Sure Dad. By all means break quarantine and good see my brother...

[bisous]

But then refuse to see my kids (distanced, outside) because you’re worried about COVID. Here’s more info. My parents divorced when I was 2. Both remarried. My brother is his son with my step-mom—he’s my half-brother. They traveled from SD to Oakland on Mother’s Day to stay with him and see him and his new baby.

Fast forward to this summer. He contacts me to come see the kids, distanced and outside. We set up a time and this morning I get an email that “out of an abundance of caution” they’re decided they’re not coming.


All of this is fine. I want him to feel safe. The only irritating thing is 1. You asked to see us, not the other way around. 2. You already told us you spent a weekend with my brother in May IN HIS HOUSE. That was back when things were much more tightly closed up. I remember because DH and I were sort of shocked!

I’m really ok with this because I’m used to it. It’s still irritating. I feel like COVID has made me realize how much I’m control of my time I really am. I think I’m done spending that precious commodity with people who don’t value me and my family.

[wencit]

I'm so sorry. That must sting. :hug: You have a good attitude about it, though. I agree with you that it's his loss!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Maybe they are trying to protect you since they just did that trip?


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[bisous]

Maybe they are trying to protect you since they just did that trip?


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It was 6 weeks ago. So I don’t think it can be that!

[carolinamama]

Is your area harder hit virus-wise than his? Maybe it could be that someone mentioned staying away from that area?

[bisous]

Is your area harder hit virus-wise than his? Maybe it could be that someone mentioned staying away from that area?

No. It’s about the same. I can’t figure it out.

[bisous]

Also, the invitation was extended on Wednesday. We talked yesterday evening. He explained that he’s back at the beach and on the golf course. And this morning BAM text message...

[Liziz]

Remember Melanie's thread, and how someone commented on the fact that it's easy to make excuses now b/c you can just say "sorry, we want to be safe"? Sadly, it seems like people are using this excuse in lots of scenarios that are hurting other people, too. : (

In this case though, I actually wonder if they're deciding not to visit b/c you're *too* serious about the virus for their tastes. I know people who are basically the reverse of my family -- who only are willing to hang out with people who "aren't afraid" (their words, not mine) of the virus. They're annoyed that people like me don't allow others in their houses, and expect playdates to be outside. They're annoyed that we're still telling our kids not to hug elderly relatives. They don't want to meet in the park, they want to sit in the living room and eat dinner at the kitchen table. Could your Dad feel like this? (I'm not making excuses for him, I think this is a cruddy viewpoint, but as I've heard it expressed by others I'm just wondering if this might be what's happening)

[niccig]

I’m no longer tolerating crappy behavior from family just because they’re family.

I’d reply “ok” and then I’ll carry on with my life spending my time with people who behave well towards me and I won’t go out of my way for the crappy family members. Relationships are two-ways, you’re not going to put effort into it well I’m not going to try to do more to make up for that. Lots of other people in my life to focus on.


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[Kestrel]

I don't know your kids' ages, but a brief story.. Once my oldest niece turned five, my sister finally stopped making excuses for her ex. When he would call sister to tell he he wasn't coming to get niece for his visitation (as per their parenting plan) she would just say "hold on" and hand niece the phone. She just decided that if he wasn't coming, he could tell his daughter himself and not make her the bad guy.

My point is - maybe you just don't tell your kids they're coming and let it be a surprise, or make Grampa tell them why he's not coming. Try to take the stress of of yourself, it's not your fault.

[AnnieW625]

Maybe he doesn’t want to freak you out by saying that maybe he came in contact with someone who has covid and thought it would be better to just postpone. Hugs to you. My in-laws seem to favor going to my BILs house vs. coming to my house. They have been to my house a total of 6 times in 15 years. My mIl says it is because we only have one bathroom (they live in an RV for four months out of the year). We don’t get it.


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[dogmom]

It could very well be your father feels neutral about visiting your half-brother and it’s your stepmom driving it. So he may just not be willing to go out of his way for either of you, but will do it to keep the person he lives with everyday happy. I’ve seen this again and again in my friend’s interactions with their parents. There is definitely a sub set of men out there that mostly just want an easy life and expect the woman in their life to handle all their emotional/family stuff. I see it a lot with friends dealing with ill or dying fathers and stepmoms. It took a while for my own dad to make visiting me and my kids a priority. He was always gong to step-grandchildren, which he considered his grandchildren. The favor was not reciprocated until he put his foot down.

It all sucks, however.