Do your kids hate religious school?? UPDATE in #37

[magnoliaparadise]

Do your kids hate religious school?
If so, what have you done about it (if anything) to help them like it?

I just wrote about my DD2 (kindergartener) hating school. She also hates religious school (hebrew school for 2 hours every Sunday). I am tempted to keep her out this year, but don't want to set a precedent and have more problems next year.

We just moved to a new state and I also finally put my DD1 (fourth grader) into hebrew school. It was very hard to put her in hebrew school in our prior home for a bunch of different reasons, so I was very excited when she seemed at peace with going to hebrew school here. I felt like I had caught the last train to bat mitzvah -ville with my hands still clutching the caboose door and my feet running alongside.

But. Because of her age, DD1 has to go two days a week for two hours each until bat mitzvah (at 13 - and then she will have much less or none). Going 4 hours a week when she had never gone before has proven a pretty rocky transition. Since we are all new, that coupled with a bazillion kids she doesn't know makes it very hard for DD1 in particular.

By day 3, DD1 was saying that she couldn't stand going to religious school. I suggested maybe she will like it when she makes friends there and she said she can't wait for that.
DD1 is begging for a tutor instead (which I'm not against, but would belie the 'religious community' affiliation I am hoping to instill and is also $$$).
And as far as DD2, she will only go if I sit in her class with.her.for.the.entire.two.hours.

To be fair, I'm IMPRESSED with how much more fun hebrew school was than it was in my day. They play games, do arts and crafts, tell stories, do small group hebrew classes, and even do electives, like cooking, knitting, sports, etc that somehow teaches in a way that fits into the Jewish curriculum. But... four hours a week is a lot. (It's pretty standard for DD1's age so changing synagogues wouldn't make a difference. And the more observant synagogues do more hours).

**** Do your kids like religious school?
If so, how long is it and how many years will it go for?
And if not, do you do anything to make them want to go? Do you just ignore them when they don't want to go?

Thanks in advance.

[Mikey0709]

It's a fight in our household too. We are Catholic, and our PREP classes are 1 hour 15 minutes each Sunday. I've asked my kids to attend from 1-7th grade. My oldest is finally in 7th. In 7th we receive the Sacrament of Confirmation.

I will say - the teacher HUGELY impacts how my kids are in the classes. They go by grades, and we have about 2 classes of 22-25 kids per grade..... so it's a pretty packed school each Sunday.

Teachers are ALL volunteer, and starting last year I volunteered also. I started as an aide last year to help along some kids who needed more attention (adhd, austistic, etc), and this year I'm sort of a 2nd teacher in the classroom. We TRY to make it fun, but i will say we are NOT professional teachers, and do our best to get the lesson across while having fun. I have 2nd graders right now. The teacher in our classroom is a 1st time teacher. Tough age where 1/2 or more are NOT proficient readers or writers. IMO if we get their attention for 15 min out of an hour - we're doing good:) I'm used to working with 2nd grade scouts on all levels, she's only used to her well-behaved, academically ahead child.... but she's learning all levels quickly.

The point I'm trying to make - is my kids said some of the teachers are HORRIBLE. They will do nothing but read or preach for the hour. Some teachers are great - i will get an email summary of what they learned that day. Some include games and crafts in the lesson, some are just NOT cut out to try to lead a class.

It's been a challenge, but i have to say it definitely has been easier with me going also. And I cut them a break and every few weeks we take a sunday off (usually for a camping trip).

I can feel your pain - - I mean how inappropriate is it to have to BRIBE your kid to attend a religious class??? I guess I'm defeating the purpose there? Like everything - whatever works.... gotta do what we have to do. Honestly - i don't think them giving US an hour or two every few days will kill them, to please their parents.

I actually learned an interesting fact in Church last week - that over 40% of people under 30 have NO Religion... and those numbers are growing. Now it makes me wonder if it were parents who "gave" up trying to send their kids to classes?

We're going to try to keep attending to get all 3 through 7th grade.

Wish me luck - and I'll be thinking about you guys too :)

[Zansu]

Mine have never loved religious school, but they don't like going to secular school either. However, they go to both.

I think it's important for Jewish kids to start building a sense of community as soon as possible. If they don't attend a religious day school (mine did through 4th grade), then religious school is the next best option.

For comparison, our congregation is Reform/Reconstructionist. Our religious school is 2 hours, every other Sunday, for K-8. Hebrew school is 2 hours every Monday night for 4-7th. The 8th grade program is comparative religions and community service, and the parents attend the field trips.

For our family, attendance is mandatory. It's just something that you do. I am not making my kids attend Hebrew High because it interferes with soccer practice, although I wish they could. I'm not sure about confirmation. I will push them to be involved in Hillel once they're at university.

[candaceb]

DS is 7 and in 2nd grade and just started religious school on Saturday mornings. He HATES getting up for it - we have to leave at 8:15 to get him there at 8:30 but he doesn't seem to mind it once he's there and comes out smiling. We have just re-joined the very liberal reform temple that we belonged to 10 years ago before we moved out of state. I regret not putting him in last year but I just couldn't get my act together, and financially joining the temple would have been a stretch last year. Given your other post about your DD2, I would let her off this year but make sure you participate in activities to be part of the community. When we lived in CT, we didn't belong to a temple for various reasons, but we went to activities put on by the local PJ Library group. I'm amazed at what DS remembers from those gatherings. I don't think not going to religious school in kindergarten is going to affect her on a long term basis. Plus it could give you some one-on-one time with her while your DD1 is there, which might help with the other school situation. For me there's no question that your DD1 needs to go if she's on the path to a bat mitzvah.

[georgiegirl]

I don’t sent my kids to religious/Hebrew school. I never liked it, and my parents said I could stop after my Bat Mitzvah, which I did. We aren’t religious at all. I could see why 4 hours a week would be very unpleasant. The only saving grace with Hebrew school was that I had several friends in it, so we could goof off and have fun behind the teachers backs.


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[AnnieW625]

My kids go to Catholic school and they don't really hate it and the curriculum is during the school day. My kids also go to mass on Tuesday during school they usually complain about having to go on Sunday as well, but that is just tough cookies for them and really their only complaint about Catholic school and it isn't a huge deal.

I went to CCD class (catechism for public school kids) for 8 years (1st-8th) until I was confirmed in 8th grade and I didn't like it and I didn't get much out of it. I don't remember it much a and honestly it is part of the reason my kids go to Catholic school. I am still an active Catholic and glad I made my sacraments, but wish I could've done it without CCD. I bet I would've preferred it if it were on Sunday like every other Christian friend I knew who had it after mass as none of my friends were home then, but were always home on Tuesdays after school for 1-6th or then on Thursday night for 7-8th. I also found my Christian friends Awana program more fun, but of course the classes for middle school were on the same nights as my CCD class in middle school and then my Awana friend moved and my mom wouldn't send me without another friend from that church (and by high school most of my friends didn't go to church at all).

ETA: if my kids ever ask to go to public school I would be okay with it. Dd1 is happy with school, and while it is challenging for DD2 sometimes she has a great group of friends and her class has 23 kids which is almost unheard of in public elementary schools in California even though our district has a 28 k-3 max.

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[pinkmomagain]

I don’t sent my kids to religious/Hebrew school. I never liked it, and my parents said I could stop after my Bat Mitzvah, which I did. We aren’t religious at all. I could see why 4 hours a week would be very unpleasant. The only saving grace with Hebrew school was that I had several friends in it, so we could goof off and have fun behind the teachers backs.


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This is exactly my experience!!!!!

[citymama]

My older DD begged to go to Hebrew school/religious school as she wants to have a Bat Mitzvah - it's all her doing, and she seems to love it. She had a couple of friends already at RS at this temple - she felt like she was missing out on the community with which she identifies. DD2 has rejected religion already at age 7, and we would never force her to attend religious school. For the record, we are a dual-religion family, neither of us particularly observant - I have had absolutely zero formal religious education myself and would never have thought of it if DD hadn't asked. I'm glad they're each striking their own path!

[ilfaith]

Hate might be too strong a word, but they certainly don't look forward to going.

My boys have Hebrew school twice a week. From 4:30-6:30 on Wednesday afternoons, and from 9-12 on Sunday mornings. They are also expected to attend a certain number of Shabbat services on Saturday mornings...which is challenging because that is when most of their sports activities take place. Frankly, I don't love that it takes up so much of our weekends, and doesn't really give us an opportunity to "sleep in" ever. And scheduling the kids' activities around Hebrew school has been challenging. Right now my 6th grader ends up missing one of his two weekly soccer practices, because they changed the days to Monday and Wednesday.

We live in an area where there is not a huge Jewish population. There might be one other kid from our school that goes to our synagogue, which is located about 35 minutes from home. My boys aren't close friends with the kids in their Hebrew school classes...most of whom live in or around what we jokingly refer to as "the shtetl" (the part of town which has a larger Jewish population...although I'd hesitate to call it a Jewish neighborhood, as they are still very much in the minority) and many of the other kids do go to regular elementary or middle school together.

But it's really the only game in town. My eldest son had his bar mitzvah this past August, and at the moment, isn't continuing his Jewish education. He may return next year for the Hebrew High School program.

I didn't like Hebrew school when I was growing up either. I had to go twice a week, for two hours at a time (still less than my kids) and was jealous of my Catholic friends who only had CCD one day a week for an hour.

[jgenie]

We're Catholic and my DC say they are going to be great parents because they're not going to make their kids go to Mass or Sunday school. Yup - they really said that. They don't like it but they go. DS2 will make his 1st Communion this year and then we'll be more lax with weekly attendance.


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[Simon]

We are not a very religious family but we do go through long phases of attending church regularly and then my kids go to RE classes. Honestly, they really love them and will often ask to go back to church if we have missed a week or two. Its a huge church so they don't have any friends there, we attend different service hours and there are HUGE groups of kids at every grade so they are in a different group each week, but the program is well designed and well-run, 100% volunteer in the classes but paid staff putting together the curriculum. We did a lot of church shopping and this is not a denomination that we ever would have expected to like but it turned out to be a great fit for all of us.
If you don't have a choice of synagogue then there isn't much you can do other than try and find reasons why the kids should be motivated. Maybe books or TED talks or even just YouTube videos of older (teen/college) kids talking about how their faith is important to them and that they are now glad for what they learned in RE classes? Just a thought.

[AngB]

I was raised Catholic and HATED the weekly hour long evening class we had to take. I never minded or asked to skip regular school but I regularly would try to be sick or bring home extra homework to avoid going to the evening class. (The adults in charge had no idea how to teach, the curriculum was poorly designed, I didn't have any friends who went, it was horribly boring, and most of all, I was not really sure what or if anything that I believed, religious-speaking, and I STRONGLY resented and still resent my parents trying to tell me what I had to believe.)
I stopped going to church after my parents made me get confirmed, ironically. We eloped for our wedding and we did not have our kids baptized and do not make our kids go to church or religious school. None of my siblings who had to do the same thing are religious at all (actually my mom was just really upset because my sister is getting married and didn't plan on mentioning God in the ceremony at all...my sister could care less either way so she is adding in a whooping bible verse to appease our mom...so much for all those hours of Catholic education though...) My youngest brother was born when we were teens and active and sports, etc. and somehow he managed to skate by without attending the school or getting confirmed (they were busy and also I think they saw how ineffective it had been for us) as luck will have it...he actually regularly goes to church now as an adult and even has a Catholic gf.

Maybe in some cases, it will work out, but I think making kids spend several hours a week in classes they hate/are miserable may backfire against whatever longterm goals you have in sending them to that program, once they are old enough to chose if they will go and what they will believe.

[KpbS]

My kids have always enjoyed Sunday school. Yes, the teacher(s) can make a big difference, but it has been a good experience for them. We go each week and then they sit through the church service--about 3 hours total. Yes, it's a lot, but it's doable!

I would let your DD2 skip this year. She can begin another year and sounds like she would really benefit with the one on one time with just you while DD1 goes. Yes, she has to and yes she will make friends! :) Stay strong!!!

[DualvansMommy]

We’re just starting this journey of getting DS1 his communion. We’re a Catholic family, DH grew up with same format that DS1 is going through now; CCD classes once a week for an hour and 15 mins. The only difference between DH and DS1 classes was always held before mass for DH. It’s never held on the weekends for DS1, actually giving parish members a lot of choices in picking a class. It’s the main reason why we switched church! DS1 likes going cuz of the social aspect and being with other kids his age, but HATES the homework he’s required to do.

Just had a battle over this tonight when it was due tomorrow. So I feel your pain! It’s important to ME that my boys make their communion, as I feel that’s a stronger sacrament. They can decide for themselves whether to take confirmation by time they’re 13 or 14. I feel they’re old enough to have a say, form an opinion about the religion they’re members of. I won’t force them to go if they have no interest, which is important to us cuz DH and I were FORCED to go despite my growing sense in disagreements on how the church handles things.


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[mommytoalyssa]

My daughter loves her "Kids Small Group" which is our church's version of religious education. They keep the same group of volunteer teachers and students from 1st grade through 6th grade. They play games, memorize Bible verses, have snack, and learn about the Bible and our denomination's beliefs. I have wonderful memories of it when I was a kid too.

My daughter also loves school, FWIW.

[Kindra178]

Yes, they hate going.


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[JBaxter]

No mine always enjoy the kids groups at church and honestly I wouldn't go to a church that my kids didn't like. Forcing kids to go to classes turns them against the church / faith so NOT happening here. I remember being forced to attend and I didn't go to church from 20 yrs ( after I left my parents home)

[123LuckyMom]

I agree that if my kids hated going to church or to church school, I would find another church! There's a problem with the information being conveyed or with the way it's being conveyed if children don't respond to it. It's supposed to be Good News, right? We don't call what we do "religious education." We call it "spiritual formation," because that's what it is. We help give the kids tools to nurture their spiritual lives and strengthen their relationship with God and their community. We give them opportunities to serve, to question, and to make connections and discoveries on their own. We help them learn different methods of prayer. We model a community that is as close as possible to the one we want to build where we treat one another with respect, and differences are seen as assets, not problems. We pray with and for one another. We recognize each other's gifts and offer support for one another's struggles. We also share Scripture, discuss liturgical action and how and why we engage in them. We give children the language to talk about their religious experience and connect with the liturgy. My kids LOVE church and Godly Play (our church school program, which has been adapted as Torah Play in Judaism and Faith and Play in the Quaker tradition). Of course there are days when they don't feel like getting up and going. There are days I feel like that, too, but they love their community. Their ministries are important to them (my 5 year old is an usher, and my 8 year old is in the choir as well as serving as an occasional acolyte or lector), and they want to go. Both my kids are memorizing the prayers, music, and scripture, but not by drills or in a method where adults are imparting information and they have to learn it. Our programs are Montessori based, so it's very different from a typical classroom. Hebrew School is tough, because you have to literally learn another language, not just religious language but actual letters and words, and the only way to do that is to memorize things through repetition, so it's not fun for many. I think the more there can be to actually nurture the child's relationship with God and with the community, the more tolerable the tough stuff will be.


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[TwoBees]

Do your kids hate religious school?
If so, what have you done about it (if anything) to help them like it?

I just wrote about my DD2 (kindergartener) hating school. She also hates religious school (hebrew school for 2 hours every Sunday). I am tempted to keep her out this year, but don't want to set a precedent and have more problems next year.

We just moved to a new state and I also finally put my DD1 (fourth grader) into hebrew school. It was very hard to put her in hebrew school in our prior home for a bunch of different reasons, so I was very excited when she seemed at peace with going to hebrew school here. I felt like I had caught the last train to bat mitzvah -ville with my hands still clutching the caboose door and my feet running alongside.

But. Because of her age, DD1 has to go two days a week for two hours each until bat mitzvah (at 13 - and then she will have much less or none). Going 4 hours a week when she had never gone before has proven a pretty rocky transition. Since we are all new, that coupled with a bazillion kids she doesn't know makes it very hard for DD1 in particular.

By day 3, DD1 was saying that she couldn't stand going to religious school. I suggested maybe she will like it when she makes friends there and she said she can't wait for that.
DD1 is begging for a tutor instead (which I'm not against, but would belie the 'religious community' affiliation I am hoping to instill and is also $$$).
And as far as DD2, she will only go if I sit in her class with.her.for.the.entire.two.hours.

To be fair, I'm IMPRESSED with how much more fun hebrew school was than it was in my day. They play games, do arts and crafts, tell stories, do small group hebrew classes, and even do electives, like cooking, knitting, sports, etc that somehow teaches in a way that fits into the Jewish curriculum. But... four hours a week is a lot. (It's pretty standard for DD1's age so changing synagogues wouldn't make a difference. And the more observant synagogues do more hours).

**** Do your kids like religious school?
If so, how long is it and how many years will it go for?
And if not, do you do anything to make them want to go? Do you just ignore them when they don't want to go?

Thanks in advance.

Do we live in the same area? LOL. DD1's Hebrew School program is like your DD's. It is student-led, project-based learning along with electives (cooking, sports, art, science, etc) and DD1 loves it. Only once or twice has she not asked to go (and that was because there was something else going on at the same time that she wanted to go to). She goes on Sundays for 3 hours and just starting this year (2nd grade) once a week for 1.5 hours. I went through a traditional Hebrew School program, 3 hours on Sundays and 2 hours twice during the week, and hated every minute of it. DD1's program is relatively new and is basically catering to my generation who are now parents and who hated Hebrew school.

[TwoBees]

No mine always enjoy the kids groups at church and honestly I wouldn't go to a church that my kids didn't like.


I agree that if my kids hated going to church or to church school, I would find another church!

While I agree with this in principle, there are far more churches to choose from than there are synagogues with religious schools, especially within certain movements of Judaism (eg, conservative). My friends and I have chatted about switching movements because one synagogue offers different things than another. But that's easier said than done. I suppose it would be akin to a Catholic switching to a Protestant church.

[California]

One thing to try: Playdates with other kids in the class. I've found once my kids have friends in the class that they don't see anywhere else, they want to go to class to see those friends.

Also, one of the adults may be willing to get to know her better so that she feels more connected to the class. If there are any adults your DD1 likes, see if they'd be willing to meet with her for frozen yogurt or something similar (while you hang out in the background.) We do mentorships at our church and it really makes a difference in how connected kids feel to the congregation.

[AnnieW625]

I agree that if my kids hated going to church or to church school, I would find another church! There's a problem with the information being conveyed or with the way it's being conveyed if children don't respond to it. It's supposed to be Good News, right? .......
That is hard to do if you are Catholic or Jewish (making an assumption here as I am not Jewish). I tried going to American Baptist church in college and while I loved the message and the college group at the church I couldn't get used to the service because it wasn't a Catholic mass. I could see it being easier for a kid to convert to another religious education program, but for us I would still want the same religious education experience for my kids that I am practicing. I did buy DD2 a toddler bible from a Christian book store because it was easier to understand and she loves the Bible because of it and is probably ready for the Adventure Bible I bought DD1 a few years ago for a summer camp she went to at a Baptist church and yes it is much more interesting than the Catholic children's bible, but the kids imho still need the Catholic religious education.

Like some other posters said CCD classes are often taught by volunteers who aren't teachers by trade. I spent two years volunteering in 3-5 yr. old religious ed for our church and it was tough and I co taught with a high school religion teacher the first year, and a preschool teacher the second year and both were much better teachers than myself. It is such a hard topic to teach and to get kids to understand especially in regards to sacraments. It might be easier in non denominational religions.



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[chottumommy]

We just do it at home with a bunch of friends and their kids. We love it and they love it. Its like a giant playdate.

[123LuckyMom]

Those who have commented on switching churches or synagogues being much more difficult if you're Catholic or Jewish, you're very right. I'm Episcopalian, so I'm also in a liturgical tradition. I have an MDiv and have focused my career on inclusion of all types, but especially of young people, so this is my wheelhouse! I hate to hear about kids disliking religious education. My kids did when they got old enough to engage in it in our congregation, and I did seriously consider going to the church the next town over where I had trained their staff and knew they had a good program for kids. Instead, I started working for the church again and rebuilt the children's ministry. Not everyone can do that! I do know lots of really good CCD and Catholic education programs, but they have special people teaching them, and that's key! I know of several Reconstructionist, Renewal, and Orthodox Jewish congregations with wonderful programs, but not too many Reform or Conservative ones. It's a really tricky question, though. I do think bad religious education is spiritually destructive and likely not only to turn kids off the particular faith but also turn them away from faith entirely. I think I'd try all the wonderful things PPs are suggesting like fostering their friendships with other kids, but, in the end, I'd rather my kids have nothing formal rather than something that might make them dig their heels in and not want to participate at all. My tradition is easier, though, without doubt, because you really can't be a practicing Catholic without participating in the sacraments, and you can't participate in the sacraments without the classes. In Judaism there's so much to learn in order to be a bar or bat mitzvah, so I shouldn't have been glib. It's a really tough place to be as a parent, and all I can say is that the more kids can get "experience with" rather than "learning about," and the more they feel a sense of belonging to the community and of having a role and a purpose the better!


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[bisous]

So far my kids like their religious education. In my church it starts with a Sunday School like portion for younger kids that lasts two hours, broken into two distinct parts, on Sundays. My littlest told me on Sunday that "she's too little for church" and I could kind of see where she is coming from. Still, she is happy enough when she gets there. She's only 3. My other three, even my DS3 who really pretty much always does his own thing, enjoys going on Sundays.

When kids reach High School in my faith tradition they start a daily nearly hour course at 6:00 a.m. This seems insane to many outside of our faith tradition. Some teens really never love it. But I have to say the majority that come every day are super happy that they did. I am definitely one of those and count it as one of the best things I've ever done for my future happiness and preparedness as an adult. I can see DS1 and DS2 going happily. That fits their personalities and where they are spiritually. I can see DS3 rebelling majorly. We'll see! He's also a total and complete morning person so maybe it will work for him.

[SASM]

When we went to our Catholic church, our kids disliked both mass and RE classes. They went to church with us and then RE class immediately followed, with one Sunday off a month. Both the mass and classes were very regimented and traditional. Both very boring and the only thing that got the kids through Sunday AMs was knowing that our traditional restaurant brunch was afterwards when we picked them up.

On that one Sunday that they didn't have RE classes, we went to a "newer" Christian church...DS had been going to the church's Wed night middle school youth group with friends for a while. Our kids LOVED going to this church. Preschool to 5th grade had their own separate kids mass. They would recite all of the activities and lessons from their kids mass. They looked forward to those Sundays and DS loved Wed youth group.

Once DD2 was finished with her First Communion year at our Catholic church and RE classes were finished for the year, we decided to go to the Christian church for the summer and haven't looked back...it's been 3 years. DD1 loved Wed middle school youth group...couldn't wait to join it with DS in 6th grade. She is crushed on the Wed's that she cannot attend. Unlike the RC classes, this church keeps their youth group religion classes fresh & fun, switching things up so it doesn't get stale. They make the Bible material relatable to today's youth. She recites to me her lessons and small group discussions. DD2 is looking forward to this as well. DS has since progressed to the high school ministry, which meets on Sunday nights and has a very different atmosphere. We'll see.


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[Twoboos]

My kids have always complained about CCD. I think it's just "one more thing" for them to do, KWIM? And in lower grades it's weekly, so it feels like a lot. Once they hit 7th they go every other week for an hour and when DD1 did it last year she said it wasn't as bad as previous years lol. I think part of the challenge is the current pastor is old-school. He's not particularly old, but very traditional, which trickles down into RE. There is another Catholic church one town over that people rave about, I've been meaning to try that mass to see how it is.

As a side note, I am surprised a couple of people said confirmation was in 7th/8th grade. We don't get confirmed until 10th!

[Mikey0709]

In response to Twoboos - - My son is receiving confirmation in 7th this year, but that JUST changed from 6th in previous years.

I was confirmed (back in 1979) in 4th grade - had NO idea what it meant. At that time you were confirmed when the Bishop was able to come to your church, which back then was every few years and multiple grades participated. I can still remember being scared the Bishop was going to ask me a question.

[AnnieW625]

For TwoBoos I was confirmed at the end of 8th grade in 1991, and then my brother and sister were also confirmed at the end of 8th grade in 1994, and in 2001. This was in the Sacramento Diocese, but at the sna e time I think my cousins in the Bay Area made theirs in high school. Now in Los Angeles, and Orange County dioceses (separate) it is usually done after 10th grade or 11th or 12th if you didn't start the process in 9th grade.

What I currently don't like is confession in 2nd grade before first communion, but that is how it is done in SoCal as well. I had mine in 4th grade and I was old enough to understand the importance of reconciliation.

Per our religious education committee at our church there is a huge drop off after first communion.


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[gatorsmom]

There are several questions in there. We are practicing Catholics. Do my kids hate religious school? Well, they go to a non-parochial Catholic school which they mostly hate because of the amount of homework they get and some of the strict teachers. I'd say about half the teachers there have been awesome and the kids loved them. Some of the teachers were just mean and unfair and of course the kids dreaded getting them. They whine all the time about going to this school (mainly when the school was giving too much homework but lots of parents complained and the homework load has decreased these last 2 years) but they hear stories from their friends who go to other schools and admit the grass isn't necessarily greener somewhere else. I try to discuss the advantages of their school and they admit there are certain things they wouldn't want to go without. Do they hate the Catholic instruction? I've asked them what their favorite classes are and it's often religion and history and for my oldest kid Latin. It could be that the teachers for those classes are excellent and really love their subject. Or maybe its because the classes are right before lunch.

Our school attends mass every morning. Do they hate going? Not if they can actively participate in it. It's short and different visiting priests say the mass. The school does a good job of bringing in priests to say the mass who love speaking to the children at th homily and tailor it to them. Boys from the school are invited to serve as alterboys and girls are invited to do readings, act as handmaidens preparing the alter before mass, and sing in the choir taking turns doing solos. My Dh and I (and a lot of the other parents) try to attend daily mass with them and we discuss what blessings it brings to their lives, what effects we think it has made for us, and how important it is to continue that relationship and dialogue with Jesus and his Holy Spirit. We make an effort to go on pilgrimages and holy sites when we travel to tie together what they are learning at school to their everyday lives. dh and I and our friends volunteer at church and in our diocese and our boys do alterserving at our parish church as well as at the diocesan cathedral whenever they are asked to. I figure if Dh and I show the kids when we have the opportunity, how we live our faith and how it has helped us, the kids will have real concrete examples of how it can bless and help their lives. The kids' friends experiences support that because their parents are also really active.

I mean, I get it. I remember being bored out of my mind as a kid going to mass and parochial school. It seemed like the same thing every time. And for kids it's really hard to understand the very deep themes that run through my faith. Kids, especially nowadays, are used to instant gratification. Mass DOES NOT provide that. In order to get something meaningful out of mass you either need to be actively participating in it or you need to be really good at being mindful of your own thoughts. Also, some of those grades school nuns were mean. And I grew further and further from the church as I grew up. I fell away completely in my 20's. So did my brother. My parents went to church every Sunday but I felt they went out of habit. And they didn't talk about their faith and feelings and beliefs with us. The little that we practiced our faith as a family certainly didn't help me with my faith as a young adult. What brought me back to practicing my faith was a trip to Medjugorje in Bosnia right after their war in the 1990's. That trip changed my life and I had experiences there I can't explain. Sort of like this guy: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mysticpost/2016/07/07/former-atheist-and-rolling-stone-writers-miracle-in-medjugorje-suddenly-i-felt-compelled-to-go-down-on-my-knees-to-pray-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/

I hope my children don't fall away from the church as they get older like I did and Dh and I are doing all we can to make sure it doesn't happen, but it could. I pray it doesn't and try to offer myself as a role model and example to our kids and keep the discussion open. Maybe that will help?

[meggie t]

There are several questions in there. We are practicing Catholics. Do my kids hate religious school? Well, they go to a non-parochial Catholic school which they mostly hate because of the amount of homework they get and some of the strict teachers. I'd say about half the teachers there have been awesome and the kids loved them. Some of the teachers were just mean and unfair and of course the kids dreaded getting them. They whine all the time about going to this school (mainly when the school was giving too much homework but lots of parents complained and the homework load has decreased these last 2 years) but they hear stories from their friends who go to other schools and admit the grass isn't necessarily greener somewhere else. I try to discuss the advantages of their school and they admit there are certain things they wouldn't want to go without. Do they hate the Catholic instruction? I've asked them what their favorite classes are and it's often religion and history and for my oldest kid Latin. It could be that the teachers for those classes are excellent and really love their subject. Or maybe its because the classes are right before lunch.

Our school attends mass every morning. Do they hate going? Not if they can actively participate in it. It's short and different visiting priests say the mass. The school does a good job of bringing in priests to say the mass who love speaking to the children at th homily and tailor it to them. Boys from the school are invited to serve as alterboys and girls are invited to do readings, act as handmaidens preparing the alter before mass, and sing in the choir taking turns doing solos. My Dh and I (and a lot of the other parents) try to attend daily mass with them and we discuss what blessings it brings to their lives, what effects we think it has made for us, and how important it is to continue that relationship and dialogue with Jesus and his Holy Spirit. We make an effort to go on pilgrimages and holy sites when we travel to tie together what they are learning at school to their everyday lives. dh and I and our friends volunteer at church and in our diocese and our boys do alterserving at our parish church as well as at the diocesan cathedral whenever they are asked to. I figure if Dh and I show the kids when we have the opportunity, how we live our faith and how it has helped us, the kids will have real concrete examples of how it can bless and help their lives. The kids' friends experiences support that because their parents are also really active.

I mean, I get it. I remember being bored out of my mind as a kid going to mass and parochial school. It seemed like the same thing every time. And for kids it's really hard to understand the very deep themes that run through my faith. Kids, especially nowadays, are used to instant gratification. Mass DOES NOT provide that. In order to get something meaningful out of mass you either need to be actively participating in it or you need to be really good at being mindful of your own thoughts. Also, some of those grades school nuns were mean. And I grew further and further from the church as I grew up. I fell away completely in my 20's. So did my brother. My parents went to church every Sunday but I felt they went out of habit. And they didn't talk about their faith and feelings and beliefs with us. The little that we practiced our faith as a family certainly didn't help me with my faith as a young adult. What brought me back to practicing my faith was a trip to Medjugorje in Bosnia right after their war in the 1990's. That trip changed my life and I had experiences there I can't explain. Sort of like this guy: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mysticpost/2016/07/07/former-atheist-and-rolling-stone-writers-miracle-in-medjugorje-suddenly-i-felt-compelled-to-go-down-on-my-knees-to-pray-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/

I hope my children don't fall away from the church as they get older like I did and Dh and I are doing all we can to make sure it doesn't happen, but it could. I pray it doesn't and try to offer myself as a role model and example to our kids and keep the discussion open. Maybe that will help?

What a great explanation! You are giving your children such a gift.

I think gator hit the nail on the head - if you are indifferent to church/church life/church teachings, most likely your children will be as well. My religious education was atrocious - parochial grammar school until 4th grade and then CCD. This was during the late 70s and early 80s, when religious education was extremely poor in most areas. I barely learned the basics. My parents were very religious, but they didn't necessarily impart that deeper knowledge on us. I really grew to love and know my faith in college. My son is now in second grade and preparing for First Holy Communion - I feel like I am learning many things right along with him! The texts are very traditional, and yes, even though some subjects might be "boring", if it is presented thoroughly and well (which I know might be hard to find), that is 95% of the game.

[Kindra178]

There are several questions in there. We are practicing Catholics. Do my kids hate religious school? Well, they go to a non-parochial Catholic school which they mostly hate because of the amount of homework they get and some of the strict teachers. I'd say about half the teachers there have been awesome and the kids loved them. Some of the teachers were just mean and unfair and of course the kids dreaded getting them. They whine all the time about going to this school (mainly when the school was giving too much homework but lots of parents complained and the homework load has decreased these last 2 years) but they hear stories from their friends who go to other schools and admit the grass isn't necessarily greener somewhere else. I try to discuss the advantages of their school and they admit there are certain things they wouldn't want to go without. Do they hate the Catholic instruction? I've asked them what their favorite classes are and it's often religion and history and for my oldest kid Latin. It could be that the teachers for those classes are excellent and really love their subject. Or maybe its because the classes are right before lunch.

Our school attends mass every morning. Do they hate going? Not if they can actively participate in it. It's short and different visiting priests say the mass. The school does a good job of bringing in priests to say the mass who love speaking to the children at th homily and tailor it to them. Boys from the school are invited to serve as alterboys and girls are invited to do readings, act as handmaidens preparing the alter before mass, and sing in the choir taking turns doing solos. My Dh and I (and a lot of the other parents) try to attend daily mass with them and we discuss what blessings it brings to their lives, what effects we think it has made for us, and how important it is to continue that relationship and dialogue with Jesus and his Holy Spirit. We make an effort to go on pilgrimages and holy sites when we travel to tie together what they are learning at school to their everyday lives. dh and I and our friends volunteer at church and in our diocese and our boys do alterserving at our parish church as well as at the diocesan cathedral whenever they are asked to. I figure if Dh and I show the kids when we have the opportunity, how we live our faith and how it has helped us, the kids will have real concrete examples of how it can bless and help their lives. The kids' friends experiences support that because their parents are also really active.

I mean, I get it. I remember being bored out of my mind as a kid going to mass and parochial school. It seemed like the same thing every time. And for kids it's really hard to understand the very deep themes that run through my faith. Kids, especially nowadays, are used to instant gratification. Mass DOES NOT provide that. In order to get something meaningful out of mass you either need to be actively participating in it or you need to be really good at being mindful of your own thoughts. Also, some of those grades school nuns were mean. And I grew further and further from the church as I grew up. I fell away completely in my 20's. So did my brother. My parents went to church every Sunday but I felt they went out of habit. And they didn't talk about their faith and feelings and beliefs with us. The little that we practiced our faith as a family certainly didn't help me with my faith as a young adult. What brought me back to practicing my faith was a trip to Medjugorje in Bosnia right after their war in the 1990's. That trip changed my life and I had experiences there I can't explain. Sort of like this guy: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mysticpost/2016/07/07/former-atheist-and-rolling-stone-writers-miracle-in-medjugorje-suddenly-i-felt-compelled-to-go-down-on-my-knees-to-pray-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/

I hope my children don't fall away from the church as they get older like I did and Dh and I are doing all we can to make sure it doesn't happen, but it could. I pray it doesn't and try to offer myself as a role model and example to our kids and keep the discussion open. Maybe that will help?

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing.

Question - why aren't girls alter servers? It's been allowed since 1994 (although I grew up with girls serving on the alter well before that).

[gatorsmom]

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing.

Question - why aren't girls alter servers? It's been allowed since 1994 (although I grew up with girls serving on the alter well before that).

It is allowed in the parish church one town over from ours but our parish is more conservative so it's not done here. Our parish has never allowed it. Girls have an important part to play with the other jobs we do. But the alterservers job is seen as a method of discernment for the boys and young men considering the priesthood. At least in our parish.

[AnnieW625]

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing.

Question - why aren't girls alter servers? It's been allowed since 1994 (although I grew up with girls serving on the alter well before that).

I had the same question. I was an altar server in 1986 when I was in the 4th grade, and I served until the end of my sophomore year in 1993. I gave it up when I was taller than the priest. I think it is a great opportunity for girls. My Dd1 did it for a year but didn't like it and was glad she had the option.

My DH and I went to church in our 20s before kids and we were one of the few and I found it interesting, but not terribly out of the norm. DH was living in the Bay Area then so a not very religious area (imho), but it was still nice to go. I have never not gone to church.


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[specialp]

Mine love it so far. We know so many of the people so there has always been a familiar face whether it was a friend or the teacher or the teen volunteer. I do see a dip in enthusiasm for the older grades and teens, but then it jumps back up when they are out of class and can be a teen volunteer. The director is great, creative, funny and I suppose seeks out the same people to lead the classes.

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi,
OP here.
Thank you for all your posts. They were really interesting to think about and helpful.
Thanks to the poster who suggested playdates, in particular.

I think when I used the word 'hate', it was too strong. I've been watching my kid the last week and I think she is ok. She has been going and not resisting - and she does find interesting things in the classes. My kid loves stories and reading and listening to the bible stories in her religious class. She recounted a whole part of the bible that I didn't know much about. She did question why there were so few prophets in the old testament, which I thought was very discerning.

So... I feel a little better now. My kid is really a kid who loves to hang out and read or draw (or watch TV if I let her). So... she does like religious school well enough. But, to be fair, if I gave her the choice, she would probably decide not to go, but she would also diss school and other after school activities in favor of hanging out at home if I gave her a choice about those, too... I am hoping that as she becomes more familiar with class and new friends, she likes religious school more and more.

Added:
My computer froze before I had a chance to edit or end this post, but I wanted to say thanks for all your views!

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi,

OP here - I wanted to give an update because your responses last fall stuck with me and in the end guided me in finding a great hebrew school for my kid.

When I wrote this post in September, I was struck by the number of responses of people said that their kids liked religious school. I honestly found it hard to believe at the time because I never did and couldn't imagine that others might.

I kept my kid in that hebrew school and pushed through September and October. That temple was LOVELY and really tried to help us acclimate and accommodate my kids, but it just wasn't a good fit. When I last posted in late September, my kid was stoic and accepting of going to hebrew school, but by the end of October, she was resisting again and she hated it. We started arguing about it a lot and I decided that I had to make a change or just accept that she would not go to hebrew school.

I decided to ask a temple in a few towns over (also reform) whether my DD1 could do a trial couple of classes to see if she liked their hebrew school. My father (who does not practice any religion, but religiously-identified) thought switching temples was a crazy idea and that I had lost my mind. I told him - and I really got this from a poster here, so THANK YOU - that at this point, my kid was hating religion so much that I wasn't really passing on religious values as much as making her dislike it, which was the antithesis of what I wanted anyway.

Fast forward to now, a month after trial testing the new temple and we have changed our temple membership. This new one is so perfect for us - I love the people and the classes (they have adult drop in classes while the kids are in school). There are also a ton of interfaith couples and (compared to other temples), some diversity, ethnically and racially of congregants and a warm and inviting atmosphere and there is no pushiness to conform to a specific rigor of practice. It's all about learning about and loving religion.

It's also a great fit for my kid. I never thought I would say this (and perhaps didn't know it myself so didn't know it existed), but my kid LIKES going to Hebrew school now. A lot. She has many friends in class and she likes the teacher (who is a real school teacher during the week, which helps a lot). DD comes home eager to tell us about hebrew school. She actually told my parents and me all about Adam and Eve with great detail and commentary, and we listened wide-eyed as if we have never heard the story :). She likes learning hebrew on an app (Quizlet) and asks to practice. A few weeks ago, we extended a vacation an extra day and I told DD that she would be missing hebrew school and she seemed sincerely sad that she would miss it, even while preferring to stay on vacation. This is all unheard of in our house!

The new temple has some draw backs - less close to home so more of a commute (a PITA since I'm making that commute twice a week for DD's 2 hour classes); there is almost zero likelihood that my DD will get to know kids from her hometown through the years; it's smaller and newer and less plentiful/vibrant in terms of activities and history - but I'm happy we switched. It's a warm place and we are even going to start going to a once a month soup kitchen sponsored by the temple where my kids can serve meals to the homeless. There are also other things like that that they can get involved in. I just feel like it's a really nice place for my kids to see beyond themselves or us and ways to live and/or give back and I am so grateful that I found this temple.

I appreciate all the different posts which empathized with my experience and let me see that sometimes kids don't like religious school and you can push them, and other times, it's actually just not a good fit and there may be somewhere else that the kids would actually like to go. Thank you.

[essnce629]

Thanks for the update! I'm so glad you were able to find the best fit for your daughter and family! It sounds amazing! No one likes fighting with their kids multiple times a week to go somewhere they hate. One less thing for you to stress about now! Hopefully DD2 will notice how much fun DD1 is having and will want to follow in her footsteps.

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[Dayzy]

What a great update. I understand your concern about your daughters not meeting friends from your area, but I am finding that branching out is a good thing. The Girl Scouts program at my DD's school changed their meeting night to the one night each week that we can't go. So I found the troop in the next town and DD is having a wonderful time with her new friends. I feel like she's really appreciating them because they aren't friends she sees every day in school, so GS is a treat for her.

[123LuckyMom]

I’m so happy for you and your DD!!! Thanks for sharing the update.


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