Would you "step out of line"? Career question

[bcafe]

I have an opportunity to apply for a position that is completely different, but within my same organization. It would be a client-facing position that would really further my career. The problem: The position is based 4 hours away in a different state, but this is where the "clients" are based. This is a finite-term position for two years. I would plan on coming home every weekend, but I need to investigate how much travel is involved. It does not sound like much travel at all. I am not getting any younger and I am wanting/needing to advance my career, however, I have 4 children at home. My husband has told me to "go for it" over and over, but...Anyway, I feel like women do not stretch when it comes to their careers, especially when children are involved, yet I would miss so much of daily life and it would be quite the burden for my husband. Thoughts?

[PZMommy]

I don't think I would go for a job four hours away unless I was planning to relocate my family with me. Kids are only this age once, and I fear you would miss out on so much of their daily lives that it wouldn't be worth it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

2 years, 4 hours away really wouldn't be something I would want to consider. At least I would work really hard to find similar experiences locally first. To me it has nothing to do with husband vs wife dynamics. My husband wouldn't consider it either. It's not really a "stretch" for a career, imo. It's a drastic lifestyle decision. You asked for thoughts. :)

[AngB]

I don't think I would go for a job four hours away unless I was planning to relocate my family with me. Kids are only this age once, and I fear you would miss out on so much of their daily lives that it wouldn't be worth it.

This. I have four kids and barely like working 3 or 4 times a month. I mean, it isn't something any of us would be okay with, but there is no career move that would possibly worth it to me to be 4 hours away from my kids Mon-Fri. Plus it would be seriously exhausting to drive 4 hours back and forth every weekend. When DH was in the military we lived about 6 hours away from my family and made the drive at least once or twice a month, the driving got old.

[dogmom]

Well, certainly enough men do it. I love on the Boston area and there are several couples O know whose spouse worked for some period of time in NYC, but they did not relocate. These are the things I would want to know:
-Will your weekends be really free? It might actually be better if you are away from home 4 evenings a week and come home Friday early to be completely focused on the kids.
-Are you someone that can be on your own those other days?
-Hidden costs, will the salary be worth it. The only way I see this working is of you stay there M-Th nights.
-You need to assess how supportive your DH really is.
-Vacation-I think you will need 4 weeks to make this work and be able to take it.

I think so much depends on the dynamics of YOUR family it’s hard to get advice from others.

[jgenie]

Barring financial instability and lack of local job prospects I wouldn’t consider this set up for either myself or DH. There will be other jobs - maybe not as exciting or as promising but more workable.if it was a financial necessity, we would all go or downsize our expenses to the bare bones to avoid it.

[DualvansMommy]

Well, certainly enough men do it. I love on the Boston area and there are several couples O know whose spouse worked for some period of time in NYC, but they did not relocate. These are the things I would want to know:
-Will your weekends be really free? It might actually be better if you are away from home 4 evenings a week and come home Friday early to be completely focused on the kids.
-Are you someone that can be on your own those other days?
-Hidden costs, will the salary be worth it. The only way I see this working is of you stay there M-Th nights.
-You need to assess how supportive your DH really is.
-Vacation-I think you will need 4 weeks to make this work and be able to take it.

I think so much depends on the dynamics of YOUR family it’s hard to get advice from others.

Agree with that. I would only do it if A) your job is really crucial to get that experience to gain advancement, and no other local opportunities for that.

B) the salary differences will have to be worth it to pay for all of those hidden costs with the temporary housing during week, transportation, and misc.

C) how much support your kids will have? Does your DH travel or work late, etc and if he does then it’ll be really hard for me to justify the move.


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[California]

Relatives of ours had to do this for two years so the DH could keep his job. It was incredibly hard on them. They have a preteen and a teen. One parent became the main emotional support and driver for the kids (which was exhausting), and it was hard for the second parent to re-enter the family on the weekends.

On the other hand, we have good friends who have made it work with a three hour commute. No kids. That makes a huge difference! They benefit from good public transportation and an alternative work schedule.
Would it an alternative schedule be possible for you?
For instance- could you shift around your hours to take every, or every other, Monday or Friday off?
Or could you work at home Mondays or Fridays?
My friend's schedule is flexible. The time he spends working on the train counts as work time for him. He's able to get home a couple of times a month for a midweek evening, and he's able to be home by Friday afternoon. If those train hours didn't count I think it would kill the deal for them.

Personally, I think I'd like it for maybe a week (No one making messes! Easy dinners! No sibling arguments!) and then I'd miss my family too much for it to be worthwhile.

[Kindra178]

To me, it would depend on how self sufficient your kids are and how good your husband would be in your absence. For example, I could never do it because my kids aren’t self sufficient and my husband isn’t great at cooking, works long hours etc.

I wouldn’t stress about missing nebulous things in your kids’ lives. Men do this all.the.time.


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[hbridge]

It would totally depend on the kids, the job, the spouses availability...

Are the kids old enough the be independent?
If a child is sick and has to stay home from school, what's the plan?
Will you truly be home every weekend and NOT working? To give you time with the kids and your spouse a break.
Will your truly be away every week for the entire week?
Do you truly get holidays at HOME and/or get holidays/vacation time?
What happens if you do NOT get this opportunity?
What is this 4 hour commute like? Driving, train, flying... Is there a way to make it faster or more worker friendly (ex. high speed rail instead of driving)?
What will your kids think? While this may not be a deciding factor, some kids are VERY sensitive to change.

Only you know what will work for your family. Good luck! :)

[smiles33]

This is a really difficult situation to be in and one that requires careful deliberation. As others have said, I think it depends entirely on your 4 kids' ages, their personalities/needs (e.g., I think my 10 year old would be REALLY sad if she only saw me once/week as she's a bit clingier), whether the new job has a significant pay increase to offset your absence during the week (e.g., I already pay for grocery delivery, housecleaning, kid chauffeur service, etc. and I only work about 2 hours from my office), and how much you want this job. It's great that your DH is supportive, but does he realize how much work you do? Is he already contributing half or more of the family responsibilities? For instance, my DH does all the grocery shopping and cooking, but I do the laundry, Costco runs, take out garbage, keep track of kids' schedules, and track friends' and relatives' birthdays, etc. If I were only available on the weekends, then someone else needs to step up to do those tasks.

Good luck making this decision.

[bcafe]

The salary would be greater and there would be stipends for housing and mileage. The only outlay in $ would be extra groceries and state income tax. I know, trivial, but somewhat relevant to the discussion. My fear is the "re-entry" into the family during the weekend. My DH has an extremely flexible schedule and really, he has a great job and does a lot around the house. He works 8-4:30. I need to pinpoint travel and days off. Oh, we travel to this city often, so the the driving does not bother me at all.
ETA: Kids are: 2 in HS, 1 in middle, and 1 in elementary

[hillview]

based on your update I would get more info and consider it. This is from me who is both someone who has traveled a lot for work and is considering relocating my family. :)

[ezcc]

I have a friend whose job is based in a different city from where she lives- she spends 1-2 weeks a month living where her job is, and then works from home the rest. It seems crazy to me, but it has worked well for her career wise and family seems to take it in stride. She is a highly organized person so manages to make it seem easy, plus her dh is incredibly supportive with a flexible job. Her kids are also not little- 12 and 14 or so.

[mom2binsd]

I guess you could look at everything you do in a week, and then imagine how your DH would actually do everything, almost do a dry run? I don't know how many activities your kids are in and if they can drive themselves etc. If your DH is up to the task of single parenting for 2 years (lots of us do it). It's important to also look at the impact on your marriage, you will only have 2 days really to spend with your DH and share that time with the kids, and I imagine those 2 days will be busy catching up etc. Are you and DH ok with the lost intimacy for 2 years? For some people not having their spouse beside them everynight would be tough.

[bisous]

Barring financial instability and lack of local job prospects I wouldn’t consider this set up for either myself or DH. There will be other jobs - maybe not as exciting or as promising but more workable.if it was a financial necessity, we would all go or downsize our expenses to the bare bones to avoid it.

I agree completely. We would only consider this if we could not otherwise eat.

[cuca_]

Can you negotiate working from home one day a week? I think that would make it easier. I would also make sure the stipends are sufficient to cover accommodations and travel. Would they pay for you to fly there, rather than driving? That would give you the flexibility to leave early in the morning and spend some more time with your family.

We have done this. In our case it has been 3 nights away from home, and frankly that’s not much different than a local job with a busy travel schedule. I agree that it is not ideal, but it is certainly doable.

[Kindra178]

I’m so fascinated by these responses. Where I live, every third dad is a management consultant. They travel weekly. The wives work or not, but their jobs have regular hours.

Op can still plan schedules from afar. I have planned play dates, talked to school nurses and made dr appts from conference rooms around the country.

I’m interested why is eating the standard. What about paying for college, securing retirement and just, shocking, career satisfaction?

Op, do you have family nearby? That will be a game changer for the success of you being gone.


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[Philly Mom]

My DH just had a similar opportunity and I told him to do what he wanted and I would support him. He said no. He travels quite a bit but not that much. We have had friends do it. Re entry is hard. For both spouses. My brother had the same sort of arrangement offered to him and he just moved his whole family and his wife has worked remotely. The short time period for that role is done and they are staying in the same city.


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[ChicagoNDMom]

Wow, that would not even be a consideration for me. When I was single, I held positions based in Europe, but once husband/kids no way would I be removed from my family M-F. Family life cannot be crammed into the weekends, it unfolds every day and special moments/conversations cannot be conveniently scheduled for Sat afternoon. I could not imagine being 4 hours away when one of my kids were sick or struggling.

[bcafe]

I’m so fascinated by these responses. Where I live, every third dad is a management consultant. They travel weekly. The wives work or not, but their jobs have regular hours.

Op can still plan schedules from afar. I have planned play dates, talked to school nurses and made dr appts from conference rooms around the country.

I’m interested why is eating the standard. What about paying for college, securing retirement and just, shocking, career satisfaction?

Op, do you have family nearby? That will be a game changer for the success of you being gone.


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No, no family near by. I figured most would respond as they have, yet I am saddened by a few. Yes, career satisfaction and progression is the goal. I am not young anymore and I fear stagnation. Lots to think about.

[bcafe]

Wow, that would not even be a consideration for me. When I was single, I held positions based in Europe, but once husband/kids no way would I be removed from my family M-F. Family life cannot be crammed into the weekends, it unfolds every day and special moments/conversations cannot be conveniently scheduled for Sat afternoon. I could not imagine being 4 hours away when one of my kids were sick or struggling.
Is Dad not able to care for a sick or struggling child? What about a military spouse? I am certainly not justifying anything, but a 4 hour drive is not the end of the world.

[niccig]

I have friends when the spouse is gone for several months working production on entertainment shows. They might come home a couple times during the project but not every weekend. Not ideal, but they make it work.

I’d consider the option and discuss pros/cons with DH. As other said, many men do this schedule. Give it full consideration.


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[California]

In my case, DH has purposefully chosen a career path with limited travel that gets him home most days by 5:30 pm. He grew up with a dad who was frequently absent due to work and it weakened their emotional connection. He doesn't want the same for our kids. I asked him about this question and he said while men may do this all the time, that doesn't mean it comes with out a cost. He doesn't want to miss out on being a part of our kids' daily lives.

For you, maybe your emotional connection with your kids doesn't need to be those little daily in-person interactions. You know this best for your family. Facetiming may get you through the week. You can be there to cheer them on at sports, etc. It sounds like you are very intrigued by this opportunity and want to give it a go. So maybe this is the right choice for you. I personally think women would actually be better, in general, at making this scenario work as we are socialized to be more emotionally attuned in relationships. (Obviously some guys are great at this, and some women aren't... just talking about averages!)

[billysmommy]

My brother and SIL do this and it works well for them. My SIL travels 3 hours to work 2.5 days/week (she stays in the state she is working those days). My brother works a set schedule but it is in health care so there can be last minute times he needs to stay late. They do have family nearby who are able to help with last minute notice. They have 3 kids (3rd,1st and pre-K) They’ve been doing it for 1.5 years now and have no plans to change. She loves her job and does not have the same opportunities near where she lives now.


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[westwoodmom04]

I’m so fascinated by these responses. Where I live, every third dad is a management consultant. They travel weekly. The wives work or not, but their jobs have regular hours.

Op can still plan schedules from afar. I have planned play dates, talked to school nurses and made dr appts from conference rooms around the country.

I’m interested why is eating the standard. What about paying for college, securing retirement and just, shocking, career satisfaction?

Op, do you have family nearby? That will be a game changer for the success of you being gone.


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Because most people value family life over all of those things, regardless of gender these days.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Because most people value family life over all of those things, regardless of gender these days.

Exactly.

I hadn’t even really considered how hard it’d be on a marriage not to have each other there every day. Yes, military families have to to it and I’m always in awe. But, it just isn’t the life I’d want for my kids or dh.

My dad traveled a ton for work, usually multiple weeks at a time. We pretty much closed him out of the family circle and it took until I grew up and he retired for us to really gel as a family again. We just left him out when he cane home because he messed with our flow- we did fine without him and didn’t really need his input. That had to hurt.


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[Kindra178]

Along the lines of what California said, back in time dads, ie when Snuggles was growing up, had no expectations of participation in family life. Dads didn’t make appts, fill out school forms, plan play dates. While that’s still true to a certain extent, dads are way more involved now.

No one blinks an eye at the management consultants around here. No thinks that aren’t involved in family life, they coach when home, etc. Traveling dads from decades ago did nothing with the kids.

OP’s job isn’t forever. It’s a two year placement.


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[westwoodmom04]

Along the lines of what California said, back in time dads, ie when Snuggles was growing up, had no expectations of participation in family life. Dads didn’t make appts, fill out school forms, plan play dates. While that’s still true to a certain extent, dads are way more involved now.

No one blinks an eye at the management consultants around here. No thinks that aren’t involved in family life, they coach when home, etc. Traveling dads from decades ago did nothing with the kids.

OP’s job isn’t forever. It’s a two year placement.


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You may not bat an eye but plenty of people do. In fact, most people leave consulting or investment banking or big law after a year or two for exactly the reason that they don’t like the work life balance. Everybody is going to do the balance slightly differently but it really shouldn’t be surprising that either parent living 4 hours away on weekdays would be unattractive for many families. If I were in op’s place, I would be much more likely to relocate everyone than to live separately most of the time for 2 years.

[Globetrotter]

I think nowadays many dads too value work life balance. Dh is like that, so this would be a no go for us, unless we were out of options. When the kids were little, DH worked in a start up and was hardly ever home, but as they have grown up, he’s cut back on his hours and has Really bonded with the kids.

OP, if this opportunity is really important to you, you can make it work out. I think it will be harder for you because you don’t have family nearby, but do you have a large support network of friends who are willing to help? I’m just thinking of all the logistical details with four kids who are presumably doing different extracurriculars. Do any of them drive? Can dh set up carpools? Or maybe there is good public transportation?
Also keep in mind that they might have tournaments or other activities on the weekends, when you are home.
Your kids will become much more independent after going through two years of this, which can be good in some ways.

It will definitely be a strain on the family and marriage, regardless of which spouse is the one who is away. When you are home, you all will have to make an extra effort to prioritize your bonding and connection, which isn’t always easy with tired, irritable teenagers.

If there’s anyway you can work remotely a couple of days a week, then I think this would be more manageable. It might be worth doing a trial run to see how everyone manages, keeping in mind that there will be some struggles initially as they adjust.

I hope you can figure out a way to make it work.

[MSWR0319]

We're currently in a similar situation. DH took a job 3 hours from home with the expectation that he'd be able to work from home in a year or two. He works from home 1 or 2 days a week if possible and is gone 3-4. We didn't want to relocate because the kids are well established in everything they're involved in, I've found my "village" which is a great help, and my family is all very close. Not to mention DH is in charge of four offices in the state, so even if we did move to his "home" office he wouldn't be there often either. So it just didn't make sense to move. DH traveled quite a bit anyway, so it really wasn't a big change for us, other than he is gone a bit more than before. I've got my groove now and him being gone didn't really change much for us. Is your DH ok doing all of the daily work on his own? DH really wanted the job to advance his career so I was willing to support it. We did agree if after a year it wasn't working he would find something else. The hard part is there aren't as many jobs at the high level around here. We're about 8 months in and he's having a hard time being away from home, which I find interesting because he's not gone that much more than he was in his previous position. It's really weighing on him, but I also think a lot of it is because his job is much more stressful than anticipated and he doesn't really have the support when he gets off of work. We talk on the phone, but it's not the same as being able to decompress by playing with the kids or watching TV together. He's met a lot of people who don't live in the same city as their spouse. I had no idea so many people did it!

My kids are younger and we make it work. It's not always easy, but it is doable. The kids like to FaceTime DH and send him texts. When DH is home on the weekends they're often filled with sporting events or activities, but when not we try to just hang out as a family as much as possible. We have found that it's very important to try and prioritize spending quality time together when the kids are in bed. The first few months were kinda rough but we're figuring it out. I'm not sure how long it will continue, as DH's business is restructuring and he's hoping he can get a work from home job. I'd be willing to continue, DH is ready to be done, but again he's not enjoying the job so I think that would make a difference if he liked it.

Given that your kids are older, I think you could swing it if your DH is on board. Be prepared for some bumps at first trying to figure out what works. I think you should do it or at least look into it if you're interested and are ok being away. If this is what you want and need for your career, it's ok to do it!

[o_mom]

Along the lines of what California said, back in time dads, ie when Snuggles was growing up, had no expectations of participation in family life. Dads didn’t make appts, fill out school forms, plan play dates. While that’s still true to a certain extent, dads are way more involved now.

No one blinks an eye at the management consultants around here. No thinks that aren’t involved in family life, they coach when home, etc. Traveling dads from decades ago did nothing with the kids.

OP’s job isn’t forever. It’s a two year placement.


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I agree - we know many people where one spouse travels nearly every week, and it is not an issue.

I think I would want to know from the OP exactly how it would work - are you leaving every Sunday night, which means either leaving mid-day or arriving very late Sunday? Or, is it considered that you leave Monday morning and arrive mid-morning. Same on Friday - are you not leaving until 5-6pm, so Friday is a total write-off, or is it more of a leave after lunch and be home for dinner situation? Is a compressed workweek an option? 10 hrs M-R, home Friday morning or even a work from home on Friday?

You don't need to answer, but think about how some of these might make it slightly more reasonable. If it is leave on Sunday and not home until late Friday, that's a little harder to sustain.

Also - will you have a permanent living space there, or is is a different hotel room every week? Being able to leave your work clothes there, not having to pack bags, etc. can make it much easier to do.

I do think that one positive of today's technology is that it is much easier for traveling parents to stay involved and connected to kids. When we were growing up, it was paper calendars, landline phones, snail mail, and long-distance charges. These were huge barriers to keeping communication and involvement. You couldn't get the PTO newsletter by email and sign your kid up on-line for the afterschool club. Calls were limited by location and cost, and heck, most people didn't even have an answering machine, so if you stepped out you missed the call and didn't even know it. There were no text messages, Skype, etc.

[petesgirl]

I don't think I would go for a job four hours away unless I was planning to relocate my family with me. Kids are only this age once, and I fear you would miss out on so much of their daily lives that it wouldn't be worth it.

My thoughts exactly. I decided a long time ago that my family was my priority and my career was 2nd. So that's how I make these decisions. It wouldn't work for me. I also wouldn't want my DH to do something like that.

[kdeunc]

My dad was a traveling auditor for a retail chain for my entire childhood. He would have to leave on Monday morning and be back on Friday. This was in the day of rotary telephones, so no email, facetime, etc. :) He was still a part of my and my sister's life and we continued to have a close relationship. He and my mom will celebrate their 60th anniversary this weekend so it worked out OK for them too. I think if it is something that you want to do and your DH is in agreement with you then it is something that you should really explore. Good luck!

[jawilli4]

It's really weighing on him, but I also think a lot of it is because his job is much more stressful than anticipated and he doesn't really have the support when he gets off of work. We talk on the phone, but it's not the same as being able to decompress by playing with the kids or watching TV together. He's met a lot of people who don't live in the same city as their spouse. I had no idea so many people did it!

DH commuted 4 hours for two years and by the end of it, this was his experience as well. He got really depressed to the point that seeing him only on the weekends was no longer a viable option and we moved up to be with him. Both DC were in elementary school at the time and what hit him the most was that they really didn't want to talk to him every day. They'd get on the phone, knowing it was important to him, but conversations were very short and didn't often leave him feeling good. They also didn't have cell phones, so that might have been a much better way of staying connected.

When I read your post, OP, my thought was just to listen to your gut. No matter what, it will be okay and what you are supposed to do. Sending positive thoughts your way and to MSWR0319 and her family as well.

FWIW, DH and DC are happily bonded together so no scars were created during his absence.

[KpbS]

Wow, that would not even be a consideration for me. When I was single, I held positions based in Europe, but once husband/kids no way would I be removed from my family M-F. Family life cannot be crammed into the weekends, it unfolds every day and special moments/conversations cannot be conveniently scheduled for Sat afternoon. I could not imagine being 4 hours away when one of my kids were sick or struggling.

Having gone through life with a child who has struggled and been in crisis, our family unit could never have survived this type of arrangement. The other kids, the struggling child, our marriage, all would have suffered greatly.

[marymoo86]

I know families who fell apart with one parent constantly traveling, other families that make it work but the traveling parent is seen as more of a disruptor to the daily life when returning, and some that make it seamless and thrive.

With 2 kids in high school, your time is growing very short with them before leaving for their own lives and adventures. It's never really the same after leaving home. I wouldn't even consider the option but clearly there are many who live to work rather than work to live and that's okay.

These situations are never ideal and you make them work if there are no workarounds. However, I just can't fathom opting into it unless absolutely necessary. I would always think of the problems - what if something happened to a family member and I'm four hours away. What if a kid is stuck and DH can't get to them. What about missing the possible last things with the kids in HS? All kinds of scenarios. I would just never be comfortable.

My biggest worry would be the likely impact on relationships with the kids. They didn't grow up in this type of arrangement.

[bcafe]

Great insight here! To clarify, I do not live to work. I had several periods of being a SAHM and now i am trying to place myself into a relevant role for the future. We briefly considered relocation, however, I do not want my husband to leave his employer. He has a great job and the kids are entrenched here. Anyway, this is speculation because the role is a single placement and there are potentially 5k employees who may be interested.

[Jeanne]

No, I wouldn't. I'd look long and hard for something that is close by. I mommy tracked myself when my kids were born. I never stepped away from the workplace but I turned down plenty of roles that had great potential and job satisfaction because of the travel involved. I have no regrets despite knowing that once my kids leave for college, I will be looking to step it up again and will likely have to spend some time trying to make up for mommy tracking myself. This was the right decision for me and our family because believe it or not, as the kids get older, life gets busier and the problems get larger.

My DH did take take a horizontal move in order to move up. We spent 2 years dealing with him driving 3+ hours RT each day. It was horrible for ME. The kids were little so they didn't notice much. He was around by bedtime and on the weekends but the toll it took on me was very hard. I was working and pretty much a single parent who had to do everything. Every little thing. When he took that role I knew I'd max out on patience for that at 2 years and luckily that was the right when he was able to get back to working in town. He was also hating life a good year into it.

You'll figure it out priority wise though. I get where you're coming and that many men have done this for ages but take a longer view of the situation and ask yourself if 2 years of that kind of hardship will really put you where you want to be in the future. Remember that with the kind of change you're talking about, you will likely be in the position of having to accept permanent change and possibly more workload/travel. This is not easy as your kids get old. They will get more active and involved and you'll need to be around for that.

Best of luck with the decision.

[mom2binsd]

I think it's really a question of how your marriage works, how you as a couple function. A close friend of mine has made job choices to allow them time together as couple (flexible hours etc) as they are very much needing time on their own without their kids (ie when the kids are at school) so they can have time one on one to go for lunch/hang out/ and have sex without worrying about the kids (they live in a smaller house). They also just enjoy being in each others presence and do not like being apart. Another friend has remained married because her husband is away so much so she is able to be in control of her one child and do her thing (although their marriage is not great to begin with, but she stays for many reasons). How you and your DH work together/what your needs are for one another and how he would respond to the change in lifestyle will set the tone as to how the kids respond. The kids are probably going to adapt easier to any change, unless one of them has special needs or develops the need for extra attention.

So much to consider, like one person said, if you could set up a place where all your clothes/toiletries could stay it would be much easier than having to pack, but then, if you only need a place 4 days a week is that cost effective. I would also look at whether you could reduce to 3 or 4 days away. Also, how much stability in the company is there, I mean, if you did this and then they downsized/closed/moved operations, it would have been for nothing. I wouldn't do this unless there was a guarantee that it will payoff in spades!

[dogmom]

I just realized that people always being up the “this goes so fast, soon they are gone” as a reason to spend more time with the children. Now that my kids are teenagers and I can see them being away to college then on there own in the near and not to distant future, that sentiment can go both ways. Soon to the will be adults, then what? Will we at all be any place close to where we want to be? Is this job a step to securing the future you want without kids? The reality is the vast majority of our lives are spent without children living with us, so I think it’s worth the taking it into account.

[bcafe]

There is a housing stipend so having a stable apartment would be the answer. The industry has zero chance of collapsing, and yes, this is a guaranteed stepping stone. I am most definitely thinking ahead to where I need to be without the children home. However, I love hanging out with my husband even if we are sitting next to each other doing our own thing. Lots to figure out.

[mommy111]

No right answer, it’s what works for you. Good luck in your decision!

[AnnieW625]

Yes I think I would if I felt that strongly about the job and the potential upward career mobility. I have never had to travel for work so maybe I am not the right person to answer the question but I agree with the others who have posted that why should a woman have to be the one to hold themselves back if the right position comes along?

My dad was in outside sales and was often gone for a week or two a month or occasionally on a weeknight or Saturday but I never felt like he wasn’t there. He may not have taken us to the doctor or dentist or hair salon like my husband has the ability to do but we lived in a smaller city so he knew the dentist, doctor, and hair stylist. Now my grandpa working in the family business which was housing and he was always gone and my grandma took care of everything for my dad and uncle and when times were tough she worked part time as well so I always think that is part of the way my dad is because his dad wasn’t always there (my dad and grandpa’s dynamic was very much like the song Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin). If my mom wanted to stay home he was okay with that but they discussed her going back to work if that was what she wanted. My mom ended up not going back to work until I was 17 but my dad recommended her multiple times to his district manager for secretarial and book keeping positions at one of his jobs, but the salary was never enough to cover commuting and daycare for my then non school aged sister.

I think for the OP if your DH is supportive then you should do it especially if there is a potentially large pool of candidates so imho it can’t hurt to apply. I also like that the company is offering compensation for housing while you are at the location. I would add up food costs and start using a service like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh so your DH can get used to cooking if he doesn’t cook already. My dh still doesn’t cook much but he finds the recipes easy to follow and he likes not having to fish around the fridge for the right ingredients. I might also look at laundry service, and the potential for a morning or afternoon nanny if your kids aren’t old enough to get themselves places. Will you have more flexible Friday and or Monday hours for travel?

Good luck with your decision and I know you will make the right choice.


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[squimp]

I just realized that people always being up the “this goes so fast, soon they are gone” as a reason to spend more time with the children. Now that my kids are teenagers and I can see them being away to college then on there own in the near and not to distant future, that sentiment can go both ways. Soon to the will be adults, then what? Will we at all be any place close to where we want to be? Is this job a step to securing the future you want without kids? The reality is the vast majority of our lives are spent without children living with us, so I think it’s worth the taking it into account.

This is a great point. Sounds like it is a finite 2 years with a big payoff, and you can come back on the weekends. I can travel a lot for work, and have kind of leaned in and out over the years, I agree with others that this is a very personal decision.