Counseling for anxiety

[bisous]

My closest sister struggles greatly with anxiety and always has. She has always "managed" ok until a few years ago. She started taking meds and did well until she decided to go off them. She was ok for a bit but then relapsed into periods of acute anxiety. She went back on and did well until she tried to stop again. She really doesn't like feeling like she needs meds to feel good about life. She also tried counseling but found it to be too painful and stressful. Now I'm wondering if that is unusual? I do not suffer from anxiety but have always found counseling to be just wonderful and incredibly helpful. Is the very nature of anxiety something that makes talking to others painful? Is this to be expected? I want to encourage her to go for more counseling--especially since some forms of therapy (CBT) have been found to be as effective as meds for anxiety but I have such a small slice of experience to help her with if that makes sense. Would you mind sharing your experiences with therapy and anxiety?

THANK YOU!

[JenChem]

I love CBT for anxiety. I have met with two different therapists (we moved to a different state) both CBT and I found it very effective. I have never tried meds, though I have family that swear by them.

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[ray7694]

I used counseling for many years with success and no need for meds. After I hit my 40s for some reason counseling wasn’t enough and I needed meds. I also went off of them and noticed getting really depressed so decided I really need the meds.
I feel like I can’t control it. My pscych assured me that it’s ok and as long as my doses aren’t increasing I am fine. I have been on the same dose for over a year. It is really sad that the stigma exists because trust me many people just need meds and suffering is not necessary.

[Pear]

I will be honest and say that I prefer meds.


I have looked for therapy in my area and have yet to find a single therapist that doesn’t either say they provide Christian counseling or tout their religion on their web page. I find it extremely unprofessional and can’t fathom using the services of someone who can’t keep their personal beliefs to themselves in the workplace

[bisous]

I will be honest and say that I prefer meds.


I have looked for therapy in my area and have yet to find a single therapist that doesn’t either say they provide Christian counseling or tout their religion on their web page. I find it extremely unprofessional and can’t fathom using the services of someone who can’t keep their personal beliefs to themselves in the workplace

Oh that is so interesting. It is such a selling point to me to think of a counselor that shares my religious beliefs. I can certainly relate to feeling uncomfortable doing therapy with someone who does not share my general outlook. I mean, I guess I don't really care what religious beliefs my counselor would hold but whoever it is must be okay with the fact that God is everything in my life. FWIW, I live in a land of not very many overtly Christian therapists but all of mine have been wonderfully respectful of my beliefs and that's what matters to me.

Interesting that meds are preferable. Would you say that the biggest obstacle to counseling for you is finding a suitable counselor?

[bisous]

I used counseling for many years with success and no need for meds. After I hit my 40s for some reason counseling wasn’t enough and I needed meds. I also went off of them and noticed getting really depressed so decided I really need the meds.
I feel like I can’t control it. My pscych assured me that it’s ok and as long as my doses aren’t increasing I am fine. I have been on the same dose for over a year. It is really sad that the stigma exists because trust me many people just need meds and suffering is not necessary.

I feel like part of my sisters issue is that her anxiety makes her feel like meds mean she's somehow broken. Does that make sense? I feel like if her issues were more under control she'd be less upset about using meds. I'm really worried about her.

[bisous]

I love CBT for anxiety. I have met with two different therapists (we moved to a different state) both CBT and I found it very effective. I have never tried meds, though I have family that swear by them.

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I might mention this particular therapy to her. I've never done CBT but I wonder if it is less "lets talk about my feelings" and more results oriented if that would appeal to her more. What I've read is that CBT is as effective as therapy for anxiety (in contrast to ADHD which my kids suffer from and is hugely more responsive to meds).

[JenChem]

Neither of the therapists I've been to have have been religious. One was private practice and the other worked for my HMO. Both were very results oriented, changing thought pathways. Both used worksheets and sent home planning materials and set exercises/homework. It really appealed to my love of school.

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[robinsmommy]

Therapy depends greatly on the therapist, and also on doing the "homework" one is given - I would think that is esp true for CBT. Where I am at it is really hard to get in to good counselors - they book way out, or are not taking new patients at all, and the ones with openings anytime soon are usually not the ones I hear rave reviews about.

There has been a lot of research that questions the efficacy of some psych drugs, esp those for depression, and some of the anxiety ones. Some of the anxiety ones you take on a regular basis have side effects like weight gain or messing with your sex drive - if you are already unhappy, who needs those issues? And then there is the "wean on/wean off" cycle for many of them. It's not an easy decision - some people find something that works great for them, and others make multiple attempts and never find one that works for them.

[pinkmomagain]

If meds help your sister but she has shame about being on them then her psychiatrist or a therapist really needs to spend time with her helping to change her entire mindset around medication. She is just going to keep cycling. I haven't heard too many people describe therapy as painful and stressful, although when talking about difficult emotions or past traumas it certainly can be painful and stressful. I hope she is willing to give counseling another go. There are lots of great, effective therapists out there -- sometimes it's just a matter of some trial and error. Unfortunately, mental health is not always as straightforward as physical health. It's not like walking into an urgent care and getting a zpack for strep. There definitely requires some patience and faith in the treatment process.

[Liziz]

I don't know if this plays into your sister's challenges at all, but I will say that I am juuuuuust starting to get help for some anxiety issues. I'm really interested in therapy as a way to help (vs. just doing meds) because I can recognize that I'm "believing" some things that are totally wrong/not logical, but even though I know that I can't "not think" like that to avoid the anxiety. So I think counseling will be helpful. Anyways, one of the areas that causes me major anxiety (like to the point of almost having panic attacks) is scheduling appointments. They're super hard to schedule, at inconvenient times, the scheduler always seems super annoyed and hostile to me that I can't take the first available appointment b/c of scheduling issues (this is not true but an example of the way I know my thinking/perception is a little messed up right now, but knowing that doesn't keep the phone call from bringing me to tears almost every time), I have to schedule around school pick-up/drop-off, I have to find a babysitter for a very clingy/separation anxiety toddler....etc. It's extra stressful when it's around this issue b/c I'm sitting there TRYING to get help to feel better, but all it's doing is causing me to feel worse. I'm not sure this is related to how your sister feels at all when she says it's stressful, but I just wanted to throw that perspective out there.

One other perspective - I'm just starting to figure some of this stuff out (I just posted the other day on this issue, in fact!). So don't take this as commentary from someone who has it figured out, but someone who is in the midst of it (aka I know I'm not seeing things clearly right now so I'm a bit unreliable, but it sounds like your sister might not be seeing things clearly either, so it might give a perspective similar to her) But when I first realized that I had something going on and it wasn't normal, I felt a million times worse about myself. I used to be ignoring/pushing down a lot of these anxiety-related thoughts and behaviors. Now that I'm realizing them for what they are, and realizing they're not normal, and seeing their effect on me/my life, it's made me feel worse. Like, before, I got to pretend I was okay. Now, especially if I have to talk to someone else and look at them and admit how I'm thinking/feeling, it feels worse. Like admitting I'm messed up. I'm pushing through right now b/c logically I know that this (going to therapy) is going to be what helps me feel better in the end. But right now I'm often thinking "what did I do? why did I bring this up? I just want to go back and pretend this didn't happen. It wasn't that bad!" (even though if something simple like a child not napping for a day or scheduling an appointment is causing a panic attack, then it's probably not true that it was okay before).

[magnoliaparadise]

Following this thread for myself! I don't have social anxiety at all, but a lot of 'worry' anxiety. It's not acute, but I notice it. I think CBT sounds great. I have a therapist I talk to (not CBT). I would like to work on positive thoughts and not focusing on the negatives and what ifs... thanks for starting this.

[robinsmommy]

I would add that I have seen more than a few therapists talk about CBT in their services offered, but not actually use it very much in practice. I would make sure to ask questions about what techniques they use (snapping a rubber band on your wrist when you catch yourself slipping into the undesired behavior is probably not a therapist I would use - seriously?) , if there are books or worksheets they use - try to really dig and make sure their skills are as advertised. It's not worth either of your time (or *your* money) to find this out a few visits in, if you can screen for people with the skills you need beforehand.

[bisous]

Neither of the therapists I've been to have have been religious. One was private practice and the other worked for my HMO. Both were very results oriented, changing thought pathways. Both used worksheets and sent home planning materials and set exercises/homework. It really appealed to my love of school.

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She loves school. This is helpful!

[bisous]

Therapy depends greatly on the therapist, and also on doing the "homework" one is given - I would think that is esp true for CBT. Where I am at it is really hard to get in to good counselors - they book way out, or are not taking new patients at all, and the ones with openings anytime soon are usually not the ones I hear rave reviews about.

There has been a lot of research that questions the efficacy of some psych drugs, esp those for depression, and some of the anxiety ones. Some of the anxiety ones you take on a regular basis have side effects like weight gain or messing with your sex drive - if you are already unhappy, who needs those issues? And then there is the "wean on/wean off" cycle for many of them. It's not an easy decision - some people find something that works great for them, and others make multiple attempts and never find one that works for them.

Yes, with the one medication she took she gained weight and she didn't like that at all. When she weaned herself off them she lost a lot of weight immediately and she liked that quite a lot. I think the biggest problem with medication is the idea of dependence on something else--a kind of shame that a PP has talked about but I think side effects are a not insignificant concern of hers.

[bisous]

If meds help your sister but she has shame about being on them then her psychiatrist or a therapist really needs to spend time with her helping to change her entire mindset around medication. She is just going to keep cycling. I haven't heard too many people describe therapy as painful and stressful, although when talking about difficult emotions or past traumas it certainly can be painful and stressful. I hope she is willing to give counseling another go. There are lots of great, effective therapists out there -- sometimes it's just a matter of some trial and error. Unfortunately, mental health is not always as straightforward as physical health. It's not like walking into an urgent care and getting a zpack for strep. There definitely requires some patience and faith in the treatment process.

This is so true. Therapy to help her feel better about meds would be amazing. I really, really think she could use regular counseling and meds. It would make a world of difference for her. If only I could help her see it!

[bisous]

I don't know if this plays into your sister's challenges at all, but I will say that I am juuuuuust starting to get help for some anxiety issues. I'm really interested in therapy as a way to help (vs. just doing meds) because I can recognize that I'm "believing" some things that are totally wrong/not logical, but even though I know that I can't "not think" like that to avoid the anxiety. So I think counseling will be helpful. Anyways, one of the areas that causes me major anxiety (like to the point of almost having panic attacks) is scheduling appointments. They're super hard to schedule, at inconvenient times, the scheduler always seems super annoyed and hostile to me that I can't take the first available appointment b/c of scheduling issues (this is not true but an example of the way I know my thinking/perception is a little messed up right now, but knowing that doesn't keep the phone call from bringing me to tears almost every time), I have to schedule around school pick-up/drop-off, I have to find a babysitter for a very clingy/separation anxiety toddler....etc. It's extra stressful when it's around this issue b/c I'm sitting there TRYING to get help to feel better, but all it's doing is causing me to feel worse. I'm not sure this is related to how your sister feels at all when she says it's stressful, but I just wanted to throw that perspective out there.

One other perspective - I'm just starting to figure some of this stuff out (I just posted the other day on this issue, in fact!). So don't take this as commentary from someone who has it figured out, but someone who is in the midst of it (aka I know I'm not seeing things clearly right now so I'm a bit unreliable, but it sounds like your sister might not be seeing things clearly either, so it might give a perspective similar to her) But when I first realized that I had something going on and it wasn't normal, I felt a million times worse about myself. I used to be ignoring/pushing down a lot of these anxiety-related thoughts and behaviors. Now that I'm realizing them for what they are, and realizing they're not normal, and seeing their effect on me/my life, it's made me feel worse. Like, before, I got to pretend I was okay. Now, especially if I have to talk to someone else and look at them and admit how I'm thinking/feeling, it feels worse. Like admitting I'm messed up. I'm pushing through right now b/c logically I know that this (going to therapy) is going to be what helps me feel better in the end. But right now I'm often thinking "what did I do? why did I bring this up? I just want to go back and pretend this didn't happen. It wasn't that bad!" (even though if something simple like a child not napping for a day or scheduling an appointment is causing a panic attack, then it's probably not true that it was okay before).

Yes, maybe that is why it is painful. She wasn't feeling things before. Now she's feeling things and that's better--its a process--but she hasn't gotten to the part that she feels better yet. Thanks for sharing your experience. It is so hard.

[Melaine]

I have just started therapy and can only afford to go once a month. It's something I have been wanting to do for years, my anxiety has been a huge problem for me. I like therapy. The first time, I felt very overwhelmed because I spent so much time talking about myself! It just made me exhausted. But I haven't felt sad or upset. On the other hand, I truly don't have trauma or pain in my past I just have massive anxiety issues that I think are mostly hereditary and possibly tied to some of my health problems.

I have been off and on meds multiple times and they are a double edged sword. When they work for me, it is life-changing. But on the other hand, there are significant side effects and every time they are working well, they start too lose efficacy for me (my doc said that is not unusual). For me, when my anxiety/OCD is bad I physically and mentally can not pull myself out enough to do the things that clearly help me with my anxiety such as exercise, social events, self-care. I am so worn out and overwhelmed that I can't pull it together. My anxiety causes me a ton of other health issues including cardiac symptoms. The last time I was on meds, I gained SO much weight it started to make me depressed which is a whole other problem!
My one piece of advice for anyone in need of help is to google CBD oil. I have been using it since Christmas and this has been absolutely the best I have felt with my anxiety and honestly I have been unfortunately going through one of the most stressful times of my life with health issues between myself and my daughter. I have to recommend CBD oil very highly at this point, because I would literally be falling apart without it I think.

[StantonHyde]

I have been treating my anxiety for 32 years. If it gets bad enough, I get depressed, which has happened twice in my life. So here's the scoop: for really bad anxiety, you need a combo of meds and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. As I have said, anxiety/depression is like being chained to the bottom of a pool--you can't breathe, you can't really cope, etc. Meds just allow you to float to the surface. Therapy lets you swim to the edge of the pool and get out. The sad part about mental illness is that the disease often "tells" you not to take your meds or go to therapy. Then there is this idea that being "dependent" on meds is bad--can you imagine what your son's life would be like if people told him his diabetes was all in his head and that he should be able to wean off his meds??? That would be crazy!

So let's start with meds. Your sister has taken them before. She needs to see a psychiatrist, not a GP, not any other doctor--a psychiatrist. It can take up to 6 weeks for meds to work. (Both times I started meds, they worked in 2 weeks) Sometimes meds do lose efficacy. However, I was on sertraline for 20 YEARS--that's right, 20 before I switched to lexapro. I didn't gain weight on meds--I lost--a lot! I eventually got used to the meds and gained and lost over the years like I would have anyway. They had no impact on my libido--even if they did, DH put it best--"who wants to have sex with a crazy person anyway?". I do get dry mouth and it probably exacerbates my constipation. So I drink at least 2 quarts of water a day. I have been on meds for over 20 years now. The dosages have gone up and down a little bit depending on how I respond, but nothing major. The meds make it so I don't burst out crying or attempt to throttle people or get depressed. Those are all things that I don't want to have as a mom or a wife or just a person. If your sister wants to talk to somebody about meds, PM me.

Counseling. The first time I was diagnosed was when I was 20--junior year of college. I started with counseling before getting on meds. It was HARD for the first 2 years. I had lots of family of origin stuff to work through and I cried and cried. But it got better. I felt like I was digging out all of the old stuff, then preparing a garden, and then I got to plant new plants. The second 2 years I focused on my compulsive overeating. The final 2 years, I worked on all sorts of CBT skills for coping with stress, etc. And I worked those skills--hard. But it takes all of your time and all of your energy--and I was single. When I am on meds, I don't have to use coping skills just to get me to baseline. I use them for all of overkill stuff we get as moms and for me, working outside the home. I stopped going to therapy for almost 10 years and then my mom died. I did 6 months of grief counseling and another year of just trying to cope with my whacked out father. I have found that going monthly really helps me--I decompress and process. That way things don't add up and I find myself in crisis where I need help NOW. I have been doing this for 10 years now.

So, yes, when you add it all up, that's a lot of years. :loveeyes: I do plenty of self care and I exercise a ton because it really, really helps me. But if you are so anxious that you can't function, then you aren't going to exercise or do other self care. Your sister needs to find a good CBT therapist. As for the religion aspect, any decent therapist is going to be respectful of your sister's belief system. In fact, at work we usually don't refer people to LDS Social Services because their therapists aren't necessarily skilled at working with our "tougher"clients. (that said, the LDS Church is one of our major payers--they help people who can't cover the cost of psychiatric treatment and are a blessing to many people)

In the end, she needs to find a good therapist and a good psychiatrist and stick with it. She can augment with other things, but she needs meds and therapy. Don't mess around--she needs to think of this as a physical health problem and handle it just like she would any other chronic illness-diabetes, etc.

[jawilli4]

My friend's CBT therapist had him do homework from the Thoughts and Feelings workbook. He really found it very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518296004&sr=1-1&keywords=thoughts+and+feelings&dpID=51tppPbMz2L&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

He was also recommended and liked the book Feeling Good: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518296047&sr=1-4&keywords=feeling+good&dpID=51JFDdtE59L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

[theriviera]

I have just started therapy and can only afford to go once a month. It's something I have been wanting to do for years, my anxiety has been a huge problem for me. I like therapy. The first time, I felt very overwhelmed because I spent so much time talking about myself! It just made me exhausted. But I haven't felt sad or upset. On the other hand, I truly don't have trauma or pain in my past I just have massive anxiety issues that I think are mostly hereditary and possibly tied to some of my health problems.

I have been off and on meds multiple times and they are a double edged sword. When they work for me, it is life-changing. But on the other hand, there are significant side effects and every time they are working well, they start too lose efficacy for me (my doc said that is not unusual). For me, when my anxiety/OCD is bad I physically and mentally can not pull myself out enough to do the things that clearly help me with my anxiety such as exercise, social events, self-care. I am so worn out and overwhelmed that I can't pull it together. My anxiety causes me a ton of other health issues including cardiac symptoms. The last time I was on meds, I gained SO much weight it started to make me depressed which is a whole other problem!
My one piece of advice for anyone in need of help is to google CBD oil. I have been using it since Christmas and this has been absolutely the best I have felt with my anxiety and honestly I have been unfortunately going through one of the most stressful times of my life with health issues between myself and my daughter. I have to recommend CBD oil very highly at this point, because I would literally be falling apart without it I think.

What cbd oil do you take?


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[Melaine]

What cbd oil do you take?


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Nuleaf organics. https://nuleafnaturals.com/