Sports practice during dinner time

[basil]

DH signed DS up for this little league that practices 3x/week from 5-6:30. I am used to getting home around 4:45-5, cooking dinner from 5-5:30 and eating around 5:45 or 6 which is usually when DH gets home. Bedtime is at 8 and we start bedtime routine around 7:15. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

First I don’t understand how I am going to do without that 4.5 hours per week. I don’t know how I am going to cook a healthy dinner. My kids won’t eat crock pot stuff. I don’t want to do processed crap. And my own bedtime is about 8:30-9 so now I am going to be losing out on sleep if my kids’ bedtime gets pushed back but I can’t see how it isn’t if we don’t get home til 6:45.

How do people manage this?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sandwiches, salads, wraps...
or prep really well and cook when you get home...
or make dh either go to practice or cook dinner.

Plenty of people grab ready to eat stuff too with no shame! Grocery store prepped food like rotisserie chicken, fast food, Subway/ sandwich shop...
They might even sell food some nights.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

I mean, this is just the norm for many of us. Yeah, you’ll have to adjust schedules. This practice schedule could be worse, like our soccer is 3x week 6-8pm. We eat first usually.



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[doberbrat]

Its all about priorities. Do you need to cook every night? I only cook 2-4x a week. Does your kid want to do baseball? The price might be eating crockpot meals on occasion. Do you HAVE to go to bed at 8:30 or is 9 -9:30 ok? If 8:30 is the priority, then ready to eat or less healthy might be the trade-off.

Personally, I cant fathom going to bed at 8:30! My kids would get dinner as we're usually sitting down to dinner then. But my idea of other people get out of the house WAY earlier than we ever can too.

[DualvansMommy]

This is why I always keep couple of different proteins on hand like grilled chicken DH throws on the grill every Sunday. so we have several to use/eat during that week as a stand alone with steamed vegs, on top of different salads we throw quickly, wraps (kids love that as they pick their own various toppings)

I always keep on hand from freezer several different batches of soup cuz DS1 lives on soup! it makes for easy to drink/eat out of thermos for kiddo to eat if no time at home. I'll be doing this ALOT this fall as DS1 will have practice 3x a week rest of next year that would over prime dinner time.

fish is something I do if we have 30 mins to cook/eat. Otherwise get DH to take your kids to practice if he's able as that's what we do here on some nights.

[georgiegirl]

So that’s pretty much life for anyone with (older) kids in sports. Practice is either during dinner hours or after dinner, in which case it ends very late. Today DD swims 4:30-6 and DS1 swims 6:30-7:30 [emoji2957]. During the regular season, they don’t swim until 7PM, so we can all eat together, but then they swim until late at night. It’s life. Only DD practices during dinner time, and she will just eat a small meal before and after. She’s 13, so she can make herself a sandwich or heat up leftovers.

You DS is pretty young, right? Three times a week is a lot to disrupt the whole family if healthy, homemade meals are a priority. I often prep before hand, but in the summer, we do lots of sandwiches and salads. Those are easy to make ahead or make quickly.


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[specialp]

Yes, this is totally normal now, but I remember it being so overwhelming at first. We do not eat out often and aren't fans of most crockpot meals, but I learned what needs to be prepped ahead, reheats and freezes well, double batch meals that can feed for a couple days. You will have to be flexible on bedtimes and eating times. That's just the way it is. And you'll be in good company because most parents there are in the same boat.

[trcy]

I'd have food preped for practice nights, so all you have to do is heat it up. Soup is something you can make a big batch of and freeze. Then just pull it out of the freezer that morning. Or have sandwiches or salads those nights. Another option would be to make extra of whatever you are having on non practice nights and leftovers on practice nights.

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[basil]

The only sandwiches that DS will eat is PB&J or grilled cheese. And he has those often enough for lunches. He won’t eat soup either...and I don’t think he has ever eaten a salad in his life!

Most of our meals are seafood + veg + potato/rice. Salmon, haddock, shrimp, scallops. Sometimes chicken later in the week. Sometimes ground turkey burgers. I actually already prep vegetables over the weekend so they are ready to microwave and eat.

Tonight he ate a hard boiled egg and some carrots for a snack before his practice, but then wasn’t really even hungry for dinner I think because he was tired. Now it’s past 8 and he is still in the shower.

I know 8:30 is early but I usually wake up at 4:30 to exercise and my DS is usually up between 5:45-6 even if he goes to bed later. I often leave for work between 6:15-7, and we both are types that don’t do well on little sleep!

DS really loves baseball and I guess we will adjust to a new normal but I didn’t know about any of this until yesterday and it all just seems so hard to figure out when I had a really good routine going before. It also makes me anxious thinking about just sitting around for 4.5 hours a week and not getting anything done.

[SnuggleBuggles]

You don’t have to go to every practice. But, I recommend reframing it...you’re supporting your son not wasting time. If you just can’t sit still, walk or run during practice. Or simply read a book or get to know other people. You’ve said before that you have no free time but now you do. I have a feeling you don’t do well with downtime but hopefully you’ll learn to appreciate it and look forward to practice.

Another dinner idea is just some grilled chicken and sliced fruit or something like carrots, cucumbers, celery...and hummus. Add some pita or naan.


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[trcy]

The only sandwiches that DS will eat is PB&J or grilled cheese. And he has those often enough for lunches. He won’t eat soup either...and I don’t think he has ever eaten a salad in his life!

Most of our meals are seafood + veg + potato/rice. Salmon, haddock, shrimp, scallops. Sometimes chicken later in the week. Sometimes ground turkey burgers. I actually already prep vegetables over the weekend so they are ready to microwave and eat.

Tonight he ate a hard boiled egg and some carrots for a snack before his practice, but then wasn’t really even hungry for dinner I think because he was tired. Now it’s past 8 and he is still in the shower.

I know 8:30 is early but I usually wake up at 4:30 to exercise and my DS is usually up between 5:45-6 even if he goes to bed later. I often leave for work between 6:15-7, and we both are types that don’t do well on little sleep!

DS really loves baseball and I guess we will adjust to a new normal but I didn’t know about any of this until yesterday and it all just seems so hard to figure out when I had a really good routine going before. It also makes me anxious thinking about just sitting around for 4.5 hours a week and not getting anything done.Honestly, I would just have those food items that you usually eat precooked and then just heat them in the microwave on practice nights. As I said in my previous post, just cook extra when you are making them.

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[123LuckyMom]

You’ll need to learn to make dinner ahead of time or make big batches so you have re-heatable leftovers. Salmon is reheatable. Make a double batch one day and eat it twice that week. Sub roasted chicken for seafood for a dinner or two. I usually roast a chicken each week and make a big batch of turkey burgers or turkey taco meat. Those are my go-to quick meals. They can heat in the microwave in a minute or less, and so can pre-cooked veggies. I always try to have a big batch of cooked string beans in the fridge, too, but if I don’t have time to cook veggies, I always have cut-up raw peppers and a cucumber ready to go, and I’ve always got some kind of fruit. On nights when I can’t cook, we eat roast chicken, turkey tacos, or turkey burgers with fruit or veggies. I can’t tell you the number of times my kids have been finishing their burgers in the car on the way to practice. It happens, but it’s a part of an active life.

I know it seems overwhelming now, but this is just the beginning. In a year or two your son will have activities that regularly end at 7:30 or 8pm, sometimes later. My son is 10, and his baseball game the other day went until 9, and then we had a 20 minute drive home. With swim team, which was three days a week, he didn’t emerge from the locker room until 9. We also prefer an 8 or 8:30 bedtime for the kids, but that becomes tricky when they get older and have late practices. And they’re usually hungry AGAIN when they get home and want something to eat. Banana in milk or a Greek yogurt are my go-tos for “second dinner.”

I think this is freaking you out because it’s sudden and new, but it’s best to try to be flexible and be willing to change your routines and adapt. It’s either that or don’t have your son do activities that meet after 4pm. That’ll be pretty restrictive, but it’s a possible choice. As for “losing” those hours to practices, shifting your thinking around that is important, too. Watch your son play. Get to know the other parents, kids, and coaches. This stuff is fun! And when it’s not fun, it’s still important for your child, and you can joke about how bored you are with the other parents. I freeze my butt off for ice hockey and skating. I sweat through my clothes for swimming. I get eaten alive by bugs at baseball. I cheer in the rain and the cold and the sun and the heat, and I watch so much beginner dancing and listen to sooooo much beginner music! Orchestra, band, choir. It’s painful! But it’s important, and I know my kids will remember that I was there even when I really didn’t want to be solely because it was important to them. It’ll be okay. You’ll figure it out. It’s definitely doable, but you will need to let go of the old routines and establish new ones.


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[mom2binsd]

There is no reason both parents need to go to practice, one of you can take him and the other stay with your DD, it's nice to have that one on one with the other sibling, or get some errands done during practice. Like others said, you can go for a walk around the park, or talk with the other parents if they stay. As for the dinners, I think my two kids and I eat dinner together once or twice a week, at most. They are both in sports and are also busy with friends. You will learn how to adapt, be less concerned with what or how they are getting fed, and will learn what quick and still healthy meals work for post practice.

My kids have never gone to bed before 9 pm in their lives, even when they were little, and when they were about your son's age they were involved in sports and regularly got home at 8pm, so shower, a snack and bed by maybe 9:30, but in the summer not a big deal. You may find your DS will learn to sleep in a bit later.

[ray7694]

It’s just the beginning of your kids plan to do activities. My son started high school hockey which is the latest ice time so his game were 830-10 a few nights a week with bedtime at 11 if I was lucky. I also get up at 545 for work.

My thinking is he loves it and this time is so quick I will miss it one day.

[doberbrat]

If you usually get home at 4;45/5pm, how is he getting to the 5pm practice? Carpooling is an option to free up some time if you know other families in similar situations.

perhaps you could walk/run around the track while he practices rather than going to work out the next am at 4:30?

[squimp]

Why not have DH pick him up from practice? That way you can have dinner going and maybe even feed your younger child. You don't need to stay for practice. After about 1st grade, parents stopped staying for soccer practices here.

[georgiegirl]

Yes to all of the carpool/multitasking during practice ideas. My kids swim, and most parents run errands during practice or carpool. No one has the whole family sitting there. Some parents work out then. If I stay, I’m usually doing some sort of work or even streaming shows (we have free WiFi at the pool). It’s different for games, but the whole fam doesn’t need to sit there for practice.


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[TwinFoxes]

Just echoing what PP have said. It seems crazy now, but it's really just the beginning of evening activities and it's really not uncommon. You may have to adjust to cooking chicken earlier in the week, or leftovers, or even bento box type meals (chicken, veggies, fruit all cut up). You say DS gets "enough" sandwiches, but what does that mean? If he eats them and they're healthy what's the downside other than it's a change?

I do think your DH should have given you a heads up. But maybe he is trying to make up for the fact that he doesn't want to pay for your baseball loving DS to watch the team on cable. Maybe this is his olive branch/concession.

[MSWR0319]

You just have to adjust your standards it make it work. It's hard at first, but you'll get used to it. Our schedule tonight is 4:15 for swim meet warm up, we will then leave the meet early to go to a baseball game for both kids at different fields and my DH is out of town almost every week. So, for dinner we're just having sandwiches, yogurt, and fresh fruit and veggies. It's nothing fancy but my kids are fed and it's not crap.

[specialp]

Why not have DH pick him up from practice? That way you can have dinner going and maybe even feed your younger child. You don't need to stay for practice. After about 1st grade, parents stopped staying for soccer practices here.

We have 4 nights a week of late practices right now. Two of those days I drop-off and go and DH stops on his way home from work to watch about 1/2 and take home. I do normally stay for the other 2 unless I have an errand. It's not convenient/close enough to me to go home and come back. Some parents do work while there. My friend always has her laptop out.

It's hard and there will be trial and error, but you will figure it out in a way that works for your family and allows you to enjoy watching your son in his element.

[belovedgandp]

It will take some time to figure out the norm for different activities and what works for your family.

I have seen and done it all through a variety of activities, times and teams. When staying at practice for younger ones I've made some great friends or gotten exercise. Used the time to play with or do homework with siblings.

I've also used and abused carpools and driven and dropped all over town. Great for getting in quick errands for parts of town I'm not normally in. Always have my book or knitting (or both with audio) to enjoy some quiet time.

Some teams/families tend to be all hands on deck. Others are definitely tag teaming parents. We are almost always a tag team. But that works for us. Others say it's their common interest/family time.

That's the time factor. For food, it's a matter of finding new things that work. Tag teaming so dinner is ready when walking in works. Picnics work. Depending on what you are prioritizing snacky meal in the car on way home works.

[BunnyBee]

We do a hearty snack before and dinner after when the game/practice is early like that. If he sticks with baseball, they will run even later. By DS’s older years of Little League, games could start at 7:30 (which could be pushed later if the earlier game runs long or due to weather delays), and practice could start at 8. Plus by then there’s significant homework, friends, other school activities...

I plan more double duty meals—cook twice as much protein then repurpose it. Sometimes it’s a different meal, sometimes it’s pretty much the same. Or I’ll throw a roast chicken or two in the oven when I’m making something else.

We also just toss the kids in the shower, throw on PJs, and kiss them goodnight on busy nights. If your routine is 7:15-9, there’s a good cushion of time in there for you to shorten. I don’t think you’re going to be able to keep your own 9pm bedtime when the kids get older unless you have good earplugs and your DH can totally run the show! :)

[westwoodmom04]

An alternate way to look at it is that you managed to keep an early bedtime much longer than most people. I agree with those who pointed out that only one parent needs to go to practices and games, the other can stay home and get dinner ready. In our house, if a practice ends by eight, we just eat a normal dinner afterwards. If it ends later, we try to eat before.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I don’t think you’re going to be able to keep your own 9pm bedtime when the kids get older unless you have good earplugs and your DH can totally run the show! :)

a thousand times this! OP, i think keeping a 830 bedtime for yourself is unreasonable with older kids unless your DH is totally on-board with running everything.

having older kids with activities/interests takes up a lot of time in the evenings, that's just how it is, and trying to keep stringent rules around it will only make you miserable. i also don't understand why both parents have to go to practices? for us, one parent takes kid to practice and the other either is still at work or comes home and makes dinner.

also, especially for the summer, we stick to SIMPLE things for dinner. most evenings we don't cook something big for dinner. simple doesn't need to be processsed junk or frozen meals. we do a lot of fresh fruit (right now, cut up tons of watermelon and have it for a few days), and maybe avocado & cheese toasted sandwich. carrot sticks and hummus. yogurt. tortillas with beans, rice, cheese etc. sometimes i make a smoothie (peanut butter, banana, soymilk, spinach, etc) and kids have that for their dinner, along with tons of fresh fruit.

also, in our case, DS has swim team Mon-Fri 4-5pm. DH typically takes him and while ds is in practice DH and DD typically walk/run the track there. as pp said there is option for getting exercise in during practices. i used to go for a run while my kids were in math class on weekends.

i know people who like too cook every single night, and they enjoy it (my mom is like this) but it's so not for everyone and after giving it up few months ago, it has made our lives SO MUCH EASIER and everyone is happier. and i do not think my kids are eating worse - they eat a ton of fresh fruit, get veggies from smoothies etc. there is no rule that says you have to cook every night otherwise you are a failure. keep doing it if you actually enjoy it but don't think it's a must-do.

[Kindra178]

This extremely common and won't get better for the next ten years. In fact, it will probably only get worse. We don't eat processed crap and we all had to modify bedtimes, "family dinner" expectations, etc. Cooking on Sunday is very helpful to me. Not eating together EVERY NIGHT is not uncommon.

I guess I don't understand why you still can't cook? Can't your sitter take your kid to practice while you cook? That's what we do regularly. We only attend games, not practice. We will eat with whomever who is still home and kid who has later practice will eat when he arrives home.

[dogmom]

I just wanted to add eventually they will hit puberty and their internal clock will change. I often go to bed before my 16 yo!

[smilequeen]

This is life with school aged kids. It’s amazing you made it this far. You’re going to have to let go of the control a bit. I often cook a few meals on Sundays and we eat the leftovers all week. I’m admittedly less in control of food and sometimes we just do drive through Panera or the occasional fast food (but I have a lot more time committed to sports between the 3 kids and I had to relax and go with the 80/20 rule). I can’t go to bed early and I still wake up early but I am a sahm so that is different. Lots of moms work out during practices. Our baseball fields had a biking/walking/running trail. The other kids could come along with bikes or scooters. My older 2 are old enough for me to run errands during practices. At 8 I would stay, and catch up on email or read. Just wait until you also lose your weekends...

[bisous]

OR, I have just have to add.... you can choose not to do the kid sport activity madness. It’s not mandatory. Some families—many that I know actually—choose to opt out of those types of things for reasons of preserving bedtimes and family peace.

We’re kind of playing with how much of our time we choose to spend on kid activities right now so this is on my mind. There are lots of books out right now about how the quality of life in adulthood is not very effected by dragging kids to myriads of activities as children.

I will say that we have had good experiences with kids sports. But it does come at a cost!

I do think there are some good hacks in this thread about how to make the activity work for your family. But I do sort of reject the idea that your life must be irrevocably changed as your child gets older. You can choose that life—many do. But I think it makes sense to be thoughtful about it. I see lots of positives in the way you describe your life right now!

[basil]

Both parents don’t need to stay for practice but my DH doesn’t get home til 5:45 or 6. And DH doesn’t cook. I can get him there by 5 if I get home at 4:45 and our nanny has him ready to go. She may have to bring him some days but I was thinking I would meet her there and let her leave from there. We do try to minimize the number of nights she is there past 5, and it’s unavoidable sometimes, but 3 nights til 6:30 would be pushing it for her family I think.

DH didn’t know the time commitment when he signed up, I don’t think. They only gave us the practice schedule on Sunday so I didn’t have time to adjust my meal plan for the week.

If I could drop him off at 5 and plan on DH picking him up at 6:30, then take DD home and prep dinner so I could have it on the table by 6:45 then I could manage. But last night all the parents stayed and watched the practice (mostly dads) so I wasn’t sure if could leave. Then the practice went over by 15 minutes so we didn’t get home til almost 7.

I don’t think I can exercise because I would have DD with me plus no place to change, no track (elementary school). The meal I planned was really simple (scallops on the grill w microwaved potatoes and reheated Swiss chard) but DH didn’t know how to light the grill so it was still 7:20 or so by the time we sat down.

We will see how it goes tonight. I have salmon that I bought on Sunday and I don’t want to keep it another day so I need to cook it tonight. I may be home a bit earlier to get it prepped and ready for the oven before we leave for practice and if DH can manage to turn on the oven when he gets home, it roasts in like 8 minutes.

[Kindra178]

Just wanted to add on to what Bisous said above, but provide contrary information. Children who play competitive sports tend to make more money as adults. I assume that's because they learn early on the need to push themselves regularly. Also, kids who play competitive sports usually continue to exercise well into adulthood!

I know a few families who decided who eschew organized competitive sports in favor of either nothing or just the house leagues. Their skills fall behind quickly and kids get angry with their parents for not allowing them to play in a more competitive manner.

[DualvansMommy]

OP,

Baseball is one of the few sports that has a lot of waiting around time, running over, etc so be prepared for long evenings.

Our kids are of similar age, and It all started for me last winter and can foreseen this to get more hectic over next 10 years. It isn’t like my kids play tons of sports or activity! DS1 plays one sports each season and one activity year round; but between those 2 it keeps him and us busy 4 evenings a week. The older the kiddo is, their practice times get pushed back to make room for earlier practices for younger kids.

Your DH can’t cook? It’s a good time now to learn and step up. You can’t always be the one home every evening. Dropping off one kiddo, head home and have DH pick up the kid from practice. Or vice versa. Pp said it perfectly, you guys will learn and find your style or tag team, stay together, nanny take kiddo, etc. it’s a good thing you do have few options.

DH is taking both boys to Taewonko, and they’ll eat at nearby pizza in between their classes. Normally I would be home for tag teaming to get one other, but am working late today. It helps when you guys just have fewer expectations and backup foos options and just enjoy the ride. Not worth stressing out what to cook etc and trying to force everything else happening around the family meal.


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[bisous]

Just wanted to add on to what Bisous said above, but provide contrary information. Children who play competitive sports tend to make more money as adults. I assume that's because they learn early on the need to push themselves regularly. Also, kids who play competitive sports usually continue to exercise well into adulthood!

I know a few families who decided who eschew organized competitive sports in favor of either nothing or just the house leagues. Their skills fall behind quickly and kids get angry with their parents for not allowing them to play in a more competitive manner.

Club sports are expensive! I wasn’t even thinking about the differences between club and rec leagues, lol. We personally find even rec leagues to be disruptive to our family rhythm. I don’t think that the correlation between those able to afford club sports and a higher earning potential is that surprising. I also don’t think a higher income is the essence of adult happiness but that’s a philosophy thing and highly subjective. (I think the bit about being active in adulthood is actually hugely important!)

Now, truth is, I have like what I’ve seen happen for my kids in their rec league sports so we make it work for the most part! And OP your DS loves baseball so this might very well be what you end up doing as a family and that’s fine!! I just think different families can make different choices based on their values and there is no one right way to do something.

I’m DHs family there were 4 boys. I was talking to 3 of them the other day. 1 was lamenting that they “didn’t get to do enough sports”, 1 said “are you crazy? I hated when mom and dad made us do a sport!” And the third (my DH) said, “doing one sport was fine but I always wished I could have played a musical instrument”. I found it fascinating to see three such different responses to the same circumstances (parents of 5 kids—2 sets of twins only 1 year apart). I kind figure my kids will regret something I do with regard to activities so I try to let them lead me as much as possible. And then next I prioritize what works well for our family.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Just wanted to add on to what Bisous said above, but provide contrary information. Children who play competitive sports tend to make more money as adults. I assume that's because they learn early on the need to push themselves regularly. Also, kids who play competitive sports usually continue to exercise well into adulthood!

I know a few families who decided who eschew organized competitive sports in favor of either nothing or just the house leagues. Their skills fall behind quickly and kids get angry with their parents for not allowing them to play in a more competitive manner.

Or the kids don't care about being super competitive and just like participating. Both of my kids much prefer rec. league level things. They like to play and get exercise but neither likes competitions. I know your family is one of the ones here that is super into sports but there really are a lot of ways to raise happy kids that grow up to be successful adults. Spending a lot of time and money on competitive sports isn't the only way. I know you probably didn't intend it to sound like that though. I'm sure you know kids that do other activities or just do less intense versions of sports. :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Both parents don’t need to stay for practice but my DH doesn’t get home til 5:45 or 6. And DH doesn’t cook. I can get him there by 5 if I get home at 4:45 and our nanny has him ready to go. She may have to bring him some days but I was thinking I would meet her there and let her leave from there. We do try to minimize the number of nights she is there past 5, and it’s unavoidable sometimes, but 3 nights til 6:30 would be pushing it for her family I think.

DH didn’t know the time commitment when he signed up, I don’t think. They only gave us the practice schedule on Sunday so I didn’t have time to adjust my meal plan for the week.

If I could drop him off at 5 and plan on DH picking him up at 6:30, then take DD home and prep dinner so I could have it on the table by 6:45 then I could manage. But last night all the parents stayed and watched the practice (mostly dads) so I wasn’t sure if could leave. Then the practice went over by 15 minutes so we didn’t get home til almost 7.

I don’t think I can exercise because I would have DD with me plus no place to change, no track (elementary school). The meal I planned was really simple (scallops on the grill w microwaved potatoes and reheated Swiss chard) but DH didn’t know how to light the grill so it was still 7:20 or so by the time we sat down.

We will see how it goes tonight. I have salmon that I bought on Sunday and I don’t want to keep it another day so I need to cook it tonight. I may be home a bit earlier to get it prepped and ready for the oven before we leave for practice and if DH can manage to turn on the oven when he gets home, it roasts in like 8 minutes.

OP- you throw on workout clothes at work or home real fast- it can't take that long to change. :)

And, your dh can modify his schedule, perhaps.

But, yes, this is likely the new reality and everyone is going to have to adjust. You'll figure it out. I love running during soccer practice. It's just guaranteed time to exercise. I'm sure if you got creative and flexible you can experiment with solutions.

[Globetrotter]

Or the kids don't care about being super competitive and just like participating. Both of my kids much prefer rec. league level things. They like to play and get exercise but neither likes competitions. I know your family is one of the ones here that is super into sports but there really are a lot of ways to raise happy kids that grow up to be successful adults. Spending a lot of time and money on competitive sports isn't the only way. I know you probably didn't intend it to sound like that though. I'm sure you know kids that do other activities or just do less intense versions of sports. :)

DS Did rec sports throughout elementary and middle school, though he’s doing nothing in high school. Rec was Perfect for us… And he’s into other things in high school and just plays for fun now, though I would like him to resume some casual rec thing next year for exercise since he will no longer have PE.

[SnuggleBuggles]

DS Did rec sports throughout elementary and middle school, though he’s doing nothing in high school. Rec was Perfect for us… And he’s into other things in high school and just plays for fun now, though I would like him to resume some casual rec thing next year for exercise since he will no longer have PE.
Mine does sports at high school. The sports programs are welcome of all abilities so long as you come to practice and try. He is one of the best on the swim team. Tennis...well, at least he's hanging out with his friends getting some exercise. ;)

[Kindra178]

Or the kids don't care about being super competitive and just like participating. Both of my kids much prefer rec. league level things. They like to play and get exercise but neither likes competitions. I know your family is one of the ones here that is super into sports but there really are a lot of ways to raise happy kids that grow up to be successful adults. Spending a lot of time and money on competitive sports isn't the only way. I know you probably didn't intend it to sound like that though. I'm sure you know kids that do other activities or just do less intense versions of sports. :)

Did not intend to sound awful! My point to OP was simply that there's value in sports so it's worth months of screwed up dinner times.

[Globetrotter]

OP, it will be a big adjustment for you all but it’s doable. I found that parents usually stayed for the first couple practices, until they got to know the coaches well. I almost always stayed, but DH never did weekday practices. However, he would take ds to games on the weekends most of the time.

Do you have an instant pot? maybe you can do more instant pot type meals on those days, throw and go. I know you said your kids don’t like crockpot stuff, but maybe you can explore new recipes or just do very simple meals like whole wheat quesadillas with fruit and cut up veggies on the side on those days. You can find a dip to make it more palatable. Or do healthy takeout - Whole Foods maybe- or make large portions and eat leftovers. I prepare beans in quantity and use them throughout the week in soups, salads, tacos, etc. sometimes I also pre-chop vegetables in quantity and just keep them in the fridge, so it’s easier to eat healthy.

As your kids get older, I think it will be almost impossible to maintain an 8:30 -9 bedtime, unless your DH is willing to take over the evening shift. there are meetings and projects and, as you have now found out, practices.

Once you get to know the parents, which will happen if you stay for practice, maybe you can figure out some carpool arrangements, Or leave midway and have DH pick him up. For various activities throughout elementary and middle school, I had an arrangement where I would drop off the kids and another parent would pick up after they got back from work. It would be very helpful for you to make those kinds of connections, but It will probably take some time.

As for what to do during the practice, aside from chatting with the other parents, if not exercise, could you check emails or catch up on calls?

I can understand it’s hard for WOHM parents to manage early evening practices. Our soccer practices tended to be late since there were so many working parents and the coaches themselves couldn’t make it too early, but then we ended up having late dinners And always a snack before practice. Can your nanny give them a big snack after school? I’m thinking that’s probably already happening..

[SnuggleBuggles]

Did not intend to sound awful! My point to OP was simply that there's value in sports so it's worth months of screwed up dinner times.

I totally agree [emoji4] Just pointing out that any level of play has benefits.
I’ve said to dh that I’ll really miss the sports when the kids grow up! I’ve made a lot of good friends, got good exercise and had fun watching the kids over the years. Hopefully OP will come to enjoy this as well!


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[trcy]

Both parents don’t need to stay for practice but my DH doesn’t get home til 5:45 or 6. And DH doesn’t cook. I can get him there by 5 if I get home at 4:45 and our nanny has him ready to go. She may have to bring him some days but I was thinking I would meet her there and let her leave from there. We do try to minimize the number of nights she is there past 5, and it’s unavoidable sometimes, but 3 nights til 6:30 would be pushing it for her family I think.

DH didn’t know the time commitment when he signed up, I don’t think. They only gave us the practice schedule on Sunday so I didn’t have time to adjust my meal plan for the week.

If I could drop him off at 5 and plan on DH picking him up at 6:30, then take DD home and prep dinner so I could have it on the table by 6:45 then I could manage. But last night all the parents stayed and watched the practice (mostly dads) so I wasn’t sure if could leave. Then the practice went over by 15 minutes so we didn’t get home til almost 7.

I don’t think I can exercise because I would have DD with me plus no place to change, no track (elementary school). The meal I planned was really simple (scallops on the grill w microwaved potatoes and reheated Swiss chard) but DH didn’t know how to light the grill so it was still 7:20 or so by the time we sat down.

We will see how it goes tonight. I have salmon that I bought on Sunday and I don’t want to keep it another day so I need to cook it tonight. I may be home a bit earlier to get it prepped and ready for the oven before we leave for practice and if DH can manage to turn on the oven when he gets home, it roasts in like 8 minutes.Double check with the coach, but I wouldn't think a parent has to stay. If it makes your life easier, either you or the nanny drop him off and have your DH bring him home.

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[Globetrotter]

Mine does sports at high school. The sports programs are welcome of all abilities so long as you come to practice and try. He is one of the best on the swim team. Tennis...well, at least he's hanging out with his friends getting some exercise. ;)

Yeah, I tried to get him to do something at school but he doesn’t want sports to get in the way of his other activities that he does very seriously and competitively. And the sports coaches are quite strict about not allowing them to miss practice (at least the sports that he would consider) but I found a drop- in thing that would work out well and is totally flexible. I hope he does it!

[Kindra178]

Double check with the coach, but I wouldn't think a parent has to stay. If it makes your life easier, either you or the nanny drop him off and have your DH bring him home.

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Around here, unless a parent is actually coaching or helping out, no one stays for 8 year olds.

[doberbrat]

I forgot about the nanny. Get home at 4:45 and ask the nanny to drop him off at practice. DH can pick up.

Or throw on some clothes quickly, get a scooter for dd and do laps in the neighborhood.

Its going to take some adjustment and flexibility according to YOUR priorities. Yours will be different than other people's.

But, if its going to work, something has to give. No reason why dh cant figure out how to turn on the grill. Maybe the 1st time was hard but he needs to learn. Honestly, no reason why he cant cook. No one was born knowing how, everyone had to learn at some point. OF course, he has to be willing to learn and what is produced in the meantime might be a tough swallow, but in the long run, he should be able to grill some fish and make what you listed.

[TwinFoxes]

I feel like this is one of those things they don't tell you about being parents. You know your schedule gets tossed away when they're babies, but no one tells you your schedule gets screwed up again when they're older. But, it's kind of part of being a parent. The way I look at it is it's not fair to make them skip activities that are important to them so we can do our thing when and how we want. (Not saying that's what OP is doing). My kids play a lot of sports, strictly Rec-league (matches their talent, trust me, no travel coaches are recruiting them!) And none are sports I've had any interest in. Standing in the rain/100 degree heat/or both on a pool deck with a stopwatch was never in my plan! :)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i must be missing something - so your DH signed your DS up for this without checking with you, and somehow expects you to handle all the logistics of the practice, dinner etc ? (since you say he can't drive him to practice bc he works late, and he can't cook, etc). Sorry to be blunt, but how is that fair?

that wouldn't fly in my house. my DH is SAHD this summer but i would never sign up my DC for something without checking with him first to see if it worked with his schedule. yes, it sounds like maybe he wasn't aware of the schedule or number of practices at the time, but then it that case, why are you always the one having to handle all the logistics of it? i don't get it.

[Globetrotter]

Most of the time, when we signed up for a rec team that was coached by a volunteer, we wouldn’t even know the schedule until we started! I think they did it according to the coaches availability.

[carolinacool]

Its going to take some adjustment and flexibility according to YOUR priorities. Yours will be different than other people's.

But, if its going to work, something has to give. No reason why dh cant figure out how to turn on the grill. Maybe the 1st time was hard but he needs to learn. Honestly, no reason why he cant cook. No one was born knowing how, everyone had to learn at some point. OF course, he has to be willing to learn and what is produced in the meantime might be a tough swallow, but in the long run, he should be able to grill some fish and make what you listed.

This. Something will absolutely have to give. It's just figuring out what that is for your family and just making peace with it.

Up until this spring, DS had only played Y basketball and soccer. One one-hour practice a week, one game on the weekend. We just wrapped up his first season of AAU basketball, third-grade team, games all within a 30-mile radius. Pretty low-level for AAU. But all of a sudden he had two 90-practices a week and tournaments that took up ENTIRE Saturdays. There was one tournament at our local coliseum that ran the entire weekend. I got a wristband on Friday night that I couldn't take off until Sunday night. :ROTFLMAO: Like TwinFoxes said, you do things you never thought you would do.

And you'll figure out practices. DH likes to take DS. For AAU, I think most folks stayed. For one, the high school where they practiced is not really near anything that makes it easy to go home or to run an errand. Also, a lot of the dads like to stay so that can learn the plays and how coach runs a practice and then replicate that on non-practice days with their boys. I get that not everyone is into it like that, though. Which is fine! You can totally leave.

[specialp]

The way I look at it is it's not fair to make them skip activities that are important to them so we can do our thing when and how we want. (Not saying that's what OP is doing). My kids play a lot of sports, strictly Rec-league (matches their talent, trust me, no travel coaches are recruiting them!) .


Same. Plus it is the one time in your life when you can play sports if you want. There are ready made teams of all different talent levels. College and beyond is a whole different level. There are fun adult leagues, but the whole life and kids and traveling for work and aging can make those difficult!

[niccig]

I feel like this is one of those things they don't tell you about being parents. You know your schedule gets tossed away when they're babies, but no one tells you your schedule gets screwed up again when they're older. But, it's kind of part of being a parent. The way I look at it is it's not fair to make them skip activities that are important to them so we can do our thing when and how we want. (Not saying that's what OP is doing). My kids play a lot of sports, strictly Rec-league (matches their talent, trust me, no travel coaches are recruiting them!) And none are sports I've had any interest in. Standing in the rain/100 degree heat/or both on a pool deck with a stopwatch was never in my plan! :)

I agree. My mom refused to drive us to sporting activities. We didn’t live where public transport was available and you can only get rides with other families so much. We would ask permission too before signing up for a team. Eventually we stopped trying out for teams. Even now she’ll comment about how we’re all physically active but never were as kids. Yeah because now I can drive myself!

A friend had similar experience, she stopped all after school activities as even though her parents would take her, it was obvious they considered it a PITA, because of comments they made/obvious reluctance.

I’ll take DS to an activity and if I can’t because of work, I pay a babysitter to take him/organize carpool with another family. Having a parent who shows no interest in your interests is awful experience.

And it’s not just sports, but any interests. Today I’m DS’ production assistant as he was chosen to make a review YouTube video for a computer monitor. I have no interest in computers, no clue how to use video camera, but DS needs help and DH has to work today. I’d rather do my own thing, but this is important to DS, so I suck it up and help him. Later, I’ll do what I need to do, and I’ll get DS to help me then. He won’t want to help but he will as I helped him. That’s how life is. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to do as it helps out someone else.


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[carolinamama]

We have really learned to adjust our schedules and be more flexible over the years. I've ended up with 3 kids in competitive sports so usually more than one kid is at a training in the evenings and I'm running around getting them everywhere. We have adjusted but honestly have more nights with staggered dinners than not. They all will eat a heavy snack before practice and then dinner after. Sometimes cooking doesn't happen and I don't stress over it. We do YOYO nights (you're on your own) about once a week. They can make a sandwich, eat a bowl of cereal, heat up leftovers or anything halfway healthy. My oldest is 13 so he will actually cook - pasta, eggs, grilled cheese etc. DD is 7 and frequently goes for yogurt, cereal or fruit and cheese. I set out cut up veggies and dip/hummus for everyone. We've been doing YOYO for years so I'm confident even your youngest could do it with some assistance so maybe that would work for you. It's a great exercise in independence for them at their level as well. My DH can cook but works later hours and travels so I understand. But he can pick up take out on the way home when I'm desperate! :)

We give up a lot for my kids' sports. But it is a season of our lives and won't last forever. They are thriving, making good friends and staying busy in a healthy activity. It will take some trial and error but you will figure out what works for your family. Just be kind to yourself in the process - you can't do everything at the same time.

[marymoo86]

i must be missing something - so your DH signed your DS up for this without checking with you, and somehow expects you to handle all the logistics of the practice, dinner etc ? (since you say he can't drive him to practice bc he works late, and he can't cook, etc). Sorry to be blunt, but how is that fair?

that wouldn't fly in my house. my DH is SAHD this summer but i would never sign up my DC for something without checking with him first to see if it worked with his schedule. yes, it sounds like maybe he wasn't aware of the schedule or number of practices at the time, but then it that case, why are you always the one having to handle all the logistics of it? i don't get it.

I was thinking the same thing. It seems that DHs priorities constantly trumps OPs and she's left to deal with it. Why? Perhaps the schedule would have naturally moved to this given ages and sports but to do it without even consulting how evening schedules will need to change? That's beyond selfish IMO. This should be a partnership not dictatorship. You always seem to be getting "dumped on" based on your postings. Apologies if this isn't accurate since we only see the challenges. I know as mom's we feel the overwhelming responsibilities to do it all with respect to the kids but parenting and marriages are partnerships. Sometimes one needs to take on more and then other times less. Communication on schedules is crucial.

Also - why can't you pay the nanny to handle practice time? You attend games?

Adding - most practice times are 5-7/30 in the 8 and up age range. It's super hard to get those 5pm ones! My ODD (8yo) eats at 7pm after practices - DH picks up YDD and has dinner ready. You will drive yourself crazy trying to do it all.

[bisous]

I agree. My mom refused to drive us to sporting activities. We didn’t live where public transport was available and you can only get rides with other families so much. We would ask permission too before signing up for a team. Eventually we stopped trying out for teams. Even now she’ll comment about how we’re all physically active but never were as kids. Yeah because now I can drive myself!

A friend had similar experience, she stopped all after school activities as even though her parents would take her, it was obvious they considered it a PITA, because of comments they made/obvious reluctance.

I’ll take DS to an activity and if I can’t because of work, I pay a babysitter to take him/organize carpool with another family. Having a parent who shows no interest in your interests is awful experience.

And it’s not just sports, but any interests. Today I’m DS’ production assistant as he was chosen to make a review YouTube video for a computer monitor. I have no interest in computers, no clue how to use video camera, but DS needs help and DH has to work today. I’d rather do my own thing, but this is important to DS, so I suck it up and help him. Later, I’ll do what I need to do, and I’ll get DS to help me then. He won’t want to help but he will as I helped him. That’s how life is. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to do as it helps out someone else.


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I do think there is a middle ground though and I’m comfortable with that. DS2 would do EVERYTHING ever offered and we sometimes say no. Sometimes because it’s too expensive, sometimes because it conflicts with a family priority. And I’m philosophically ok with that. This is coming from someone who is often critiqued by my DH for doing too much for the kids. I just fundamentally don’t think of most activities as “needs” and i think there can be an attitude of entitlement and I think fostering that is worse than skipping a season of baseball.

What I strive for is balance between the needs and wants of various family members and I try to strongly prioritize activities that my kids demonstrate a passion for. I think for the OP her DS has demonstrated a great love of baseball so in her shoes I’d make baseball work. But if that strongly conflicted with priorities in her own life I’d look for a hack that makes it all work rather than just echo the sentiment “get used to it”. I see families do really creative things to balance the needs of all their members and it reminds me that any activity or responsibility in my schedule needs to ultimately serve our family and I have a good deal of choice and options as to what I allow in there.

I also feel like when I’m purposeful with choosing activities for the kids, we’ve worked hard to pick something they like, we’ve shopped around, we know it will really benefit my kid in some way, it actually changes my attitude about the sacrifice to make it happen. It literally becomes less of a drag because I feel deliberate.

[essnce629]

If I could drop him off at 5 and plan on DH picking him up at 6:30, then take DD home and prep dinner so I could have it on the table by 6:45 then I could manage. But last night all the parents stayed and watched the practice (mostly dads) so I wasn’t sure if could leave. Then the practice went over by 15 minutes so we didn’t get home til almost 7.


I just scrolled through 50 posts and didn't see the age of your son. How old is he? Once my kids' practices hit the 90 minute mark or more I stopped staying. With an hour practice it made sense for me to just be there, but when my 9 year old's soccer practice turned to 90 minutes I would drop him off and go home to make dinner (practice from 4:30-6:00). Then I would go back to pick him up. Sitting there for 90 minutes (plus another 15 since it always went over) didn't make sense. I only live 5 minutes away so if something happened the coach could just call me. I'd talk to your coach and see if you can do the same (don't just go by what the other parents do).

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[zukeypur]

Welcome to the dark side, lol. This is how the rest of us live. I thought we would get the summer off, but the kids signed up for tennis camp twice a week in the evenings. We were almost at 4 nights a week during the summer because a local track club is trying to recruit the 9 year old (she’s apparently super fast) but she declined.

You’re going to have to be more flexible, do more prep work, or farm the responsibilities out to someone else and pretend like it isn’t happening.

Option 1. You could drop him off, come home and cook dinner, and have DH pick him up. You all could eat dinner a little later than normal, or make a dinner that can be kept on warm and eat in stages. That’s usually what we do.

Option 2 would be to take the opportunity to try out some food subscription boxes and let your DH learn to cook. Most of them come with pretty detailed instructions and all of the ingredients (plated seems to be a little more complicated and doesn’t include eggs).

Option 3 is to tell your kids to suck it up and introduce them to the crockpot. You can try sandwich/taco/wrap type crockpot recipes to ease them into it.

Option 4 would be to pack a cold picnic lunch ahead of time and eat it while you’re waiting for him at practice. I know a local family that did/does this a lot (they have 3 kids in 2 sports and are gone almost every week night). They often had cheeses, grapes, nuts, cold cuts, etc and various breads (or not) and ate that for dinner at the soccer fields while their DD practiced. I’m not that social, I hate that kind of meal, and I don’t care for hanging around practice, so I typically avoid this option.

[bisous]

Welcome to the dark side, lol. This is how the rest of us live. I thought we would get the summer off, but the kids signed up for tennis camp twice a week in the evenings. We were almost at 4 nights a week during the summer because a local track club is trying to recruit the 9 year old (she’s apparently super fast) but she declined.

You’re going to have to be more flexible, do more prep work, or farm the responsibilities out to someone else and pretend like it isn’t happening.

Option 1. You could drop him off, come home and cook dinner, and have DH pick him up. You all could eat dinner a little later than normal, or make a dinner that can be kept on warm and eat in stages. That’s usually what we do.

Option 2 would be to take the opportunity to try out some food subscription boxes and let your DH learn to cook. Most of them come with pretty detailed instructions and all of the ingredients (plated seems to be a little more complicated and doesn’t include eggs).

Option 3 is to tell your kids to suck it up and introduce them to the crockpot. You can try sandwich/taco/wrap type crockpot recipes to ease them into it.

Option 4 would be to pack a cold picnic lunch ahead of time and eat it while you’re waiting for him at practice. I know a local family that did/does this a lot (they have 3 kids in 2 sports and are gone almost every week night). They often had cheeses, grapes, nuts, cold cuts, etc and various breads (or not) and ate that for dinner at the soccer fields while their DD practiced. I’m not that social, I hate that kind of meal, and I don’t care for hanging around practice, so I typically avoid this option.

I like your options! I can see myself wanting to do option 4 but in practice actually doing option 1.

[niccig]

I do think there is a middle ground though and I’m comfortable with that. DS2 would do EVERYTHING ever offered and we sometimes say no. Sometimes because it’s too expensive, sometimes because it conflicts with a family priority. And I’m philosophically ok with that. This is coming from someone who is often critiqued by my DH for doing too much for the kids. I just fundamentally don’t think of most activities as “needs” and i think there can be an attitude of entitlement and I think fostering that is worse than skipping a season of baseball.

.

Of course there are balances. Money is definitely one as is time commitment and balancing other needs. I try to make it work if we can and I don’t say no to everything or make it obvious I’m annoyed I have to do this for DS. If we can’t do it, then we look at alternatives we can do.

I caution against the “wasting time” attitude being at kid event if it’s an event the parent doesn’t enjoy. Kids pick up on that very quickly that parent resents the time/energy involved. And the kid will grow up to resent parent for it. My mother would drive us to events she liked eg debate team, but not something we liked eg basketball. Time commitment same, but only her opinion of the event mattered. Only what she wanted mattered. It may also be a generational thing on parenting. You do what I say, how I want otherwise you’re a nuisance getting in my way. I have a couple friends with similar parents, who as grandparents express frustration if we stop something to tend to our kids needs, like feed them when they’re hungry or put them down for a nap.


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[TwinFoxes]

I caution against the “wasting time” attitude being at kid event if it’s an event the parent doesn’t enjoy. Kids pick up on that very quickly that parent resents the time/energy involved. And the kid will grow up to resent parent for it. My mother would drive us to events she liked eg debate team, but not something we liked eg basketball. Time commitment same, but only her opinion of the event mattered. Only what she wanted mattered.



Yep, let's talk about the countless ball games my brother played in that my parents went to vs any academic/art thing I was involved in. And if my dad went to my events he was so clearly annoyed that I stopped asking in elementary school.

Kind of a funny, my DD last year commented on how much I enjoy volunteering at the swim meets. Yes dear, I love driving all over the area to get to pools by 8am on Saturday mornings and volunteering there for three hours, especially when my own kid only swims in 3-4 events. ;) I'm not sure "enjoy" is the word I'd use.

[marymoo86]

I caution against the “wasting time” attitude being at kid event if it’s an event the parent doesn’t enjoy. Kids pick up on that very quickly that parent resents the time/energy involved. And the kid will grow up to resent parent for it. My mother would drive us to events she liked eg debate team, but not something we liked eg basketball. Time commitment same, but only her opinion of the event mattered. Only what she wanted mattered.


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I so needed this reminder. This is me for dance. I love watching her dance and she loves it. I *hate* the studio b/c of the studio layout and the mass chaos at drop off and pickup. It's my least favorite of her activities b/c of it. No option for another studio as timing doesn't work. While she loves dancing, it is also the first one she would give up if she needed to spend more timing concentrating on another of her other sports, so I think that is also playing into it as well. Luckily I am able to get some work done while there so not feeling like it is a "waste of time" but I won't be upset when/if she decides to drop this one.

I'll make sure to check my attitude on it!

[niccig]

Yep, let's talk about the countless ball games my brother played in that my parents went to vs any academic/art thing I was involved in. And if my dad went to my events he was so clearly annoyed that I stopped asking in elementary school.

Kind of a funny, my DD last year commented on how much I enjoy volunteering at the swim meets. Yes dear, I love driving all over the area to get to pools by 8am on Saturday mornings and volunteering there for three hours, especially when my own kid only swims in 3-4 events. ;) I'm not sure "enjoy" is the word I'd use.

Yes and I still have that resentment 30 years later. I’m sure it never crossed their mind to suck it up and pretend! Your DD won’t have those hurtful memories like you and I do, of not feeling important to her parents.

My parents parented as if us kids were an afterthought to what they were doing. They don’t understand when DH and I do something for DS. We’re busy with work and what we want, but DS wants/needs can fit in there too.


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[bisous]

Yep, let's talk about the countless ball games my brother played in that my parents went to vs any academic/art thing I was involved in. And if my dad went to my events he was so clearly annoyed that I stopped asking in elementary school.

Kind of a funny, my DD last year commented on how much I enjoy volunteering at the swim meets. Yes dear, I love driving all over the area to get to pools by 8am on Saturday mornings and volunteering there for three hours, especially when my own kid only swims in 3-4 events. ;) I'm not sure "enjoy" is the word I'd use.

I actually like swim meets a ton, lol. But my kids are so not swim team material. I love timing lanes but it’s been awhile! I would say in our family we definitely prioritize academics over sports but our family is trying to rally, recognizing the many benefits sports bring!

[carolinacool]

Yes and I still have that resentment 30 years later. I’m sure it never crossed their mind to suck it up and pretend! Your DD won’t have those hurtful memories like you and I do, of not feeling important to her parents.

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Yes! My mom is 65 years old and can relate. She cheered and ran track when she was in high school. While my grandpa made an effort to be at every event, my granny never went to see her. At that time, my uncle would have been in college and my aunt, who is five years younger than my mom, would have been 9, 10, 11 years old, so not young enough that she needed a lot of tending to. I remember my mom telling me this in middle school school and explaining why she was so supportive on my activities. It wasn't easy because money was tight and my dad was fairly useless. She was always there.

[georgiegirl]

Kind of a funny, my DD last year commented on how much I enjoy volunteering at the swim meets. Yes dear, I love driving all over the area to get to pools by 8am on Saturday mornings and volunteering there for three hours, especially when my own kid only swims in 3-4 events. ;) I'm not sure "enjoy" is the word I'd use.

My kids have said the same thing. When my kids complain about going to practice or something, I quickly shut them up and tell them to be thankful they have parents who will drive them to practice at 5:45am or pick them up at 9PM or volunteer all weekend in the hot sun (or rain). I do enjoy watching them swim and build skills and make friends. My parents both worked full time and I was never able to participate in team sports. No one was willing to carpool. So I could only do activities that met on the weekends and only the weekends. As a result, I feel like I had a poor body image (didn’t exercise regularly) and I missed out on a lot of team building and social opportunities. So it’s a priority of mine, especially for my daughter (I want her to exercise regularly and have a positive body image).



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[TwinFoxes]

My kids have said the same thing. When my kids complain about going to practice or something, I quickly shut them up and tell them to be thankful they have parents who will drive them to practice at 5:45am or pick them up at 9PM or volunteer all weekend in the hot sun (or rain). I do enjoy watching them swim and build skills and make friends. My parents both worked full time and I was never able to participate in team sports. No one was willing to carpool. So I could only do activities that met on the weekends and only the weekends. As a result, I feel like I had a poor body image (didn’t exercise regularly) and I missed out on a lot of team building and social opportunities. So it’s a priority of mine, especially for my daughter (I want her to exercise regularly and have a positive body image).



My kids also have no idea how lucky they have it. And I totally agree with you about it being important for girls to exercise. I want my DDs to feel their bodies are strong and not just pretty things to look at. It is one thing I like about aquatics sports, girls on the swim and dive team seem comfortable in their skin no matter their body types.

I do like watching my two swim/dive. It's the standing outside in the muggy DC weather for three hours that doesn't fall into the "enjoy" category!

[georgiegirl]

My kids also have no idea how lucky they have it. And I totally agree with you about it being important for girls to exercise. I want my DDs to feel their bodies are strong and not just pretty things to look at. It is one thing I like about aquatics sports, girls on the swim and dive team seem comfortable in their skin no matter their body types.

I do like watching my two swim/dive. It's the standing outside in the muggy DC weather for three hours that doesn't fall into the "enjoy" category!

I totally agree about swim team and positive girl body image! All those Olympic swimmers are so big and muscular. They have big shoulders. They aren’t petite. Although most elite swimmers are big, at a younger age, fast swimmers can be scrawny, they can be muscular, they can be on the heavier side, they can be on the smaller side. And swimmers feel comfortable in their skin because they are always in a bathing suit in front of lots of people. There’s a lot of body confidence for girls in swim.


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[bisous]

I totally agree about swim team and positive girl body image! All those Olympic swimmers are so big and muscular. They have big shoulders. They aren’t petite. Although most elite swimmers are big, at a younger age, fast swimmers can be scrawny, they can be muscular, they can be on the heavier side, they can be on the smaller side. And swimmers feel comfortable in their skin because they are always in a bathing suit in front of lots of people. There’s a lot of body confidence for girls in swim.


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To this point, I did dance and swim. Both wear similar amounts of clothing but I felt a world of difference as to how I felt about my body. In swim I learned to value my body for its strength whereas dance felt very superficial by contrast. Now I LOVE dance but I do think being in swim hugely boosted my confidence and I’m so glad for the activity.

And maybe the weather is the difference for swim meet enjoyment. We don’t have DC weather here and my sister says you just don’t spend time outside in the summer there if you can help it!

[ahisma]

Like so many PP's, this is our life. It sounds like you'd like to stick at close to your current schedule as possible, which isn't how I roll, but isn't an unreasonable goal.

In your shoes, this is what I'd do:


I am used to getting home around 4:45-5, cooking dinner from 5-5:30 and eating around 5:45 or 6 which is usually when DH gets home. Bedtime is at 8 and we start bedtime routine around 7:15.



4:45 - You arrive home, babysitter brings him to practice. Babysitter can bring DD if you're not home in time and drop her back at your house. Obviously, pay her for extra time.
5:30 - You cook dinner.
6:30 - DH picks DS up from practice on his way home.
7:00 - they arrive home, dinner begins
7:30 - shortened bedtime routine begins. Shower, brush teeth, read, lights out.
8:00 - bedtime

[MSWR0319]

I totally agree about swim team and positive girl body image! All those Olympic swimmers are so big and muscular. They have big shoulders. They aren’t petite. Although most elite swimmers are big, at a younger age, fast swimmers can be scrawny, they can be muscular, they can be on the heavier side, they can be on the smaller side. And swimmers feel comfortable in their skin because they are always in a bathing suit in front of lots of people. There’s a lot of body confidence for girls in swim.


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Yes! I just took the officials training and my instructor made the comment that is favorite thing about swimming is that it teaches children of all body shape to have a positive body image because they're walking around in their suits all the time and don't think twice about it.

OP, another option that we used tonight which made me think of this post. Can your nanny feed the kids an early supper and then you give them a healthy snack when they get home and then they can get to bed at a better time? Then DH could cook for you and him (he really should learn how to use a grill!). I know it's not meals together, but you can do that other nights.

[dogmom]

Just wanted to add on to what Bisous said above, but provide contrary information. Children who play competitive sports tend to make more money as adults. I assume that's because they learn early on the need to push themselves regularly. Also, kids who play competitive sports usually continue to exercise well into adulthood!

I know a few families who decided who eschew organized competitive sports in favor of either nothing or just the house leagues. Their skills fall behind quickly and kids get angry with their parents for not allowing them to play in a more competitive manner.

Please cite your source. I found nothing on a Google scholar research. There are studies and tons of reporting that participation in youth sports in decreasing. This board would probably not know it because youth sports is becoming something of the upper and upper middle class. So I’d be very interested if that study controlled for family income.

[Kindra178]

Please cite your source. I found nothing on a Google scholar research. There are studies and tons of reporting that participation in youth sports in decreasing. This board would probably not know it because youth sports is becoming something of the upper and upper middle class. So I’d be very interested if that study controlled for family income.

Research by John Barron and Glen Waddell. If you google their names, you will find it.


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[dogmom]

Research by John Barron and Glen Waddell. If you google their names, you will find it.


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OK, here is the article for those that won’t to read it.
http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.167.6965&rep=rep1&type=pdf
I think you are overstating their findings. First, it was written in the late 90’s and was based on male graduates on the class of 1972. Youth sports have changed so much in the last 40 years. They cite studies that find different results, or results that only apply to white, college educated males. I think it’s a bit of an over reach. Just like saying sports decreases substance abuse issues. The data is very mixed on that one.

I’m not saying sports is bad, or you shouldn’t encourage it. I worry that statements like this will make parents feel their kids NEED to be in sports to be successful, they don’t. Having a child make it to high school I found that by the end of middle school it was almost impossible for him to continue his major interest and do sports in HS because of the unrealistic time demands.

[PZMommy]

OP, I get where you are coming from. My kids don’t do sports because we can’t handle the week night practices. They really aren’t into sports, so it works out fine for us. We managed to do swim lessons but only because those were on Saturdays. We get home around 4 or 4:30. At this point my kids have at least an hour of homework, not including 20 minutes of reading. We have a strict 8 pm bedtime, because we have to leave the house by 6:15 in the morning (so they are up by 5:30). There is no wiggle room. We don’t have family to help, and can’t afford a nanny. My kids’ school offers some great after school enrichment classes that they can do before I pick them up. My youngest has been taking drum lessons for several years now, and my oldest does chess and coding. I don’t feel that they have missed out on anything by not doing sports. It just isn’t a priority for our family. You need to figure out what is the priority for your family and then do what is best.

[westwoodmom04]

OK, here is the article for those that won’t to read it.
http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.167.6965&rep=rep1&type=pdf
I think you are overstating their findings. First, it was written in the late 90’s and was based on male graduates on the class of 1972. Youth sports have changed so much in the last 40 years. They cite studies that find different results, or results that only apply to white, college educated males. I think it’s a bit of an over reach. Just like saying sports decreases substance abuse issues. The data is very mixed on that one.

I’m not saying sports is bad, or you shouldn’t encourage it. I worry that statements like this will make parents feel their kids NEED to be in sports to be successful, they don’t. Having a child make it to high school I found that by the end of middle school it was almost impossible for him to continue his major interest and do sports in HS because of the unrealistic time demands.


The Barron article has been cited more than 200 times since it was first published. Many seem to support the original conclusion, such as this 2009 article. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167629609000575. I spent 30 seconds looking at google results, I imagine one could spend a lot of time doing a comprehensive analysis. The few I pulled up were consistent with the original findings.

[TwinFoxes]

OP, I get where you are coming from. My kids don’t do sports because we can’t handle the week night practices. They really aren’t into sports, so it works out fine for us.

The difference is OP has mentioned in previous threads that her DS loves baseball. I think that’s why so many of us are trying to figure out how OP can make it work.

[basil]

OP here.

Funny turn in this thread here :)

Yes, my DS LOVES LOVES LOVES baseball. Practice got cancelled both nights this week due to rain. He was crushed. It’s not for any perceived benefit of his future income. Though DH and I have had discussions like wow, how do normal people make this work? Without a nanny we would be screwed.

My DH didn’t sign up without discussing it with me. It’s that the website was not that specific on the time required...it said something like “games are on weeknights” and DH assumed that was one night a week, not 3. I promise it was not a nefarious plan to uproot my schedule. DS just made the cutoff due to his August birthday (he is 7, most kids are 8-9) so we initially thought he couldn’t do it then kind of signed up on a whim under an incorrect assumption which is partly our fault, partly the website could have been a little more specific about the schedule.

Next week there are 2 games until 7:15 and a practice til 6:30. I’m going to do some prep over the weekend and see if I can’t come up with some meals we can eat during the game. I usually prep my lunches for the week so maybe I’ll just double that up.

[khm]

It usually is a bit of a rude awakening at first, especially if he's playing with older kiddos. He's jumping right into increased amount of practice.

I, too, remember saying, "But, that's dinner time! Why can't they have it at X time?"

But, it is just how it works. There are SO MANY teams vying for field time and coaches that also have full-time jobs, it can never possibly shake out for the "perfect" time for everyone.

You honestly just adjust and find a way. Embrace the crazy. Embrace quicky meals. Swap drives with another parent.

Heck, I remember calling it a win when our practices aligned with games and the concession stand was open. Concession stand pizza for dinner, yay!

[smilequeen]

OP, I get where you are coming from. My kids don’t do sports because we can’t handle the week night practices. They really aren’t into sports, so it works out fine for us. We managed to do swim lessons but only because those were on Saturdays. We get home around 4 or 4:30. At this point my kids have at least an hour of homework, not including 20 minutes of reading. We have a strict 8 pm bedtime, because we have to leave the house by 6:15 in the morning (so they are up by 5:30). There is no wiggle room. We don’t have family to help, and can’t afford a nanny. My kids’ school offers some great after school enrichment classes that they can do before I pick them up. My youngest has been taking drum lessons for several years now, and my oldest does chess and coding. I don’t feel that they have missed out on anything by not doing sports. It just isn’t a priority for our family. You need to figure out what is the priority for your family and then do what is best.

It doesn’t have to be sports but most parents do, I think, want their kids to be able to explore some sort of passion. If you can get it at school, it’s a win, but sometimes you can’t. I remember the OP saying her DS was very passionate about baseball, which is why they probably want to make it work.

Kids can’t follow every whim to the detriment of the family, but I think it’s important, if you can, to let them go for at least one thing. If your son really loves it, seeing him happy and enjoying himself will ultimately make all the sacrifices worth it. Trust me, there is nothing like watching your kid do something they really love.

[westwoodmom04]

OP here.

Funny turn in this thread here :)

Yes, my DS LOVES LOVES LOVES baseball. Practice got cancelled both nights this week due to rain. He was crushed. It’s not for any perceived benefit of his future income. Though DH and I have had discussions like wow, how do normal people make this work? Without a nanny we would be screwed.

My DH didn’t sign up without discussing it with me. It’s that the website was not that specific on the time required...it said something like “games are on weeknights” and DH assumed that was one night a week, not 3. I promise it was not a nefarious plan to uproot my schedule. DS just made the cutoff due to his August birthday (he is 7, most kids are 8-9) so we initially thought he couldn’t do it then kind of signed up on a whim under an incorrect assumption which is partly our fault, partly the website could have been a little more specific about the schedule.

Next week there are 2 games until 7:15 and a practice til 6:30. I’m going to do some prep over the weekend and see if I can’t come up with some meals we can eat during the game. I usually prep my lunches for the week so maybe I’ll just double that up.

This is a typical baseball schedule, as kids get older, multiple practices and/or games a week become the norm in most sports. Serious swimmers are practicing nearly every day while still in elementary school.

I can see how this is a big change for your family, but many families are juggling two, three, or more kids with evening sports. My kids are often playing two sports or for two teams (school and travel) a season. It just takes flexibility and a willingness to car pool. Even if you don’t know the other families beforehand, it is usually possible to find a nearby family once the team is set for those who don’t have nannies. Often teams stay together for multiple years, especially at the travel or club level.

[DualvansMommy]

Sounds like a good plan, OP. This is normal though, it isn’t that the website is not clear. They don’t know that far out due to competing times for field, coaches availability etc to have exact times and days posted on website.

We got DS1 signed up for travel club soccer, without knowing exact days and times for practices. All we know is that most games will happen on Sunday for his team, but practices is 2x a week weeknights. TBA until closer to Sept once coaches put in their availability, field availability etc etc. so many moving pieces moving around all the time.

I highly recommend you download TeamSnap app to both your & DH’s phones. Any league/travel team coach have that to post times, cancelled games, any relevant information about practices. Etc. Ask the baseball league and your sons team if they have it for their team. You can also export their calendar dates of times, dates to your phone compatible calendar.


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[hbridge]

OP, please know that it's hard. The schedule adjustments are really hard on everyone.

However, whether your kids end up with sports schedule or not, have a selection of easy meals that can be made when there are evening activities. There will be many "dinner time" activities in your future. MANY activities are 6-8, 7-9 type time slot. Sometimes later, sometimes earlier. Even school sponsored events are often in those times slots.

Try to work some flexibility into your evening schedule to accommodate. It is HARD. Kids get burned out, we get burned out... If your nanny can help, get her to help :)!

Kids NEED to follow their passions...it's important! We need to support them, but it can be tough. Keep supporting.

PS DC's favorite meals are "this and that".... cheese, bread, raw veggies, fruit, hard boiled eggs... they love it :)

[trales]

For me the hardest part of having an older kid in any activity is the total lack of communication and set schedules and advance notice. I have learned to go with the flow, but I got here kicking and screaming.

Example, DD1 (12) is doing theatre camp this week. We live in a very rural area with NO shopping, the closest grocery store is 25 minutes, the closest walmart is 35. We got an email that they needed white keds like shoes on Monday- DD wears a 2 shoe, thank god for prime shipping. We got an email at 5pm last night that they need a nude leotard, nude lipstick, "natural" eyeshadow. At 630 this morning I was in the make up aisle of rite aid. As for the leotard, no way I could get that, I sent an email to the whole parent group (many of these kids are dance kids) and asked if someone had a spare size 10 leotard hanging around they could bring today for her. I hope someone did.

Sometimes we get emails at 2pm saying that ski practice was changed to another location and instead of pick up at location X at 5pm, we now needed to pick up at location Y at 830pm.

I totally feel your pain, it is the hardest adjustment ever and leaves me grumbling and swearing in my empty car on the way to pick ups so I can have a smile on my face when I get there.

My compromise is that the family dinners that we do have together I make special, a few nights a week, we have cold picnics and re-heated foods. I would kill for a whole foods or a place that does healthy pick up.