How can my teen wake up on her own?

[almostmom]

DD does not wake up to her alarm. It can be dinging/blaring over and over right next to her head, waking up everyone else in the house, and she is sound asleep next to it. Radio, same thing. She tried putting her alarm clock across the room, but then she still didn't wake up and the rest of us had to deal with it!

I know at 13 (almost 14) and in 8th grade, she should be responsible for getting herself up in the morning. But alarms don't seem to work (though I'd like to know if there are others I should try). When they do wake her up, she turns them off (she used to snooze sometimes, but often fully turns it off without realizing). Now I have to go in and wake her up (and inevitably it's later than she'd like, as I am dragging myself out of bed to do it). And then I go in a second time to make sure she is up, as she has usually fallen back to sleep.

It's not really a sleep thing, at least mostly. She naps some days after school (both my kids do - they love napping). She is a night owl, and goes to sleep probably around 10:30. And her alarm is set for 6:30. On the weekends she sleeps until 10 or 11. Some days she goes to bed much earlier, like 7 or 8, and sleeps through the night. Even then, I have to wake her multiple times in the morning.

Once she's up, she's fine.

Any suggestions on alarms that could work?

Thanks!

[Melaine]

I would try earlier bedtime. I think that's late for a 13 year old who is having trouble getting up. My 13 year old girls have lights out anywhere between 8 and 9 depending what we have going on. And if she is napping ever, my guess is she is not getting enough sleep.

[almostmom]

That's a nice idea, but it's not going to happen. She is most awake from 8-10 (11 if we let her) every night, always has been! Most nights if her lights went out at 8 she would lay there for hours awake. Except those nights when she decides to make a nap starting at 7pm merge into nighttime sleeping...

Next year high school will start later, and her brother will drive her, so she'll be able to sleep until 7:45 which will be great. But she still won't wake up on her own, which I'd like to help her do. I wouldn't wake up on my own until at least 8 (or later), so I get that! But alarms work for me.

[mommy111]

Get her an Alexa

[almostmom]

How does that work as an alarm?

[SnuggleBuggles]

No way would an earlier bedtime work here either. Heck, my kiddo is rarely home before 9:30 most nights after activities!!
I bet the nap could be messing with the sleep. Maybe try skipping those for a bit and see what happens.
Otherwise, I would try one of those wake up light alarms- starts getting brighter about 30 minutes before the alarm goes off.

[almostmom]

The nap does sometimes mess with her sleep if it's too long, but those are maybe once a week realistically (unlike my 10th grader who naps almost every day after school and goes to sleep around 10:30 or 11 easily). I could try the light up alarm, but light doesn't seem to wake her up on the weekends (she doesn't have light blocking shades). But it might help during this dark season. But I still think I'd need to go in and get her up...

[ang79]

No way would an earlier bedtime work here either. Heck, my kiddo is rarely home before 9:30 most nights after activities!!
I bet the nap could be messing with the sleep. Maybe try skipping those for a bit and see what happens.
Otherwise, I would try one of those wake up light alarms- starts getting brighter about 30 minutes before the alarm goes off.

I was hoping a daylight alarm would help my 11 yr. old, but so far it hasn't. It starts to get light 30 min. before her wake up time, then she wakes up to nature sounds at 7 am. She wakes up enough to turn the alarm off then snuggles under the blankets until I go in and drag her out of bed. She is totally like my husband, just does not want to get up in the morning and will put it off until someone makes her. On weekends she likes to sleep til 8 or 8:30, then read a bit in her bed before she gets out of bed. We aim for an 8 pm bedtime most nights, and she usually falls asleep within a half hour of getting into bed, so she is getting plenty of sleep, and she still doesn't like to wake up. If you find anything that works for you, I'd love to try it here!

[gymnbomb]

When I was around 10-12 and had trouble with alarm clocks, my parents got me one that was this style. It was super loud and always woke me up.
https://www.amazon.com/Peakeep-Twin-Alarm-Clock-Red-Brown/dp/B072QDD4CS

[MaiseyDog]

This sounds exactly as me as a teen and young adult. I have always had to set multiple alarms and have them set up around the room. Note one alarm set with multiple times to go off, but i actually have 4 alarm clocks that are set up around my room. I need different sounds or they are too easy to tune out. I am much better about getting up with just two alarms now, but as I teen if would take all 4. I could usually sleep through the first one, but it would disrupt things enough that I was more likely to hear the second one. Usually by the third one I was a wake and the fourth one would be the one that I would actually get up for. It's not pleasant for anyone having to share space, but it worked for me. I also saw recent alarm clocks that have a vibrating thing that you put under the pillow, It wouldn't be enought to wake me up, but I wonder if it would be enough to disrupt deep sleep so that it would be more likely to hear the next alarm. Just a though.

[mmsmom]

I would try a vibrating alarm. You could set multiple alarms on an Echo dot and she would have to speak to Alexa to turn them off. But all of those would still be disruptive to the rest of the house. I think the best thing would be for you to wake her and make sure she is out of bed and showering or brushing her teeth before you leave the room. Hopefully it is just a phase and you won’t have to do it for long. I would say no naps too... if she wants and has time for a nap just encourage an earlier bed time on those days instead.

[MMMommy]

No way would an earlier bedtime work here either. Heck, my kiddo is rarely home before 9:30 most nights after activities!!
I bet the nap could be messing with the sleep. Maybe try skipping those for a bit and see what happens.
Otherwise, I would try one of those wake up light alarms- starts getting brighter about 30 minutes before the alarm goes off.

Same. Can’t imagine a bedtime between 8pm and 9pm for a teen with activities, homework, etc. I would also suggest losing the naps.

What about those alarms that go under the pillow and vibrate? Would something like that work?

[smilequeen]

I think it would be an extremely rare teen that could get to bed earlier. It’s really just not how the typical teen internal clock works. My 12 year old is asleep at 10ish and he is the kid I have to wake up most days. He has always been a deep heavy sleeper and the alarm rarely works. Sometimes I can plant the idea in his head before bed that he really really needs to get up with the alarm and sometimes it works. He’s going to hit puberty sooner or later so I need to follow for ideas. Also curious about Alexa?

I have a 15 year old who I guarantee does not get enough sleep no matter what I say, and he can reluctantly get himself up every day, so I don’t think it’s the lack of sleep. Just the kid.

[ged]

sounds about right for certain teens. I had this alarm clock as a teen and I could never sleep through it, like I did the others. Posting link for novelty, not bc I think it will solve your problem :)

https://www.ebay.com/i/113628789993?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-117182-37290-0&mkcid=2&itemid=113628789993&targetid=809743885865&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=9031057&poi=&campaignid=6470742389&mkgroupid=81275890247&rlsatarget=pla-809743885865&abcId=1141156&merchantid=114705568&gclid=CjwKCAjwusrtBRBmEiwAGBPgE9HnJw8avCvMKA48T9JV _7x25uxI17WYHDnjga-cj_lP6GIYrfgBZxoCM1QQAvD_BwE

[squimp]

Maybe let her fail and be late for school? It's the natural consequence. I agree it's hard to get up, and my DD still struggles with this and she has gotten better as she gets older.

[egoldber]

We ended up having to get this one for our super heavy sleeping older kidSonic Alert SBB500SS Sonic Bomb Extra-Loud Dual Alarm Clock with Red Flashing Alert Lights and a Powerful Bed Shaker https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SD1SDbB477D89its the vibration piece that is key for her

Its so loud that kids in her dorm complained to the hall director but it gets her up for her 8am class

It’s the vibration piece that seems to be crucial for her to get up

[MMMommy]

We ended up having to get this one for our super heavy sleeping older kidSonic Alert SBB500SS Sonic Bomb Extra-Loud Dual Alarm Clock with Red Flashing Alert Lights and a Powerful Bed Shaker https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SD1SDbB477D89its the vibration piece that is key for her

Its so loud that kids in her dorm complained to the hall director but it gets her up for her 8am class

It’s the vibration piece that seems to be crucial for her to get up

:ROTFLMAO: The name alone sounds hilarious!

[georgiegirl]

My Dd is the same age and has similar hours. She’s a light sleeper and has now issues waking up with her iPhone alarm.

[BunnyBee]

It may just be that she's a heavy sleeper and will grow out of it. Or not and she will make her roommates and future partners hate her--my DH can still sleep through his alarm clock in his mid-40s. One thing to consider with the napping and the amount of sleep is whether she has sleep apnea. A sleep study could be helpful. Good luck! I think some of my children have inherited my husband's sleep skills. I believe their ADHD also complicates it. There are some alarm suggestions if you google ADHD and sleeping through alarms.

[hbridge]

You are NOT alone. My teen does not manage the alarm, at all! This kid can sleep through anything. A tree fell on the house a few years ago. It was 8 feet from the bedroom, the kids slept through it all! I usually give a reminder to set the alarm at night and when it goes off in the morning I go in and turn it off. I do not leave the room until feet are on the floor and the child is three steps away from the bed. Even then, we have had to move the alarm time a few times to ensure that there is plenty of time before the bus comes.

When I was a teen and into my 20's I could turn an alarm off in my sleep, even when it was on the other side of the room. It was a problem in college...

[elephantmeg]

I have a co-worker who said her son was impossible to get up, multiple wake ups etc. And he moved out of state this year when he graduated high school and somehow is getting up and out of bed and to work on time-independently. I was talking with the kids psychiatrist about this and they said it's about natural consequences. If we don't keep waking them up and they miss the buss etc they'll listen to the alarm. Otherwise their brains know that they can tune it out. Heck, after falling back asleep on a work day and getting a call from work asking where I was (I'm an RN) I now know I have to get up when the alarm goes off, I can't layy there and risk falling back to sleep... My husband doesn't have a time critical job so he tends to keep hitting snooze which is unfortunate when he's the one that needs to get the kids up.....

[nfceagles]

I have a co-worker who said her son was impossible to get up, multiple wake ups etc. And he moved out of state this year when he graduated high school and somehow is getting up and out of bed and to work on time-independently. I was talking with the kids psychiatrist about this and they said it's about natural consequences. If we don't keep waking them up and they miss the buss etc they'll listen to the alarm. Otherwise their brains know that they can tune it out. Heck, after falling back asleep on a work day and getting a call from work asking where I was (I'm an RN) I now know I have to get up when the alarm goes off, I can't layy there and risk falling back to sleep... My husband doesn't have a time critical job so he tends to keep hitting snooze which is unfortunate when he's the one that needs to get the kids up.....

I agree with this. I would let them be late. But I would be sure to let them know ahead of time that you’re going to do it and then follow through.


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[calebsmama03]

Stop the napping. Full stop. Just like for babies, an afternoon nap pushes back night time sleep. She won’t go to bed “early” but even an hour earlier will help her sleep pattern.

Don’t let her sleep in so late on the weekends. My DD was the same re sleeping till noon if I’d let her and then her first few days of the school week were a disaster getting up. I started making her get up at a more reasonable morning hour (my goal was no more than 2-2.5 hours after her weekday time) and it helped create more consistency in her sleep patterns. This was a suggestion from the doc and it’s been helpful.

I also agree with Alexa. DD has an alarm and also sets Alexa on her echo dot for a few mins after. When I wake up (20 mins after her Alexa alarm but an hour before she has to leave) I immediately do a “drop in” from my phone to her Dot to see if she’s awake and out of bed. Most days she is up with the above modifications, but on the off days when she’s fallen back to sleep I’m able to get her up and going without having to drag myself out of bed and across a cold house first thing. 😉

We were considering alarms that vibrate the bed or roll across the room or start turning on lights etc to force her up but ultimately the issue is sleep time, esp if yours is sleeping through a loud alarm already. (Mine would usually wake up but just shut it off). There’s no magic gadget fix. Teens need sleep and they don’t WANT to go to bed early but they can train their brains to go to sleep a little earlier so they’re in a better place in the AM.
Good luck!!

ETA- oh, and I stopped helping her get her stuff together in the AM. My kids all get one “mom rescue” per semester for forgotten papers, lunches, etc. they have to decide what is important enough to use it on because after that one is used they are out of luck and have to deal with the natural consequences at school of being too rushed in the morning. And my charge for missing the bus and requiring a ride is $5 the first time and $10 each additional. It happened once.

[DualvansMommy]

We ended up having to get this one for our super heavy sleeping older kidSonic Alert SBB500SS Sonic Bomb Extra-Loud Dual Alarm Clock with Red Flashing Alert Lights and a Powerful Bed Shaker https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SD1SDbB477D89its the vibration piece that is key for her

Its so loud that kids in her dorm complained to the hall director but it gets her up for her 8am class

It’s the vibration piece that seems to be crucial for her to get up

Couple of things;

I agree that early bedtime won’t probably help. But stop the naps though, and make wake up times more consistent on weekends instead of being 9am or 11am every other weekend. It disrupts the established pattern.

The alarm clock linked above is what my husband and I have. He uses it with just vibrating feature alone, that is really key. Our bedroom curtains is really dark, and he gets up at 6 to be in office by 7. So still pitch dark in winter, and that alarm gets him up.

I use it with both features; vibrating and flashing lights that is attached to my bedside lamp. Guaranteed to get me awake and out of bed. Caveat; we’re both deaf so we need those type of alarms.


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[egoldber]

I missed the part about napping definitely stop the naps and don’t let her sleep in on weekends getting up at a consistent time every day is key to helping but even with doing that my heavy sleeper needed the super loud alarm and the vibration piece.

[Liziz]

I have a co-worker who said her son was impossible to get up, multiple wake ups etc. And he moved out of state this year when he graduated high school and somehow is getting up and out of bed and to work on time-independently. I was talking with the kids psychiatrist about this and they said it's about natural consequences. If we don't keep waking them up and they miss the buss etc they'll listen to the alarm. Otherwise their brains know that they can tune it out. Heck, after falling back asleep on a work day and getting a call from work asking where I was (I'm an RN) I now know I have to get up when the alarm goes off, I can't layy there and risk falling back to sleep... My husband doesn't have a time critical job so he tends to keep hitting snooze which is unfortunate when he's the one that needs to get the kids up.....

I agree with this! I also think she's likely not getting enough sleep, and agree with some of the suggestions around that, but understand those are hard. I do think our minds know when we can ignore vs. not, for most people.

[doberbrat]

I do make my kids go to bed much earlier - 9pm latest on school nights. BUT for me the biggest thing has been natural consequences.

DD1 was chronically tardy in elementary. She'd saunter over to school and no amt of bribing, threatening, giving consequences etc motivated her.

In middle school I told her she was on her own. If she is late and misses the bus, enjoy the walk to school. AND suffer the consequence of not being on the honor role and other awards for unexcused tardies. It has cleaned up her act completely to where she is only late a time or 2 per year.

I also make them shower before bed, choose their clothes the night before and set up anything they need - violin by the door. Water bottle filled and gym clothes packed and ready to go. Chromebook charged.

[almostmom]

Thanks for all the suggestions - I will definitely check out the vibrating alarms and the other ones suggested.

In terms of the napping, I don't think I could stop it unless I sat next to her every moment from the second she got home from school. She is a very determined child, and when she is exhausted and wants to nap, she's going to close her eyes and be asleep in seconds. And again, it's not every day. I am a total napper, as is my dad, and it doesn't affect my bed time. Just refreshes me, whether it's 20 minutes or 2 hours. I love it, as do both my kids. So I don't believe in the idea that naps mess up a sleep schedule for everyone (but know they do for some people - I just don't think that's the issue here).

And with busy and social kids who don't really have sleep issues (they slept through the night at 3 months as babies, and have always been great sleepers), I don't think I can wake them on the weekends. It seems like a really good thing for them to make up the sleep they don't get when they have practices and homework during the week and often sleepovers on the weekends. I have always loved to sleep in on the weekends - I so look forward to it! I wouldn't want to take that away from either of my kids, when they have the chance to get 12 hours of sleep...

Anyway, I think the real question is, as brough up here, how much do I want to instill this independence in my daughter? She does get up when I wake her (usually it takes me going in twice), so it's not that she can't get up. It's that she doesn't feel the need to respond to her alarm, and I'd like her to. I think she'd like to, but I'm a good fall back for her. And I feel like it would be good for her to take on that responsibility. I'm not a hard ass as a parent, and that is both good and bad for her. So I'll think about that some more, and talk to her about it. I think it really comes down to, how much does she need to hear that alarm? And I'll also think about the competing sounds/vibrations...

Thanks everyone!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Multiple alarms set at the intervals you'd go in. :) So one alarm by here that goes off at 6:30, an alarm farther away that goes off at 6:35, and yet one more at 6:40.
I let my kids sleep in too. I do wake them up by noon though. But, I agree, these busy kids deserve a chance to sleep in. That said, something is making your life more difficult though and it might be worth trying some of the suggestions here- no naps, payment required for missing the bus (or if you have to go in X amount of times in the AM...), different types of alarm clocks...
Ds1 has been getting himself up and out for school totally solo since freshman year.

[DualvansMommy]

With your update; I would just buy the vibrating and flashing alarm clock and just let natural consequences fall to her. She’s old enough to understand real world consequences, so as hard for you as a parent not to step in.

I think that is what it boils down ultimately if you want to teach her independence. Do that now before have her struggle with wake up and missing college classes when stakes are higher.


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[KpbS]

Yes, stop the naps, stop the late weekend sleeping in. Go for a regular bedtime between 9-9:45 and try the ultra loud alarms recommended upthread.

[specialp]

This was me and it only took me missing the bus once in 6th or 7th grade for it to not happen again, or at least for a long time. I did not sleep well for about a week after because I was scared of sleeping through the alarm, but regulated after that. Once I moved to middle school with a later start time and my last sibling moved out, there just wasn’t anyone home to wake me, especially end of the year or during tax season when my mom would work really early to late hours. It was one of those lessons I hated at the time, but was grateful for later. In high school when I would pull a really late night to work on project, my mom would call to make sure I was up, but that was not something she could do often and I do not recall her ever actually waking me up with a call.