How to handle child who does not want to change schools?

[mmsmom]

For various reasons we are exploring private school options for our kids. Hope is that DS would go next year and DD in 2 years when she would be changing schools for middle school anyway. We are at the point where they need to take test so we told them we were exploring options. DS is fine with private school, DD is not. She is not a great test taker so I want her to take test now as a practice to see how she does and to see if we will need to have her practice more for the test again next year. I asked if she would rather do written version of test and write her essay or computer version to type it. She says it doesn’t matter because she will only write jibberish anyway and will purposely fail test (although it is not pass or fail). I explained that we are just exploring options and need to her to do her best on the test to see what our options are. She does not care... just does not want to change schools even in middle school when it is already a new school. This is complicated by the fact that we just moved to another state so she already just changed schools and has been fine with it. She has made so many friends and I feel awful asking her to make another change. However we also want the best education for her as well. I can’t force her to do her best on a test she doesn’t want to take. I guess I’m just looking for any BTDT experience.

[candaceb]

I wouldn't sweat it right now since you're not planning on making the change for her now anyway. Let her see what happens with your DS and approach it again next year. Maybe she'll see that he loves the school and it will become a non-issue?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Who’s to say the private school will be better for her? I assume you didn’t move to a really bad school district (and even those can be great- reputations aren’t always accurate!) and maybe it’d be better for her than a private school. I wouldn’t push the issue at all. You’ve already rocked the boat this year. She’s made it super clear that she doesn’t want to do it now. Since it isn’t necessary, don’t do it.


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[jgenie]

She has said she will purposely tank the test. I would not pick this battle now. Give her some time to adjust to the idea and revisit it next year.

[AnnieW625]

Who’s to say the private school will be better for her? I assume you didn’t move to a really bad school district (and even those can be great- reputations aren’t always accurate!) and maybe it’d be better for her than a private school. I wouldn’t push the issue at all. You’ve already rocked the boat this year. She’s made it super clear that she doesn’t want to do it now. Since it isn’t necessary, don’t do it.


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Yes to this! Unless she is being harmed at her new school or has friends who are a bad experience I wouldn’t push it at all. Is there a reason you want to consider private?

I had both my kids in Catholic school for three years and it is a great fit for Dd1, but the particular school wasn’t a good fit for DD2. We moved DD2 for third grade and she has been much happier. Occasionally she says she misses her friends at the private school, but not a single one has reached out to her for a play date since school started.


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[mmsmom]

School she is in now is great and she will stay there. But the middle school and high school are very over crowded. I know both kids thrive in a smaller environment. Believe me, I would not be willing to pay the tuition if I did not think it was a better fit for her. But who knows if we will even get in. So, I will back off for now and see if she is more willing next year. I know both of them will be fine either way.

[HannaAddict]

Yes to this! Unless she is being harmed at her new school or has friends who are a bad experience I wouldn’t push it at all. Is there a reason you want to consider private?

I had both my kids in Catholic school for three years and it is a great fit for Dd1, but the particular school wasn’t a good fit for DD2. We moved DD2 for third grade and she has been much happier. Occasionally she says she misses her friends at the private school, but not a single one has reached out to her for a play date since school started.


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Have you guys reached out to her catholic school friends for play dates? Just wondering since it works both ways and we don’t do many play dates unless I see someone in person.

For OP, if just want her to take it for practice, I wouldn’t bother. If you think private or independent school is a better fit next year, you can make her take it and she does how she does and you can explain if you need to and contrast it with excellent grades. Test scores are much less of a barrier for middle school than an SAT for college unless at the top echelon. We love our independent school experience and so glad we can do it for our kids. Just fantastic and no comparison to even the best public schools in our area.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

School she is in now is great and she will stay there. But the middle school and high school are very over crowded. I know both kids thrive in a smaller environment. Believe me, I would not be willing to pay the tuition if I did not think it was a better fit for her. But who knows if we will even get in. So, I will back off for now and see if she is more willing next year. I know both of them will be fine either way.

Something about high school here is that the class sizes thin out based on electives and course intensity. How big are actual classes on average? Also, kids certainly change. I would have never guessed that ds1 would thrive at our large public school vs the small private I planned. I’m so glad to watch him blossom...and to save a heap of money. ;) We knew we could always change if needed but glad we tried our school first. :)


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