N-Word on the Bus. How Would You Handle?

[anonomom]

DD1's middle school bus has apparently been getting raunchy for a while now, but in the last few days has taken a turn from garden-variety profanity and sexual harassment into outright racism.

Yesterday, one of DD's classmates, a casual friend, announced loudly that she has an "n-word pass" and is allowed to use it (she is white, and she used the actual word). Today, some 8th grade boys were singing along to a song using the word and this same girl was also apparently using the word to tease other kids.

I have impressed upon DD that this is all wrong. There is no excuse, ever, for a white kid to use that word -- not as a joke, not when singing a song, never. And I have encouraged her to speak up, at least to her friend. But this girl is incredibly stubborn and not particularly blessed with either good judgment or common sense.

But I feel like I really need to do something more. I'm reasonably good friends with the mother of the boy who was singing the song. Should I mention it to her? And do I need to bring the whole thing to the school's attention? It feels like this should be nipped in the bud.

DD is, of course, horrified at the thought of getting her friends into trouble, but it seems to me something needs to be done. Apparently they all sit far enough to the back of the bus that the driver does not hear what's going on.

Anyone BTDT? Any advice?

[JBaxter]

You can put a call into the transportation department that there is inappropriate language being spoken on bus # XX. Give them that heads up and leave it alone.

I would not give specific names it could come back on your kid. Just let them know and let them handle it. This will not be the worse thing your daughter hears through her school years. Yes it needs to be addressed but sounds like kids carrying on. I don't agree with the N word and the school should address it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No way would I call the parents about this. I would let the school know- but not name names- simply so they can provide follow up on proper codes of conduct and not using offensive language. Ask for what you want specifically to happen but that's it. Your dd shouldn't feel like she needs to police the world. It's good to tell a friend not to use that language but don't force her to. Focus on growing your own good citizen.

[mmsmom]

Yes, leave it to the school to handle. They have procedures for this kind of thing and it will be much better coming from them than you. At our school, I would email the guidance counselor. I would consider emailing the principal as well but most likely the guidance counselor would tell him anyway. I would just day DD heard the n word being used on the bus and it needs to be addressed. I would likely give names but I am also confident it wouldn’t come back to me or my child.

[div_0305]

Call the bus driver's supervisor and let the principal know as well. I'm sure the driver is concentrating on driving, but it would seem hard to miss hearing that word spoken so often. Curious if the kids on the bus are all white?

[123LuckyMom]

I would definitely call the bus company, but I would not stop there. I would also definitely contact the parents. If it were a group of kids my child were part of in my town, I wouldn’t hesitate to email all the parents of the group on the bus and, without calling out any individual child, express that the word is being used to tease, in conversation, and in songs and that you’d like support from the parents to nip this behavior in the bud. In my town, people would be highly receptive to that and in complete agreement that, at the very least, the kids should all be taught a lesson on the history of that word and why it’s reprehensible for white people to use it (and why it’s debatably important for black people to be allowed to reshape it), and the parents would be on top of making sure their kids understood. I’m well aware, though, that the approach I’m suggesting may not be the best everywhere, because overt and unashamed racism is rampant in our country right now. Still, I’d have to at least try to contact the parents of the kids and address the situation. If the parents were not receptive, I might contact the school, again, not naming names, but letting the school know this is happening and hoping for support in addressing this as a serious issue as part of the children’s’ education.


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[icunurse]

We recently had something similar happening on DDs bus, except that a white boy called the lone black kid the N-word. Fortunately, the black kids parents taught him well and he verbally took on the kid who said it, but several kids, including DD, went to the bus driver and told. It was then escalated to the principal. My DD didn't know what that word meant, only that it must be bad based on how the kid reacted and then what he told her about it. So she and I had to have a looonng talk about how the word came about, how hurtful it is, and how it is a horrible word, whether from a white person or a rapper. We also discussed how no one has the right to make people feel badly and that she did the right thing by standing up for the kid. And that maybe she needs to keep this in the back of her mind as to who her friends are (the word was not said by a current friend).

[hillview]

WOW I'd call and email both the school and the bus company WOW

[BunnyBee]

Do not call the parents. I would call the bus and a school administrator. This kind of crap needs to be dealt with and not ignored.

[carolinacool]

I have a lot of thoughts about the N-word, mainly based on who's saying it and how they are using it. That probably sounds unfair and conflicting, but it is what it is. I listen to a lot of hip-hop and have been known to say it when I'm singing in the car. In general, though, I tend to use "negro" in that way. ("These negros are crazy.")

In this particular case, I would probably call the school. Like a previous poster, I'm curious, too. Were there any black kids on the bus when that child stood up and said she had an "n-word pass?"

[robinsmommy]

Echoing what PP's said and would let the school and bus admin handle it - report anonymously. I would not let this slide. Um, garden variety sexual harassment? I think they need to cover better bus manners and do some education on discrimination and equality. That behavior is not ok anymore - this is the time to start teaching kids to do better.

I would not call parents. Sadly, you never really know what beliefs are shared inside a home and it could come back to bite you and DC, even if you just called the parents of the child you knew - word could get around about you speaking up. The girl using that word to tease learned that behavior somewhere - possibly at home.

[bisous]

Echoing what PP's said and would let the school and bus admin handle it - report anonymously. I would not let this slide. Um, garden variety sexual harassment? I think they need to cover better bus manners and do some education on discrimination and equality. That behavior is not ok anymore - this is the time to start teaching kids to do better.

I would not call parents. Sadly, you never really know what beliefs are shared inside a home and it could come back to bite you and DC, even if you just called the parents of the child you knew - word could get around about you speaking up. The girl using that word to tease learned that behavior somewhere - possibly at home.

I agree with all of this. I think in this modern world I'd use caution when dealing with potentially racist/prejudiced families. My DH lived in NC for awhile and encountered not a small amount of racism there. There is a lot of scary stuff. I think an adult can be pretty up front about a lot of stuff but I'd be cautious to involve my kids, in any way. The school and the transportation company can better handle it without any possible implication for your children.

[squimp]

I would call the principal. Stuff like this is happening (we had swastikas in the bathroom this year), and the principal should be aware so they can discuss and set expectations. They invited in a Holocaust survivor to speak this year, and that had an impact on kids. I don't really consider this the transportation folks' issue, since they answer to the district here. The bus goes to a school. The principal or superintendent is the overseer or the school community.

I would like to think we live in a world where you could tell the parents, but you never really know how it would be received and how it would affect your child.

That said, if the child made a comment like that while in my care, I would tell the parents. It takes a village.

[ang79]

In our district I would report that to the school. At our intermediate buildings we now have a dean of students who handles stuff like this (who would also collaborate with principal, guidance counselor, and teacher of student if need be). At elementary level I would talk to the principal and guidance counselor. We have anti bullying and positive behavior programs that this would definitely violate and staff would take it very seriously.

I think (or at least hope!) that parents (and students) will take it more seriously if the school contacts them vs. another parent. And once the school is made aware they can watch out for continued problems on the bus, in class, at recess, and at school functions.


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[georgiegirl]

WOW I'd call and email both the school and the bus company WOW

That’s what I would do.

A few years ago, DD overheard something semi-racist and I reported it to the bus company (it was one of their monitors who said it.). The monitor had asked a (Muslim) girl her name, and the girl replied, “Fatima,” and the monitor said (in a not so nice tone according to my DD), “what kind of name is that?” The question was not a genuine “I’m interested in your culture question” but a that’s a weird name sort of way.


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[Kindra178]

I would call the school. I would not call parents.


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[HannaAddict]

You can put a call into the transportation department that there is inappropriate language being spoken on bus # XX. Give them that heads up and leave it alone.

I would not give specific names it could come back on your kid. Just let them know and let them handle it. This will not be the worse thing your daughter hears through her school years. Yes it needs to be addressed but sounds like kids carrying on. I don't agree with the N word and the school should address it.

I would hope that would be one of the worst things, I’d not the worst thing, my kid hears. I don’t really care about swearing or crude crap, but that word is a big deal around here and would be a call to school - not just the transportation department.


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[hillview]

I listen to a lot of hip-hop and have been known to say it when I'm singing in the car. In general, though, I tend to use "negro" in that way. ("These negros are crazy.")
"
I am so sorry but I feel compelled to say something -- I just don't understand this at all. Are you black? If you are not I cannot imagine why you would use this word ever.

I listen hip hop too.

[carolinacool]

I am so sorry but I feel compelled to say something -- I just don't understand this at all. Are you black? If you are not I cannot imagine why you would use this word ever.

I listen hip hop too.

I am.

Which is why I said it was complicated. My thoughts on that word and black people using it have jumped all over the past 20 years. But what the OP describes, several white kids on a bus using it, is definitely a no with me.

[hillview]

I am.

Which is why I said it was complicated. My thoughts on that word and black people using it have jumped all over the past 20 years. But what the OP describes, several white kids on a bus using it, is definitely a no with me.
aha ok same page :love5: