what did u do for your 40th bday?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i need ideas! i'm turning 40 in a few weeks (eek). DH asked if i wanted some sort of party or celebration and I totally do. But i need to provide him with a guest list and where to have it etc and none of the scenarios i'm thinking of sound appealing, given our situation. i need ideas of what others here have done!

what is funny is many years back DH threw me a 30th birthday party (pre-kids, at our apartment at the time), we had catered food and it was a huge blast and we had like 40+ people there. things are waaaay different now though.

1) don't have many friends who live locally (and sadly, we've lived here nearly decade! eek). A big part of it is that i don't fit in with the general culture here, and the other is just my nature of my work (engineering, very few women) and just being a working mother in general (no time for socializing in general or PTA/volunteering etc like many other moms).
2) most of the few friends i do have are also extremely busy moms juggling a million things. so, i'm trying to prepare for scenario when only 2-3 ppl end up showing up, and it not look completely pathetic. (DH was saying renting a room or portion of a restaurant, but i hesitate for this very reason! lol)
3) just having a regular dinner party at a restaurant sounds easiest, but i tend to not like dinner get-togethers at restaurants because it' tends to be loud, hard to hear people and plus you are stuck in one seat and don't get to talk with everyone. and after an hour people get bored and leave. also, we now have a 7 and 8yo. the last thing i want to deal with at a restaurant is bored kids complaining about the food and asking when they can go home.
4) having some party at home (catered) sounds most relaxing (people can stay for long as they want, if they have kids they can play upstairs with my DC, etc). however, wehenver we know we will have guests over i tend to freak out about how much cleaning i have to do the days before. in this area, people are really into having spotless , well-decorated homes that look like something out of a magazine.


help. i'm in a funk and just feeling annoyed and frustrated by the prospect of figuring this out (and yes, i must plan most of it, there's is no "let DH figure it out.") my DH would rather be burned alive than interact socially with people, so the other thing is that the whole time i know all this will be a huge huge sacrifice for him (though he is more than willing to do it and he is not complaining at all). hit me with your ideas and what you have done!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Of your choices, I’d do #4. No reason you can’t hire folks to get the house ready, run the party and clean up. Hire a sitter for the kids.
But, I’d personally choose none of the above and go on a trip with dh or friends. Vegas or New Orleans get my vote.


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[ourbabygirl]

Yep, I'd vote for #4, too. Or choose a kid-free trip, like SnuggleBuggles, but somewhere totally different and relaxing (I don't drink, so Vegas & New Orleans wouldn't be my thing). If you have it at home, do you have grandparents or anybody that you could send the kids to overnight so you don't even have to see/ think about kids for the night? Then you can stay up as late as you want and sleep in and make everyone else get baby-sitters, too. :loveeyes:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks. i'm leaning towards having it at home too. i know it will stress out my DH 10x more though.

we don't have any family nearby to watch kids. i'd thought about getting a sitter - will have to look into that and see if anyone is available.

trip out of town with friends would sound cool, but i dont' really have group of friends who would be into that sort of thing. i already did a girls trip in March with some friends for another friend's 40th bday. plus i think this time of year is extremely challenging to do anything, let alone go out of town- end of the semester and kids have recitals, performances etc and college students (sitters) have exams etc.

[KpbS]

Yes, if you don't want to go away (either with friends or just you and DH) for the weekend, absolutely have a catered party at home! Sounds very fun. Hire cleaners (part of your gift is you don't have to clean in advance ;) ) and find a place for your DC to spend the night (ever swap kids with friends?) so you don't have to think about them at all. Invite your favorite people with plenty of lead time, follow up on RSVPs so you know how much food to order, and enjoy!! :) HBD!!!!

[AnnieW625]

We didn’t do much for mine last June. We drove back to our house from a family party the day before in Pleasanton so it was a 5 hour drive and then we made it home by 3 pm so I was able to take a nap for an hour or two before getting ready for dinner. DH and went to sushi and my sister watched the kids and bought me cupcakes from the store. It was nothing fancy and I loved it.

I had a 30th birthday party with most of my mommy group friends and some coworkers and Dd1 was a year old old, but for forty I am glad we did what we did.

If we had an unlimited income my ideal 40th birthday would’ve been seeing U2’s Joshua Tree tour on my birthday at Gillette Stadium in Boston, but again it wasn’t financially feasible. This year I am thinking about going to see Old Dominion and Kenny Chesney in Phoenix on 6/23, which is a 5 hour drive for us, and 6/25 is my day off so we could spend Sunday hanging out in the Phoenix area if we don’t take the kids and then drive home on Monday 6/25. Not sure if it will be just DH and I or we will take the kids.

I would probably do a weekend away.

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[DualvansMommy]

It sounds like you really like the idea of a catered party at your home best, so I’d go for that. If timing is a real issue for most of your friends, ie end of semester, Mother’s Day coming up, communion, etc events. Push it back few weeks later?

ITA on hiring one time big cleaning crew to really clean your home, hire party coordinator even to set up your party theme, coordinate with catering company etc etc so bulk of it doesn’t fall on you. It’s kinda what I did for DH’s 40th, I threw a catered party for him in our home that we just literally bought 2-3 weeks before. For my own 40th, DH threw a party for me at a venue with food and private room for my friends to socialize. I also went away with my girlfriends few weeks before my actual 40th.

Have a great one, whichever you decide!


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[klwa]

*laughs* What did I do? I spent the day at work, then got DH & the kids and drove to the town my niece's wedding was in the next day. I DID get a dessert at supper when we stopped. :)

As for you, what do you REALLY want to do? Meet up with a couple of friends for a night out at the movies & dinner? (That's more my style anyway than a big party.) It sounds like 4 would be your preferred option if you didn't have to clean, so I agree with PP that part of the party cost would need to be a housecleaner coming in during the week before the party.

[SnuggleBuggles]

When we’ve gone away for birthdays, it’s often months after the actual event. It still feels like a celebration. :)


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[georgiegirl]

DH and I turned 40 the same year as our 10th wedding anniversary. So we went on a family trip to Punta Cana. At the time our youngest was 5 mo old, so we wouldn’t have left him. And we don’t have anyone who could watch our three kids anyway. On the actual day, I think DH brought in Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Nothing exciting.


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[ezcc]

Well, true story, my dh forgot my 40th. I was in the middle of cooking dinner wondering why he wasn't even home yet. I think he just lost track of the day :). We went out to dinner as a family the next night. We aren't that big on birthdays in our house though... I would also pick a trip, but a casual party at home would be fun too.

[carolinacool]

Mine was super low-key. A few girlfriends and I had dinner at a restaurant (kids stayed home with DHs). Afterward, we were supposed to go to one of those "wine and design" paint places but it started icing outside. So we rescheduled and a smaller group went the following week. I had a great time although I did feel like it was "supposed" to have been a bigger event because you always hear about awesome 40th birthday parties. Never been to one, though. lol

[California]

Happy birthday!

Other possibilities...

Things that are fun with a few girlfriends:
Fancy buffet brunch. I find brunch a little quieter at restaurants as you can sit on the patio (That said, I'm in California, may still be cold where you are.)
Wine and paint place
Pottery place if the ones near you offer "bring your own wine" nights
Spa visit
Cooking class
Wine or beer tasting tour
Escape room and dinner

Or do something you haven't done before with your DH. Zip lining, hot air balloon ride, small plane scenic tour, helicopter ride... anything that has intrigued you.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sorry for the multiple posts! Just wanted to say that the big celebrations for 40 have actually been the exception not the norm in my circle. Most have been cocktail nights out with friends, dinner out with a few friends or something else just small and simple. It's ok not to do something special unless you really want and need it. In that case, plan away!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks for the replies everyone! I'm feeling way better about it now. these are all great points.

and I guess nobody showing up to parties is just one of my biggest paranoid fears, I guess especially after some of the stories I've read on here (where nobody came to their DC"s party, PPL flaked out at the last minute). For DD's bday party last month (at a gymnastics place) I honestly was afraid something like that was going to happen! instead of all the girls in her class, DD insisted she only wanted to invite 7 of her classmates to her party...and a week before the party (RSVP deadline) we only had ONE kid RSVP. Then one of her invited friends told her in person she couldn't come. IN the week before, I seriously was wondering what we could do in case only one friend showed up (or no one did)...it being at a gymnastics party with a coach to lead the kids in activities, etc. DH invited his coworkers and their kids. But then 2 days before the party, we got 1 more rsvp, then couple more the day before, and then the day of, everyone came except for 1 kiddo! It was actually a decent crowd. I was pleasantly surprised but I guess this is often norm, though it does throw me for a loop (nobody RSVP's until the last minute, which can be nerve-wracking!)



Sorry for the multiple posts! Just wanted to say that the big celebrations for 40 have actually been the exception not the norm in my circle. Most have been cocktail nights out with friends, dinner out with a few friends or something else just small and simple. It's ok not to do something special unless you really want and need it. In that case, plan away!

no worries, I appreciate your posts!!! :) And yeah, I guess that makes sense. It does seem that the all-out parties tend to be more for 30th bday celebrations and 40th and 50th tend to be lower key, smaller, simpler.. (everyone gets busy with life, etc)

someone mentioned a painting/pottery place with wine, and that does sound like an awesome idea...will have to do that for a girls' night with some coworkers or something.

[ilfaith]

We didn’t do much to celebrate my 40th. DS3 was only a few weeks old at the time.

Next year I turn 50, and I would love to throw myself a huge party...but DS2’s bar mitzvah will be a month later, so throwing two big parties the same summer might not be feasible.

[Soccermomm]

We had just moved to TX, so I hardly knew anyone. It was just the three of us and we drove to Destin, FL. Had a lovely time there and I got a pair of beautiful earrings(small diamond hoops) that I love and wear all the time. Its nice to remember i got these for my 40th. I also turn the BIG 5-0 next year. Have no idea what to do for that one.

[mmsmom]

My high school friends celebrated together since we all turned 40 around the same time. It was great as we hadn’t been together in a long time. We all met at one persons house in another state that was in a vacation area. DH arranged a nice dinner, hotel and overnight sitter for the actual day but we had to cancel due to a hurricane. We rescheduled for our anniversary and I still give him a hard time for getting 2 occasions in one. Another friend a couple years younger planned a trip to Paris. 6 girls went... she paid for the air BnB and we paid for everything else. I am planning something similar for my 50th in a few years.

[lovingdenver10]

I vote for #4

[lizzywednesday]

Absolutely nothing!

DH brought home Indian takeout, which is kind of a big deal (samosas!!!) because he usually despises curry blends, and he tried a little bit of everything (preferred tandoori chicken to the chicken tikka masala, but I remain unsurprised about this) without complaining, so I count it as a "win."

He still owes me a bike from last year, though.

And I got birthday money from my in-laws, part of which I used on eyebrow threading, lunch with DD, and a new Neil Gaiman book ... and am looking for a new lip gloss & eyeliner.

[citymama]

I did your #4 - catering, called in house cleaners, I do not have a house that looks like it's out of a magazine but clutter was cleaned up, and the best part - we hired a jazz band to play! I LOVED seeing people dancing and having a good time. One of our friends stood in as bartender so DH wouldn't be doing all of that. It was the only time where we specified "no kids" and I'm glad we did that - it went 8-midnight and was a very different kind of social gathering than we usually have in which parents are running after kids and I'm freaking out about pizza smeared onto my Persian rugs. Hire some help, minimize kids if possible (or hire a babysitter and run some movies in a separate space), and celebrate fabulous 40! Happy bday!

[n2ou]

I’m shy to say this, lol, but I completely cleared out my great room, Rented black lights and a DJ, had a full bar (that was a fun Costco trip) and danced to 90s hip hop until 3 am in the morning. I bet around 100 people were there. I had cornhole and beer pong out back. It was an absolute blast!

[carolinacool]

I’m shy to say this, lol, but I completely cleared out my great room, Rented black lights and a DJ, had a full bar (that was a fun Costco trip) and danced to 90s hip hop until 3 am in the morning. I bet around 100 people were there. I had cornhole and beer pong out back. It was an absolute blast!

This is my kind of party!

[SnuggleBuggles]

This is my kind of party!

Me too!!

An acquaintance had a party like that and I’m still bummed I didn’t make the guest list.


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[baymom]

DH and I turned 40 within weeks of each other and had planned a big joint party at a local park, so we could include all our friend's children. 2 days prior to the party, we realized it was going to rain so ended up switching it to our house. Thankfully, very few friends then brought their kids. It was catered and our housecleaners came the day after so it wasn't all that stressful. A few of our very close friends stayed until the very end and helped move furniture back and just really helped straighten up. We had music going and everyone just hung out. We are both pretty low key people who don't like to be the center of attention, but it was special to share that milestone with dear friends.

A few 40th parties I've been to was where they rented out a room in a restaurant. Most have been at the person's house. I've seen friends on FB who go on fancy girlfriend weekend getaways to Mexico/Napa/ect. for their 40th, but have never been invited to anything like that. One close friend who had her party at their house, had her 3 kids come to our house for a slumber party during her 40th. She sent her sitter to come watch all our kids until we got home. I thought that was a really good idea.

[HannaAddict]

Had a third child!!


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[HannaAddict]

Catered parties at home are totally fun. Hire a cleaner if you don’t have one or get your regular cleaner to do more for party prep. Catering makes life easier and rent nice stemware and dishes too and not even have to wash them. Or caterer provides sometimes for a fee. Get a bartender too unless you have a friend or husband can help, it makes it festive. Your friends don’t care if your house looks perfect. Do flowers, Trader Joe’s mixed with fun things from your yard (greenery?) and have dimmer than normal lights (most people have too bright for a party if they don’t work with a designer or have that design sense) and votives. It will be fun!!

ETA Definitely request no kids. You don’t want to deal with it, even if in theory it seems like extra kids okay. And people can get a sitter.


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[liz]

DH and I went away for my 40th for a few days. It was a big deal, our families don't take our kids overnight. It was actually a very stressful time our family, so my mom really stepped up to so I could get away and enjoy my day. It was absolutely wonderful. DH rented a restaurant party room a month later for my my friends and our family. I was completely surprised! For DH we had a in home party, just his closest relations (his preference). He got an expensive road bike that year.

I'm actually kind of stressed for his 50th. I think I'd like to invite tons of people for him, not sure where to have it. I'd love to surprise him!

eta, good luck with your choice and happy birthday!

[Zukini]

We just did this in the past month for DH’s 40th and made a weekend of it for folks who flew in from out of town - FIL, his favorite uncle, and two college buddies who all stayed with us too. Hosted a party for two dozen at home on Friday night, picked up a large catering order of Mexican food and set up a buffet and a tequila / margarita bar, got cigars (for patio use) and a poker table set up for the late night crew (up till 5am y’all), and asked our beloved housekeeper / babysitter for help with extra cleaning/setup in the week prior and before/during/after the event (she also corralled DS away from adults and got him to bath/appearance for cake cutting/into bed). No one else brought their kids - DS was there mostly because of the limited time to interact with the out of town relatives. Having other kids would have totaled changed the tone of the event, and I’m glad we stuck to the plan. I think the other parents who attended also enjoyed the adult time. Catering and Babysitting/on-site Event Help made a HUGE difference to MY enjoyment of the event. Completely. I was able to mingle and chat and relax without a care as to if the ice was about to run out or the food was going cold or where DS had disappeared to. It helped that my event help was very familiar with my kitchen/home and my child so the level of instruction giving/question answering was almost nil. She filled in all the gaps perfectly, and I’m very thankful for her as it made the event so smooth.

Then I hosted and cooked brunch for a dozen folks each on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Golf during the day on Saturday for the guys and steakhouse dinner for the family/college friends on Saturday night. We also outsourced airport pickup to a service for out of towners who arrived after noon on Friday so we could finish setup details without the 90-minute round trip runs to the airport. It was a BLAST! It was what DH wanted, and he was very happy.

I’ve already told him for my 40th, I’d like a week long romantic trip to Paris with just him and I. I’ll probably plan it myself like I do all our trips, and I expect that it will be awesome as well.