S/O divorce: what do you think about this?

[Melaine]

The current divorce between my brother and his wife has brought up a past painful situation for me. Ten years ago, DH's step brother and his wife divorced suddenly. There was no warning and I never saw my sister-in-law again, never spoke to her via text or email or facebook. She dropped out of our lives and despite searching I was never able to locate her via social media. I have a bunch of sister in laws but she was the one I got along with the best. We were very close. She even lived in our house for a couple months while she was engaged to my BIL. Part of that is because we all met in college so we all knew each other before any of us started dating. DH and I loved her and it was very traumatic to lose her like that. That is part of the reason my brother's situation hit me so hard, because I knew it could mean I would never see my sister-in-law again or even know if she lived or died.

My question is this: I have found her on Facebook. Is it ok and appropriate for me to private message her and just check in on her? Tell her about our family, that my girls are now 13 and we had a son? This is bringing tears to my eyes just thinking about it. What do you think?

[KpbS]

Yes. I think it is fine to reach out, knowing she might not respond. I hope she does and you can reconnect. :hug:

[carolinamama]

Absolutely! She may not respond, but you will always wonder if you don't try to connect.

[melrose7]

Are they divorcing on good terms? If so I would definitely reach out to her. I feel for your situation. My older brother went through a horrible divorce a couple years ago. They are still going through a horrible custody battle. It pains me because I didn’t have any sisters and she and I were so close. It was like losing a close friend. I hate the person she’s become and what’s she’s doing to her kids.

[AngB]

Are they divorcing on good terms? If so I would definitely reach out to her. I feel for your situation. My older brother went through a horrible divorce a couple years ago. They are still going through a horrible custody battle. It pains me because I didn’t have any sisters and she and I were so close. It was like losing a close friend. I hate the person she’s become and what’s she’s doing to her kids.

I think she is referring to SIL that was divorced many years ago. I assume her current (but future ex) SIL is still in touch for now hopefully...

Like the others said, I would reach out to her. The worst she can do is ignore you. Do you think stepbrother or your DH would be weird about it though?

[rollycolly2007]

I would.

If she does not answer, what do you have to lose?

If she answers, she might actually miss you too and re connect. You never know.


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[georgiegirl]

I agree that it’s fine to reach out. Hopefully she responds and you can reconnect.


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[StantonHyde]

How would your brother feel about this? That is something I would consider. If it were me, how would I feel about a sibling reaching out to my ex? Just a thought.

[georgiegirl]

How would your brother feel about this? That is something I would consider. If it were me, how would I feel about a sibling reaching out to my ex? Just a thought.

It’s her DH’s stepbrother. But I totally agree with what you are saying if it had been her brother.

[TwinFoxes]

One hundred percent! But don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t answer straight away, it’s hard to see FB messages if you’re not already friends.

[Melaine]

I don't think my step-BIL would have any issue.

She answered! We caught up a little and she was very warm. I'm really glad that we reconnected. Thanks guys!