Moving To a bigger town for more things to do?

[Octobermommy]

Okay, so still deciding on whether to move or not. Have made pros/cons list but I really can't decide.

It comes down to moving to an area that has a lot more choices in our daily life ( Pilates class, target, Starbucks, a more challenging school for kids) but we will have to take a significant pay cut to go & the cost of living is higher. If we stay we have our house that we love ( which could be hard to sell) & more money to save for college & retirement & take vacations but no choices daily.( have to drive 45 minutes to target)

Which would you pick?

[MSWR0319]

Okay, so still deciding on whether to move or not. Have made pros/cons list but I really can't decide.

It comes down to moving to an area that has a lot more choices in our daily life ( Pilates class, target, Starbucks, a more challenging school for kids) but we will have to take a significant pay cut to go & the cost of living is higher. If we stay we have our house that we love ( which could be hard to sell) & more money to save for college & retirement & take vacations but no choices daily.( have to drive 45 minutes to target)

Which would you pick?

I would stay where you are. Doesn't seem like it's really worth it if you're taking a pay cut because you'd have more opportunities but less money to pay for those opportunities. FWIW, we also live 45 minutes from Target as well. I wouldn't move just to be closer to stores.

[Octobermommy]

Thanks for responding, I guess it seems shallow but I look at it as more of a quality of life thing. Also quality of schools & so many more options for kids as far as classes & opportunities go.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Thanks for responding, I guess it seems shallow but I look at it as more of a quality of life thing. Also quality of schools & so many more options for kids as far as classes & opportunities go.

I'm with you. Imagine the time gained not having to drive a long ways for regular stuff. I get annoyed with drives more than 10 minutes. ;) I'm on team move.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[doberbrat]

I vote stay. The thing about populated areas is traffic. So you may gain a nearby Target, but it could take you 20-30min to get to it because of traffic. Same with all the other 'amenenities'. I'm only 3.5mi from the highway but lately, it takes me 30min to get there. Makes Walmart, <15mi away a 50min drive. Absurd.

You say you love your house - will you find a house to love in the more expensive area? Will you be able to afford it? Also, all those trips to Starbucks & Target add up. Add a more expensive home and pay cut - will you really have the quality of life you seek? Seems like you might be trading daily convenience for larger more long term luxuries.

Now, if the schools in your area are awful, then move for sure. But make sure you REALLY know about the schools in your target area b/c numbers arent everything. We're adjacent to a 'high end' school district - let me tell you I far prefer our schools. Smaller class sizes, more specials and more opportunities for kids. Granted my tune may change by HS, but so far for elem & MS I'm happier here than there.

[jren]

I still vote stay. Is it possible to rent your house out for a year and rent a place in the new area? Do you know anyone who lives in new area to give honest feedback? There were a lot of people who moved here to our awesome rated schools from their decent but lower rated schools who moved back because our schools are so far behind academically than what they were used to.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DualvansMommy]

Another vote for stay too; especially with bigger pay cut and much higher COL; yes it would mean you’re closer to activities, shopping and opportunities. But all those things cost more money too? Would that something you have? Whereas if you stay with more disposable income, it’ll enable you to pay for more gas, all those opportunities.

Target is a good 25 mins drive out for me and more different stores in that area, but the traffic is insane! Their school district is much much bigger too which leads to different issues vs. our much smaller town with select quality stores and amenities but better school district.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[sariana]

I vote stay and plan awesome "experience" vacations. Those "daily choices" sound great, but do you know whether you really would take advantage of them? If you were unhappy currently, my answer might be different. But it sounds like a case of "greener grass," which may not be so green up close.

And I think a "house that we love" is worth its weight in gold.

What do your kids think? We're planning to move at the end of the school year, and my kids are stressed about it.

[mom2binsd]

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but how many opportunities are there for them to play sports etc? Do you like your house because you have great neighbors, do your kids have lots of friends? Do you have family nearby? Not enough info to really give you an opinion.

Do you work? If you are SAHM, do you plan to return to work at some time, are there opportunities for that?

[mackmama]

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but how many opportunities are there for them to play sports etc? Do you like your house because you have great neighbors, do your kids have lots of friends? Do you have family nearby? Not enough info to really give you an opinion.

Do you work? If you are SAHM, do you plan to return to work at some time, are there opportunities for that?

:yeahthat: What do you love about your current house?

We had a house we looooved - the physical building itself - but not the neighbors or location. Similar to you, we lived 30-40mins from anything and everything. Mainly we moved b/c there were no schools we were ok with so we'd do that again. Just today I was telling someone how great it is to be within a 10min drive of almost everything in our lives (not including big box stores which ironically we lived very close to before). We still miss that house but nothing else about the area. (Now we have a different set of complaints about where we live lol... ). There really is no perfect place!

[Octobermommy]

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but how many opportunities are there for them to play sports etc? Do you like your house because you have great neighbors, do your kids have lots of friends? Do you have family nearby? Not enough info to really give you an opinion.


Do you work? If you are SAHM, do you plan to return to work at some time, are there opportunities for that?

I don't work now but there would be more opportunities if we moved. Kids elementary to 8th grade. Kids don't have a lot of friends, one grandparent near but they offered to move also. We like our house Bc we designed & built it so it is exactly what I want.

[Octobermommy]

:yeahthat: What do you love about your current house?

We had a house we looooved - the physical building itself - but not the neighbors or location. Similar to you, we lived 30-40mins from anything and everything. Mainly we moved b/c there were no schools we were ok with so we'd do that again. Just today I was telling someone how great it is to be within a 10min drive of almost everything in our lives (not including big box stores which ironically we lived very close to before). We still miss that house but nothing else about the area. (Now we have a different set of complaints about where we live lol... ). There really is no perfect place!

We love the physical building. Thanks for your input

[mom2binsd]

Do you want the kids to have more friends (is the location of the house the reason they don't have a lot of friends, or the kids they go to school with not friendly?). Do you feel like you "belong" in your community?

You can always build or remodel another house, it doesn't sound like other than the house and that you're comfortable there you really enjoy your location.

It's a lot easier to move now than when your kids are older.

For example, I love my current location, it's a small city (150K) with easy 2 hour access to big cities when needed. Great schools, wonderful sports opportunities, great facilities, we are 5 min from grocery stores, restaurants, etc, but we live in a lovely quiet neighborhood that is very "Mayberry" like. I did not grow up here, but after being here 11 years I know a lot of people, and through my kids schooling, activities have built a great network of friends. My kids have some awesome friends, through school and sports that we socialize a LOT with. They are able to run/bike over to friends houses, and are able to bike to the pool and Starbucks (DD14) etc. It's a safe place to live, but offers a lot. I'm a single parent now, my xhusband grew up here, but I have more friends than him because I've really "gone all in" with respect to living here. Yes, we don't have a Costco or Trader Joe's, but I survive, there's Amazon and other stores locally.

What does your DH say, what about the older child???? Do they wish they lived somewhere with more to do?

[Octobermommy]

I vote stay. The thing about populated areas is traffic. So you may gain a nearby Target, but it could take you 20-30min to get to it because of traffic. Same with all the other 'amenenities'. I'm only 3.5mi from the highway but lately, it takes me 30min to get there. Makes Walmart, <15mi away a 50min drive. Absurd.

You say you love your house - will you find a house to love in the more expensive area? Will you be able to afford it? Also, all those trips to Starbucks & Target add up. Add a more expensive home and pay cut - will you really have the quality of life you seek? Seems like you might be trading daily convenience for larger more long term luxuries.

Now, if the schools in your area are awful, then move for sure. But make sure you REALLY know about the schools in your target area b/c numbers arent everything. We're adjacent to a 'high end' school district - let me tell you I far prefer our schools. Smaller class sizes, more specials and more opportunities for kids. Granted my tune may change by HS, but so far for elem & MS I'm happier here than there.

Schools aren't good imo (small town, only 1 elementary, 1 ms, 1 hs) but my kids are at the top of their classes here & would likely not be in a bigger more competitive school. That's another debate we are having. Is a competitive school with more opportunities & options better or smaller school with just the basics but big fish , little pond mindset. Being a parent & making these decisions in their best interest is hard!

[MontrealMum]

Don't discount the traffic headaches of a big city. It's 4 km from my house to the nearest, open, highway on-ramp. And it takes me 40 minutes. A combination of rush hour traffic, plus crippling construction is responsible for this. The rest of my commute is by hwy. And although it's another 30 mins. it's smooth sailing because I'm going against the traffic. Is that 45 minutes to Target just long because of distance? Or is it due to traffic congestion? Things that are "close by" in a big city geographically are not always that close :(

[KpbS]

I wouldn't move if I were you. I really prefer big fish, small pond for kids regarding school. Also like pp have mentioned, traffic, increased cost of living (housing costs) etc, are not really worth it.

We were in a similar situation about 10 years ago. We ended up moving to be closer to family, but honestly all of the other "opportunities" for the kids we could have done without or it would have been a wash anyways. Yes, we have a lot more options, but sometimes options just make decision making more complicated and we don't end up using those extra amenities/possibilities like I thought we would. I don't regret being closer to family, but I have thought a good deal about what life would have looked like hadn't we moved.

Having a home you love that you can afford is huge.

[klwa]

I'd stay where you are.

I'm only 30 minutes to Target. :) But I regularly take the kids into the nearest city to do more fun things on the weekends.

Having less money plus higher bills will suck all the extra enjoyment you get from having closer access to "things" pretty quickly.

ETA: Also, just because the city schools look better from the outside, there may not be as many opportunities as you think. Around here, some of the city schools are known for high academics, but it's because they bring kids from all over to their school. The base school population does NOT get the opportunities that the kids who come into the magnet programs have. Plus, when you're at a small school, there's more opportunity to try everything you want to. You can play football and be in the spring musical and be on yearbook staff. At larger schools, there's so much more competition for the positions that there's not the same ability to try things.

[anonomom]

It kind of sounds like you really want to move, so if it weren't for the financial aspects, I'd be encouraging you to go for it. But the idea of taking a pay cut to move to a more expensive location gives me the heebie-jeebies. That's something I would only do if my current situation was truly intolerable and/or if had enough money saved to cover the difference for several years.

[specialp]

It kind of sounds like you really want to move, so if it weren't for the financial aspects, I'd be encouraging you to go for it. But the idea of taking a pay cut to move to a more expensive location gives me the heebie-jeebies. That's something I would only do if my current situation was truly intolerable and/or if had enough money saved to cover the difference for several years.


A BIG :yeahthat: I think you want to and I would encourage it but for the huge pay cut and increased cost of living. I would do it if I had lived at “significant pay cut” level for several months, using the leftover to bulk up savings. Even without the col change, I would have a feel for the parameters of a decreased income. We did that for years prior to me becoming a SAHP and again prior to moving to a better area/larger house/higher col so there was really no belt tightening felt.

[ahisma]

I'd consider it - depending on how much of a pay cut and how much higher the COL is.

We live in a small house so we can afford to live in a walkable community in a mid-size city. It's not big enough to have major traffic issues (except now, when there's an annual public art competition that takes over the city), but we have access to so many things to do - many of which aren't terribly expensive. My brother lives an hour away and frequently comments that they just don't have stuff like that in town.

[mikala]

I'd look more closely at what your day to day life would look like in both places and what the actual financial tradeoffs would be. I've lived in a neighborhood with sidewalks where it's 5 minutes to the grocery store and I've lived where it's 30 minutes to the store and no neighbors for a half mile each direction and you can't really walk or bike to anything. For *me* I much preferred the location closer to friends and activities and would be willing to trade for a smaller house in a much more convenient location. I know that not everyone feels this way but I find it soul sucking to spend hours a day driving. That said only you know the details around the financial aspect and how significant the changes would be to your lifestyle, and only you know your family values and what brings you joy.

[HannaAddict]

How far a target is would not factor in or be a metric for me. How far a good independent coffee shop, good restaurants (not chains) and book store, Pilates and similar are what matter. We love having sidewalks and kids being able to walk to gelato place or bakery. We can drive to a Target that is 20-40 minutes depending on traffic but rarely go there. We are heavy amazon users and Nordstrom.com. We have a Whole Foods 5 minutes away and great locally owned grocery store also five minutes by car or walkable. Suburban living with yards and parks and pool but just a couple of miles and no freeway from the real city center. I couldn't do the out in the 'burbs commute and freeways to get point A to B. We had a smaller house when we started out in order to have a great neighborhood and don't regret it. I'd think about moving as long as not to the Pac NW as the insane growth is really wrecking the quality of life for us locals!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AnnieW625]

I would totally stay and I live in the land of excess (at least 5 Targets, 3 Walmarts, 4 Trader Joe's, and 5 Costcos all within 10 miles of my house) I grew up in an area that wasn't so much the land of excess but we had a Target, a KMart, and two locally owned gyms, which at the time for a city of about 40k people was pretty great. The big city of about 350k people (then) was 30 minutes south, and the Bay Area was 90 minutes south and both had way more, but esp. the Bay Area (even in the 80s was way more expensive than where I grew up). My parents were able to put three kids through college with no debt and have owned their house outright since 2003 or 2004, I think (so they paid it off in 36-37 years). We went without a lot and never really knew any different. Now before we moved to SoCal (for a job) DH was this close to being offered a job with the Feds in SW Oklahoma (Lawton) before they cut the funding the job, and while it wasn't a metropolis we would be more comfortable income wise even on one salary than we are here. Now of course we have great weather and everything possibly needed to live a great life, but if we had moved to a low col area I am sure I would've gotten used to not having as much activity wise, but having more money for college and not having to be a full time working mom might have been nice.

ETA: even though I am in the land of excess I have to drive a lot; I live 5 miles from a Whole Foods, but it takes me 20 minutes to get there and back due to traffic so I never go; it takes me 15-20 minutes with city traffic to go to the nicest Target (and it is always busiest because it is the nicest Target in the big city). If I wanted to live in the neighborhoods in the big city (next to me) and be able to have everything trendy a 1/2 mile or less from me I would be paying at least $100k to $1M or more for a house than I paying now..our house is valued at $571k and we paid $513k for it in 2005 ($100k more would be near semi walkable area near the Cal State University in the big city), and the $500k-$1M more would be the beach community in the big city or the other beach cities that line the SoCal coast. I could walk to the YMCA and we have a few grocery stores including Sprouts 3/4 a mile from the house, but I don't want to be walking with a lot of groceries on a regular basis.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[twotimesblue]

I would move! The biggest appeal of my neighborhood is its proximity to everything - I can walk to my Pilates classes, Whole Foods, numerous restaurants, coffee shops etc, and there movie theaters and bars only a few minutes' drive away. I don't care about Target as I can get that delivered, but I love being able to walk almost everywhere with my kids. Personally, I feel 'trapped' if I'm too far away from certain amenities - we even walk to soccer practice - and I would rather pay more $$ and live in a smaller house than friends of mine who have lots of land but have to drive everywhere. It's totally personality dependent but it sounds like you are up for a change so give it a go! You only get one life, and I never want to look back and think: 'what if?'

[Philly Mom]

I would move! The biggest appeal of my neighborhood is its proximity to everything - I can walk to my Pilates classes, Whole Foods, numerous restaurants, coffee shops etc, and there movie theaters and bars only a few minutes' drive away. I don't care about Target as I can get that delivered, but I love being able to walk almost everywhere with my kids. Personally, I feel 'trapped' if I'm too far away from certain amenities - we even walk to soccer practice - and I would rather pay more $$ and live in a smaller house than friends of mine who have lots of land but have to drive everywhere. It's totally personality dependent but it sounds like you are up for a change so give it a go! You only get one life, and I never want to look back and think: 'what if?'

This is us too! Almost word for word.


Sent from my iPad using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[citymama]

This is a very tough choice. I would not pick up and move without trying it out first. And I say this as someone who absolutely needs to be close to all the good food, classes, community, schools - walking distance even! I cannot stand being in the car - we complain miserably about trekking out to IKEA and it's 15 minutes away. We could be saving so much more by living way out in the burbs or a less desirable neighborhood, but have made this trade-off for a higher quality of life.

But OTOH a dream house you designed? And the greater savings, etc? Not to be dismissed. I would not sell and make that change without a trial period of living in the area you want to live in. I don't know what part of the country you are and what the real estate market is like where you plan to move to. But I would do some serious budget planning to see if you can really make this work. If the trial and budget work out, then the big issue is just giving up the dream house!

[sariana]

One thing I haven't seen mentioned: moving sucks! It's really a nuisance, so IMO the reason would have to be compelling.

[Octobermommy]

This is a very tough choice. I would not pick up and move without trying it out first. And I say this as someone who absolutely needs to be close to all the good food, classes, community, schools - walking distance even! I cannot stand being in the car - we complain miserably about trekking out to IKEA and it's 15 minutes away. We could be saving so much more by living way out in the burbs or a less desirable neighborhood, but have made this trade-off for a higher quality of life.

But OTOH a dream house you designed? And the greater savings, etc? Not to be dismissed. I would not sell and make that change without a trial period of living in the area you want to live in. I don't know what part of the country you are and what the real estate market is like where you plan to move to. But I would do some serious budget planning to see if you can really make this work. If the trial and budget work out, then the big issue is just giving up the dream house!


Unfortunately we can't do a trial period. I will however be taking a good look at the financial aspect of it all & go from there.

Thanks

[marinkitty]

DH and I were having almost the opposite conversation this weekend. We live near everything (and love that a lot much of the time, don't get me wrong) but sometimes wish we had fewer choices and a less hectic pace for ourselves and the kids. The abundance of choices can sometimes lead to racing around frantic and the excellent schools with their own myriad choices come with a heavy dose of competition and pressure. We aren't actually going anywhere (I don't think!) but a slower paced life with more time to focus on family and the outdoors sometimes seems very appealing to us. Maybe the grass is just always greener!

[MSWR0319]

I agree with looking at what your day to day life would be like. Do you often go to this town to do this activities or just wishing you were closer to them?

For example, we live in a town of about 8500 people. One yoga studio, a few local restaurants, one Walmart, a local grocery and a few fast food places. The nearest Target, Costco, and mall are 45 minutes away in a city of about 250,000. I'm sure many people think our town is boring, but it's a great community to raise kids in. I walk the kids to school. It takes me no more than 5 minutes to get to soccer, swim, baseball, dance, etc. This is extremely helpful because DH travels a lot and it's all left on me. So when I have kids in different places, it's not too hard to go get one. Another plus is that I don't worry if I am a few minutes late or if someone needs a ride because we know a ton of people. Since it's a small community, there's a good chance that we'll know some fairly well on our team who can help me with a kid if need be. In a bigger town, I imagine the chance of getting on the same team as people we know may not be as easy, not to mention I imagine it would take a lot longer for me to get between activities. DS is also at the top of his class. He's gifted and his teachers push him. In a bigger school, he wouldn't be one of the top few and for him, that would cause a lot of anxiety. It's just his personality, as he's a perfectionist. So if we were to move him to a school that was "better" it would probably cause more issues for him than good. So while it may sound good for us to be closer to more activities, etc in reality it could actually make day to day life harder. I have a friend and she is originally from here, but just moved back after being gone for many years. It's hard for her to adjust because she's used to having stores, etc much closer distance wise. I think if you sit down and look at how it affects your life overall (not just focusing on the things you would have there vs where you are now), maybe that would help make the decision easier? It sounds like you really want to move. If it would make you and the family happier (and you'd be ok financially), go for it!

[RiverRat]

I vote stay. Cost of living being the main reason to stay put. 45 mins is not that long of a drive IMO. I have to leave my country to get to a Target ;) Small town has its headaches but nothing compared to traffic. I would try to find local things to do. We are within an hour drive of a major city and 3.5 hour drive of a HUGE city. Everything is manageable


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[carolinacool]

It's hard to say. There's small town, and then there's small town.

I grew up in a really small town, maybe 5,000 or 6,000 people? But it's really rural. The closest shopping that's more than a Walmart and a few chain restaurants is an hour and 15 minutes away either north or south. There's really nothing to do there, even in the 20+ years I've been gone. There still isn't even a public pool. There's limited diversity, not really a highly educated population, etc. Nearly every person who goes to college never comes back unless they are a teacher or they work in the small hospital. So if you live somewhere like that, I vote move. Lol

But if your biggest concern is shopping, and everything else seems right, I would consider staying in light of the pay cut you have to take.