Would you let your child have a play date with a child whose parents are nurses

[ourbabygirl]

with Covid patients?

I'm assuming no, but before I respond to the parent, I was wondering if you have any suggestions for gentle wording.

DS (9) has been friends with this boy for several years, and hasn't seen him since school was out in March. His dad texted to ask if DS and his son could get together some time, but "We have been telling all our friends before they get together as [they] are both nurses and are heavily exposed to active covid patients before any get togethers, just for safety."

I feel horrible discriminating, and we don't have anyone in our family with health conditions that would put us more at risk, but I still feel like it's probably not a good idea. Or is it o.k. if they're outside? Not sure how to guarantee they'll stay 6+ feet apart, though. And I'm not sure how to respond, and if it's too much of a cop-out to just ask them to message each other online.

Thanks for your help!

[twowhat?]

It's hard...assuming they are covered in PPE and have plenty of available PPE at the hospital? We just let our kids have a limited outdoor playdate (2 hours, outside pool) with a friend whose parents are both healthcare workers and who have some limited potential exposure to COVID patients. I will admit that I was not 100% comfortable with it, but I tried to make sure risk was minimized (outdoors, and they were to stay away from each others' faces, and limited time) but we know how well kids follow social distancing guidelines. No advice, just commiserating. My kids need the exercise/interaction pretty badly at this point, even being major introverts, and it IS a risk no matter how you cut it. It comes down to whether you're OK with the risk.

I did it, and I'm still not 100% OK with it so take what I say with a grain of salt. I honestly don't think I'll be comfortable with it for a long time and will be consistently put into situations where I'm not totally OK with it, especially if school starts up in person.

eta: our family has some high risk factors, which may contribute to my discomfort! But, we are also very careful and still generally sheltering in place (kids only have been out for doctors' appts, dentist appts; I am the only one going grocery shopping and am extremely careful; DH sometimes goes out to pick up takeout, again with extreme care) so if we were to get sick, we would have been very unlikely to spread it. But still...I really don't want to get sick! Also, is this a close friend of your DS's? That would impact my decision too...I would have said no to a playdate with "just" a classmate but would consider a playdate (outside) with a key friend. The friend I mentioned above is the BFF, which helped make the decision. But again...sttill not 100% comfortable!!

[doberbrat]

IMO now that hospitals have decent amounts of PPE the risk of transmission by hospital staff is probably lower than that of grocery store workers. So if you would do a playdate with someone, they're probably as decent choice as any.

I would not do any playdates of any sort unless I know everyone is going to stay 6+ feet apart but that is me.

[DualvansMommy]

IMO now that hospitals have decent amounts of PPE the risk of transmission by hospital staff is probably lower than that of grocery store workers. So if you would do a playdate with someone, they're probably as decent choice as any.

I would not do any playdates of any sort unless I know everyone is going to stay 6+ feet apart but that is me.

I agree. It’s a personal choice, I think but I’m in NJ. One of the worst hit areas, and DS1 is friends with a kid whose mom was reassigned to COVID unit but is back in her regular ward. I’m ok with them playing outside at their house, mine or another friend cuz I trust their bubbles. We have nothing as far activities, etc allowed until July 6th as far summer camps, formal sports so it was affecting my oldest mental health being without his friends physically and soccer to play. We make sure our kids go bathroom before going over, to minimize going indoors.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[hillview]

our kids are not yet having playdates or hanging out with friends so it would be a no. I don't think when they do I would worry about their parents

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes but outside only and 2 hours max.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[basil]

Yes, without a second thought.

[georgiegirl]

our kids are not yet having playdates or hanging out with friends so it would be a no. I don't think when they do I would worry about their parents

Yes to this! I’ve only let my oldest (14) hang out with one friend (well two because it’s twins)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[MMMommy]

Do you think they can maintain a distance of 6 ft apart the entire duration of the playdate at that age? I've seen so many pics of DDs' high school acquaintances/friends on Instagram not maintaining any distance whatsoever in groups with captions like "social distancing." Super annoying. And this was during the heavy part of Shelter in Place. My DDs haven't seen any friends in person since March.

[pinkmomagain]

Will they be outside wearing masks? I think outside with masks for a limited time, I'd be okay.

[carolinamama]

We are only allowing our kids to hang out with other kids outside no matter what their family does. With lots of reminders to stay 6-10 feet away. Sometimes they get closer which is why I prefer outside. Most healthcare workers I know are being particularly careful so I'm not sure that matters more than the general public, in our area anyway.

[ang79]

My SIL works on a covid floor at a large local hospital. We met up with her and my ILs on Saturday for a picnic. We met outside for about 2-3 hours. She wore a mask the whole time (other than when eating) and the girls and I also wore masks. DH and ILs did not (don't get me started on that frustration) and no one else in the park had masks on (we did not get close to anyone else though). The girls and I didn't get super close to any of them, but we were also not 6 ft. apart the whole time (tried to stay farther away when we had masks off to eat). I figured being outside was OK in that situation. But now they all want to gather for a Father's Day meal at SIL's house this Sunday. And its calling for thunderstorms, so probably inside. I am not cool with that (being inside for who knows how long). Its hard being the cautious one :(

In your case, if it is a good friend that he really misses I would consider it with some rules in place. Play outside and stay a good distance apart, not touch faces, use hand sanitizer, etc., Can they play something like tennis or frisbee that has them running around and apart from each other?

[mommy111]

Just for context: I’m a front line worker. I don’t let my kids play with anyone else’s kids and I always tell everyone before meeting up with them (even for a critical exchange, for example) that I work in a hospital environment and that they are at risk if they hang out with me

[Liziz]

Whether I would or not depends on other factors, not on the fact that the parents are nurses. We have started doing limited playdates, outside, with a handful of families who share our cautious philosophy. In general, I feel like the healthcare workers who are working with COVID are some of the most cautious and careful in other situations, so I'd probably be comfortable with an outdoor playdate.

Many people I know have chosen not to wear masks, are eating inside at restaurants, going on vacations to crowded beaches, and treating shopping like normal again (shopping w/ the whole family, lots of trips to various stores, etc.). Meanwhile, I can't even fathom when I'll be ready to eat inside a restaurant, I wear a mask in all public situations, and my children haven't been in any sort of store since the first week of March. I am choosing to avoid socializing with families making those choices at this point. If the nurse family has a general philosophy similar to my family's, I'd be okay with an outdoor playdate -- I think the riskiness of people who have chosen to "go back to normal" is way higher than the riskiness of a nurse who has appropriate PPE.

ETA: my DH works in a hospital and has occasional contact with COVID patients so it is part of our lives. It was scary early on when PPE and policies weren't clear, but now he has the appropriate protection and policies at work and it doesn't feel particularly risky.

[KrisM]

My kids aren't getting together with other kids for the most part. We've only let them on their birthdays so far.

However, I think I'd be more comfortable with nurses as parents because I know they are being cautious and using PPE at work. I would not let that make my decision for me at this point.

I see too many of my local friends out in large groups, side-by-side, not masks, etc and I'm not comfortable with that, so we are still staying home.

[AnnieW625]

I would probably be okay with it. Neither of my kids have seen their friends since March. Dd1 did see a few of hers two weeks ago at her 8th grade graduation. Some of the parents are okay with outdoor gatherings of two (I asked....one mom who was okay with it is a pediatrician), but Dd1 has yet to schedule one. She is 14 and can text to set one up so I am not doing it for her. I personally think she wants someone to invite her. Dd2 sometimes goes outside and sees a neighbor kid but she knows to social distance and she does pretty well with it, but I know deep down she really misses her school friends, but no one has reached out to schedule a play date so we just assume that everyone else is still not scheduling play dates and staying home. Even the the few families that homeschool at the end of our street are not out and about much at all either.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ezcc]

I am starting to get kind of worried about what all this isolation/fear is going to do to our kids. My teens have seen friends occasionally in person, but my 8 year old hardly at all. I think play is so, so important for development and I am not sure he is getting enough even though he video chats with a buddy all day and his teenage siblings are playing with him some. I'm sure there are kids getting even less than he is. My daughter has started up swim practice and it was kind of heartbreaking watching them walk to the pool from the parking lot- they aren't allowed to walk together, have to wear masks- I definitely support those rules but seeing those teenagers silently heading in kind of broke my heart- they should be laughing and joking and hanging on each other- that is the main fun part of being on a team and they aren't getting it. I am just not sure it is sustainable or advisable to live like this. No advice for op on her situation, although I agree kids of nurses probably aren't much riskier than anyone else. I know this won't last forever, but I don't really see an end in sight and it is making me sad. Also, I am worried if things are worse in the fall/winter I will regret being strict now when the weather is nice and there might be safer opportunities to play with friends.

[Kindra178]

Yes. Especially outside.

[gatorsmom]

Outside running around, playing sports, riding bikes- yes but not for hours on end. Most likely for a 1-2 hours. Our weather has been gorgeous and breezy lately which allows me to hope that viral particles are getting blown away versus inhaled.

[Liziz]

I am starting to get kind of worried about what all this isolation/fear is going to do to our kids. My teens have seen friends occasionally in person, but my 8 year old hardly at all. I think play is so, so important for development and I am not sure he is getting enough even though he video chats with a buddy all day and his teenage siblings are playing with him some. I'm sure there are kids getting even less than he is. My daughter has started up swim practice and it was kind of heartbreaking watching them walk to the pool from the parking lot- they aren't allowed to walk together, have to wear masks- I definitely support those rules but seeing those teenagers silently heading in kind of broke my heart- they should be laughing and joking and hanging on each other- that is the main fun part of being on a team and they aren't getting it. I am just not sure it is sustainable or advisable to live like this. No advice for op on her situation, although I agree kids of nurses probably aren't much riskier than anyone else. I know this won't last forever, but I don't really see an end in sight and it is making me sad. Also, I am worried if things are worse in the fall/winter I will regret being strict now when the weather is nice and there might be safer opportunities to play with friends.

I agree with you, it breaks my heart too. I realize that it's better to have my heart broken from kids not socializing vs. having my heart broken because people we love die of COVID, but it doesn't change the fact that it's hard to see the isolation affecting our kids and the worry about how it impacts them.

[Melaine]

I am starting to get kind of worried about what all this isolation/fear is going to do to our kids. My teens have seen friends occasionally in person, but my 8 year old hardly at all. I think play is so, so important for development and I am not sure he is getting enough even though he video chats with a buddy all day and his teenage siblings are playing with him some. I'm sure there are kids getting even less than he is. My daughter has started up swim practice and it was kind of heartbreaking watching them walk to the pool from the parking lot- they aren't allowed to walk together, have to wear masks- I definitely support those rules but seeing those teenagers silently heading in kind of broke my heart- they should be laughing and joking and hanging on each other- that is the main fun part of being on a team and they aren't getting it. I am just not sure it is sustainable or advisable to live like this. No advice for op on her situation, although I agree kids of nurses probably aren't much riskier than anyone else. I know this won't last forever, but I don't really see an end in sight and it is making me sad. Also, I am worried if things are worse in the fall/winter I will regret being strict now when the weather is nice and there might be safer opportunities to play with friends.

I agree with every little bit of this.

[sf333]

My decision would be based on how cautious the family was being. For me, their profession is irrelevant. As someone else said, most (hopefully all) healthcare workers are better protected at work than people are at stores.

[zukeypur]

No, I wouldn’t let my kid have a play date with anyone. DD’s birthday is next week, and she is staying home. No parties, no play dates, no family gatherings, no funerals.