bus question...

[hbridge]

My child gets transportation to a school outside of our district. They have just added a stop between school and home. So now in the vehicle (for about 20 minutes a day) is the driver, a 16 year old, a 5 year old and a preschooler. I am probably overthinking this, but it feels inappropriate and just wrong to have such an age group together EVERY day. The teen sitting in the front seat is NOT an option. Maybe I am overthinking this, but it just feels like there is much that can go wrong with such and age difference.

What do you think?

[SnuggleBuggles]

It wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow for me. Are you thinking something inappropriate would happen? Odds are darned good there is a camera on board but even then if just doesn’t worry me.


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[hbridge]

Honestly, as the parent of the 16 year old, I am worried. It feels wrong to me, but I can't put my finger on why! DC generally reads or listens to much on the way home, the only comment so far is that they are very loud (of course they are they are little). I just can't shake the feeling that this is a bad combination!

[BDKmom]

I don’t really see it as an issue. There is an adult present and, as PP said, also likely a camera. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it were my 5 yr old or preschooler. Unless the teen has some kind of history that we don’t know about...behavior problems or whatever.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don’t really see it as an issue. There is an adult present and, as PP said, also likely a camera. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it were my 5 yr old or preschooler. Unless the teen has some kind of history that we don’t know about...behavior problems or whatever.

Same. If it were my preschooler it wouldn’t concern me. I think if that parent has an issue then they’ll handle it. But, they probably don’t.


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[jgenie]

As the mother of the younger kids I would worry about inappropriate content on the phone by the teenager but otherwise wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. My kids ride an out of district bus. Age range is Kinder to Senior. It’s a small bus and big kids sit up front littler kids congregate in back. It’s been 7 years and has worked fine for us.

[MSWR0319]

It sounds like you are the parent of the teen. I'm not sure what you would be worried about, unless your child is sharing phone content like another poster mentioned. In our school district this is how busing works everywhere. There are no separate buses for different ages in the district.

[hbridge]

That's the thing I don't know what I am exactly worried about. I just have this nagging feeling that this is going to end BADLY for DC. That something is going to happen because of the combination. DC isn't actually speaking to the bus driver at the moment since they don't get along. The stress of the school day is often tough... I cannot shake this nagging feeling. Everyone I spoke to outside of the bus company (administrators, teachers, ect.) just says "that seems odd" and agree that it's probably not the best idea, but no one can verbalize why! Sharing phone content is not even on my radar, that is actually unlikely unless it's puppies or something. I have a call into the guidance counselor at school to get their take. DC seems fine with it (but would be fine with it until suddenly they're not). However, I cannot shake this feeling!

[DualvansMommy]

It sounds like it’s a smaller bus considering it’s just 3 passengers? Not ideal but if you want your child to take the bus, I think that is an option that works.

Next year, my 4th grader will share his bus with the middle school. So he’ll hear inappropriate language likely, and probably see rude or stupid behavior. We could drive and drop/pick him up, but it’ll add in my 20 min on top of my driving commute though, so that’s not happening! The bus it is.


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[NCGrandma]

My DGDs have experienced a variety of bus arrangements, but I’m pretty sure that all of the out-of-district buses have had the full range of K-12 students. In OP's case, with apparently only 3 kids using the bus, it certainly doesn’t seem realistic for whoever provides the bus service to run two buses so that the big and little kids would be separated.

OP's repeated concerns about this "ending badly" for her teen makes me wonder if she is worried about the teen being wrongly accused of doing something inappropriate. Or being goaded by the little kids into some kind of outburst. Perhaps this is something to explore with the guidance counselor.

Is this a new situation? Your comment that they just added a stop, which apparently triggered this new situation, makes me wonder if OP's teen was previously the only rider. If so, do you hope the school can offer alternative transportation just for your teen? Are there other non-bus alternatives?



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[mom2binsd]

I think it's hard to know what the OP has concerns about without knowing exactly the situation. It sounds like the teen is attending an alternate/charter/gifted program or out of district school so not sure if special needs are in play. It sounds like a situation where it is just the way it is, transportation is challenging for schools and I don't know of any real reason this would concern me unless there teen feels unsafe. It might not be a fun ride with little kids but I am not sure about concern. If the teen were attending a school due to behavioral issues (which happens here they get a bus with other kids at the same school) then the little ones might be a concern but this isn't that scenario.

Hope it works out, it's often difficult to figure out how transport kids to various schools and is expensive as well.

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[MMMommy]

OP, I originally thought you were concerned bc you are the parent of a young rider from the first post. Since you clarified that you are the parent of the riding 16 year old, what are you most concerned about? What is prompting the concern and bad feeling? Are you worried that your 16 year old will be wrongly accused of inappropriate behavior, like PP mentioned? Or are you worried that your DC will do something wrong? What alternatives do you have? Are you willing to drive your DC roundtrip? I don't think they will give him his own bus. I personally would not be concerned, but maybe I don't know the full story.

[Liziz]

I wouldn't love it as the parent of one of the younger kids. I wouldn't care as a parent of the older kid -- although I guess you might care because it bothers you knowing the younger children's parents might mind?

If you know your child is behaving appropriately on the bus, what is your concern? If you're concerned your DC will get accused of doing something wrong -- just make sure he knows to not interact with the younger children. I think all busses have cameras on them now (right? I hope...) so if an accusation popped up or something there should be video evidence to prove/disprove the facts.....

It's definitely not ideal to mix ages to such a degree and I do think it can lead to problems, but in a situation with such a small number of kids, I don't know how many other options the school has - they can't personally run busses for individual kids, probably!

[hbridge]

OP here. We do have a few options. I just don't want to over-react. However, the teen in question is recovering from trauma. I am not worried about "accusations", if something happens, it will not be subtle. The teen loves spending time with little children. This will be a beautiful combination, until it's NOT!

[gymnbomb]

OP here. We do have a few options. I just don't want to over-react. However, the teen in question is recovering from trauma. I am not worried about "accusations", if something happens, it will not be subtle. The teen loves spending time with little children. This will be a beautiful combination, until it's NOT!

I am wondering what kind of vehicle it is. Are they in a small bus where there can be separation between kids? Or are they much closer together in a car or minivan? It looks like most replies are picturing a bus, but based on your comment about sitting in the front with the driver I was picturing something much smaller.

There are quite a few mini vans around here with “school bus” signs on them, and when I was in middle school there were times the school provided transportation by having a cab or car service pick up 2-3 kids in a regular car.


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[essnce629]

My DS1 goes to a private k-12 school, but it has 2 campuses, k-6 and 7-12. They do have a bus service if you pay $$$ and it's mixed k-12 kids. There's just not enough students using the bus service to warrant a k-6 bus and a 7-12 bus so they are all together. My son would be annoyed at having to ride with elementary kids, but we don't need the bus so it's a non issue and if we needed the service I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

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[doberbrat]

I'd get him a good set of earbuds and caution him that no matter how much they goad him, he may NOT tell them off. I really do think it will be fine though. 20min a day seems like nothing.

[mom2binsd]

I'm am saddened that this is even on our radar, I mean I think, what a great opportunity for an older kid to spend a few minutes each day with some little kids, my teen gets a kick out of being around little ones, especially as there are no little siblings at home.

There really is no developmental or problem with mixing ages for a bus trip, especially with such a small group of kids, I'm sad that our society has become so worried that OP has to be concerned.

I hope this is just a good chance for your teen to spend 20 min twice a day just chilling on tbe bus and maybe being an older friend or helper to the little ones.

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[hbridge]

Thank you all. It sounds like I am over-reacting. However, with a teen with severe anxiety and a history of trauma and "explosive" behavior, I worry.

[AnnieW625]

The oldest child needs to sit in the front as it makes the most sense unless the child has severe special needs that won’t allow them to sit in the front seat of the vehicle. I don’t have a child with anxiety so I have no experience, but I would talk to their doctor about coping mechanisms and If your dc never ridden in the front seat of the car then I would start working on it. Imho if this transportation isn’t working then maybe you need to find an alternative.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

The oldest child needs to sit in the front as it makes the most sense unless the child has severe special needs that won’t allow them to sit in the front seat of the vehicle. I don’t have a child with anxiety so I have no experience, but I would talk to their doctor about coping mechanisms and If your dc never ridden in the front seat of the car then I would start working on it. Imho if this transportation isn’t working then maybe you need to find an alternative.


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I read it as OP’s kiddo and the bus driver really don’t get along so sitting close to the driver is the problem. Not fear of sitting up front.


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[AnnieW625]

I read it as OP’s kiddo and the bus driver really don’t get along so sitting close to the driver is the problem. Not fear of sitting up front.


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I know I got that too but if the anxiety stems from the bus driver and the DC not getting along then a doctor needs to know and the parent has to potentially find another solution.


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[JBaxter]

I grew up in a small school district and ALL aged kids were on the same bus. 12th to K. I have no clue what the issue would be ht happens all over the country in rural areas.

[hbridge]

Hi,

OP here. Thank you all for your responses. It sounds like no one would have an issue if this were a "typical teen". Now I just need to determine if this is going to work for our specific circumstance. We are still waiting to hear back from the guidance counselor at school and DC's therapist.

I asked DC about riding in the front seat. The answer was essentially that due to physical trauma from a school situation (four years ago), DC is uncomfortable being that close to an "authority figure". This child has been through quite a bit in school environments, we have to be really careful about making decisions without DC's input.

However, it is very nice to hear that no one would be anxious about a teen riding with their little ones. Teenagers often get a reputation as "trouble makers", especially from the parents of little ones. I am impressed by the open hearts and open minds. :) Thank you all!

PS We DO have other options. I just want to make sure that I have a well thought out response to this situation before we request a change.