Contagious?

[basil]

I feel like a lot of people here won't have sympathy here for me. I really don't need to hear that you would have done the same, so posting in BP.

Things are slowly opening up. Our cases are going down and down. I can't even tell you the difference between April and now. A fair number of people are starting to see family members or friends with precautions...such as outside, with masks, distant, etc.

The only place my kids have been since March is the zoo x1 (with masks, distant, outside), and the local HS tennis courts (no masks, but no one else using them at the same time). But DH and I have been working. DH routinely works with COVID+ patients. It's his job. He uses all appropriate PPE. He is extremely cautious. I see patients who have either no symptoms (screened for symptoms before entering my office) or test negative (surgery patients). We haven't been anyplace else since March. No grocery store, no Costco, nothing.

There is no one in my life who is willing to meet up with me even for an outdoor distant dinner, due to our exposures. I get that people are scared, I do. I was scared too. I am scared.

But being rejected, being unvalued, being told me and my children pose a risk. It hurts. It hurts badly. And it cuts to the heart of my insecurity.

Tell me I'm stupid. Tell me I'm ugly. Tell me I suck at my job. I don't care- I'll tell you to eff off and that will roll of my back. But tell me you don't want to come to my party and I'll secretly go and cry on my faux Peloton.

Everyone has lost a lot. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned with feeling unloved. But I don't know, there is some sort of primal reaction associated with being told that my children are too much of a risk to your children, and it doesn't feel good. At all.

[PZMommy]

I would try to not take it personally. Maybe they aren’t seeing anybody at this point?

We are not seeing anyone at this point. I’ve turned down so many play dates for my kids. Our cases are continuing to rise, but many people are out and about like nothing ever happened. My son is high risk, so we aren’t taking any chances. We are going to my 5th grader’s drive through culmination this week and that will be the first time my 8 yr old has left the house since March 12th. I’ve made a handful of grocery store runs, but we are still staying in.

[basil]

I would try to not take it personally. Maybe they aren’t seeing anybody at this point?

We are not seeing anyone at this point. I’ve turned down so many play dates for my kids. Our cases are continuing to rise, but many people are out and about like nothing ever happened. My son is high risk, so we aren’t taking any chances. We are going to my 5th grader’s drive through culmination this week and that will be the first time my 8 yr old has left the house since March 12th. I’ve made a handful of grocery store runs, but we are still staying in.

They are seeing others. That’s what hurts the most.

It’s easy for you to say don’t take it personally. I’m telling you, that is really really really hard.

I am literally in charge of writing COVID guidelines for my department, yet my own family won’t see me, and I’m supposed to not take it personally? Eff that.

[mom2binsd]

People don't get it! Those who are going to stores and with others are more at risk than if they spend time with you.

I work in a nursing home, we have no cases, it's literally safer than most everywhere else due to the fact that the residents haven't been anywhere, they are isolated from the world and we have so many precautions on place (probably similar situation for you).

Luckily the few people I interact with understand that and respect that i am not a danger to them.

I'm sorry your friends don't get it!!!!

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[SnuggleBuggles]

Might be time to really work on making friends with people from work with kids and socialize with them because they’ll be in the same boat. Sorry it’s been so hard.


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[Liziz]

So people are getting together with other people, but not your family, because they consider you guys riskier b/c of your jobs? That does totally suck!

I mean, it does in fact seem to be "personal" in that it's directed to your family. But just remember likely that it's not because of any personal trait on your part or animosity on their part. It sounds like it's because people are scared about exposure. There's so much confusion and misinformation out there about COVID, I'm sure that just knowing your DH works with COVID patients daily is really scary to some people. It's hard and confusing right now to figure out how to start to live normal lives again, while also keeping your family safe.

But, none of that changes the fact that it totally sucks and must hurt badly, not to mention be totally frustrating as I'm sure you're desperate to get your DS some more interaction.

[hellokitty]

Yes it sucks and it is why I have not shared with most people that I got moved into a front line covid role. I wear full ppe, so I actually feel safer than other non-covid areas of our hospital, who are simply wearing a surgical mask, due to the ppe. So far the only ones who have gotten together with us are friends of ours who are also in healthcare. I am not taking anything personally at this point, because I am actually sick and tired of people and don't mind some time away. We have started the baseball season full force about 3 weeks ago, it is outside, so I'm not that worried, but I know that people get freaked out, so I haven't shared it with anyone else but another hospital worker whose kid is also on the team...

[KrisM]

I'm sorry :(.

While I have done grocery stores, we haven't done very much else and don't see people socially. I would rather visit you with all the protection you're doing than what I see most people around here doing. I'm sorry your friends don't see that.

[Philly Mom]

That sucks. We live next door to an ER doctor. We physically distance with them all the time. I would not be ok going in their house or vice versa but I wouldn’t with anyone. But they have expressed similar experiences to yours and I know it has been hard on them.



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[bisous]

I'm sorry :(.

While I have done grocery stores, we haven't done very much else and don't see people socially. I would rather visit you with all the protection you're doing than what I see most people around here doing. I'm sorry your friends don't see that.

I was coming to say the same thing. A family that has been so careful both at work and socially is definitely my preferred family to associate with. I think people really don't know. Things are opening here and there is SO much social mixing. While most people aren't going as full bore as they normally would be (sharing food utensils, indoors, hugging, etc.) they are spending time with so many people, not observing social distancing, not masked, etc. and the web of interactions is enormous.

I am so sorry that you're feeling sad and alone. I wish you were nearer. I'm looking for a family just like yours to be our friends. :)

[jgenie]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. :hug: I hope your friends and family open up and spend time with your family soon.

[KpbS]

I'm really sorry. You are right, it just hurts.

We would totally hang out with you guys (at a distance, outside, like we have with others) and have several friends who are exposed at work daily.

Sending hugs. Wish you were closer. :hug: :hug:

[ellies mom]

You can come hang out with me.

Both my husband and I are “essential” but in theory, I have a higher risk of exposure than he does. We have not really started socializing yet. Mostly we hang out with my co-workers, so we would all the the same exposure.


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[newnana]

We haven't been anywhere. Not grocery stores, not drug stores, not social distance visiting. DH is high risk. He's only had one immune infusion since February that he normally gets monthly because they hadn't been able to figure out how to safely get him into the only infusion center in our state that carries it until this month.

We are hypersensitive to how insane some folks (especially in our friend/family group) have been behaving. "We're going to an auction today! We are going to the outlet mall! Let's go eat out! Nah, we're not wearing masks, only half the people we see are, anyway... we don't understand why you won't come over." Honestly, I try to limit all contact with them even phone/text/facebook for my own sanity. The social media stuff with these people is as contagious as COVID and is terrible for my state of mind. It just reassures us we can't hang out with them.

All that being said, DD and I are driving 8 hours away to social distance visit with our oldest and dearest friends. They both work in the ICU with COVID patients. We're renting a house in their town that is way way way too big/nice for just her and I. It has a pool/hot tub area outside with tons of seating and space that we can safely visit with them and they still stay at their house overnight. There is a guest house they can use the bathroom/kitchen area in (this was not planned, we just planned on designating one bathroom off the pool for them, but this place is nicer than we intended). DH is not going with us. 8 hours is outside of my comfort zone for driving with having to get gas, bathroom stops, require an oil change after, etc. But we're going to make it work because they are feeling like you are and we trust them completely. I'm taking the camping bathroom bucket so the only actual stop is to get gas. We're packing all our groceries and plan to deep clean the house when we get there. It's a crazy amount of $ to spend on a vacation without DH while I'm working remotely from there, but completely worth it since every other trip we had planned this year was cancelled. DD will have a blast at this house if/when we all work.

I"m not telling anyone we're going except you guys, DH, and the friends we're seeing. That is an invitation to conversations I do not have the mental and emotional fortitude to sustain.

We'd hang out with you. Just know we're a little insane

[westwoodmom04]

Do any of your work friends have kids? DH is a surgeon at an academic medical center -- he doesn't work directly with covid patients, but in theory, his exposure is higher than your average person since he's in the hospital seven days a week. Many of our kids' friends are also in health care, so have no issue with socializing with our kids. Honestly, no one has even brought it up-- maybe because our state is not as hard hit.

I'm sorry your family is being difficult, especially because you go out of your way to help out your brother. It must be hard, but it isn't about you, it's about them being scared and not really understanding that seeing you is not anywhere near as high risk as they believe it to be.

[StantonHyde]

Yes, it sucks. The idea that everybody needs healthcare workers but we are also "lepers" that nobody wants to get near. It's crazy that people would be ok socializing with someone who works in the grocery store but won't go near someone who works in the ICU/ED--guess who is covered in PPE etc and who isn't??? And then there are all the people who want to listen to politicians instead of health care workers or the fact that our governments failed some of us on PPE. You are just screwed any way you look at it. It really sucks. And after this is all over, it will go back to how doctors are overpaid etc. You can't pay me enough for this crap--we do it because we believe in it. For some people, it is truly a calling. sigh.....

[gatorsmom]

I’m sorry, that would hurt. I would have a hard time not taking that personally too.

However, you are welcome over here in Wisconsin! We have the lowest rate of mask-wearing in the country (Not sure about that but it feels like it). No one here would think twice about hanging out with you. We have actual COVID19 deniers. There is no fear. It’s like nothing has happened.

On second thought, you probably don’t want to come here any time soon. :(

[mom_hanna]

That sucks. I would totally get together with you. And let my kids as well. My brother is an ER doc and my sister a doc who's been seeing patients this whole time (non-covid) and they've been working this whole time. We socially distance with them and it's been fine. And great for the kids (my sister has kids as well).