Pull her from TK?

[bisous]

DD fell over the weekend. She was at the playground at the soccer field with 11yo DS across the field from us and she just had a typical childhood trip that resulted in a huge gash on her eyebrow and 40 (plastic surgery) stitches.

She is pretty much fine at this point but obviously still healing. I want to keep her away from balls and playground equipment until the bandage comes off and then our directive is to keep her in a hat and sunscreen religiously for the next 6 months to reduce scarring.

I'm kind of feeling like maybe I want to pull her from TK. I've kind of been feeling it before this. The problem is that she never wants to go and by law she really doesn't "have" to. Academically she's already hitting end of the year standards for K and she doesn't start that until next year. She's at school for her enjoyment, kind of for childcare when I'm honest, and to improve on her social skills.

I'm nervous especially in these first few days and will probably keep her home to keep an eye on her. I'm nervous after that that she won't keep her sun protection on. The sun BEATS down on the playground during lunch and recess. She wears sunscreen every day anyway. I don't feel like socially this has been a great fit for her. There is no friendship list so I haven't been able to make any playdates and she just isn't connecting with any of the kids. I had hoped she'd love school--she loves all the activities for sure but she just never wants to go.

Should I pull her and look for another opportunity this year? That would allow me to have her close while she recovers and to maybe find a better fit? I have a few friends who I'd ask to set up long, regular play dates. Or should I just keep her home the next week or so and stick it out? I love having her in school. I"m just not sure it is serving her well. And now with this injury....

Thanks in advance.

I'm anxious to see what you recommend!

[georgiegirl]

Just keep her home for a bit and figure it out. Don’t make any decisions today. You are probably a bit emotional after her injury. My youngest absolutely loves TK and he needs the structure and social interaction. And I need the break.

Will she be at a different school next year? Do you use the time to work (and make money)?


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[Kindra178]

Keep her home today. Send her tomorrow with a myriad of hats. This is not a reason to keep her home all year! She needs the social outlet. And don’t you need to work?


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[umsh]

See how you feel after she’s been home this week...you have many things to factor in to deciding whether or not she should continue at TK or not, but I will say that sun protection at school is really tough. I have a 4th grader who has a skin condition who really needs sun protection...she can see what’s happening to her skin without it, yet she still refuses to wear a hat at recess bc no one else does. So depending on how important that is, combined with all your other pros and cons of keeping her home, it may make sense for her to stay home bc she doesn’t have to be in school this year. Just wait out the week before you decide.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

Stay home a few days then go back.
I hope she feels better soon!

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[StantonHyde]

My DD did not make a friend in all her years in daycare--finally, in the last year at age 4, she was friends with one girl but we never had play dates. Enter Kindergarten and it was a whole different world. But that was just her. She still has only a few friends, she just isn't a social butterfly and it took her until 3rd grade before she made a best friend. I wouldn't keep her home the whole year. School has only been in for 2 months. She still has time to adjust. The social part will be good so that she doesn't have to figure that out in kindergarten. Being with a bunch of kids in school is very different than a playdate that is set up for a child. I'd keep her home for a few days and then send her back.

[Philly Mom]

I don’t think of pre school-K as important for most kids for academic reasons. Average kids will be fine and will learn at their own developmentally appropriate time. I think it is VERY important for social reasons. Last year, my DD made one very good friend. She had to learn to share him and be ok with being with the other kids in the class who she didn’t click with. This year, she has one more good friend. Her two friends aren’t friends. She is learning lots about how to manage both friendships. I think both of these friendships will be longtime friends (one is a neighbor and the other is related to DD1’s friend).

For my older DD, she has no friends from pre-k left. One she loves when she sees which is almost never and the other moves away. We see her once a year and they still play nicely. That said, when she got to first grade with brand new kids, she had the ability to understand the different social dynamics and navigate the social issues girls have, which in first grade seem worse than middle school.

This is a long winded way of saying, I agree with PPs who said keep her home for a few days and then send her back.


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[MSWR0319]

It doesn't sound to me like an injury to pull her from school for. Keep her home a day or two and send her back. I'm sure a doctor's note can help with playground restrictions if needed. How long is her recess? I can't imagine her being outside long enough that it was cause serious problems if she has sunscreen on, which is something you can control. Kids aren't always going to have great friends in their classes. My DS is in K, and while I had hoped he'd make some good friends, there really aren't that many kids in his class he can relate to. He has better friends in other classes. I see this as an opportunity for him to meet new people. He's doing just fine without having great friends. He still plays with kids.

[o_mom]

Agree with everyone - keep her home a couple days and then send her. You do not want to set a precedent that school is optional.

Talk with the teachers and emphasize that they need to be vigilant on the hat or keep her inside for lunch and recess as well as directing her to non-contact play. Our schools have many kids that stay in for recess at times for various medical things (mostly asthma/RAD in the winter here).

I am guessing that the hat thing will be more of an issue later when she has the stitches out and feels better and you may need a doctor's note directing them to apply sunscreen before going outside.

[TwinFoxes]

That sounds truly frightening! 40 stitches is a lot, and I'm sure it was scary, I'm sorry it happened.

I wouldn't take her out of school. I really think you'd regret it, and I have a feeling that after a week or two she'd miss it even if she doesn't have any close friends. Pre-K they're just moving out of tandem play, so it's not surprising she doesn't have close friends. My DDs didn't either, but then again they had each other. Our pre-school was a co-op, so I got to see how the kids interacted and I'd say most of the kids didn't have a BFF.

[KpbS]

I like the idea of taking the week off to heal and assess.

I would probably try to send her with hats and explain to the staff that she needs to wear them during recess. Or ask if she can have indoor recess for a while. We did that with one of mine in preschool following a concussion. He played inside for a week or two to insure he didn't hit his head on equipment or another.

But if she really doesn't want to go after a week at home I would look into other placements (preschool) or set up some weekly kid swaps, she goes to a friend's house Tues for 4 hours, friend comes to your house Thurs for 4 hours. In the meantime, go to library story time this week in the AM with just her. Enjoy the storytime, check out some books, and make a little educational outing of it for her.

[bisous]

Thanks for all your replies!

It was very emotional and I'm afraid to relinquish her to school right now! I feel like I'll at least keep her out while it is all so tender and swollen and bandaged.

I am also concerned about the sunscreen and hat compliance. I need to invest in some good hats. Maybe you guys might have suggestions? I hope I can trust the school to be vigilant about that.

I am LOVING having her in TK. It has been 15 years since I've had even close to this many hours child free and it is better than I imagined. I am working a lot more which has been awesome. We're almost out of the hole at least from our consumer debt. But it makes me feel so sad that she's unhappy at school every day. There is no question that this child in particular needs good social interaction as there is nobody here at home with her any more. I just wonder if I could find something better?

Basically I'm loving having her in TK, she's NOT loving it and that has really been weighing on me. I kept DS1 in his TK program all those years ago and I probably shouldn't have. That teacher was actually mean to the kids. (DD's teacher is really nice and DD loves her--she just has problems with friends). Then this accident happened which made me reevaluate.

My teacher mom thinks she'll be fine and get better adjusted as the school year progresses.

I do really appreciate your level heads and your help!!

[westwoodmom04]

The school year is still very new, it isn't unusual for kids in a new school to not be adjusted yet. In another month or two, she is likely to feel completely different about TK.

[mackmama]

Trust your gut. It sounds like this experience is bringing to light how much you dislike her current school and don't feel it's a fit. Trust that instinct. Keep her home for a couple days while she (and you) are healing. Then put her back into the same school while you investigate other programs. I agree the socialization is important at that age. Then switch schools if you find a better option. We had a similar experience one year in preschool, and I still regret not switching schools because it just wasn't the right fit.

[TwinFoxes]

Thanks for all your replies!

It was very emotional and I'm afraid to relinquish her to school right now! I feel like I'll at least keep her out while it is all so tender and swollen and bandaged.

I am also concerned about the sunscreen and hat compliance. I need to invest in some good hats. Maybe you guys might have suggestions? I hope I can trust the school to be vigilant about that.



It sounds super scary! There must have been a lot of blood. :(

As for hats, I think you should get her one of those ponytail baseball caps so it would be harder for her to take off. I know schools have no caps rules, but to me this warrants an exception. This is the kind of cap I'm talking about (you can get them cheaper, it's just what popped up on Amazon).

https://www.amazon.com/Vintage-Distressed-Baseball-Cap-Adjustable-Dad-Hat/dp/B07FP8Z7N8?keywords=ponytail+baseball+hat&qid=1540834112&sr=8-10&ref=sr_1_10

[basil]

Does she not want to go, or is she actually unhappy while there? Two different things in this age group, IMO.

My TK DD always says she doesn’t want to go...hates getting dropped off. But then by teacher report has great days, and comes home happy and talking about everything they did at school. It’s the transition that she doesn’t like, but the end benefit is worth it to us.

Don’t think that the injury is really relevant beyond the next few days.

[MSWR0319]

Does she not want to go, or is she actually unhappy while there? Two different things in this age group, IMO.

My TK DD always says she doesn’t want to go...hates getting dropped off. But then by teacher report has great days, and comes home happy and talking about everything they did at school. It’s the transition that she doesn’t like, but the end benefit is worth it to us.

Don’t think that the injury is really relevant beyond the next few days.

I was wondering this as well. DS is 6 and tells you he hates swim team. My mom is constantly lecturing me about "making" him swim. The reality of it is that he will tell you he doesn't want to go to practice but once he gets there he loves it. He'll come home and talk about all of the fun he had. Even on days when he doesn't say he had fun, I know he did. I can see into the pool and he's having a blast and smiling.

[KpbS]

For a hat I recommend this one DD has. She has a solid purple also. https://www.amazon.com/Sunday-Afternoons-Kids-Blossom-Medium/dp/B01J5J1S3Y/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1540837520&sr=8-5&keywords=sunday%2Bafternoons%2Bhat%2Bkids&th=1

[teresah00]

I like Sunday afternoon hats.

Sorry to hear of her injury. It must be hard to see her suffer like that.

I would give her a few days off and look at other school options. If you both haven’t been loving it I would take those says to explore other options. They are only little once and I wanted my kids to enjoy preschool.

[Liziz]

I agree with lots of the other advice. Give yourself and your DD a week at home to recover before making any decisions.

I do not think the injury alone is a reason to withdraw her from school. Discuss with the teacher/recess monitor the importance of her wearing a hat. Discuss alternate indoor recess plans if she can't comply. You could also always consider covering it with some sort of bandage during the school day (just for the school day) even after the current bandage is ready to come off. Last year I got a fairly serious facial injury. Although I always use sunscreen, I would put band aids over it when we were outside so I had an extra level of sun coverage.

Like others have asked, does your DD dislike school, or dislike going to school? At that age my DD1 NEVER wanted to go to school in the morning, but always had a great time and would talk happily about school at all times other than the "it's time to go" time. I would have concerns sending a child to preschool every day if they truly were miserable all day during school, but wouldn't hesitate to keep sending her if she just doesn't like GOING to school. I do think the socialization is very important, as well as the "practice" for next year in K (by that I mean that if my DD1 had done NO school the year before K, she would have had massive adjustment struggles to full-day K. Since she was used to going to school daily, her transition to K was really smooth, even though her day was a lot longer than it had been in pre-K)

[squimp]

My DD hated one preschool, it was just not fun for her. Transitions were a little hard for her, but she just wasn't happy. It was tough to move her because it was hard to get into a good program - we moved her the next year and she thrived at the new school. I would keep her home for a little bit, and start looking for other options.

I have to say I was really confused by the post because I thought the injury happened at preschool. And what is TK? I haven't heard of that., is it a type of preschool?

[lizzywednesday]

If she's there to work on social skills, keep her in TK.

This injury was probably super-scary, but it's not one that requires scrapping the entire year. Take it from the mom of a kid who split open her head at least 3 times before she turned 6 - head injuries are scary because of all the blood vessels! They bleed A LOT. It will suck for a while, but your DD will come through just fine.

We bought DD a Panama Jack brand fabric hat to wear the last time she split open her head. On day 2 of a weeklong family beach vacation.

[Kindra178]

Not totally comparable due to sun issues, but when ds fell on a wet floor on the way in to school in first grade, and cracked his head open, we did a trip to urgent care for 10 staples in his head and he was back to school by 11. Please prioritize work.

[khm]

TK is Transitional Kindergarten. We call it Optional Kindergarten.

It is basically an extra year of pre-school (where I live, anyways). It is for kids who meet the age guideline for K in that year but for whatever reason, another year of pre-school is a better choice.

[PZMommy]

TK is Transitional Kindergarten. We call it Optional Kindergarten.

It is basically an extra year of pre-school (where I live, anyways). It is for kids who meet the age guideline for K in that year but for whatever reason, another year of pre-school is a better choice.

Here TK is for students who do not meet the kindergarten age requirements. To go to Kinder you have to be 5 by Sept 2. TK you have to be 5 between Sept 3-Dec 2.

I would keep her home another day and then send her back. I know at my school and the school my kids attend, if a child has stitches they are not allowed to play outside at recess or lunch. They have to sit in the office. Your school may have a similar policy. My DS needed two layers of stitches in his chin and we kept him home for a couple of days because he also damaged his teeth and needed dental work. When he returned to school he was not allowed outside per district policy. He was so upset!! I had to have his doctor write a special note so he could participate in his kindergarten end of year picnic.

[bisous]

Here TK is for students who do not meet the kindergarten age requirements. To go to Kinder you have to be 5 by Sept 2. TK you have to be 5 between Sept 3-Dec 2.

I would keep her home another day and then send her back. I know at my school and the school my kids attend, if a child has stitches they are not allowed to play outside at recess or lunch. They have to sit in the office. Your school may have a similar policy. My DS needed two layers of stitches in his chin and we kept him home for a couple of days because he also damaged his teeth and needed dental work. When he returned to school he was not allowed outside per district policy. He was so upset!! I had to have his doctor write a special note so he could participate in his kindergarten end of year picnic.

Yes, this is correct for TK here in CA. The second day would be tomorrow and the day after that is Halloween. The day after that they have off school so I'm thinking I'll bring her back on Friday?

[bisous]

The office said if we get a note from the doctor about the hat/sunscreen that they'll enforce it. They have an aide in TK that is with the kids most of the time. I know her and I think she'll enforce it if I ask her.

Not sure what to do about TK guys! I like a lot of things about this program. This teacher does tons of crafts that DD really loves (and I hate crafts!) I do like having her in a structured play program. I just wanted her to love school and she doesn't. I wish she could have DS3's TK teacher but then I like THIS teacher too. DD just doesn't seem to "gel" with the kids in the program. That may happen wherever she goes though. I do think the seasoned TK teacher was exceptionally good at helping kids in their social interactions. Maybe I can look into transferring her over there?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Don't transfer. All the progress you've made- and I assure you there has been progress even if you can't see it- will be undone as she has to relearn new routines and meet new people. There's no need to intervene. So she doesn't love it and have a bestie. That's ok! Just stick it out. It doesn't sound like a bad place at all. You're cutting off any chance she has of finding a friend in the class if you yank her. And, as others said, at 4yo many kids don't form tight friendships. It's really no big deal at all.

[DualvansMommy]

Don't transfer. All the progress you've made- and I assure you there has been progress even if you can't see it- will be undone as she has to relearn new routines and meet new people. There's no need to intervene. So she doesn't love it and have a bestie. That's ok! Just stick it out. It doesn't sound like a bad place at all. You're cutting off any chance she has of finding a friend in the class if you yank her. And, as others said, at 4yo many kids don't form tight friendships. It's really no big deal at all.

I agree. Both my boys actually attended different preschools. DS1 doesn’t see any of the kids he went to preschool with for 2 years. This particular preschool was a good 25 mins away with all neighboring and far away towns attending there. DS2 is in his last year of pre-K at a church program preschool 5 mins away. Both very different. But both have benefited so much from going to their preschool years, and kids aren’t tight at all. Its all mostly parallel play and learning how to be with other kids and adults.


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[MSWR0319]

The office said if we get a note from the doctor about the hat/sunscreen that they'll enforce it. They have an aide in TK that is with the kids most of the time. I know her and I think she'll enforce it if I ask her.

Not sure what to do about TK guys! I like a lot of things about this program. This teacher does tons of crafts that DD really loves (and I hate crafts!) I do like having her in a structured play program. I just wanted her to love school and she doesn't. I wish she could have DS3's TK teacher but then I like THIS teacher too. DD just doesn't seem to "gel" with the kids in the program. That may happen wherever she goes though. I do think the seasoned TK teacher was exceptionally good at helping kids in their social interactions. Maybe I can look into transferring her over there?

I think you're over thinking it. Don't transfer her. Kids don't always gel with their classmates and that's ok. And not all kids love school and that's ok too. I wouldn't transfer just because you think another teacher would be better.. Some teachers who work for one kid may not work for another. My son has a teacher this year who is highly desired by everyone. It's a nightmare for us. Her personality and DS's don't click. She's so Type A that it causes DS so much anxiety because he's constantly worried he'll do something wrong and get in trouble (and he's type a too!). I think this teacher and DS2 would get along much better. Unless there's some serious issue (which it sounds like there isn't), just let her be. It sounds like the school is willing to work with you on the hat issue which is wonderful.

[westwoodmom04]

Don't transfer. All the progress you've made- and I assure you there has been progress even if you can't see it- will be undone as she has to relearn new routines and meet new people. There's no need to intervene. So she doesn't love it and have a bestie. That's ok! Just stick it out. It doesn't sound like a bad place at all. You're cutting off any chance she has of finding a friend in the class if you yank her. And, as others said, at 4yo many kids don't form tight friendships. It's really no big deal at all.

Plus she is moving on to full time school next year anyway. This situation is not at all the same as a kid that is unhappy in the first year of a multi year preschool.

[essnce629]

Don't transfer. All the progress you've made- and I assure you there has been progress even if you can't see it- will be undone as she has to relearn new routines and meet new people. There's no need to intervene. So she doesn't love it and have a bestie. That's ok! Just stick it out. It doesn't sound like a bad place at all. You're cutting off any chance she has of finding a friend in the class if you yank her. And, as others said, at 4yo many kids don't form tight friendships. It's really no big deal at all.This 100%[emoji1483]

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[JamiMac]

Don't transfer. All the progress you've made- and I assure you there has been progress even if you can't see it- will be undone as she has to relearn new routines and meet new people. There's no need to intervene. So she doesn't love it and have a bestie. That's ok! Just stick it out. It doesn't sound like a bad place at all. You're cutting off any chance she has of finding a friend in the class if you yank her. And, as others said, at 4yo many kids don't form tight friendships. It's really no big deal at all.

Yes, I would let her rest and send her back in a couple of days. I’m sure the school will help you with keeping an eye out for her. I wouldn’t even think of transferring her!


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[BunnyBee]

Can you keep bandaging it while she’s going to school? Is a bandaid SPF enough? That might be easier for you to know for sure she’s keeping it covered if you would worry about the hat. My girls hate hats, so I would have to find something else.

[bisous]

Can you keep bandaging it while she’s going to school? Is a bandaid SPF enough? That might be easier for you to know for sure she’s keeping it covered if you would worry about the hat. My girls hate hats, so I would have to find something else.

I honestly think this might be the best solution! She’s never been a good hat wearer. I think I want to at least try some hats but the bandage would bring peace of mind.