Potential sticky situation

[niccig]

DH and 3 of his friends (1 guy, 1 couple) are all turning 50 this year, they're all college friends. Over a year ago we discussed the possibility of the 3 families going on a trip this summer together. We've done this a couple of times to get everyone together, but this is last summer it will be easiest to arrange as one of the kids is going off to college. Potential dates and locations were discussed. Nothing concrete was set as with 3 families there is a lot of logistics with sports and other summer activities, so decided to wait until closer. After New Year's we narrowed it down to mid to end June would suit everyone. Then we found out the DH in the couple has already taken all his vacation time for this year for other plans. They're also planning a party to celebrate their birthdays. DH was bummed. The other family are still available mid-late June, and one suggestion is that just us meet them somewhere. I'm all for it, DH is worried the couple will be put out. I think that if they didn't make the 50th trip a priority, then why should the other 2 guys miss out?

[mmsmom]

You are right! Make your plans, go, enjoy! No reason to not go just because other couple did not plan well. I’m a firm believer that everyone needs to make the best decisions for themselves and/or their family.

[SnuggleBuggles]

You are right! Make your plans, go, enjoy! No reason to not go just because other couple did not plan well. I’m a firm believer that everyone needs to make the best decisions for themselves and/or their family.

I agree. :)


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[niccig]

I’m a firm believer that everyone needs to make the best decisions for themselves and/or their family.

Yes, you're right. And it's a reminder that the other family that doesn't have time to go, are also making the best decisions for their family.

[hellokitty]

Do what you need to do. A couple years ago my sil tried to plan a big trip with my brother and his friends for their 40th bdays. People agreed and she rrented a giant beach house and then several people bailed, it was not a good situation, they found another random family (it was a bit awkward), were still one family short, so people have to pony up more cash than they had originally been told. If you are taking on organizing this, keep is simple, let others do their part of the reservation and planning as well.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't see how they'd have a problem with it. But, it's your DH's friend, so I'd give his concern some weight.

[KpbS]

I would probably send out a group email suggesting the trip so everyone is included knowing about it. Obviously if the one DH has already used up his vacation, he either can't go or would have to make other arrangments for additional time off to go. But sending it out to everyone lets the booked couple know you are thinking of them and not "going behind their backs" or whatever.

Personally, I think it is kind of rude to make other plans when you have penciled in plans with a group already. Go and have a great time!!! Celebrate the big 50 :)

[bisous]

I would probably send out a group email suggesting the trip so everyone is included knowing about it. Obviously if the one DH has already used up his vacation, he either can't go or would have to make other arrangments for additional time off to go. But sending it out to everyone lets the booked couple know you are thinking of them and not "going behind their backs" or whatever.

Personally, I think it is kind of rude to make other plans when you have penciled in plans with a group already. Go and have a great time!!! Celebrate the big 50 :)

This is exactly what I would do (and how I feel about it too!)

[newnana]

If I were in the circle of friends discussing a trip, I know I would be upset if others fun was cancelled on my account. Go. Have fun. Maybe skype or facetime with the friend that can't go as a group if they are open to it to let them know you are thinking about them. All in good faith that you all just care about each other and that is enough.

I used up all my time off last year caring for sick DH. Zero choice in the matter and zero ways around it. Other than DH's work, because of the leave of absence he had to take, we haven't told loved ones including friends and family due to inevitable extended family drama that we knew would occur that we also knew we wouldn't be able to cope with on top of the other big stress in our lives. As much as we would have loved to tell friends, we knew it would eventually get back to family in this small world and didn't want to risk it. So we've dealt with it in silence other than the few times I've vented here on the boards (thanks for the strength, I've needed it!). Thankfully all the people I'm talking about live far enough away that it's been something that's been easy to hide. Secrets are not my strength, I'm honest to a fault. Maybe there's something else at hand with use of time off like loss of loved ones or something else. I have very little PTO in my role and it's the one thing I don't like about my industry. No telling where this guy used his, but maybe he would have much rather been on the trip you are discussing but life is sometimes about hard choices.

Apologies if this doesn't make sense as I'm on pain meds from surgery (that required me to go negative in pto, but the tumor had to go).

Have fun!