Another how should we work this according to COVID question...

[bisous]

My sister is worried about my stepdad (I call him "Dad"). He just had surgery this past week. The prior week he was in the hospital for a bladder infection that took a turn for the worse. Everything he gets is so serious these days. She wants to fly out to see him and I think he really wants to see her! There are no direct flights to get here so she has to go through at least two airports and she is bringing her two children.

I am conflicted. I know she loves him and wants what is best for him. Is there any way to limit the impact of her potential for bringing germs over to him? She also wants our two 8yos to spend time together. I would love this as well. I'm thinking outside is probably safe?

What do you guys think?

I'm fresh off the school thread and I can't help but think that all my exceptions lately are the reason why the schools are having a problem. I feel like this is an issue of compassion. I don't know how safe/unsafe/careless we're being.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Mask up, bring clorox wipes and do it. I think everywhere holds the potential for exposure. I would make sure it was an airline that was leaving middle seats empty. I might even try to do some research to find flights that are regularly not very crowded.
Outside playdate? Yes, I'm ok with that.

[petesgirl]

Is she staying at your parent's house? It would be better for her to stay elsewhere and just visit them for an afternoon or something, preferably outside. Also has she checked her state's requirements for re-entry? A lot of states are quarantining people that visit hotspots.

[wendibird22]

If it were my in your shoes, I'd probably say yes to my sister visiting dad but no to her bringing the kids. There's still mixed data on kids contracting and passing along the virus and kids are just so much harder to control with hand washing, distancing, mask wearing, etc. Your sister, I would assume, could be more trusted.

The other consideration would be whether she's hopping on the plane today or whether she could wait say 7 days, self quarantine for that week before getting on the plane. Then at least she's less likely to bring anything she came in contact with BEFORE flying. And by quarantine I mean not leave the house. That way she knows she's in the clear before hopping on a flight.

And I agree with PP about looking at where she's traveling from and what her home state's restrictions might be.

[bisous]

Thanks! My sister is pretty much in strict quarantine. They only leave for outside walks and grocery trips...

But they’re coming from TX!

I don’t think she’ll come without her kids. They are 2 and 8. And they’re staying with my parents...

[mom2binsd]

Um, they are coming from Texas by plane and going to stay with older parents? I'm not sure that makes any sense! Even if they have been strict, going thru the airport and being on the plane from Texas is a terrible way to idea (and I'm probably someone on this board more comfortable doing many more things than many others here).

No way to keep an 2 year old from touching everything in sight no matter how careful she is.



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[bisous]

Um, they are coming from Texas by plane and going to stay with older parents? I'm not sure that makes any sense! Even if they have been strict, going thru the airport and being on the plane from Texas is a terrible way to idea (and I'm probably someone on this board more comfortable doing many more things than many others here).

No way to keep an 2 year old from touching everything in sight no matter how careful she is.



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Yeah, I know. It’s not smart in my opinion. Maybe I’ll offer to my parents to split the cost of a hotel room?

[echoesofspring]

These situations are so hard! So I know at one point my best friend was trying to figure out how she could visit her dad (late 70's) so he could have surgery once elective was reopened. Her father's dr. recommended a protocol where she get a test before the trip and then again once she was there. But from the situation here and stories on this board that seems unlikely to be able to be done now, at least in any time frame that makes it useful. It makes me so angry for all that we are losing b/c we can't get our testing situation straightened out.


I really want to take the kids to see my parents back east. I proposed flying and renting an airbnb close by to them. My father (a scientist who lives in micron measurements) was not enthusiastic, he doesn't believe the airlines are doing what they should, how do you verify they actually have the filtration they claim, etc. I think he only would have been happy with a road trip where we didn't really stop, and that was before cases in CA blew up. I have no idea who's risk assessment was more realistic, it feels impossible to evaluate. But in your sister's case I would not be comfortable staying with my parents, esp coming from TX, and I would only see them outside. The fact that they are strict quarrantining is very helpful, for me it's the airport I'd worry about, i'm guessing mask usage is mixed.

[bisous]

I’m confused by the rules—can 2yos wear masks? My DN is 2.5. I swear some articles say under 2 cannot and others say under 3!

[petesgirl]

I’m confused by the rules—can 2yos wear masks? My DN is 2.5. I swear some articles say under 2 cannot and others say under 3!

I don't think it's really a rule, as much as what their personal ability is-- can they leave it alone when it's on and not spread more germs etc.

I would definitely advise NOT staying with your parents if they come.

[PZMommy]

I’m confused by the rules—can 2yos wear masks? My DN is 2.5. I swear some articles say under 2 cannot and others say under 3!

2 and up can wear masks. Under 2 is a no.

I would not be comfortable with family coming from TX and then staying with older relatives.

[gymnbomb]

I’m confused by the rules—can 2yos wear masks? My DN is 2.5. I swear some articles say under 2 cannot and others say under 3!

In my state 2 year olds are expected to wear masks.

[dogmom]

I would ask your mom and dad first. Your sister should also. If he’s sick all the time he may not want visitors. Or he may be concerned that during one of the hospitalizations he might not get out and really want to see you. Your mom might be worried you all could make him sick. Or she might need the help. Or both of them might be worried the grandkids could get sick and couldn’t live with themselves. There needs to be some open conversations about expectations and the situation before anyone steps on a plane.

[bisous]

I would ask your mom and dad first. Your sister should also. If he’s sick all the time he may not want visitors. Or he may be concerned that during one of the hospitalizations he might not get out and really want to see you. Your mom might be worried you all could make him sick. Or she might need the help. Or both of them might be worried the grandkids could get sick and couldn’t live with themselves. There needs to be some open conversations about expectations and the situation before anyone steps on a plane.

So it appears that I'm the only one concerned about this. My dad is a skeptic that thinks COVID will go away in November. I only just found this out and its a bit shocking because he quietly listens to the rest of us as we talk about how scary COVID is. My mom is legitimately worried about this but is ok with a little cognitive dissonance that because "they've been careful" they are "not bringing risk with them". Maybe they are right?

Are there ways to reduce the spread once they come?

Will it make a difference if they get a ride home from the airport and always use the spare care when they are here (versus take an hour ride home from the airport in the same small compartment/car)?

Does it matter that it is a huge house with separate upstairs and downstairs climate control and that the weather is fantastic and windows can be open the entire time that they're here?

I think I can only make recommendations at this point and then pick my own family's actions. Everyone seems pretty resolved to come.

Since I probably won't be able to express this to my sister (she is very stubborn and will just ignore you if you say something she doesn't agree with) I am frustrated. She's coming under the guise of "being worried about my dad" but I think if this was really true she wouldn't be bringing the kids and she would consider staying separately and not asking for rides to and from the airport. I think she wants to come to CA. I think she legitimately wants to see my dad but I don't know that she is really considering his well being. She has a science degree and thinks she knows better than me and will resist anything I say to her.

I need to move past this. I have given my 2 cents (to my parents) and they are adults making their own decisions. I feel anger towards this situation but that is not helpful.

[dogmom]

Oh, yeah....

Given the update I would just choose to give this one up to god. I wouldn’t even waste brain space on how to make it safer. It’s not your responsibility. Whatever information you can gather your sister can also. You don’t want to be in a position that you gave advice to her and think “if she had only followed X than Y wouldn’t not have happened” or “Maybe if I had pushed her my on Z no one would have gotten sick.”

[niccig]

You have to let it go. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. Worry about your family and what you’re comfortable with.

DH’s parents went to their granddaughter’s graduation party. Outside except had to go inside to get food. No masks. DH was worried, and still is as it’ll be 2 weeks this weekend. Both MIL and FIL were nurses, FIL was a nurse anesthetist. They fully know what could happen. DH asked them to please consider a mask. FIL has dysarthria and his speech is difficult to understand at the best of times, so they didn’t wear masks.


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[doberbrat]

I think you can only do you. Figure out how YOU will handle her visit. If you're willing to host her, do it. If you're willing to host her outside only, be clear about that. If you're willing to host her but now her kids tell her.

Anything else will make you crazy.

[carolinamama]

At this point, you can only control your own immediate family actions. Decide now exactly what activities you are comfortable doing while she is in town and practice how you will talk about it. Be clear with your sister and stick to your choices so you don't feel resentment towards her.

[Globetrotter]

I would See the adults if they are able to follow your rules. Wear a mask and keep your distance and stay outside in the backyard. Your house, your rules. You can’t control what they do outside of your house. I know you want the kids to meet up, but the two-year-old won’t have self control and, in this case, I’m not sure the eight-year-old is used to following best practices so it may be a bit risky all around.
I saw your other post about your FIL. Gosh lots of family Covid drama all around for you! Hugs.

[jgenie]

You can’t do anything about what they decide to do. I would be keeping my family away from the group though.