need tips on keeping our mouths shut (real estate transaction)

[Reader]

We are maybe at the end of a nightmare house buying transaction. If there were any other potential properties we would have walked long ago. I really don't want to walk because we have invested so much time in this place and there is nothing else available, but we are at a boiling point with the sellers, and they of course want to attend the closing. They have been completely miserable and unreasonable to work with (this is our 4th house, and we've never experienced anything like it). We need to keep our mouths shut during the closing...any tips? I'm thinking of wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it if I think about opening my mouth to contradict some new unreasonable statement. I wouldn't be surprised if they showed up at closing with a new set of demands and refuse to sign the papers.

[legaleagle]

Ask the title attorney if you can sit in another room from them (mediation style!) will the agents be attending?

[MSWR0319]

We are maybe at the end of a nightmare house buying transaction. If there were any other potential properties we would have walked long ago. I really don't want to walk because we have invested so much time in this place and there is nothing else available, but we are at a boiling point with the sellers, and they of course want to attend the closing. They have been completely miserable and unreasonable to work with (this is our 4th house, and we've never experienced anything like it). We need to keep our mouths shut during the closing...any tips? I'm thinking of wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it if I think about opening my mouth to contradict some new unreasonable statement. I wouldn't be surprised if they showed up at closing with a new set of demands and refuse to sign the papers.

Why do they have to attend closing? We've bought and sold more house than I'd like to admit to and we've never been in the same room as the buyer/seller on any of the closings. They sign before or after we do.

[MSWR0319]

Ask the title attorney if you can sit in another room from them (mediation style!) will the agents be attending?

We were posting at the same time. This is a great idea if you have to do it at the same time!

[o_mom]

Why do they have to attend closing? We've bought and sold more house than I'd like to admit to and we've never been in the same room as the buyer/seller on any of the closings. They sign before or after we do.

I'm sure it varies by state. I have never been to one where both parties weren't present!

I like the idea of having a separate room.

[Reader]

I'm sure it varies by state. I have never been to one where both parties weren't present!

I like the idea of having a separate room.

I'll ask our agent. This will be our first house with the sellers at closing. They are old school, I guess.

[legaleagle]

I'm sure it varies by state. I have never been to one where both parties weren't present!

Both present is the *usual* around here (DC Metro) but there is no reason it has to be that way. We are involved in lots of closings as sellers (I'm an estate attorney) and we generally have the documents fedexed to the seller ahead of time (as the executor is often not local).

[Reader]

Ask the title attorney if you can sit in another room from them (mediation style!) will the agents be attending?

It would be such a huge relief not to have to sit across from them. Thank you for suggesting this. The agents are attending.

[legaleagle]

It would be such a huge relief not to have to sit across from them. Thank you for suggesting this. The agents are attending.

That's great that the agents will be there - they are at least as motivated as you to get this deal closed so they can help push things along if needed.

[Liziz]

It doesn't sound as awful as yours, but we just finished buying a house where there were definitely some frustrated feelings, so I can sympathize to some degree. We also closed together and I was a little worried about it, too.

1) I like the earlier suggestion - call the title agency in advance and ask to be in separate rooms, or ask if you can come sign your parts an hour earlier. I'd be honest with the title agency and let them know there's a lot of negative feelings/hostility and it's not going to work to be together.

2)If you must/choose to be in the same room, make sure your real estate agent is there with you too. Let her know in advance that you don't want to talk to the sellers at all and ask her to handle all the talking for you. At my closing, the two real estate agents (mine and the seller's) chit chatted with each other almost the whole time while the seller and I didn't really talk at all.

3) pretend you're really wrapped up in reading all the fine print on the millions of documents you sign on closing day and ignore/just don't respond to anything. At our closing there were several pointed and rude comments that definitely made me angry, but I just stared at that enthralling legal jargon on the paperwork and kept my mouth shut. It totally sucked but at the end of the day we have a house we love.

Congratulations on your new home!

[div_0305]

We had similar feelings towards the sellers of the house we bought last. So our agents made sure we had separate closings.

[Reader]

It doesn't sound as awful as yours, but we just finished buying a house where there were definitely some frustrated feelings, so I can sympathize to some degree. We also closed together and I was a little worried about it, too.

1) I like the earlier suggestion - call the title agency in advance and ask to be in separate rooms, or ask if you can come sign your parts an hour earlier. I'd be honest with the title agency and let them know there's a lot of negative feelings/hostility and it's not going to work to be together.

2)If you must/choose to be in the same room, make sure your real estate agent is there with you too. Let her know in advance that you don't want to talk to the sellers at all and ask her to handle all the talking for you. At my closing, the two real estate agents (mine and the seller's) chit chatted with each other almost the whole time while the seller and I didn't really talk at all.

3) pretend you're really wrapped up in reading all the fine print on the millions of documents you sign on closing day and ignore/just don't respond to anything. At our closing there were several pointed and rude comments that definitely made me angry, but I just stared at that enthralling legal jargon on the paperwork and kept my mouth shut. It totally sucked but at the end of the day we have a house we love.

Congratulations on your new home!

All good suggestions. It's good to know we can get through it-sorry you had a similar experience.

[Reader]

We had similar feelings towards the sellers of the house we bought last. So our agents made sure we had separate closings.

Sorry to hear you had similar feelings but it makes me feel better that we're not the only ones.

[KpbS]

Surprising that your agent hasn’t lobbied for separate closings. Or maybe she has and the sellers are insistent?

[squimp]

It would be such a huge relief not to have to sit across from them. Thank you for suggesting this. The agents are attending.

Yeah wow, I have never had the other party at our closing. Often they were already out of state. Hope you can avoid them.

[minnie-zb]

Request a split closing. I've done this for the last 2 or 3 closings we've done. I hate sitting in the same room signing papers. It's really better for the sellers -- their process is super fast.

If that doesn't work, ask your settlement lawyer about giving them power of attorney for the transaction so they sign everything on your behalf. Not sure if that's possible. I know my husband gave me power of attorney for settlement for one our closings (we were selling and he was already moved).

[ha98ed14]

I have only bought one house. It was pretty straight forward once we agreed on what the seller was willing to do. Maybe we didn't "fight" hard enough to get what we wanted, but we were in a sellers' market with very low inventory. There was not anything said or done in our negotiating process that rose to the level of becoming personal at all. What could people possibly fight about for it to become personal? The seller is either wiling (or not) to fix xyz. End of story.

ETA: OP, I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this! People can be real jerks to each other. I hope this all works out to your favor!

[mom2binsd]

I am so curious as to what this type of issue is. I have bought two homes and both times we just went into the title companies office and signed our name 4 thousand times. There was literally nothing at that point to discuss, are there transactions where there is fighting going on still about concessions/what they are supposed to fix after an inspection. Sorry if I sound misinformed, but we didn't ever meet the sellers of our second home, and the first home, they were home when we toured the house (we drove by and saw the sign, were in from out of state, called their agent and they said, ok, the sellers said come on in). The fact that the saw our 3 month old DD I think sealed the deal as they had multiple offers and accepted ours. After that it was all just signing papers. Our houses were in Utah and Illinois.

[Liziz]

I am so curious as to what this type of issue is. I have bought two homes and both times we just went into the title companies office and signed our name 4 thousand times. There was literally nothing at that point to discuss, are there transactions where there is fighting going on still about concessions/what they are supposed to fix after an inspection. Sorry if I sound misinformed, but we didn't ever meet the sellers of our second home, and the first home, they were home when we toured the house (we drove by and saw the sign, were in from out of state, called their agent and they said, ok, the sellers said come on in). The fact that the saw our 3 month old DD I think sealed the deal as they had multiple offers and accepted ours. After that it was all just signing papers. Our houses were in Utah and Illinois.

Then you're lucky! In our case the sellers would repeatedly make promises about what they were going to do, then juuuuust before the deadline to make something binding, they'd change their terms. It would be this last minute rush to figure out how we could handle/address it. Multiple times they said they'd do one thing, then did another. We had to extend due diligence periods more than once because of this stuff, and they were constantly threaten to just refuse to do anything to fix the issues and put the house back on the market (they actually listed it again at one point even though we were still under contract). Constantly being told we were being unreasonable, bullies, etc. -- which we certainly were not, but we also wanted to make sure we weren't throwing our money away/paying for a house with serious issues. They were super hostile, even doing things like calling contractors we had hired and paid to do inspections and basically threatening them, calling them worthless/questioning their skills. The housing market was incredibly tough and there just honestly weren't any other houses that would work for our family, and we were in a super tight time situation (moving from somewhere else, and wanted to ensure our kids could start school and stay in the same school zone, so renting/hotel living for awhile wasn't a great option) so despite all their nonsense we chose to suck it up and deal with them. Ultimately it was worth it because we love our house, but I still feel a bit taken advantage of. By closing, no, there wasn't anything left to discuss, really -- other than the fact they didn't do some of the repairs they were supposed to do. We ultimately chose to just suck it up because we wanted to be done dealing with them, but then at closing they basically rubbed it in my face and tried to get me to acknowledge that they did stuff they didn't do and that they "went above and beyond" when they definitely didn't, and while it wasn't going to stop the finalization of the sale, it was infuriating and I can see why OP is stressed about it. People can be crazy brazen. I have no clue if this is the type of stuff the OP is dealing with, but just sharing so you have an idea of how it might be stressful.

OP, I too was afraid that at some point the sellers were just going to be like "nevermind, we won't sell to you" because they were so crazy. But one thing to remember is that most normal sales agreements (like if they've signed your offer, which obviously by this point they have) don't have an "out" clause for the seller -- so at this point they're totally obligated to sell to you, even if they get a new bee in their bonnet at closing.

[mommy111]

We did our entire closing via DocuSign. Is there any reason for you to be there? They can be there if they want to, but why you? Ask your realtor if you can do an electronic sign

[mom2binsd]

Lizliz that sounds horrible!!! I have never heard of anything like that!

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[ha98ed14]

Well you answered my question. That's insane that they treated you that way.

IME, people who act controlling of others (when it's not family baggage) and jerk you around are doing so because they feel out-of-control in their own personal situations, so they are trying to control everything else. I had a room mom tell me once that I had to buy strawberries from the farmers market for a chocolate fondue fountain for a school event. She explicitly said strawberries from the grocery were not acceptable. I was floored by that one.

[Liziz]

Well you answered my question. That's insane that they treated you that way.

IME, people who act controlling of others (when it's not family baggage) and jerk you around are doing so because they feel out-of-control in their own personal situations, so they are trying to control everything else. I had a room mom tell me once that I had to buy strawberries from the farmers market for a chocolate fondue fountain for a school event. She explicitly said strawberries from the grocery were not acceptable. I was floored by that one.

You hit the nail on the head. In addition to some very frustrating comments at closing, I learned through something their real estate agent said to them that they'd just had some super cruddy stuff come up in their life and weren't really selling the house/moving by complete choice on their part. It didn't make me any less frustrated about the way the whole thing went down, and they were still wrong to treat us the way they did, but I guess it did help me move on from my frustration faster.

OP - has the closing happened yet? How did it go??

[squimp]

There are SO many things that can go wrong about buying and selling houses. We've bought or sold 7 times here in town, and have had all sorts of levels of conflict, from none to high. We have had sellers who were giant pains, we had a buyer whose agent made a mistake in our favor and we didn't point it out to them so they were mad at us. Sometimes real estate can be war!

[Reader]

I didn't want to update until after closing but we did close, and in the end, the seller realtor advised them to not to come, so all went smoothly. Our experience was similar to the poster who described her buying issues on the previous page. Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I think in the end the realtors decided it wouldn't be good for us to be together but had I not voiced my suggestions to have us in separate rooms or at separate times it could have worked out much differently.

[NCGrandma]

Whew! I’m sure you’re very relieved! Hope you can focus on settling in to your new house, and put the craziness behind you.


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[Liziz]

I didn't want to update until after closing but we did close, and in the end, the seller realtor advised them to not to come, so all went smoothly. Our experience was similar to the poster who described her buying issues on the previous page. Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I think in the end the realtors decided it wouldn't be good for us to be together but had I not voiced my suggestions to have us in separate rooms or at separate times it could have worked out much differently.

Congratulations! May you enjoy your new home and :yay: celebrate :yay: that you're DONE dealing with those jerks!!!