What do I tell DS?

[MSWR0319]

DS got his swim champs line up tonight. He's swimming 5 events (they can swim 6 but for some reason the coach only put all of them in 5) and he's swimming his worst event but not his best, which makes absolutely no sense given that he could be swimming in another event and there are no restrictions on how many kids can swim from each team. He's devastated. He's worked so hard and gone to practice extra on his own the last few weekends because he wanted to place really well. I don't even know what to tell him. The coach screwed up. He's crushed his morale. DS now thinks there's no reason to work hard for something because you don't get a shot anyway. The hardest thing for him to understand is that they made goals at the beginning of the season and one of DS's goals was to end up in the top 10 which was totally doable. So now he's thinking "Why have a goal when I don't get a chance to try to achieve it?" This is a new coach (but he's coached our summer team years ago before we were there) and I've not been impressed the entire year. He doesn't put muchy energy into the kids, tells them they're doing things wrong but not how to fix it, stands in the corner at meets where no one can see him, etc. So this is really just the icing on the cake. His old coach worked with him on this stroke a few weekends ago because DS was so worked up when his current coach told him something was wrong but not how to fix it. She was upset because DS told her he hates swim this season and she said he was literally one of her hardest workers who had a lot of potential as he got older. DS is a hard worker and a perfectionist and has even asked for harder practices. He's swam this event at literally every meet, so there was no reason to think he wouldn't swim it.

So my question is, what do I say to him? I know there's a life lesson to be taught here but I'm too emotional to think about it right now. I'm hurt that he's hurt and put so much effort into improving himself, just to have a coach not put much thought into where he places them for this big meet. I just want to say to him "You're right, this was not the best decision. You should be swimming in that event, but you're not so we need to move on." You ladies are all so eloquent when it comes to saying things, so I know you'll be able to help me through this!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I mean, that’s what I’d say. In the scheme of things, this isn’t the Olympics, right? It’s a club level champs meet. I understand that you’re both frustrated but definitely try to take a step back. Applaud him for working so hard this season. I’m betting he shaved some time off and has hit some new PRs, right? That’s a great accomplishment! Plenty of kids work their butts off all season on team sports and never make it to playoffs. It doesn’t diminish their in season success.
From all you’ve shared of this team, I’d be looking for a new one. From a board level and coaching level, if just sounds less than ideal.
All that said- getting to swim in 5 events at champs is awesome! Try not to dwell on that one event.


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[Green_Tea]

Downplay downplay downplay. How old is your son? The way you react will inform his reaction, and unless this is Olympic level swimming or something that a scholarship hinges on, it’s just not that important. It’s ok to feel bad but your job is to show him how to deal with disappointment and move on without losing his love of swimming.

[sariana]

"Your coach must be really impressed with all your hard work on [worst stroke] and wants to give you the chance to compete on that one."

[georgiegirl]

Can you email the coach to have him switch his events? We have a new coach this year and he totally messed up the meet entries for the state meet. Especially the relays. All of us affected parents emailed him. And, don’t you get to pick his events to some extent?

Adding: so our new coach messed the medley relays and put DD in backstroke for both the 200 and 400 medley relays even though it’s her weakest stroke. (Technically her times were fast for those events but she has been swimming backstroke poorly all season, and all the girls on the relay wanted a different order, but the coach refused to change it.) But in the end she swam super well and dropped 2 seconds in her 100 back in her relay take off leg.

[MSWR0319]

"Your coach must be really impressed with all your hard work on [worst stroke] and wants to give you the chance to compete on that one."

Love this line! I need to keep in in my bag of tricks, but it wouldn't work in this circumstance. He tells DS that he's horrible at this stroke so he wouldn't believe me :rotflmao:


Can you email the coach to have him switch his events? We have a new coach this year and he totally messed up the meet entries for the state meet. Especially the relays. All of us affected parents emailed him. And, don’t you get to pick his events to some extent?

Adding: so our new coach messed the medley relays and put DD in backstroke for both the 200 and 400 medley relays even though it’s her weakest stroke. (Technically her times were fast for those events but she has been swimming backstroke poorly all season, and all the girls on the relay wanted a different order, but the coach refused to change it.) But in the end she swam super well and dropped 2 seconds in her 100 back in her relay take off leg.

Normally they ask the kids 3 events that they would like to swim and tell them that while they can't promise it, they will do their best to try. This coach didn't ask that but did ask them to write down their 3 goals at the beginning of the year and so DS thought they'd be looking at the goals and choosing events. I did end up emailing the coach per the suggestion of his old coach, just to ask if he knew that they could swim 6 events instead of the normal 5.

DS seemed ok this morning so our talk last night about "yeah, it sucks but in the scheme of things it's not that big of a deal" must have settled in a bit. DS is only 11 and going through puberty pretty hard emotionally at the moment, so getting him out of his own head can be an issue. He's recently decided he wants to swim in college and so in his head he needs to do super well, even though he's got 7 years to get there! At this point all I can do is hope he drops some time so it sets a good tone for the rest of the meet. It's the first event of the day and knowing DS, will make or break his meet. Hopefully even if it goes badly, his relay team will pump him up for the relay because they should do well.