Would a puppy help my daughter?

[newmomto1]

This is a follow up to a previous post of mine.
My 13 year old daughter is going through tough times.
In addition to all that is going on in the world right now, she's dealing with lots of friend drama, constantly being excluded, hormonal changes, and generally feeling down and blah.
She has been begging us for a labrador puppy for quite awhile (since before the pandemic hit).
We have been hesitant because we know this is HUGE deal. It will be a big expense, and a ton of work.
She says she will take care of the puppy, but we all know this falls to the parents. And I fully expect it will be mainly me caring for the dog.
But, honestly, if it would be good for her emotionally, I would be willing to take that on.
Those of you who have BTDT, did it help your kids? Or just cause added stress from the added chaos in the house?

[KpbS]

We got a pet rabbit for the same reasons you are concerned about for your DD and it has helped tremendously. Our rabbit lives in his kennel, but loves to be petted, run in the yard, and is a low maintenance, well loved pet.

I am sorry she is going through a hard time. :hug:

[MSWR0319]

My 11 year old has really been leaning on our dog during this time (or any time that he's anxious, sad, etc). They cuddle all of the time and he talks to her. I really do think it's a form of stress relief for him and very happy we have her.

[Liziz]

I would never recommend someone get a dog to help their child unless the parent is fully on board with owning a dog for the long haul (remember, this dog will likely be with you even after you DD moves out). Dogs are a lot of work, and if you don't put in the work (to make sure dog is well trained, well groomed, etc) then there can be lots of aggravations that cancel out the nice parts of owning a dog. That being said -- my children absolutely benefit emotionally from our dogs. When they're having a tough time, they're likely to seek out the dogs and just sit and cuddle, and their attitude usually improves so much afterwards. They of course just have fun playing with the dogs too, but I have noticed especially lately that they seem to use the dogs to help them calm down when they're upset.....and the dogs seem better at calming them than I could do!

[chlobo]

I would only say to research the breeds (unless you already know about them) and figure out what kind might be best for anxious kids.

[twowhat?]

If you are 100% willing to take on and care for a dog and the family is on board, I absolutely think it would help IF you get a dog with the right personality. Work closely with a reputable breeder if you're looking at a purebred puppy...they can point you towards the ones that seek out cuddles (this is coming from the owner of a dog who is NOT cuddly vs a dog we had in the past who CRAVED human touch). Same if you rescue, work with a group that knows their dogs well and can steer you towards dogs with good personality matches. If you go the rescue route and are able to take her there to see the dogs, sometimes that can spark something super special if she meets them in person (but again, work with the rescue so they can steer you towards the dogs that would likely work best).

eta: just wanted to add that even though we have an old grumpy dog who prefers not to be touched and doesn't even really like people sitting next to her on a couch...when my highly emotional DD2 gets upset, she will still go sit with the dog and stroke her and it helps calm her down, even though our dog is practically rolling her eyes the whole time. Animals make a difference...but for the sake of your animal, make sure you get one who likes to be cuddled hahaha...

[doberbrat]

In 5 years, your dd will be heading to college etc so be SURE YOU want a dog..... labs often live to 13 or more years so this is a long haul on you.

Also lab puppies (really puppies of most breeds) can be terrors.... you might seriously consider whether you really need to get a puppy or whether you can get a rescue. Labs are pretty common in many shelters .... you could make sure you choose one that has the temperament you're looking for - quiet couch potato or active running buddy. That would give dd a buddy she can do things with now rather than waiting for the dog to mature, be less expensive, and save a life.

[ang79]

We have two cats (had a third that we had to put down in January). The girls love cuddling with them and playing with them and its a special treat to let the cats sleep in their rooms some nights. After we lost our third cat, they really poured a lot of attention into our other two cats, I think that helped with their grieving process. I find sitting next to our animals and petting them a calming experience too.

We just recently adopted a dog (our first family dog). The kids and DH were the ones that really wanted a dog. Guess who the dog is most attached to? Yep, me. She is my little shadow that follows me everywhere. She likes playing and cuddling with the girls though, and having her around has been a good distraction for them during quarantine, and I wouldn't change getting the dog (yes, she has really grown on me!). But I went into it assuming that I would be doing the bulk of the work. The girls have stepped up about taking care of her. They take her for walks, pick up her poo, help bath and groom her, and feed her. They also have been helping more with feeding and brushing the cats. So they are learning responsibility for the animals. I was firm that I did not want a puppy, I've seen friends get puppies and its so much work. So we looked at several local shelters and rescue groups for a few months before we found a good match. I talked to the foster mom quite a bit about the dog so I had a good idea about her before we went to meet her. And upon meeting her, we all agreed she was a good fit for us. So maybe looking for an older dog (2-3 years old) that has some basic training and is out of the constant chewing and energetic puppy stage would be a better fit for now for you. My girls checked the adoption sites daily, helping to search for the dog, so your daughter could help with the search to help her feel more involved. Good luck!

[ang79]

We have two cats (had a third that we had to put down in January). The girls love cuddling with them and playing with them and its a special treat to let the cats sleep in their rooms some nights. After we lost our third cat, they really poured a lot of attention into our other two cats, I think that helped with their grieving process. I find sitting next to our animals and petting them a calming experience too.

We just recently adopted a dog (our first family dog). The kids and DH were the ones that really wanted a dog. Guess who the dog is most attached to? Yep, me. She is my little shadow that follows me everywhere. She likes playing and cuddling with the girls though, and having her around has been a good distraction for them during quarantine, and I wouldn't change getting the dog (yes, she has really grown on me!). But I went into it assuming that I would be doing the bulk of the work. The girls have stepped up about taking care of her. They take her for walks, pick up her poo, help bath and groom her, and feed her. They also have been helping more with feeding and brushing the cats. So they are learning responsibility for the animals. I was firm that I did not want a puppy, I've seen friends get puppies and its so much work. So we looked at several local shelters and rescue groups for a few months before we found a good match. I talked to the foster mom quite a bit about the dog so I had a good idea about her before we went to meet her. And upon meeting her, we all agreed she was a good fit for us. So maybe looking for an older dog (2-3 years old) that has some basic training and is out of the constant chewing and energetic puppy stage would be a better fit for now for you. My girls checked the adoption sites daily, helping to search for the dog, so your daughter could help with the search to help her feel more involved. Good luck!

[div_0305]

I think dogs can be very therapeutic and help reduce stress. I agree that each dog is different and you can't tell a puppy's personality until they are older. We got our first dog as a puppy, especially for our son who begged for one for years. But our dog basically sees herself as an extension of my husband! DS is jealous that our dog prefers DH, even though DS is the one who loves to cuddle. Our dog will cuddle with DS if DH is not nearby. DH does NOT cuddle with the dog, but she will just lay by him and follow him like she's attached to him with a cord. I'm our dog's second favorite human. Maybe she prefers the hard to get humans :bouncy:. A rabbit sounds great, too. Though I know a couple families who shared horror stories with me about their rabbits. I remember the issues involved aggressive biting of the children.

[ezcc]

All three of my kids (17,14,8) have been leaning heavily on our dog for emotional support the last few months. It really has been noticeable- they seek him out constantly and are always lying on him and talking to him. I often find one of them laying in his bed with him. We have a 9 year old lab mix. Puppies are a ton of fun, and she is old enough to help a lot especially in the beginning when there is a lot of need. I think the reward would be worth it.

[smilequeen]

Yes, dogs can be extremely therapeutic for sure. You WILL eventually be doing the bulk of the work, so you do have to want the dog too...but wanting it purely to help your daughter is valid. If it truly helps her, no doubt you will love that dog. I have a friend who is actually allergic to dogs but got one (a doodle mix that triggers her less, but she still has to take meds) as therapy for her daughter. Now they have 2. What that dog did for her daughter won her over.

[Melaine]

My girls are 13 and I absolutely think getting our puppy on March 12 has made a dramatic difference in their contentment over the last 3 months. Also they have done a lot of the training and work. Of course there is a ton for the parents to do and what other posters have said is definitely true. But it’s made a big difference for us, undoubtedly.

[div_0305]

Yes, dogs can be extremely therapeutic for sure. You WILL eventually be doing the bulk of the work, so you do have to want the dog too...but wanting it purely to help your daughter is valid. If it truly helps her, no doubt you will love that dog. I have a friend who is actually allergic to dogs but got one (a doodle mix that triggers her less, but she still has to take meds) as therapy for her daughter. Now they have 2. What that dog did for her daughter won her over.

Funny, I know you're not describing me, but we got a poodle mix so my allergies would be triggered less, and I had to get over a lifelong dog phobia, for us to get our dog. I had bad allergies on and off, but had them treated by a homeopathic dr. and they are pretty much all gone, except when I'm grooming our dog and get her hair all over me.

[Kindra178]

Ds1 has never been a dog person. He used to desperately afraid. We worked through this and got a dog, which solved the problem. Up until quarantine, it’s fair to say the two of them co existed.

He, too, is struggling on the friends’ front. Well, quarantine has made those two best friends! He’s outside reading a book in perfect weather and the dog is chewing a bully stick a foot away. He talks to her, pets her, asks questions, etc! I can’t recommend enough.


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[Kindra178]

Ds1 has never been a dog person. He used to desperately afraid. We worked through this and got a dog, which solved the problem. Up until quarantine, it’s fair to say the two of them co existed.

He, too, is struggling on the friends’ front. Well, quarantine has made those two best friends! He’s outside reading a book in perfect weather and the dog is chewing a bully stick a foot away. He talks to her, pets her, asks questions, etc! I can’t recommend enough.


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[mom2binsd]

Can you go to the local animal shelter and do some visits, they often let you walk the dogs, see how she does with a dog. Even look at fostering a dog. The shelters around here are allowed to be open now. Dogs can be a wonderful addition to the family but they change things a lot!

I also urge you to look at adopting a rescue vs a purebread Lab, and a Lab puppy is a lot of work! I'm not sure if you have owned dogs, or raised a puppy but it's not for everyone.

I also like the idea of the rabbit.

Unless you are 1000% committed to YOU raising the dog, and all the expenses, time (and what will you do if you travel, are gone all day at some point) and long term comittment, I would hesitate to use the dog a way to help.

I'm not sure what the other things you are doing to help her and you obviously don't need to share that, but I would caution you about getting a dog, as it could possibly not work out and then having to rehome a dog would be even worse.

[AnnieW625]

I would never recommend someone get a dog to help their child unless the parent is fully on board with owning a dog for the long haul (remember, this dog will likely be with you even after you DD moves out). Dogs are a lot of work, and if you don't put in the work (to make sure dog is well trained, well groomed, etc) then there can be lots of aggravations that cancel out the nice parts of owning a dog. That being said -- my children absolutely benefit emotionally from our dogs. When they're having a tough time, they're likely to seek out the dogs and just sit and cuddle, and their attitude usually improves so much afterwards. They of course just have fun playing with the dogs too, but I have noticed especially lately that they seem to use the dogs to help them calm down when they're upset.....and the dogs seem better at calming them than I could do!

Yes to this. I would also consider adopting an adult dog from a shelter. We got our lab from the shelter and she was a wonderful family dog. Maybe consider having her volunteer at a shelter as well to boost her spirits plus this will help her see how much work is needed with the dog and expose her to lots of different breeds and dogs. If she can’t volunteer at least visit a local shelter and look at adopting a dog.


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[DualvansMommy]

If you had never owned/raised a puppy or a dog and very iffy on dogs in general, I wouldn’t recommend a puppy to start off. Especially on the weak premise of helping your child, a child that will be off to college and out of house in 5/6 years. A puppy is much longer than that.

Lot of pp made good suggestions above. Either start off volunteering at dog shelters with your DD, or fostering a rescue as they’re short term in commitment and time. It’s a good trial run, if you will. And then if you and DD still want a dog, a young or older dog from rescue or shelter is a good start. Labs in general are a lot of energy and work, and a puppy is even 5x more so. Also consider the breed for your lifestyle & family dynamics. Why the focus on a lab? Cuz they’re cute looking or known for their reputation as good family dogs? Cuz there’s a lot of different other breeds that fit same criteria without having as much twice or triple the work.


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[elephantmeg]

our kids have also really been loving on our dogs during quarentine and we've been sending them out to play with and walk the dogs which is helping them go outside. We've tended to get 1 year old dogs from the SPCA. Some day I do want a puppy for the puppy snuggles but DH says I have to finish raising the humans first....

[AngB]

If you can wait a couple more months as things keep opening up, I'm sure unfortunately there will be more dogs available in shelters/etc. through no fault of their own.

I had a rabbit from hell growing up. I would do a dog instead, personally!

Besides that agree with what others have said.

[AngB]

If you can wait a couple more months as things keep opening up, I'm sure unfortunately there will be more dogs available in shelters/etc. through no fault of their own.

I had a rabbit from hell growing up. I would do a dog instead, personally!

Besides that agree with what others have said.