When people you knew have soared professionally

[magnoliaparadise]

Has this happened to you?

I was online reading an article and suddenly recognized a name of a person whom I met years ago when I lived in DC - maybe 20 or 25 years ago. I had not thought of him for years and I was *shocked* to see that the the man, who was a very young producer at CNN at the time, now has a huge position at CNN - like extremely, intimidatingly, internationally huge.

And I remember we hit it off really well when we were both so young (not in a flirty way, I vaguely recall him being married, but in a work way). I was in a different field, but we were both lawyers and I remember him saying to my sister next to me (whom he knew) at the time something positive about me (something like 'wow, she really gets it' or 'she would be a natural at what I do!' or 'wow, how does she know that' or something like that). I remember desperately WANTING to ask if I could find my way into CNN, but not knowing *how* and feeling like he was so very high up the corporate ladder even back then. And that it was so competitive to get a job. And that it would be a jump for my field and although I would have been happy to jump, I felt that it was seen as too late already. And then a few months later, I got a job overseas and left all that I knew, including potentially him.

In hindsight, I wonder why the younger me just didn't/couldn't grab what would have been such a great opportunity and go for what I wanted. I think I would have loved that work and honestly, I think I would have been good at it (I'm a tough critic of myself so to say that is a big deal for me).

Anyway, that was years ago and we only met once or twice and we lost touch. I'm sure that this man doesn't remember me. That moment has passed. But I'm kind of stunned that he stayed in his "lane" all these years and is doing SO incredibly well professionally.

I'm trying not to beat myself up. You never know why different paths take you where they do. And I know his being a man made it easier professionally than it would have been for me, at least then. And honestly, I'm not sure I could have balanced a high powered job with motherhood. But it's kind of shocking to see how far he has come and wondering whether with a little more effort, I could have held out a hand for him to pull me in. This feels kind of like google stalking a former friend or ex, but much more draconian.

This same thing also happened in a tiny tiny way just a few months ago. While reading about Christine Blasey Ford during the Kavanaugh hearings, I recognized the name of her lead (and female) lawyer and googled her. I met that lawyer years ago when I was a fellow at a law school and she was in a somewhat lowly non-tenured-track instructor job. Now she is doing amazing things, in the same area of women's issues as when she was an instructor. She was lovely. And when I read who she was and remembered her, I thought - wow, we talked periodically and I always loved her work and her - why didn't I stop and ask her if I could help her out or work with her more?

Anyway... thank you for listening. I am NOT meaning this as a name drop. I don't know these people anymore. I am just thinking of them in a wistful way.

[Kindra178]

Would it help for you to go back to work in some capacity? I understand where you are coming from - my career has weaved and turned due to me having kids, and specifically, three kids in two years with a dh who worked 80-90 hour weeks for many years. I see other folks whose work success supplants mine. It is definitely bothersome! However, there have been many instances where my kids have needed me, including things I would have missed had I been full time for the past 12 years. I also don’t miss many (really any) games due to work - this is really important to me. This is not a criticism of full time moms (I am now!). I have a super unique situation with kid spacing (ie none!). Also, full time at a firm is different than a regular full time job. Hang in there!


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[mackmama]

I can relate, and it is hard. Several times in the last year I’ve started questioning some of my career choices when many people I know are now in extremely high level positions politically, or are publicly famous within the entertainment field, or are at the top of the ladder in well-known companies. I was on some of those same tracks, so I must remind myself why I stepped off. There were reasons. Sure I’d change some of those choices now, but there were valid reasons at the time and, as we know better we do better. Going back to work and cracking the door back open re my own dreams and aspirations has helped me for now.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I can relate, and it is hard. Several times in the last year I’ve started questioning some of my career choices when many people I know are now in extremely high level positions politically, or are publicly famous within the entertainment field, or are at the top of the ladder in well-known companies. I was on some of those same tracks, so I must remind myself why I stepped off. There were reasons. Sure I’d change some of those choices now, but there were valid reasons at the time and, as we know better we do better. Going back to work and cracking the door back open re my own dreams and aspirations has helped me for now.
:yeahthat:
No doubt that you have things others would love to have as well, OP. Career success is only way gauge of success, right? :)

[georgiegirl]

I can totally relate. Back before DS1 was born, I clerked for our state Supreme Court. The girl who took my place after I had DS1 and decided to “retire”, she had kids during her clerkship. After that she went into private practice. A few months ago, she was appointed as a judge by the governor. This woman is in her mid 30s and has four kids and is now a judge. She’s also beautiful and has an cute attorney husband. And I’m a SAHM with kids who drive me bonkers and zero career prospects even though I have a JD and Ph.D.


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[Philly Mom]

The fact is, unless you become President, there is always someone who has "more." I know lots of people (and am related to some) who are far more successful in business than me. I have even mentored some of them. Some of them are smarter than me/worked harder and others I don't find to be particularly bright, but they have great personalities that make them great sales people. I try not to compare because I am also reminded of my own successes.

[AnnieW625]

Yes I know of three people from my college major program who have done well for themselves and work in the entertainment industry. I have a BA in Telecommunications and Film, and initially went to college with the idea of being a sports reporter.

I was sitting in a hotel room in San Diego on vacation in 2007 watching the morning news on KABC and I recognize the host as a guy from my major, and Christian college group. We weren’t close in college, but we had a few classes and hung out through the college group so I would say we were friendly enough (we would’ve been what I call FB friends if FB was around in the mid to late 1990s). I just went back and looked him up and he is still at the station as a reporter/anchor, and it turns out he graduated magna cum laude from our university. I hadn’t realized that.

Then a few years later while on maternity leave in 2010 with DD2 I am watching another local LA morning news program and low and behold the stylist guest is another person I went to college with. She was two years younger than I was and I knew from the minute I met her she was going to be a success. She is a media talent/celebrity stylist/celebrity consultant (she has worked with Justin Timberlake on something)/Emmy winning, and Oscar nominated producer/on air talent/model, etc.... she has done it. Per her website her resume is a mile long, and she was named Graduate of the Year for her graduating class, graduated with straight A’s, and had pretty much every other accolade from our college under her belt. She isn’t someone anyone if you would recognize because she does a lot of contract work, but it is pretty amazing that I knew way back when in screenwriting class that this freshman would be something.

The third person I haven’t run into by watching tv, but occasionally I have looked up what she was up to because like the other lady above you knew she would be amazing as a freshman (pretty sure she was in the same screenwriting class as the lady above). Turns out she is a morning host on KNBC in San Diego as of this past May, but she started working in tv at another San Diego station her freshman or sophomore year in college. I was envious of that when I was in college as I was a junior or senior and had no idea or any direction on how to make that happen (my college’s advisors or at least the one I had were not helpful). Way back then I thought she had things handed to her, which probably wasn’t accurate, but at the time I thought how is a freshman able to do all that? All I had was a little bit of opinion writing experience for the student newspaper, and helping out from time to time at the college radio station, and neither lead to a big break.

TBH I didn’t see myself working in the government for as long as I have, but the salary is steady (which I craved from the minute I graduated from college...I grew up with salesman father who excelled at sales, but the bulk of the pay was in commission and I knew I didn’t want that). I remember interviewing at John Hancock while still in college and wanting the stable job the HR lady had and not the sales position I was interviewing for. In any other part of the country I would probably be a SAHM or at least working part time, but by living in such a high col area and buying a house when we did in 2005 I pretty much threw out the idea of being a sahm out the window so I go to work and most of the time I do get satisfaction from working in insurance for the government.




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[niccig]

I used to compare and feel this way back in my old career. I don’t compare so much now that I retrained and my new career ticks off more boxes for me. I’m not working in the most prestigious part of my field, as it would be difficult to manage with family. I work per diem at a well-known Hospital one Saturday a month. I’m happy with the trade off.

My mother and grandfather had the attitude we would do something great and cure cancer. They liked to brag about what we were doing. I’m happy with what I do and no longer feel I have to be in a prestigious job or achieve great things in my career. It’s taken decades for me to get to this point.

I agree with the comment up thread, that there’s many ways to measure success. Figure out your own yardstick and don’t use what someone else is doing to compare.

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[TwinFoxes]

Would it help for you to go back to work in some capacity?

I think OP works outside the home.

I've had similar, but not identical experiences. I had kids later in life. The person I went out on a limb for and hired as an intern is now an executive producer. When I bump into she's always excited to see me, and I'm so glad to know I set her on her career path. I have peers who've now won some of the biggest awards there are. But, all of them are childless. People make choices in life. They seem happy, and I'm happy. :)

[specialp]

Of course I do. I think everyone does. I bet the man you speak of looks to someone else who seems to have made it further and has more because we all seem to look at how much better others have it. It’s easy to focus on the end result and not the risks, setbacks, choices, and yes, luck, it took to get there. (My own life has been gifted a lot more luck than I feel I deserve).

I do not think , however, I would have derived as much pleasure from the work as (I hope) they did and do. I know, without a doubt, I wouldn’t have been willing to take some of the risks they did. I see the valleys, not the hills, and I do not dislike that about myself, but I know it means the same path could’ve/would’ve been a different result. I can think of one friend and while I’m not at all surprised by the success, I am surprised at the route. We were so concerned in the early days, that he was burning bridges or just going against the flow…. Not in a bad way, just not a predictable way. That made a path for him, but it was a risk that could’ve gone the other way.

OP, I have a lot of admiration for you for taking a job overseas and leaving all you knew. (See my comment on being risk adverse :) ) I do not mean to diminish what you are feeling because I get it. But don’t sell yourself short on what you have done or accomplished.

[Simon]

People from my former life (former career path) are internationally renown and truly shining. If I were not so happy with my own life, then I could easily feel envious. And, if I'm being honest, I can imagine feeling it in the future perhaps depending on which directions life takes me.
Currently I work at a totally non-glamorous job, but I have many other things in life that I want and cannot think of a single thing I am willing to give up in exchange for a that sort of career success. I simply don't value it to the same degree as I might have once upon a time.
Also, I know so many adults who are having an amazing second/third/fourth career in retirement. I feel as though I am totally capable of planing and pursuing my own "second half" of life and still could go after things if I decide I want them enough. At this point, I have no desire to go back to the place and people I left behind.

[magnoliaparadise]

Thanks for all these supportive responses. Yes, I have to always take a step back and look at what I *have* instead of don't and remember that like everything else, some of the tougher jobs come in a package (ie they might be amazing, but as one poster said about her colleagues, some remained childless. Or I would have some other sacrifice.

I agree that I should look upon my feelings as a window into looking at where I want to regroup and move toward next.

Your posts gave me a lot of perspective. I am going to re-read them whenever I am feeling regretful or wistful. Thank you!!