UPDATED in OP: Opinions on this please

[MSWR0319]

UPDATE: So the teacher told DS to throw his pass away on Friday :) I talked to the principal when I went to take him clothes the day of his accident because she was talking to DS when I got to the office. She had asked me what was going on because she knows DS and knows that's not something he would typically have happen. I received a few texts from the teacher the night I posted the original message asking what had happened and how she doesn't know why DS would feel like he couldn't go. I have a feeling the principal had already talked to her because she then said "Well, I can consider getting rid of his pass." I then emailed the principal and told her what had happened fully. I'm not sure who decided to throw the pass away exactly, but glad it got taken care of. I have a feeling the teacher doesn't like me now that I've called her out on this and feeding PB cookies to the class. Oh well!!


I need some outside opinions on a situation. DS is in 4th grade. He has a 504 that allows him bathroom use whenever he needs it due to constipation issues and the bladder being overactive. His teacher this year has a "pass". The kids are allowed to have 5 trips to the bathroom each week. If they use none of those trips, they get a "dollar" towards using in the store they are allowed to go to each month. They get these dollars for positive behaviors but this one seems not really an incentive to do anything well but hold your pee. There is a matrix the teachers are to use, but then they are allowed to give them for their own items as well. She gives them for not using your passes. So today DS had an accident because he was waiting for her to mark his pass and he couldn't wait any longer. Am I crazy here or is it not right for him to have a pass? He is supposed to be allowed to go whenever. He shouldn't be "punished" for having to go. If he uses his 5 passes, he has to move his clip. I don't care if he has to move it, but he does, and so he'll hold it because he'll also lose a dollar for moving his clip. And in my mind he shouldn't be losing his "dollar" because he has to go. He can't help it. He's supposed to be drinking water all day long which makes him have to go. I'm not wrong on this one am I? He's supposed to be having free bathroom trips.

[trcy]

Why the heck are any of the students having their bathroom trips restricted?! My DD has no issues, but if she has to go, she has to go. Paying kids to hold it is ridiculous! I would be livid. Seems like you are asking for a UTI!

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[SnuggleBuggles]

You aren't overreacting. Talk to the teacher.

[AngB]

You aren't wrong. Poor DS!

[PZMommy]

The fact he has a 504 for these issues, makes the teacher in the wrong. I would talk to his teacher, and if that doesn’t work, go to whoever oversees the 504s (at my school it is a resource teacher). He should get to go whenever needed, not have to move a clip, and he should get that extra dollar irregardless of how many times he goes to the bathroom.

Some kids abuse bathroom privelleges, but as a teacher, I can usually tell after the first week which kids need to use the bathroom and which ones just want time out of the classroom. I’ve never used any kind of bathroom pass, but have talked to kids/parents when a student abuses my lenient bathroom policy in the upper grades.

[carolinamama]

I will never understand limiting bathroom trips for most kids. When you have to go, you have to go. Definitely talk to the teacher. I would even argue (nicely) that he doesn't have to worry about the whole bathroom pass thing. UGH.

[TwinFoxes]

The fact he has a 504 for these issues, makes the teacher in the wrong. I would talk to his teacher, and if that doesn’t work, go to whoever oversees the 504s (at my school it is a resource teacher). He should get to go whenever needed, not have to move a clip, and he should get that extra dollar irregardless of how many times he goes to the bathroom.



:yeahthat:

I'd be very, very upset if my kid had an accident because of some stupid rule, and I'd be even angrier if my kid had a 504. She should have re-thought the practice as soon as she read your son's 504!

[jgenie]

I would be livid that her policy led to him having an accident - livid! The embarrassment and shame he must have felt if it happened in class and other students were aware. I get why she does it but I would not be happy to find that system in one of my DC’s classrooms.

[JustMe]

Yep, totally agree that with the 504 your ds gets to go the bathroom whenever he says he needs to. Although this is not an excuse, is there any chance she doesn't know that your ds has a 504? This can sometimes happen as, at least back when my dd had one before her IEP, they didn't always notify the teachers, just put some little mark in their electronic records that teachers could click on but was easy to miss.

Perhaps a little TMI, but when I was in 4th grade I also had an accident due to an upset stomach and had to deal with a teacher like this. I didn't have/need a 504, but the rule in general is so problematic for many reasons.

[georgiegirl]

What the heck?!!!! No, just no. Kids should be able to go to the bathroom whenever they need to. I’m sure there are kids who abuse the privilege, but I’m sure a teacher can address that without promoting holding pee and poop all day long. That’s just really unhealthy.

[MSWR0319]

Yep, totally agree that with the 504 your ds gets to go the bathroom whenever he says he needs to. Although this is not an excuse, is there any chance she doesn't know that your ds has a 504? This can sometimes happen as, at least back when my dd had one before her IEP, they didn't always notify the teachers, just put some little mark in their electronic records that teachers could click on but was easy to miss.

Perhaps a little TMI, but when I was in 4th grade I also had an accident due to an upset stomach and had to deal with a teacher like this. I didn't have/need a 504, but the rule in general is so problematic for many reasons.

She does know he has a 504 because he has a severe peanut allergy. She let the kids eat cookies with peanut butter in the classroom a month ago despite it being a peanut free classroom, which resulted in 3 days of hives for my son.

I talked with my friend who's kids are also in his class and she said her daughter got a UTI from holding it at the beginning of the year. She had a serious conversation with her kids that they need to be going and NOT holding it. Ugh!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd be tempted to skip past the "work it out only with the teacher" phase and cc the principal in your communication already.

[georgiegirl]

She does know he has a 504 because he has a severe peanut allergy. She let the kids eat cookies with peanut butter in the classroom a month ago despite it being a peanut free classroom, which resulted in 3 days of hives for my son.

I talked with my friend who's kids are also in his class and she said her daughter got a UTI from holding it at the beginning of the year. She had a serious conversation with her kids that they need to be going and NOT holding it. Ugh!

What the F!!!!!!! Definitely go to the principal. The whole peanut butter cookie thing is negligent.

[jgenie]

She does know he has a 504 because he has a severe peanut allergy. She let the kids eat cookies with peanut butter in the classroom a month ago despite it being a peanut free classroom, which resulted in 3 days of hives for my son.

I talked with my friend who's kids are also in his class and she said her daughter got a UTI from holding it at the beginning of the year. She had a serious conversation with her kids that they need to be going and NOT holding it. Ugh!

I would be going over her head at this point. Food allergies are serious.

[doberbrat]

Curious what happened after the pb in the classroom issue??

The 504 is in place to provide protection from exactly what you're describing. She has to follow it. No penalties for bathroom use.

I think I'd go to the principal too.

[MSWR0319]

Curious what happened after the pb in the classroom issue??

The 504 is in place to provide protection from exactly what you're describing. She has to follow it. No penalties for bathroom use.

I think I'd go to the principal too.

I had a meeting on Friday with the principal, 504 coordinator, and one of the teachers in his team. They admitted to it and are working on doing more education with the staff. Over all I was happy with the conversation, but I'm still royally pissed off about it, which is why I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting on this one. They let him have hives for 3 days and never once thought that maybe that was why he reacted, despite being told he's contact reactive. I accidentally found out about the cookies from a friend of his three weeks after the incident.

[DualvansMommy]

I’m sorry. Just no! I may be confusing you with another FA mom who had serious issues over her sons school with his PB allergy. After reading the Pb incident with your son, I think it is you the same mom. I so would be going over this teachers head and straight to the principle. Keep going at it with all involved until you are happy with how your sons accommodations are being met.

It is a real safety issue regarding the PB and a health risk using the stupid, morally wrong bathroom trick. Ds1 is in 2nd grade and they never need a pass to go bathroom, just permission from teacher to leave the classroom.


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[gatorsmom]

They let him have hives for 3 days and never once thought that maybe that was why he reacted, despite being told he's contact reactive. I accidentally found out about the cookies from a friend of his three weeks after the incident.

I would have been angry about the bathroom pass system but I would have been livid about the peanut butter/hive incident. As a mother of children with FA, I would have been loud and vocal. A school should at this point know better than to mess with a child’s health. Not only does that teacher need serious training but possibly some disciplining. And the fact that the school didn’t contact you to let you know about it? Yeah, very vocal.

[Myira]

The whole bathroom pass idea is unacceptable in my opinion. I cannot imagine punishing a kid for the need to use the bathroom, it’s wrong on so many levels in my mind. I cannot think of why such a policy would constitute any part of discipline in a classroom. I would say the parents should present it to the head and put a stop to it.
Having a reward/punishment system in place in a classroom to ensure it runs smoothly should not override genuine medical, physical and emotional needs of the kids. And all of the discipline and organization is useless if it’s not going to be based on that humane touch and compassion. The administration needs to intervene and get this teacher educated on these things.


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[carolinamama]

I would have been angry about the bathroom pass system but I would have been livid about the peanut butter/hive incident. As a mother of children with FA, I would have been loud and vocal. A school should at this point know better than to mess with a child’s health. Not only does that teacher need serious training but possibly some disciplining. And the fact that the school didn’t contact you to let you know about it? Yeah, very vocal.

Yes to this! We don't even have any food allergies in our family and I am angry this happened to your DS. As a frequent volunteer in schools, I understand that teachers have so much on their shoulders but ignoring an allergy? I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, please know that it would not be inappropriate to go much higher up if you are not satisfied with the response to both the bathroom and food allergy problem. It's really quite simple - no nuts in the classroom and allow bathroom use.

[firstbaby]

Reading about the bathroom pass and pb incident makes me question how she is so out of touch. Does she not have children? Is she cold or clueless? I would feel SO bad if I did anything to expose a child to a FA item or caused an accident. Honestly, I would immediately escalate to the Principal and would consider going quickly beyond that if the Principal did not make some quick changes. I would also consider asking for a teacher change. This is not my usual MO - I would usually say reach out to the teacher, try to work it out, etc but this just goes beyond. I wouldn't feel like that teacher was keeping my kid safe and I wouldn't be willing to risk it. No way.

[Gracemom]

I've volunteered in my kids' schools quite a bit and some kids go to the bathroom all the time to get out of work or socialize. In my experience, a good teacher knows which kids do that and which truly need to use it. I would definitely escalate the issue especially since you have the need documented already. Sounds like this teacher is not a good fit. So sorry.

[BunnyBee]

Another WTF vote. I would call the principal and not waste time below as you've already had one meeting. And it's time sensitive and can't wait for another meeting to be scheduled.

[doberbrat]

I had a meeting on Friday with the principal, 504 coordinator, and one of the teachers in his team. They admitted to it and are working on doing more education with the staff. Over all I was happy with the conversation, but I'm still royally pissed off about it, which is why I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting on this one. They let him have hives for 3 days and never once thought that maybe that was why he reacted, despite being told he's contact reactive. I accidentally found out about the cookies from a friend of his three weeks after the incident.

You are not over reacting. I would start documenting every incident. Personally, I would count this as their 'last strike' and go to the superintendent if ANYTHING else happens. Basic rule #1 of being a teacher IMO is keep the kids safe. The 504 is in place to help keep him safe. They're not following it.

[AngB]

Having read through your thread, let me make sure I have this straight on the timeline:

-Several weeks ago, teacher had peanut butter cookies in class for students that gave your child hives, disregarding 504 plan as far as peanut free environment.

-On Friday of last week, you had a meeting with principal and 504 coordinator regarding your child 504's plan.

-Monday, the next school after this meeting, your DS has an accident due to his 504 plan being ignored.

:angry-smiley-005::mad:

How would your DS do with a teacher change? Is that remotely a possibility because I don't think I could ever trust this teacher to keep my child safe.
Aside from that, this would be my LAST CHANCE to give the principal the opportunity to deal with it before I went over him to the school board and/or superintendent.

[JustMe]

Also just read through the thread again, and just no to this teacher.


H
How would your DS do with a teacher change? Is that remotely a possibility because I don't think I could ever trust this teacher to keep my child safe.
Aside from that, this would be my LAST CHANCE to give the principal the opportunity to deal with it before I went over him to the school board and/or superintendent.

Totally agree with the above. Bottom line is I would want my child removed and would be making a formal complaint if I didn't see something happen to resolve this asap.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Having read through your thread, let me make sure I have this straight on the timeline:

-Several weeks ago, teacher had peanut butter cookies in class for students that gave your child hives, disregarding 504 plan as far as peanut free environment.

-On Friday of last week, you had a meeting with principal and 504 coordinator regarding your child 504's plan.

-Monday, the next school after this meeting, your DS has an accident due to his 504 plan being ignored.

:angry-smiley-005::mad:

How would your DS do with a teacher change? Is that remotely a possibility because I don't think I could ever trust this teacher to keep my child safe.
Aside from that, this would be my LAST CHANCE to give the principal the opportunity to deal with it before I went over him to the school board and/or superintendent.

I’d honestly be looking at school alternatives.


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[calebsmama03]

Why the heck are any of the students having their bathroom trips restricted?! My DD has no issues, but if she has to go, she has to go. Paying kids to hold it is ridiculous! I would be livid. Seems like you are asking for a UTI!

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This absolutely. No kids should be punished for normal bathroom usage, but your kid especially should not have his reward points contingent on holding it! I'd be talking to the teacher about changing this policy and taking it to the 504 coordinator, school counselor, and/or principal if she won't adjust.