Please Help with Housecleaning Tips and Tricks -- especially if done with older kids

[Dcclerk]

I will admit that we have not been great models for our kids in chores and housekeeping. I didn't grow up doing it, and I really hate it. My DH did, but we both work, and we have always had a housecleaner since we've had kids. The kids are older (8-14), and we just lost our latest housekeeper. This coincides with me reading several articles/studies suggesting that kids who have chores are happier college students, have a greater sense of mastery overall, and are the type of workers that we generally want in the workplace, and I have decided that we are going to start being our own cleaning crew.

I honestly think that part of why I hate doing housework is that I never had to do it, and I don't want my kids to be saddled with that baggage. One of my biggest mantras is that I want to launch them well. They aren't going to go to college with a cleaning lady, and they probably won't have one for quite a while after college. I want them to just see housework and work in general matter-of-factly. I don't want them to think they are above any job. (That said, if they do an excellent job with us, they will get paid as much as we paid the housecleaners, based on 80% mastery of the work and 20% attitude. We will also all contribute part of the money that each makes toward a family goal like extra vacation/special dinner, etc.)

We have started training in the housework, and we have done the kitchen/bathroom/floors, so far. Once each kid is "certified" that they can do a job well, we will either give each other a weekend once a month that they are in charge of the cleaning. Or, we they will divide up the jobs each week with a rotational schedule (e.g. One kid has the kitchen, one all the bathrooms, one all the trash and floors, and one dust and wipe the walls). We were going to give the kids the choice as to whether they want to do it once a month but much longer (in the way that our cleaning lady would do it-- 5-7 hours) or smaller chunks but every week. I don't think I care which one, but I would love suggestions from those of you who have done this before. The kids are really active, and there is no way that we can do what my DH had growing up which was every Saturday morning you did your chores, and couldn't go anywhere until they were accomplished. We need more flex on the timing than that.

We were going to have them each be responsible for their own rooms and own laundry. I sincerely do not care if they choose not to fold their laundry, and just live out of the clean laundry basket. But, I do want them to clean up their room better than we have traditionally had them clean. I would love hints to make that more doable. I hate being the nag on this one, and truthfully, I have not really been an enforcer for bedrooms.

Our general rules that I am trying to sink in so far have been the following:

Get all of your supplies ready first. Choose the right ones for the job. Put on music, book on tape, or whatever makes it a more pleasurable experience for you.
Clear your flat surfaces so it is easier to work with. The less crap you have, the less crap you have to move to be prepared.
Do like with like (e.g. If you are doing the bathrooms, do all of the toilets at once).
Start top to bottom so anything that is going to fall down doesn't make a mess of your work.
Have your cleaning products do the work for you. So spray your horizontal surfaces and let it sit while you work on your vertical surfaces. Soak your burner grates while you are washing the rest of the kitchen, etc.
Spray the glass cleaner directly on the rag, not the mirrors/windows to prevent streaking.
Start at one end of the room and systematically go around until you get to the start point.


I would love any other hints/tips that you have. If you have any method that you have found worked with incorporating kids into the cleaning process, I would really love to hear them. TIA!

[hillview]

everything should have a home (place it gets put)
work as a team so if you pick up your shoes, grab your brother's too

Honestly it sounds like a lot to go from 0 to everything. Can you start smaller? Good luck!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don’t know. You have good ideas but you don’t really need them to be as skilled and effective as a professional. [emoji4]

1 room at a time vs the clean all the toilets sounds better to me. Obviously if it’s working for you, rock on. I don’t have a cleaning person and only have a few times in my life. Unless prepping for a party, I only clean what needs to be cleaned- deep cleans aren’t an every time thing. Maybe your glass, for example, doesn’t really need to be done every single time. Maybe just counters need to be wiped and the floor needs to be swept not mopped. You have high standards because you have always paid people. I know you’re paying your kids but there’s a less intense approach you could take. [emoji4]

But, your ideas are good and what I do when deep cleaning. My kids can clean but I frequently put them on picking up and putting away duty. Plus cleaning baseboards and dusting. I usually make them a list of things that have been driving me crazy then they divvy it up to do. I teach if needed.

Switch to vinegar for glass and other natural cleaning products, if you haven’t already. The fewer harmful cleaning chemicals they’re breathing, the better.


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[jgenie]

I started teaching my kids to clean this year. They’re 10 and 8. We’re tackling one chore per month. I put a dollar for each day of the month in a jar in their room. If they don’t do their daily task I take a dollar out of their jar. They get to keep whatever is left at the end of the month. They don’t get allowance or cash from relatives so this is their only source of income. The first month was clearing floors in their rooms and making their beds. Second month was cleaning their bathroom counters and floors. We haven’t tackled toilets and tubs yet. Responsibilities build on each other. They are responsible for prior months’ tasks and the current month tasks. They’ll be learning to dust, do laundry, cook, etc. It has been great for us. Good luck!!

I make my own cleaners so I know they’re safe for them to use.


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[specialp]

I don’t know. You have good ideas but you don’t really need them to be as skilled and effective as a professional. [emoji4]




I agree. Also, you're all kind of learning together so be a bit flexible. My old house I cleaned totally different than this house (did it all on a saturday) and it took me a while to figure out why old system didn't work in this larger house. We do a little bit everyday so our 5 day week: kitchen/pantry/laundry room one day, bathrooms & glass cleaning one, organize (get all things put up, filed in their place) and trash emptied one, dust the next, floors last. But we don't spend a lot of time on anything for a day (maybe 30 minutes) and it's never all/whole thing. Kitchen day we might clean the fridge and pantry and not do that again for a couple of months, for example. Bathroom day we tend to do upstairs baths one week, downstairs bath the next. It just keeps me from getting distracted by something if I know it's got a day one of us will get to it.

Mine are younger and my standards reflect that, but it works for us on breaking it up into days.

[mom_hanna]

My only suggestion is, if you are going to have them do the cleaning, let them do it their way, as long as they do a good job. You wouldn't tell your hired cleaners how to clean, would you? ie. your #5 and #6 in particular. You can tell them how you would do it, but don't make them do it your way if another way works for them.

[123LuckyMom]

My only suggestion is, if you are going to have them do the cleaning, let them do it their way, as long as they do a good job. You wouldn't tell your hired cleaners how to clean, would you? ie. your #5 and #6 in particular. You can tell them how you would do it, but don't make them do it your way if another way works for them.

Exactly! What you’ve got going really sounds like cleaning boot camp, and if I were your kid, I think I’d rebel! I also didn’t grow up doing any cleaning, and I think what your doing for your kids is great! I’d just give them a little leeway to do things as they’d like as long as everything’s clean in the end. I work from room to room, top first (dusting, mirrors, countertops) and bottom last (toilets, tub, floors), so I would do an entire bathroom at one time, not all the toilets and then all the sinks, but whatever works for you is best!

As far as keeping bedrooms tidy, the best thing is for everything to have a known place to be stored away and for all laundry to go in the laundry basket immediately and not make a pit stop on furniture or floors. My kids are younger, but we tidy bedrooms every night as part of our bedtime routine, so when they go to bed, everything they’re not currently working on/using is put away, all clothes are put away or in the laundry, surfaces are clear or things are where they’re supposed to be, and the room is ready, except for making the bed in the morning, for the next day. This takes maybe 10 minutes. Usually it’s much less, because it’s only one day’s mess. This works wonderfully for us, but it’s absolutely dependent on there actually being a place for things to go.


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[robinsmommy]

This list has some really good books on how to clean - a couple of these authors have Youtube videos as well, which can be a great way to teach modern kids. There might be some more good info in there to help you and the family establish routines and learn how to make the most of your efforts. Check back in and let us know how it goes and what works or doesn't work - you aren't the only one in this situation! Good on you for setting your kids up for real life.

I think that maybe finding a rotating list to break up the "deep clean" things would be good - to make sure it all gets caught, but also that you aren't doing too much work, either. I like command centers with lists in plastic sheet protectors that you can check off and reuse. I think Fly Lady taught me that one. I'd also find a few things that you do want to hire out - maybe windows? - to make things easier and achievable esp in the beginning.

https://www.thespruce.com/best-housekeeping-and-organizing-books-4158241

[gatorsmom]

It sounds like you have got a great system started. Everyone is on board with it right now because it’s still new and exciting. It after a month or 2, I am guessing the newness will have worn off and everyone will be tired of it. And you will be tired of enforcing it. I’ve seen this happen over and over with habits I was trying to start. A truck recommended by StantonHyde here (thank you again, Rebecca!) is to make and use a motivational chart. If you haven’t used one for a while, this is what works for us: a large poster board from Target for each kid. Think of a big ticket item they want or ask them. Then draw 4 rows with a small award at the end. Draw in the row a star for a successful day cleaning or a successful job or whatever. At the end of 10 stars, give them a small prize. At the end of the 4 rows, they have earned the big ticket item. I like to put small pictures at the end of the row showing what they are earning. And I print out a photo of their big ticket item after the 4 rows and 4 smaller items are earned. Depending on what you award the stars for, it could take several months to earn that big ticket item. And by then, their cleaning routine should be a habit.

Let us know how it goes!

[jgenie]

This list has some really good books on how to clean - a couple of these authors have Youtube videos as well, which can be a great way to teach modern kids. There might be some more good info in there to help you and the family establish routines and learn how to make the most of your efforts. Check back in and let us know how it goes and what works or doesn't work - you aren't the only one in this situation! Good on you for setting your kids up for real life.

I think that maybe finding a rotating list to break up the "deep clean" things would be good - to make sure it all gets caught, but also that you aren't doing too much work, either. I like command centers with lists in plastic sheet protectors that you can check off and reuse. I think Fly Lady taught me that one. I'd also find a few things that you do want to hire out - maybe windows? - to make things easier and achievable esp in the beginning.

https://www.thespruce.com/best-housekeeping-and-organizing-books-4158241

I follow Clean Mama’s cleaning schedule and her Facebook group. Her book Simply Clean is great!


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[twowhat?]

I'd start with the "easier" stuff, like just keeping stuff put away. That's our biggest struggle and I think the thing you can do to make the most impact is to have a place where everything goes. Once there's a place for everything, then it's much easier to keep stuff picked up, and no excuses of "I didn't know where to put it". I made my kids do a giant purge/room clean over spring break and I took a rather drastic approach - I made them dump everything - and I mean everything, out into the middle of their floor. Including emptying all drawers. They were shocked by how much stuff and crap they had, so it made an impression. Then, we put EVERYTHING back in assigned places (as well as created give-away or throw-away piles). It took each girl an entire afternoon, several hours each, and tears were involved but when they were done they realized just how much better and less stressed they felt being surrounded by a clean space. Now, all I have to do is to remind them "make sure your room looks like it did on that magical day" (it truly was magical) and it only takes them a few minutes to tidy up.

I've only just started teaching them how to clean a toilet (simple rule: "clean from the outside in") and we do it REALLY simply - chlorox wipes. Wipe starting on the outside, end on the inside, throw all the wipes and your disposable gloves away). But I'm not making them do it, I just wanted to show them how.

Other chores they actually want to do because it involves some fun, like mopping or spraying/wiping surfaces. They do a terrible job, but I just let it go as long as they're having fun with the mops and spray bottles.

So if I were you I'd start with just keeping things picked up/put away...that by itself is already a HUGE chore, especially if you need to first get to the point where you can coast, like we did over spring break :)

[squimp]

I agree that it seems intimidating to go from 0 to everything overnight. I would pick a few chores for each kid and figure out how you will ensure they do their chores in a timely manner.

My DD keeps her room clean, does her laundry, keeps her bathroom clean, picks up the media room, empties the garbage, puts her things away, and empties the dishwasher. She vacuums her areas when needed.

You could try doing a clean up day or half day, where you all work together to get the big things done like vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms. It might be more fun to do it all together as a family.

[ourbabygirl]

Thanks for this thread and the advice given! For the past year or so I've been trying to having our kids (3, 7, & 9) do more cleaning. We don't have a housecleaner and even if we had one, it's good for them to know how to clean and to participate in keeping our house clean, since they're the main ones that get it dirty! :ROTFLMAO:
The 3 year old is of course not able to do much, and the older kids can do more, but one delays and delays and then makes excuses of why he can't do certain things (I have a headache/ stomachache/ I'm tired/ etc.). The other can do a good job, but has major tween attitude lately and acts like I'm ruining her life to do a few simple chores once a week.

Their only daily chore is really emptying the dishwasher, putting away their own clean, folded clothes, and setting the table (every other day). On Sat. mornings I have one clean one bathroom, the other clean another bathroom (we have two others that I do). Some chores are to empty the small garbage cans around the house, clean the coffee table and front windows by the front door, vacuum the kitchen area, and vacuum the (tiny) mudroom and laundry room.

Other than that, I want them to straighten up their rooms (they're slobs about leaving worn clothes on the floor) and make their beds. We do give them a dollar per chore (so they could get in the $6-7 range each weekend, which we have them divide into save, share, and spend envelopes). But it's a struggle every week, and I need a way to get them more wiling to do things. Other than putting on fun music or setting a timer, do you have any ideas to make it less of a burden for all involved?

[bisous]

Answering this with the caveat that my kids have a long way to go before I'd say we are really excellent at keeping our house clean!

One thing that has worked for us is that the two older kids each have a daily chore that makes a huge difference for me. DS1 (14) does ALL the dishes for the day and DS2 (10)'s job is to keep the living room (which is our only living area) clean every day. Both do it proficiently and without complaint though they do need the occasional reminder. The way we got here is that DS1 wanted an iPhone (that he also needed to monitor his type 1 diabetes apps) and we agreed provided that he had some additional responsibility at our house. DS2 wanted more privileges (occasionally staying up late, access to screens) and he happily took on extra chores as well. DS3's job is to clean up the lego area every day. He's not good at it and complains a lot. We're working on it.

We REALLY need to have better routines. My kids are not good about putting stuff away when they get dressed in the morning (clothing left everywhere), finish eating (leave the table a mess) and get in from school (shoes, backpacks, lunchbacks, jackets scattered everywhere!). We're working on this next.

Over the summer I give each kid a "mom job" for their daily routine that is required and it has allowed me to do things like teach DS2 to clean toilets and mirrors and DS1 to do yardwork, etc. They're learning. They have a long way to go!

[Dcclerk]

Thank you to everyone who gave me such thoughtful responses— I really appreciate it. You are helping me with realistic expectations, which is exactly what I need. I think as long as I see the needle moving forward, I will count it as a successful endeavor. Since my goal is to launch them well, I’ve got a few years to get them into a good place. That is such a good point that you raised about us going from 0-60 so quickly. They already have the standard chores of clear/set table, unload dishwasher, take out kitchen trash, etc., but we definitely have a very long way to go. I think building in steps may work better, if the blitzkrieg turns out not to work. (Believe it or not, I have half of the books on that cleaning list—- apparently I am more of a learner than a doer ;-). I just ordered the Simply Clean book because it sounds great, and may help with refining our current checklist. Thank you for the suggestion!)

I’ve decided that we will tackle their rooms over the summer. We plan to separate the boys, move rooms, paint, etc., so it is a perfect time to declutter and start afresh there. By that point, they will have time under their belt to see that everything works better when you have less stuff.

My DH grew up with the mantra “A place for everything and everything in its place.” I used to mock his dad (lovingly— he is a great guy), but I now have a huge appreciation for that concept. We definitely have a ton of places that we can pare our stuff down to make sure that we have an easy place to put everything. I told them to just be observant, and when you notice that we don’t need something, let’s get rid of it. Our goal is just to get through one thing— eg. a drawer, cabinet, etc. a week. I am in a purge mode right now, so I don’t think that is unreasonable.

I asked them to ponder what they think would make their jobs easier, e.g. I’m going to put a command hook inside my bathroom cabinet for a microfiber cloth, so I can easily wipe down my bathroom sink every day. I also have them thinking about what group family goal we want to strive for. One suggests a trip to Japan so possibly slightly unrealistic but they are enjoying considering what they want to do. I could easily work on a motivational chart for that goal, but possibly seeing the money itself in a save envelope or jar is more persuasive. I gave them a budget and had them plan our spring break, so they have a new appreciation for how much things cost right now. And, that goal is separate and apart from the cash that they will get for cleaning.

Given their really crazy schedules, I think that it is probably best for us to have a family calendaring/project planning session each Sunday afternoon. Once we get a final decision on whether we are doing the once a month kid handles the whole thing or each kid rotates a subset weekly, then I think we can get on the calendar the schedule. The kids will be responsible (with our help) in looking over the week to figure out a realistic time to get their job done. We’ve been working on project planning and advance planning for other things so this is probably a good step in that direction. (Can you tell that executive functioning is not my strong suit, so I have to explicitly work through a plan like this?! I can’t tell you far I have had to come. I literally got really upset when I had my first job and they gave me some file cabinets for my office because I couldn’t fathom what would make sense to go in there and how to keep them.)

I continue to welcome any thoughts/advice to tweak the plan. As much as I still don’t like all the work I have to do for it, I really am hopeful that my kids will learn some important skills and not have my same attitude over time!


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[legaleagle]

Someone recommended the blog/podcast A Slob Comes Clean https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/ a while back and there are 3 decluttering things that she talks about that have stuck with me (whether I've implemented them is another question!)

1. Container concept - you can only keep as many things as fit in the space you have for them

2. Clutter threshold - the amount of stuff you personally can keep under control and specific things that push you over the edge.

3. Decluttering without making a bigger mess - as you find things you want to move or declutter move one thing at a time, either directly into out the door box or to the place you want it to end up. If there's no room in that location, immediately remove/move something else so that there is room. The idea is you never pull out the entire closet and end up with a giant pile that you can't finish dealing with and then causes more chaos & mess. So kind of the reverse of KonMari but better for the more time/attention pressed among us.

[robinsmommy]

If Japan is not an option, can you find the next best thing(s)? Dinner at a Japanese restaurant, a trip to a nearby Japanese festival, a trip to see the latest anime film/con, etc?

And yes on the calendaring meeting. I continue to push for that with my family, and continue to get resistance. I think they are coming to see the light after a few surprise appts that I tried to tell them about. ;)

[Peaches Keane]

http://www.flylady.net/c/lp.php

https://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/cleaning/house-cleaning-schedule

https://www.mollymaid.com/cleaning-institute/schedules-charts-checklists.aspx

Also, google “task analysis” and the task you want broken down into steps.

[lizzywednesday]

My only suggestion is, if you are going to have them do the cleaning, let them do it their way, as long as they do a good job...

:yeahthat:

I would've stopped cleaning the bathrooms when I was a kid (my mother let me starting when I was 8 or 9; I was good at it) if someone had told me I was doing it "wrong."

With my DD, I taught her how to operate the sponge mop and run the vacuum, but I back off if she's using them.
I taught her how to clean windows when she was about 2; I don't care if she sprays cleaner directly on the window as long as it's clean when she's done.
She knows how to operate the washing machine & dryer.
She also washes dishes. (At random times, occasionally, but she washes dishes.)

Depending on how your kids learn best, show them once and hand off the task.

[AustenFan]

What has worked for our kids over the past couple of years has been that we have three weekend cleaning tasks for each kid. We had to work for over a year to really get our 11 year old cleaning a bathroom as well as I would like--we had to go in and check, over and over, and have one of us stand over him and physically put our hand on top of his to show him how to clean--but he can now knock one out (sink, mirrors, toilet, floors) in 15 minutes. I'm still in training with DD1 and DD2. If we do it every weekend (ideally first thing Saturday morning, as long as we don't have sports going on, but sometimes it's Sunday afternoon, before we have DH's students over for dinner), it never gets too out of control. I pick three tasks because if they work diligently, they can be done in under an hour. We don't do the same ones every week, so we rotate as needed. It's not an overwhelming number, and I vary the tasks so one person doesn't get stuck with all the long, intense tasks. Honestly, four kids working for an hour a week does wonders on my home. We've talked about getting housecleaners, but at this point, we're making do just fine. I grew up with slobs and DH grew up in a house that was so clean his mom would re-fluff the throw pillows when you got up from the couch, so we've hit what we consider a happy medium.

Right now, here are the types of chores we assign:

DS (11)
kid bathroom
main floor bathroom
vacuum stairs
sweep back porch
scrub out bathtub or our shower (this is a separate task from the rest of the bathroom)

DD1 (8)
scrub kitchen sink and counters (she really prefers cleaning the kitchen to doing bathrooms)
clean master bathroom (because ours is the cleanest to begin with)
sweep and mop kitchen floor
vacuum main floor
sort laundry

DD2 (7)
sweep and mop kitchen
shop vac out car (we live by the beach, so there's sand all the time)
dust
collect and empty trash cans
vacuum downstairs
sort random toys and put away in their proper homes (she is our most OCD child, so she's the best at this)

DD3 (5)
wash windows and mirrors (we stick old holey socks on her hands and give her the spray bottle and let her go to town--most of the smudges are within her reach because she made them to begin with)
wipe grime off walls and/or baseboards
wipe kitchen cabinets
she also dusts but isn't as tall, so it's only a half-done job =)
put books back on shelves with spines facing out
fold clean kitchen dishcloths, towels, and cloth napkins

So as others have said, you need to do what works for your kids. We have found that any sort of reward charts work for about a month and then we all lose interest and they peter out. We don't pay them directly, because we expect that all six of us contribute to cleaning the house (I would be offended if DH "paid" me to do his laundry, and he doesn't get extra bonus rewards for washing the dishes every night, kwim?). But we do give a weekly allowance, because we want them learning to manage money. If they ever want to earn extra money for something, I'll come up with an extra task (like pulling all the cushions off the couch and vacuuming underneath, or reorganizing the garage) and will pay them handsomely for it. We also do a weekly pizza-and-movie night to celebrate the end of the week, and it's sortof our family reward to ourselves for keeping on top of housework and stuff. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the reason it has worked for us this long is that we just haven't made it too complicated. I don't want to make this sound like it's just smooth and easy every Saturday morning, because it isn't, but that I really do see progress. As you mentioned, it's such a gift to our kids to have life skills for college/adulthood!

[Dcclerk]

Thanks for all of this additional detail and thoughtful responses. I really appreciate everyone's additional thoughts. To be clear, I couldn't care less how the kids actually do a chore so long as it is clean. I just want to give them some general rules that they can revert to if they get overwhelmed, because this is really new for us. (Great call on the google search "task analysis" BTW, Peaches Keane. I totally need that stuff.) I like to learn how to do something "right," but I'm actually not remotely a control freak. They can do it all with their feet upside down for all I care if they get the job done. But, I have some kids who struggle with focus, and I don't want to turn this into a full, depressing day event so that is why I like to have rules, if we can.

If we do decide to make this a weekly occurrence, a la AustenFan, rather than a one-child per month event then I probably could do something like:

Kid 1: all bathrooms
Kid 2: kitchen
Kid 3: trash throughout house, dusting and floors throughout house
Kid 4: Rotating large spring cleaning-type task which may include windows, scrubbing the walls, cleaning out refrigerator/freezer, cupboards, waxing countertops (we have soapstone), etc.


We have had for years a weekly kitchen rotation of (1) clear and set table (including extraneous dishes into dishwasher); (2) unload dishwasher (everyone is expected to load their own dishes for every meal); (3) kitchen trash; and (4) counters and floors in kitchen, and it has worked pretty well. The workload is uneven, but since it rotates, everyone is fine with that. I think that if they are not gung-ho for the once a month plan, they won't mind the weekly rotations.

I just got my Simply Clean book today -- thanks Robinsmommy and Jgenie!-- and I am super excited. Maybe she will have some options I haven't even pondered for us yet. I can totally see printing out the plans/checklists and keeping them in my family binder. (I do have a command center that works fine-ish.) She makes it all seem so easy. While I am sure it will not be easy for us-- yet (we are working on growth mindset over here ;-)), I think that just the reassurance that this is do-able helps a lot.

Thank you again for all of your help!