Looping in The Principal for Teacher Issues

[anonomom]

This is partly an update on my post a few weeks ago, partly a rant and partly a request for advice. I wrote a few weeks ago that DS's teachers (3rd grade) had sought a meeting to talk about his work habits, and that they were sending feedback home on his work that I thought was unhelpful/unnecessarily critical. I took y'alls advice to ask for an evaluation of DS for learning delays/difficulties, and that ball is now rolling. But in the meantime, things are getting worse at school for DS, totally separate from whether or not he has special needs of any kind. I think I need to loop the principal in and could use some advice as to how.

Basically, these teachers have extremely high standards (which isn't generally a bad thing), but also seem to be troubled by normal kid behavior. To provide just one example, I have received three emails in the last week complaining that my kid pees too often, and that's in addition to the admonishments DS is receiving about it at school. The first time, the teacher mentioned that for two days in a row, he had used the bathroom twice over the course of two hours and wondered if it might be a good idea to restrict his access to water before her class. I told her no, but that she could of course use her judgment and ask DS to wait for an appropriate time. That day, she also pulled DS aside and told him he she would be calling me about how much he pees, and she made DS leave her classroom, go to his other teacher's classroom, ask that teacher for permission to use the bathroom, then come back to her classroom to get the bathroom pass before he was allowed actually to pee.

I spoke to her in person after that, and she assured me that she thinks he sincerely needs to go, but she doesn't like DS disrupting her class to ask to use the bathroom. I asked about her making DS go to the other teacher's class and she was clearly sheepish about it, claiming she just wanted DS to double-check with the other teacher to verify that he'd used the bathroom already that day. She also noted that his needing to pee is a hardship on the other kids, because they're required to use the bathroom in pairs, allegedly as per school policy.

The second email was sent apparently within moments of him asking to use the restroom and said basically "I just want to let you know your son is using the bathroom right now (at 10:30 am), even though he already went at 9:50." She said she wasn't emailing to be mean, but because she "just wanted to let us know the frequency." I didn't respond to that email (what could I possibly say?), but saw the teacher at school the next day and she told me he hadn't used the bathroom at all in her class that day.

Then today, DS came home and said "my teacher thinks I need to go to the doctor because I pee too much. She sent you an email about it." I checked, and sure enough, there was an email from his other teacher, listing the exact times that he used the bathroom today (4x over the course of the 7.5 hours he spent at school) and reminding me that it is disruptive when he asks to use the bathroom. Interestingly, the email did NOT mention DS needing medical care even though she mentioned it to DS.

The bathroom issue is the worst of what we're seeing with these teachers, but there are other issues, too. For example, when I met with them, we agreed that I would do extra handwriting practice with DS at home every night in lieu of filling out his reading log (he still reads every night and does all of his other homework). That lasted exactly one week, then the teacher told DS he needed to bring in the handwriting book (that I purchased) every day to show it to whichever classmate she has put in charge of checking in homework that day. Otherwise, she said, the other kids would be confused as to why DS isn't getting punished for not doing his reading log. Both teachers were also supposed to help him with organization, but as far as I can tell, they do no work on it at school -- DS comes home with papers sticking every which way out of his binder, and I'm the one that goes through and makes sure everything gets into the right place (but, of course, I still get notes home about his lack of organization). And the endless negative feedback on his school and home work has continued unabated (I kid you not -- an assignment on which DS had followed directions to the letter, with a single wrong answer, was returned with a bright yellow "Quality alert!" tag attached and a demand that I sign it and he fix it).

I haven't replied to the latest bathroom email yet, but when I do I would like to cc the principal, and possibly ask him to sit in on the parent-teacher conference we have scheduled for next week. Is this appropriate at this point? I really have been trying to take the tack that one teacher-kid misfit isn't the end of the world and that DS will be fine if this year isn't great. But IMO, we're moving past "poor fit" into "singling out and harassing." The goal of getting the principal involved would be to let him know what's going on, and to as for his help in getting this to stop, or at the least, to help me arrive at a workable solution to the issues the teachers are having with DS.

Some pertinent info: DS doesn't have any health problems, and we do not see an increase in his bathroom use (or his intake of liquids) at home. He brings a 20-oz bottle of water to school every day and it usually comes home partially full, so he's not drinking excessively (he cannot refill it at school, so I know he's not getting much additional water). By his teachers' own admission, he doesn't ask to leave class to use the bathroom every day. He is (again, by their own admission) respectful, kind, obedient and non-disruptive at school, he tries hard to please and the teachers don't think he's just asking to go to the bathroom to get out of class. The worst that they can say about him is that he's immature, disorganized, and behind in his spelling and handwriting skills (all of these things are true). When I speak to the teachers in person, they're all nice and reasonable, and I leave the meeting thinking everyone is on the same page, but then within days the same issues are cropping up again. Both have been teaching 3rd grade for several years and have good reputations at school, for whatever that's worth, but I have heard from other parents whose children have struggled to live up to the teachers' sky-high expectations.

[ett]

Have you reached out to the guidance counselor? I think that would be more appropriate at this point than the principal.

[bisous]

Hmm. The way they set up a plan and then turn around and change everything is very frustrating. It may very well be time to include the principal. Let me think about that a bit more... What really stuck out me was the bathroom thing...

Do you not think the bathroom thing is excessive though? I can see where they might be concerned about a medical condition. I’ve never know a healthy child to go that frequently (it’s a sign of diabetes unfortunately so I HAVE seen it—just not in a healthy child!) and I honestly think any teacher would feel frustrated with such frequent interruptions.

I think my fix there would be to again determine there is no health indication and then barring that, institute strategic water drinking so that it coincides with lunch and recess.

[anonomom]

I'm sure it is very annoying, I get that and have some empathy for their situation. But I have now had three emails and two in-person discussions with the teachers on this topic, in addition to their twice shaming/threatening him for needing to go to the bathroom. That's not showing concern for his health, that's inappropriately venting annoyance with a typical part of dealing with kids, especially since it comes hand-in-hand with multiple other questionable reactions to DS's general existence as a person.

DS doesn't have a health problem. To put it bluntly (and as I explained to his teacher), he comes by this trait honestly -- it was handed down by DH, whose time between bathroom trips can frequently be measured in minutes. And I've spent enough time proctoring EOGs (specifically for the third grade) and chaperoning school activities to know that while DS may be on the "more frequent" side of the spectrum, his bathroom usage isn't outside the range of normal. Over the course of one particular 2-hour school event, I recall more than a few kids who drank multiple bottles of water and made 3 or more bathroom trips.

[sariana]

I am a teacher. I think it is totally appropriate to request the principal's involvement at this point.

I don't blame your son for going to the bathroom so often. I would look for any excuse to get away from that teacher, too.

[bisous]

I'm sure it is very annoying, I get that and have some empathy for their situation. But I have now had three emails and two in-person discussions with the teachers on this topic, in addition to their twice shaming/threatening him for needing to go to the bathroom. That's not showing concern for his health, that's inappropriately venting annoyance with a typical part of dealing with kids, especially since it comes hand-in-hand with multiple other questionable reactions to DS's general existence as a person.

DS doesn't have a health problem. To put it bluntly (and as I explained to his teacher), he comes by this trait honestly -- it was handed down by DH, whose time between bathroom trips can frequently be measured in minutes. And I've spent enough time proctoring EOGs (specifically for the third grade) and chaperoning school activities to know that while DS may be on the "more frequent" side of the spectrum, his bathroom usage isn't outside the range of normal. Over the course of one particular 2-hour school event, I recall more than a few kids who drank multiple bottles of water and made 3 or more bathroom trips.

I’m sure their handling leaves much to be desired and I have “been there” during the battle of wills that takes place when a teacher just decides not to be helpful to a child and it’s beyond frustrating. I guess I could sort of see why an average teacher might want to document the frequent bathroom trips but add that to the other problems you’re experiencing and I’m sure your read on this is accurate.

That said, i would caution you against using this issue with the principal because I feel like it’s too easy to be sympathetic with the teachers. Honestly I still think that kind of frequency is outside the parameters of normal bathroom visits, even if he isn’t unhealthy. Not that there’s anything wrong with him or that he should be subject to mean spirited teaching practices! That still sucks. Just stick with the most black and white instances.

I would stick with other issues where the teachers are more clearly out of line—like reneging on the plans you created together. I feel like by focusing on a few key changes that are easily implementable and that would make a difference to your DS, you have a chance at creating the most improvement and getting administrative support.

I’m glad to hear you’re pursuing the testing. If you get to the point that you can institute a 504 maybe you can codify that he can use the bathroom without needing any passes. (I bet the doctor can explain that although it’s frequent, it’s needed and healthy.) Having a 504 gives you both a lot more protections.

In sum, I’d pick a few key things you’d like to see and try to get support for those from the teachers and possibly the admins if needed!

[PunkyBoo]

I just want to say that we've had teachers ask about our DS2's frequency using the restroom at school too. I believe it was a combination of anxiety (teachers already labeled him as a problem), needing a break (DS2 has ADHD and sometimes just needs to "escape" for a few minutes, or is bored/ uninterested in what is going on), and discovering that using the bathroom was a control thing- some kids just need to have control over certain situations. (Once the teachers told him he could go, quietly without disturbing our disrupting anyone, it tapered off). All of this could be contributing to what is going on with your son.
I would start with the counselor/ school psychologist before the principal.

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[lurksalot]

I'm a school administrator and I would want you to include me in your conference. I do think he may be going more frequently than others, especially when I imagine he has recess and lunch available to also use the restroom, however, the way his teacher is handling this raises some concerns for me.

It is never appropriate to tell a 3rd-grade student that you think there is something medically wrong with them, totally not age-appropriate, frankly, I don't think it is ever appropriate. Also, sending him to the other teacher is punitive and humiliating. There is no reason why he can't use a silent signal to let the teacher know he needs to use the restroom. 3rd grade is plenty old enough to use the restroom independently. I am also not a fan of having his peers check homework, for exactly this reason. How a student performs in class is private. It isn't any of their business that he is completing an alternative assignment. The "quality alert!" comment is not reasonable for missing one question on a homework assignment. I could go on....I would not be comfortable knowing any of my students were having these experiences at school. I am so sad for your son.

[lurksalot]

Also, I would not suggest going to a counselor or school psychologist. Most of the concerns that you have shared are about the teaching practices and teacher behavior. This is a personnel issue and not appropriate to discuss with anyone else at the school except for the admin.

[KpbS]

We encountered very similar issues one year in elementary. It was absolutely unbearable and the teacher continued to single out my kid for all sorts of “offenses” like reading when there was downtime, going to the bathroom too frequently, etc. DC developed significant anxiety and a great dislike of school. We pulled him to homeschool instead because life is too short for all of this mistreatment and b.s.

[Myira]

Using the bathroom 4 times is 7.5 hours does not constitute excessive by any stretch of the imagination. This teacher obviously has decided to single out and target your child and IME in this scenario the only way to save your child from this abuse is to demand he be moved to a different teacher.

We have dealt with this similar behavior on the teachers part when DS was in first grade. It’s a waste of time to talk sense of any sort into such teachers.

This whole bathroom issue is so out there but I’m wondering if you can use it in your favor to make your case stronger for a change of classroom to get DS out of there. Everything else is also bothersome but not so cut and dry but this one issue is utterly in the realm of abusive and crazy. I would make it your ticket to rescue your son from this daily stress. I feel the best outcome of your meeting with the principal would be a change of classroom.


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[georgiegirl]

I just want to say that we've had teachers ask about our DS2's frequency using the restroom at school too. I believe it was a combination of anxiety (teachers already labeled him as a problem), needing a break (DS2 has ADHD and sometimes just needs to "escape" for a few minutes, or is bored/ uninterested in what is going on), and discovering that using the bathroom was a control thing- some kids just need to have control over certain situations. (Once the teachers told him he could go, quietly without disturbing our disrupting anyone, it tapered off). All of this could be contributing to what is going on with your son.
I would start with the counselor/ school psychologist before the principal.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

THIS!!!!!! DS1 has anxiety and adhd and he uses the bathroom very frequently (and yes, his endo checked his urine and he’s fine). It’s an anxiety thing. He even told us he doesn’t like the feeling of pee in his body. His teacher is 100% understanding and he’s doesn’t disturb the class.

I would definitely involve the principal. The teacher is picking on your DS, which I’m sure is making him anxious (which would make him need go pee more). She’s really focusing on it and finding things that are wrong. I would be very frustrated and angry as well.

[Melaine]

THIS!!!!!! DS1 has anxiety and adhd and he uses the bathroom very frequently (and yes, his endo checked his urine and he’s fine). It’s an anxiety thing. He even told us he doesn’t like the feeling of pee in his body. His teacher is 100% understanding and he’s doesn’t disturb the class.

I would definitely involve the principal. The teacher is picking on your DS, which I’m sure is making him anxious (which would make him need go pee more). She’s really focusing on it and finding things that are wrong. I would be very frustrated and angry as well.

I totally agree! There is no doubt in my mind that he is anxious about using the bathroom and is therefore feeling even more like he needs to go. Kids are not drinking enough water and it's crazy that his bathroom schedule is considered out of the norm with what you are describing. The other kids are not drinking enough water it that's the case. And his teachers sound honestly terrible.

[Smillow]

I totally agree about the anxiety! I have a self-described “bladder of steel” and I will find myself going multiple times with in 30 minutes before leaving the house if I think I will be away from a bathroom after I leave. Your poor DS! His teacher should not be subjecting him to this scrutiny.

[doberbrat]

That day, she also pulled DS aside and told him he she would be calling me about how much he pees, and she made DS leave her classroom, go to his other teacher's classroom, ask that teacher for permission to use the bathroom, then come back to her classroom to get the bathroom pass before he was allowed actually to pee.

I spoke to her in person after that, and she assured me that she thinks he sincerely needs to go, but she doesn't like DS disrupting her class to ask to use the bathroom. I asked about her making DS go to the other teacher's class and she was clearly sheepish about it, claiming she just wanted DS to double-check with the other teacher to verify that he'd used the bathroom already that day. She also noted that his needing to pee is a hardship on the other kids, because they're required to use the bathroom in pairs, allegedly as per school policy.

The second email was sent apparently within moments of him asking to use the restroom and said basically "I just want to let you know your son is using the bathroom right now (at 10:30 am), even though he already went at 9:50." She said she wasn't emailing to be mean, but because she "just wanted to let us know the frequency." I didn't respond to that email (what could I possibly say?), but saw the teacher at school the next day and she told me he hadn't used the bathroom at all in her class that day.

Then today, DS came home and said "my teacher thinks I need to go to the doctor because I pee too much. She sent you an email about it." I checked, and sure enough, there was an email from his other teacher, listing the exact times that he used the bathroom today (4x over the course of the 7.5 hours he spent at school) and reminding me that it is disruptive when he asks to use the bathroom. Interestingly, the email did NOT mention DS needing medical care even though she mentioned it to DS.

The bathroom issue is the worst of what we're seeing with these teachers, but there are other issues, too. For example, when I met with them, we agreed that I would do extra handwriting practice with DS at home every night in lieu of filling out his reading log (he still reads every night and does all of his other homework). That lasted exactly one week, then the teacher told DS he needed to bring in the handwriting book (that I purchased) every day to show it to whichever classmate she has put in charge of checking in homework that day. Otherwise, she said, the other kids would be confused as to why DS isn't getting punished for not doing his reading log. Both teachers were also supposed to help him with organization, but as far as I can tell, they do no work on it at school -- DS comes home with papers sticking every which way out of his binder, and I'm the one that goes through and makes sure everything gets into the right place (but, of course, I still get notes home about his lack of organization). And the endless negative feedback on his school and home work has continued unabated (I kid you not -- an assignment on which DS had followed directions to the letter, with a single wrong answer, was returned with a bright yellow "Quality alert!" tag attached and a demand that I sign it and he fix it).

I didnt respond yesterday b/c I wanted to think about it. Every 2 h is a little often. But I'm pretty sure I had to pee 4x during the day myself yesterday so its not out of the realm kwim? We have sometimes wondered about kids who seem to need to pee frequently - but those kids are asking to go more than once in an hour. Or repeatedly in the middle of a lesson. But I also cant think of a case where a teacher has had to email more than once about it. Emailing a parent that you have a concern is appropriate. Emailing them hourly to let them know their kid has to pee is a bit absurd.

I think she's making herself look ridiculous by sending him to another teacher first - I'd be really annoyed if someone sent a kid to ask me during my prep. - plus talk about disrupting class! She could have asked that teacher privately. I also really do not like the send 2 at a time policy. Why? IME, they take 2x as long and get into more trouble that way.

I think I would go to the principal. Do not bring up other parents. Bring up that you've tried to work with her directly and things change. Bring up that she's making your child anxious and embarrassing him in front of the class.

Ftr, I dont think kids having different expectations in a classroom is a huge deal. We explain it as everyone gets what they need. The hw monitors will quickly learn who is exempt from what and accept it unless the teacher makes a big deal of it.

[sariana]

I haven't replied to the latest bathroom email yet, but when I do I would like to cc the principal, and possibly ask him to sit in on the parent-teacher conference we have scheduled for next week. Is this appropriate at this point? I really have been trying to take the tack that one teacher-kid misfit isn't the end of the world and that DS will be fine if this year isn't great. But IMO, we're moving past "poor fit" into "singling out and harassing." The goal of getting the principal involved would be to let him know what's going on, and to as for his help in getting this to stop, or at the least, to help me arrive at a workable solution to the issues the teachers are having with DS.


I just wanted to pull out this part of OP's post. This request is perfectly reasonable and does not come across as wanting to complain to the principal about the teacher. Asking the principal to be involved is the logical next step, as OP contacted the teacher first and tried to work it out.

I'm glad that an administrator responded on this thread. It was good to hear that perspective.

[PZMommy]

At this point, I think going to the principal is the next logical step. You have talked to the teacher several times, and aren't getting anywhere, so you need to go higher up. I would really push for a change of class. I don't foresee this issue getting better.

The bathroom thing does seem a bit excessive to me. 4 times plus lunch and recess in a day is a lot, but it is not something I would be emailing a parent about. If a kid is an otherwise good kid, and I don't think they are using the bathroom as an excuse to play, I'd let it go, but may casually mention I was concerned at a parent conference. If I thought they were just playing around and not having to really use the bathroom, then I would mention it to the parent sooner. I'd still let them go, because I teach Kindergarten and I don't want them to have accidents, but I do talk to the parents in that case.

As for the rule of two going at a time, it is a safety rule. I know in my district (not at my school), a student slipped and fell in the bathroom and knocked himself unconscious. Because he had gone by himself, it took a bit for him to be discovered. He ended up being okay, but ever since we have always been told to send two at a time. Yes, they can play and can cause issues, but you just have to deal with that as a separate issue.

[bisous]

At this point, I think going to the principal is the next logical step. You have talked to the teacher several times, and aren't getting anywhere, so you need to go higher up. I would really push for a change of class. I don't foresee this issue getting better.

This is ultimately what I think too. The teachers actions are tinged with unkindness and even if she is reprimanded by the principal nobody can make her be nice when she’s dug in her heels and decided that she’s somehow justified in mistreating your son! I’m so sorry. It’s awful. Unfortunately I’ve “been there”. Plenty of teachers would love to teach your son I’m sure. Here’s hoping you can connect with one of them. I’d go into the principal with a prehearsed succinct set of facts and just get him moved! Let us know how it goes.

[JBaxter]

I volunteer ( always have) in the class room a lot. As for the bathroom issue I have seen kids use going to the bathroom as an outlet This year the teacher has a student that goes into the bathroom much more often than all the other combined. She has gotten to the point when she starts instruction she announces no bathroom trips for the next < how ever many minutes she needs> She does the same for tests. It is disruptive because the child then needs all the instructions again at the table when others are trying to work on the project. There are other times a child can use the restroom other than instruction time after drop off before class before specials recess lunch etc. Our school has in classroom bathrooms or Jack & Jill type with adjoining class rooms. As for asking him if he has been to the DR she may have been trying to see if there was a medical condition that was not disclosed on his school paper work. I'd add a admin and or school counselor to the loop but it may be brought up the excessive trips do disrupt the learning environment for the other students. If the teacher isnt a good fit then ask for a switch to a different classroom I've done it at the first marking period mark with one of mine.

[doberbrat]

As for asking him if he has been to the DR she may have been trying to see if there was a medical condition that was not disclosed on his school paper work.

I agree that its appropriate for the teacher to have asked. .... but the teacher should have asked the parent. OR the child. Not harp on it repeatedly kwim? I also think it is reasonable to say - no bathroom trips during direct instruction times or to make kids wait a bit.

In 2nd dd2 had a teacher who refused to allow ANY bathroom trips except during snack and lunch/recess. THAT was a nightmare! She is no longer at our school thank goodness. It is unfortunate - she was a GREAT teacher but was really more suited to older grades.


I dont think this is JUST an issue about the bathroom. It seems to be a pattern of being unkind or overly picky.

[TwinFoxes]

Definitely involve admin at this point. Last year I had one of my DDs removed from her math class because the teacher was obviously picking on her. The AP said "I don't see how their relationship can be repaired" after I showed her communications I'd had from the teacher, and told her some of things DD said about the teacher ("she hates me, she thinks I'm stupid.") And while I'm sure the teacher didn't actually hate her, it was clear she strongly disliked my DD.

As for the bathroom thing, I do think it's disruptive. I'm sure he's doing it as a release, but that means he's most likely asking to go when the stakes are highest. For example, she'll start test instructions, but he has to go to the bathroom which is a disruptive. I think she needs to think outside the box a little bit and say "before I give test instructions, please take this time to go to the restroom". Or like PP said "for the next 10 minutes no one can go to the bathroom." BTW, does he go that often at home?

And in regards to her asking him if he needs to go to the doctor, I do not for a second believe it was said with kindness and concern from him. I don't think she should have said anything to him, *a child*, even if she was concerned for his health. Like he's supposed to make his own doctor's appointment? Or if he has a diagnosis he'll be the most reliable narrator of what that is? I doubt she pulled him aside and said gently "DS, is there a medical condition that I need to know about?" More likely it was "maybe you need to go to the doctor, you go to the bathroom too much" said in a snarky way.

[mom2khj]

I'm so sorry your DS is experiencing this. My oldest had a similar teacher in 3rd grade and it really caused her anxiety to spiral out of control. I think I have PTSD from dealing with it and it was 8 years ago! I was SO grateful DS didn't get that teacher this year in 3rd! She used to be the only GT teacher, so we didn't even have a choice to move to another class if they were to stay in GT. Our principal at the time also tended to side with teachers no matter what. I had evidence of a lie from a teacher, in an email, and the principal still didn't believe me!

I think getting the principal involved at this point is a good idea. I like how it's been proposed by others to engage the principal for their awareness and not necessarily because you're tattling or trying to go above the teacher. I agree there is concern on how the rules keep changing after an agreement has been met. That's just setting him up for failure.

[anonomom]

Quick update:

I held off on looping in the principal, and we had our conference today. It was rushed and DS's ELA teacher needed to leave to meet with someone else, so I had to bring up the bathroom issue quickly. I told them "I'm feeling defensive and a little bit angry about the emails we've been getting," and mentioned DS coming home and telling me the math teacher had mentioned him needing a doctor.

And then the math teacher started to cry.

As best as I can tell from what ensued over the next five minutes, the math teacher didn't realize we'd already heard from and spoken to the English teacher several times about DS using the bathroom, so she thought she was being helpful. The English teacher denied ever having said anything at all to DS about his bathroom use, which I know isn't true because she had previously acknowledged talking about it with him at least twice. The issue appears to be resolved with the Math teacher; we'll see what happens with the English teacher.

On the plus side, the math teacher was able to give us a good update on the evaluation process and what she's been doing in class to help DS, and she says she's seeing a lot of progress with him. It looks like most of what was making us angry is coming from the English teacher, and I'm still not really sure how to deal with that, but I do believe that the Math teacher is sincerely trying to help (and I feel awful for making her cry).

Bottom line, I am less angry but still kind of confused as to how to handle all of this. We're supposed to meet within the next two weeks with the intervention team, so I'm hopeful that that will bring some clarity. In the meantime, I (and DS) can handle not being a particularly good fit with one of his teachers if things are going ok with the other one.

[TwinFoxes]

I didn't understand from your OP that it was two different teachers writing the emails. That actually changes things somewhat. Good luck going forward.

[JBaxter]

I didn't understand from your OP that it was two different teachers writing the emails. That actually changes things somewhat. Good luck going forward.
I agree Two teachers don’t notice the same behavior unless it is an issue

[petesgirl]

Quick update:

I held off on looping in the principal, and we had our conference today. It was rushed and DS's ELA teacher needed to leave to meet with someone else, so I had to bring up the bathroom issue quickly. I told them "I'm feeling defensive and a little bit angry about the emails we've been getting," and mentioned DS coming home and telling me the math teacher had mentioned him needing a doctor.

And then the math teacher started to cry.

As best as I can tell from what ensued over the next five minutes, the math teacher didn't realize we'd already heard from and spoken to the English teacher several times about DS using the bathroom, so she thought she was being helpful. The English teacher denied ever having said anything at all to DS about his bathroom use, which I know isn't true because she had previously acknowledged talking about it with him at least twice. The issue appears to be resolved with the Math teacher; we'll see what happens with the English teacher.

On the plus side, the math teacher was able to give us a good update on the evaluation process and what she's been doing in class to help DS, and she says she's seeing a lot of progress with him. It looks like most of what was making us angry is coming from the English teacher, and I'm still not really sure how to deal with that, but I do believe that the Math teacher is sincerely trying to help (and I feel awful for making her cry).

Bottom line, I am less angry but still kind of confused as to how to handle all of this. We're supposed to meet within the next two weeks with the intervention team, so I'm hopeful that that will bring some clarity. In the meantime, I (and DS) can handle not being a particularly good fit with one of his teachers if things are going ok with the other one.

Don't feel bad for making the math teacher cry! This isn't about her, it's about your DS. IMO, neither of the teachers is treating him right and I feel bad that a young child has to deal with this. He doesn't deserve the negativity he is getting from them.