and well-received. DH is a teacher at another district so is rarely able to attend our school events during the day.

[citymama]

Dh is not as outgoing as I am but he is quite involved in the community. He volunteers once/week at DD2's school, is on the PTA Board, and will join neighborhood potlucks etc - he's the one between us who usually cooks for these events, but I am the one who will put it on the calendar and make sure we actually get out and attend. We are lucky to live in a neighborhood where we have made deep community ties with several families, and he will join the guys to dad's nights or bike rides on occasion.

[SnuggleBuggles]

He makes no efforts to make friends. However, he volunteers for things (like helping out with sports teams etc) and is friendly and will take the girls to birthday parties if I'm not available. He's not an outgoing person, but he makes an effort to break out of his shell. But to say he tries to make friends is a real stretch! He has specifically told me that he tries to be more outgoing because he doesn't want to make the girls suffer because he's not interested in people. :)

Total ditto. :)


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[hillview]

only slightly less than I am. I do a lot of planning of gatherings with the neighbors who we both really like and are a very social group. DH takes DS2 to soccer most days/weekends so he knows the parents and coaches there (but nothing social). We both attend the school conferences but otherwise are not overly involved in any school volunteer things.

[Philly Mom]

He makes no efforts to make friends. However, he volunteers for things (like helping out with sports teams etc) and is friendly and will take the girls to birthday parties if I'm not available. He's not an outgoing person, but he makes an effort to break out of his shell. But to say he tries to make friends is a real stretch! He has specifically told me that he tries to be more outgoing because he doesn't want to make the girls suffer because he's not interested in people. :)

This is my DH without the volunteering bit 🤣. To be fair to him, neither of my kids have been involved in activities that require it and DH isn't American so for lots of sports he wouldn't make a good coach even if our kids wanted to play. Starting in January he will be FTWFH. I am hoping that will allow him time to volunteer in the classroom. But socialize with others to make friends, no way. He did ask our neighbor to play golf the other day and did not get the feedback he was needing to put himself out there again.


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[♥ms.pacman♥]

He makes no efforts to make friends. However, he volunteers for things (like helping out with sports teams etc) and is friendly and will take the girls to birthday parties if I'm not available. He's not an outgoing person, but he makes an effort to break out of his shell. But to say he tries to make friends is a real stretch! He has specifically told me that he tries to be more outgoing because he doesn't want to make the girls suffer because he's not interested in people. :)

WOW i could have totally wrote this about my DH!! this describes him to a T !

my DH is a major introvert and does not like socializing with people he does not know. but he makes an effort to volunteer to help teachers with various things for the PTA/classroom and other things (he judges science fairs etc). he will take a kid to bday party if i'm not available or taking another kid. He took DD to a fashion/glamour party earlier this year :) He recognizes that it's important for our DC to socialize with classmates and others outside of school and realizes that i can't do it all (i work fulltime too).

a lot of dads around here do the W.A.T.C.H Dogs program at school but my DH doesn't do it bc i think it usually starts at 7am (lol) and my DH is not a morning person. my DH would totally do something like help coach a team (sport or academic team). His dad was one of his baseball coaches growing up and i think that really had an impression on him so he wants to do the same for our dc :)

[AnnieW625]

In our neighborhood we talk to our immediate neighbors, but they are not close friends and we don't live in the type of neighborhood where people have weekly bbqs, bring new neighbors welcome cookies, and what not. Both DH and I are friendly with the neighbors.

DH is friendly with the dads in both of my daughters classes and in DD2's class they had a shuffleboard night at one of the dads houses. The dads in DD1s class are less social.

About 4 yrs. ago I signed DH's name on an interest list to be in the Knights of Columbus for our church (that is also our school) and he is now the Deputy Grand Knight and will be grand knight next year. My reason was I spent 8 yrs. volunteering with Junior League and I felt like he needed something. He would've put that off as long as possible, but has made some good friends and is glad he is involved.

When the kids were younger the dads from my the mommy group did Dads Nights Out on a regular basis (more than the moms by the time the kids were in school), but it kind of fizzled when one dad moved away and the other one started working a lot of weekend night shifts at his hospital.

DH is pretty introverted, but honestly I think he is better in social situations than I am and can talk to anyone about anything from the get go. He is not good with names though.

We are both wohps though so I do feel like no one person has an advantage over the other.

[legaleagle]

Not super involved, but neither am I. Both of us chat with neighbors we see and parents at school (2 blocks away) but we don't have many other activities - both of us are introverted homebodies and between the full time work and 4 kids we're pretty tapped out. He's bonded somewhat with one neighbor in particular - our oldest kids are the same age and they're both engineers with various home projects. We do most of our socializing with another family (nearby but not in neighborhood) that we've been good friends with since our oldest were infants and with my family. He does help "judge" the science fair every year.

I'm hoping we can get a bit more involved as the kids get older - wrangling the 4 of them, particular the toddler makes many things really challenging.

[StantonHyde]

DH hasn't made a new friend in 30 years. I kid you not. He is just not social. I knew this when we got married. I do ALL of the social planning. I do all of the volunteer stuff at school (its required by our private school) because I work PT and thus have time to volunteer. He has worked a couple of gigs with me at fundraisers but that's it. He certainly will take kids places/pick up if he is not working and is awake (he works lots of late shifts).

[baymom]

While DH and I are both introverts, he's probably the more social one out of the two of us. He knows all the neighbors, volunteers at school events and with the kids' soccer leagues, and just does a better job at keeping in touch with friends than I do. I know the neighbors and volunteer as well, but I think he does it to a higher degree than I do. I'm more of a homebody, but once I get somewhere, I always have fun--it's just a great effort to make myself get there. He's the first one to suggest inviting friends over for dinner or to join us for an activity. I probably do more volunteering at school, but he knows everyone and definitely pitches in at the bigger events. He is a volunteer soccer ref and spends most Saturdays in the fall at the soccer pitch, all day. I ref as well, but I'm done after a couple of games. We both do know our neighbors well, but live in a very friendly neighborhood and we're all always out walking our dogs.

[carolinacool]

In our neighborhood we talk to our immediate neighbors, but they are not close friends and we don't live in the type of neighborhood where people have weekly bbqs, bring new neighbors welcome cookies, and what not. Both DH and I are friendly with the neighbors.

Same here. Neither one of us is super active at school. I send in food/supplies for class or school-events. I'm a member of the PTA but have never been to a meeting. :bag I've volunteered for a couple of events that have been in the evening or on the weekend. I'm always friendly but I'm not really trying to make new friends. For the past year, DH has coached DS' basketball and soccer teams at the Y. He really enjoys that.

Otherwise, our social circle is friends we've known for ages. We stay plenty busy with them, and our kids all get along really well.

[meggie t]

I definitely take the lead on socializing/volunteering, etc. but I don't mind. Not my DH's thing and I wouldn't want to force him to take charge. He is personable and social when he needs to be, will go anywhere or do anything when asked, but we wouldn't leave the house if he was in charge! He doesn't need the social outlet like I do.

[Kindra178]

He makes no efforts to make friends. However, he volunteers for things (like helping out with sports teams etc) and is friendly and will take the girls to birthday parties if I'm not available. He's not an outgoing person, but he makes an effort to break out of his shell. But to say he tries to make friends is a real stretch! He has specifically told me that he tries to be more outgoing because he doesn't want to make the girls suffer because he's not interested in people. :)

Exactly this. Dh coaches sports with others three seasons a year. He's met lots of people that way. Beyond that, he's probably happy we don't have a millions super close friends on our block. I knew I married an introvert though.


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[smilequeen]

If he is available he will go on a field trip. He goes to the Dad days. But the big thing is that he is on the board for one of the schools. His current role is pretty time consuming

[bcafe]

My DH has always been a people person. He has what I jokingly refer to as a "bromance" with another dad from soccer. They text back and forth a lot and run together during soccer practices, etc. He also volunteers in school as the "picture parent" which is an art history lesson. We are both social, but don't really do much with others on weekend evenings because we are all busy living our lives.

[jgenie]

I definitely take the lead on socializing/volunteering, etc. but I don't mind. Not my DH's thing and I wouldn't want to force him to take charge. He is personable and social when he needs to be, will go anywhere or do anything when asked, but we wouldn't leave the house if he was in charge! He doesn't need the social outlet like I do.

This is us. DH will take DC to birthday parties if we're double booked but otherwise it's me. I'm a SAHM so I do all the volunteering. We host family gatherings in the summer because our pool makes it easy to have lots of kids running around outside. He does all the cooking and helps with clean up. He doesn't really have friends outside of work colleagues because he just doesn't feel the need for other relationships.

[teresah00]

DH has no interest in making new friends and is perfectly happy w his small inner circle. There's a few parents in my neighborhood that are at our school/scouts he will hang out with. He will take kids to sports events or parties but doesn't go out of his way to socialize. At DS's soccer practice he stands off to the side.

[DualvansMommy]

Dh signed up as one of assistant coach for our town soccer rec last year, as he loves everything about soccer. Met more dads this way and now that ds1 is attending our local elementary, I’m doing all the volunteering and social engagements for the boys and ourselves. Dh and I are introverted people but he’s more social once he’s out there as able to talk about anything easily. I hate making small talk just for the sake of small talk, as far immediate neighbors go we all are friendly but no one hangs out apart from two families living next door. Their kids are similar ages with same gender. For us, we don’t seem out new friends as we feel individually we have enough as it is to maintain and work at it, in addition to other couple friends we go on vacations with.


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[Cam&Clay]

DH is very involved. He's the Cubmaster, handles a yearly fundraiser for the PTA, and goes on field trips when he can.