How to offer reassurance to DH?

[DualvansMommy]

So I'll be working as part of volunteer team for Domestic Violence/Sexual Violence victims as part of a crisis team. I'll be the social worker portion, and while this is not happening immediately but later this year after I do 10 week training this Spring. DH is worried for my safety and doesn't really want me to do this volunteer gig, I really want to do this but don't want to be dismissive of his concerns.

He watches too much crime tv as it is, which I feel is contributing to his anxiety. I reminded him I used to work with psychiatric patients where my safety was really questionable many times, but he said this was pre kids and now stakes is much higher now for myself and as a family.

This volunteer gig may be a big part of my life down the road, so how to reassure him?

[StantonHyde]

Are you responding to situations in the home? Or at the ED? Or do people come to you? If you are doing a Mobile Crisis thing, then I would assume that you will have a.other people from the team b. the police with you. Our Mobile Crisis Teams always travel in pairs and only go in with police assistance. The ED is fairly safe--if it's at night, most have a police presence plus you have other people around you. If you are meeting with clients in an office setting, then that may be the safest. I would review all of the safety precautions that are put in place for this. Your safety will be paramount. And tell him to stop watching crime TV :-)

[pinkmomagain]

I've been hearing about something in fellow therapist circles called Guard Llama https://guardllama.com/
I would imagine that your place has safety measures in place. However, maybe something like this would provide your husband with additional reassurance.

[DualvansMommy]

Are you responding to situations in the home? Or at the ED? Or do people come to you? If you are doing a Mobile Crisis thing, then I would assume that you will have a.other people from the team b. the police with you. Our Mobile Crisis Teams always travel in pairs and only go in with police assistance. The ED is fairly safe--if it's at night, most have a police presence plus you have other people around you. If you are meeting with clients in an office setting, then that may be the safest. I would review all of the safety precautions that are put in place for this. Your safety will be paramount. And tell him to stop watching crime TV :-)

From what I understand, it'll be a combination of both. Responding to clients/victims at their residences and ED, depending how it starts and proximity. It'll never be in office setting. That is exactly what I told DH it'll never be a case of going in alone blind, but always part of a team and most likely in police presence too. In fact, I went so far to tell him that it's probably "safer" for me/team than my former place of employment where I would be alone with my patients 60% of the time.

I'm sure more information will come to light during training that I can use to reassure DH. Doesn't help when we have a cop in our family, so he's always hearing the worst stories from said family member!

[DualvansMommy]

I've been hearing about something in fellow therapist circles called Guard Llama https://guardllama.com/
I would imagine that your place has safety measures in place. However, maybe something like this would provide your husband with additional reassurance.

That looks good. Good to know and I've bookmarked it!

[Gracemom]

I'm a social worker and I did home based work with high risk families. My DH was worried too. I talked with him about my training and what I do to protect myself, and how I will always leave if I feel threatened. You will be part of a team, which is great. I was always alone, sometimes in rural areas. I did have to leave a few situations, and always trusted my instincts. My DH always knew I had no desire to be a victim and would make sure I came home to my kids.

[123LuckyMom]

I think once you have done all you can to reassure him, you're going to have to ask him to trust your judgment and become comfortable through experience. the longer you work in this field and nothing terrible happens, the more assured of your safety he should become. What you are doing is by no means foolhardy or designed by its nature to put you in harm's way, and, it is important work that will help save others from harm. Fear is a natural reaction, but courage is necessary, and courage is not the absence of fear. It's being afraid but not letting that fear stop you. If your DH is so fearful that his fears are stopping him from living the life he wants or preventing others in the family from living the lives they want, than it may be important for him to see someone to help him cope with his fear and develop the resources he needs to overcome it. I would be gentle in your discussions about this with him. He should know that you hear his concerns, and you take them seriously. You feel confident that you will be protected from harm and as safe in this role as in any other (and safer in this role than you have been before), and that, though you respect his concern and do see it as an expression of love for you and the children, you cannot let his fear govern your decisions about what you feel called to do. Your respect for his concerns will lead you to be appropriately cautious, but you have to be able to live your life and do your work, and you have to hope that his respect for you will lead him to support your researched and considered choice and understand that going ahead with this work is not about disregarding his needs but is about honoring yours and the needs of those you will be helping. You and he can unite as a team in favor of risk education and the exercise of appropriate caution but against limiting and unhelpful fear.

And good for you for engaging in this work! It's so important!!!

[StantonHyde]

I agree---you are actually much safer in this situation than you were in the past. During training I would ask for the statistics--how many team members have been injured on the job? As for making threats...patients threaten my DH and his family every.single.day. It's just part of the job. Nothing has ever come of it. (and usually when they sober up, they don't remember what they said anyway) So I wouldn't worry about that either.