WWYD: Reward for behavior

[Reyadawnbringer]

****Last update in post 19****

****Update in post 15****


This seems silly to ask, but I'm really not sure what I should do.

Back in October DS was having a lot of trouble at school and the principal, DH, DS, and I all had a conference where we discussed the behavior that was the problem and the principal had DS help draft up a behavior contact.

The contract had very specific goals and a "meaningful reward" for meeting those goals over a set period of time. DS is in third grade and everyone in third grade still gets weekly conduct reports sent home so DS had to have excellent conduct for a certain period of time and then he would earn the reward. I put quotes around meaningful reward because the principal stated that she wanted it to be something that he really wanted and not just regular junk like candy or pencils or whatever they usually give out.

Anyway, he got to decide the reward and the principal had to agree to it because she was going to buy the reward for him. He chose a specific fidget pen called a Think Ink Pen.

Well, when it came time for DS to claim his reward the principal kept putting off the purchase of it. She told him she was ordering it and hoped to have it by Thanksgiving, then by Christmas. Well at the school Christmas event she had explained to me that she was waiting for the price to come back down on Amazon as it is currently at almost 25 dollars for this pen.

Now that a whole 9 week grading period has passed and DS had stellar behavior every since the contract I felt frustrated that he wasn't getting the reward that had been promised to him a long time ago. I have watched the price on Amazon and it isn't budging. So, DH and I discussed it and decided to just buy the pen for DS ourselves.

It just arrived in the mail today and my dilemma is this: do I give the pen to DS myself or should I give it to the principal to present to him as a reward for good behavior as promised?

I don't care about DH and I getting "credit" for buying the pen. I just want DS to get the stupid pen he was promised weeks ago! And I'm worried that by giving it to him myself that I might be sending a message that I don't think his principal can handle something as simple as that.

As an aside, I really really like this principal. She has been a strong advocate for DS from day one at this school and she is always so good with him that this is really the first time that I feel like we have been let down. Maybe that's why this situation feels so awkward.

Anyway, looking for some guidance.

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[niccig]

The principal probably didn’t expect the price to not change. $25 for 1 student may not be in their budget, or principal’s own budget. I buy supplies all the time to use with my students and it adds up! Maybe contact the principal, explain you were able to get the pen and maybe all be together to give it to him, like at the original conference?


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[bisous]

I would offer to buy it. It would be way worth it to me for the lesson to have more potency. That could really add up for hundreds of students!

[TwinFoxes]

I'd be super annoyed, but I'd probably have the principal give it to him, I think it'd be more meaningful to him. I think it's really lame of her to make a promise like that and then flake.


I would offer to buy it. It would be way worth it to me for the lesson
to have more potency. That could really add up for hundreds of students!

She already did, it arrived today. :)

[BDKmom]

I would give it to the principal to give to him.

[hillview]

I would give it to the principal to give to him.
:yeahthat:

[KpbS]

Yes, since you like the principal and will be working with her (presumably) another 2-3 years, I would give it to her.

[mikala]

I'd also give it to the principal to give him.

FWIW I totally get where you're coming from and I would also be frustrated that it's taken this long. I'm surprised that she offered to buy a pricey item in the first place at the time of the behavior plan and can see how it totally defeats the purpose of the behavior plan for the child to follow the steps and then never (or very belatedly) get the promised reward. It dilutes the power of the contract and reward and makes it less likely for the child to comply if the school wants to use a reward to encourage a different positive behavior in the future.

[trcy]

I would have have the principal give it to him.


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[Reyadawnbringer]

Thanks so much to everyone for the advice. I contacted the principal and arranged how to get the pen to her so that she could give it to DS.

When I called she actually cut me off and apologized profusely for delaying for so long. She went on to explain that she had a meeting with DS that same morning and explained that it was her fault that it was taking so long and then had him watch as she placed the order for the pen which has a long lead time.

I had to cut her off and ask her if she could cancel the order and explained that we already had one that we wanted her to give to him. So she canceled the order and apologized again for making him wait so long.

Last night DS was upset because he told me that he thought the pen had been ordered and was just taking a long time to come, but when he found out it hadn't even been ordered yet he was really disappointed.

Anyway, I was able to get the pen to the principal yesterday evening so DS should be receiving it from her today. I know he will be excited to get it today instead of having to wait the two week lead time.

DS1 - 9!
DS2- Expected 07/18

[SnuggleBuggles]

Hey there!! Congrats!! Sneaky signature update!!


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[jgenie]

Hey there!! Congrats!! Sneaky signature update!!


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:yeahthat: Congratulations on the new little one on the way!!

[TwinFoxes]

That was a sneaky siggie update! Congratulations on your new little guy. :)

[Reyadawnbringer]

Thanks! I'm still trying to adjust to the idea myself :)

DS1 - 9!
DS2- Expected 07/18

[Reyadawnbringer]

Update:

So some very interesting stuff has happened since the principal gave DS the pen.

She canceled the order on Amazon and the inventor / seller of the pen reached out to her about the cancelation. Long story short, they got to talking and the principal explained that she should have ordered the pen a long time ago and didn't and so I had bought one for him and she didn't know. She needed to cancel her order because she didn't need two of the same pen.

The principal explained that she planned to have DS write his own review letter on the pen and provide feedback. The inventor responded that they are actually located in the city neighboring the city that our school is in and would love to come meet DS and bring him another fidget product to try out as well. We were pretty excited about this.

Then DS came home from school with the pen and it didn't work. He wasn't able to get the ink tip to come out so that he could write with it. I tried as well and wasn't able to get it to work. I emailed the seller and explained the situation and he remarked that he was already working with the principal to come meet DS and give him the new fidget toy to try so he said he would just bring a new pen out to DS as a replacement.

I am ecstatic about this because now DS gets to meet the inventor of the pen that he has been asking for forever and check out a new product. DS is in GT classes and is an amateur inventor himself so this will just be the highlight of the whole experience for him. And it never would have happened had we ordered the pen back in October.

Thanks everyone for the tips. The principal and I are still on great terms and are super excited for this awesome experience for DS.

DS1 - 9!
DS2- Expected 07/18

[BDKmom]

So cool. Glad it is working out so well for your DS! Let us know how the meeting goes!

[TwinFoxes]

Great update. So, now I'm dying to see this pen. Link please!!

[123LuckyMom]

First, congratulations on the coming baby! Yay!

Second, what a wonderful update! This is a great lesson for your DS on learning to have a wait-and-see attitude toward disappointment. Sometimes really good things can come out of them. Now, not only did he achieve a goal and get a prize, but because of all the delays and problems, he’s getting to test a product and meet an inventor! And it all started with his being willing to try hard to make a change that would benefit him over and apart from receiving the pen. It’s great!


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[Reyadawnbringer]

So DS got to meet the inventor and was floored. He couldn't believe that the actual inventor took the time out of his day to come meet him and give him some awesome stuff.

He was also very impressed that his principal cared enough about him to set it all up and now maintains that she is the coolest principal ever. She is my favorite as well. Prior to this year she was the assistant principal and then took over this year as principal and since the first day of kindergarten she has always been an advocate for DS.

DS even went on to say later that evening and a few times since that he would. Just be patient (when something was frustrating him or taking too long) because in his words "sometimes being patient can really pay off".

I can't think of a better conclusion to this whole situation. Thanks so much to everyone for the advice. Here are some pictures of DS and the inventor. (I will remove after a little while.)

Oh, and someone wanted the link to the pen. That is here: https://think-ink-pen.myshopify.com

(removed pictures)

DS1 - 9!
DS2- Expected 07/18

[AnnieW625]

That is really cool! Thanks for sharing. I might have to get one for DD2 for her birthday in April.

Congrats on baby 2 as well.


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[babyonway]

Great update! Too cool!


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[PZMommy]

What an amazing update!!!

[NCGrandma]

That’s great! Very reinforcing!


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[TwinFoxes]

Thank you so much for the update, and the link. I think I'm going to get one for my DH for Valentine's Day.

[SASM]

Such a great update!!

And so thrilled that you have such a wonderful principal. I am actually stealing the contract idea for my 15yo DS, who ebbs and flows with behavior and grades.

Congrats on DS #2!! Miracle baby! Prayers for a healthy easy pregnancy.


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[MMMommy]

Fantastic update!

[HannaAddict]

Wonderful update!! So happy for you guys.


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[specialp]

I'm so excited for him! For a wonderful experience!