The mean girls have taken over the PTO

[SnuggleBuggles]

I could see it coming since volunteers have turned over but it's clear now that the mean girls are running the show. We have a president that made one of the best volunteers cry. We have 3 gas lighting gossipy mean girls that seem to want to get rid of any long term volunteers. There are a few good, nice people left but I fear they are going to give up. Sad to see this turn of events. I know how long it took to build a good reputation of being a welcoming organization so it's hard to watch it become undone. I;'m sure these newbies felt like things were cliquey before (it can be hard to see a clique when you're in it) but at least people were nice. Now it will just be the mean girls and then they'll start b*thcing that no one ever volunteers to help. Why do some people never outgrow the high school drama? We're all adults now...grow up and be a nice human.

[klwa]

*hugs* I'm SOOO looking forward to falling off of the PTA board at the end of this year. The president has made it very clear that it's her way or the highway. (Of the 4 officers when I joined in fall of 2019, 2 were removed from office within 6 months to be replaced by the president's friends. She made some pretty darn serious allegations about theft that, once things came to light, were obviously not exactly what she was claiming. I think in the end we were $10 off in the accounting compared to several hundreds that were claimed.) The president swore she was stepping down last year but then her hand picked successor got pregnant and decided she wanted to homeschool through Covid, so she stuck around for one more year. But I have no faith that she'll leave at the end of this year either.

[Kestrel]

I was so there - exactly as you are saying. We moved. I was one of two parents at the PTO meeting last years' fall that wasn't on the board. We lasted three meetings. Then two meetings in a row were canceled for weather. All of the announcement of meetings & subject are on the school site; but the board contacted each other on Facebook that they were canceling. The other parent & I were sitting in the parking lot waiting for a meeting that wasn't happening. Twice. In a row. They told me I couldn't be in the PTO because I wasn't on Facebook.

[bisous]

Oh man. I'm sorry. Is this for high school? I haven't had much experience with PTAs for older kids. I am not good at dealing with mean girls. I wish I just "didn't care" but I'm not that confident I guess. It gets to me. Kudos to those volunteers who keep on working!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Oh man. I'm sorry. Is this for high school? I haven't had much experience with PTAs for older kids. I am not good at dealing with mean girls. I wish I just "didn't care" but I'm not that confident I guess. It gets to me. Kudos to those volunteers who keep on working!

No, the high school ones are great. There was one so-so one but she handed things off to me when her kids graduated. I love the volunteers at high school. :)

One of them finally broke me. I hung on last year because I was committed to a project but I feel ready to be done. I just hate to imagine what the landscape will be like in a few years if they let this nonsense carry on. I have a key role on the board and I have written up all I do so I can hand it over. But I really want some say on who gets the role after me. I know that creates more division but I know how poor of a job some would do and would cause irreparable harm to the organization if there is poor leadership and management. I'm looking forward to moving on to high school. Ds2 gets to do marching band in 8th grade so I will be falling back into that world and those very nice volunteers. :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I was so there - exactly as you are saying. We moved. I was one of two parents at the PTO meeting last years' fall that wasn't on the board. We lasted three meetings. Then two meetings in a row were canceled for weather. All of the announcement of meetings & subject are on the school site; but the board contacted each other on Facebook that they were canceling. The other parent & I were sitting in the parking lot waiting for a meeting that wasn't happening. Twice. In a row. They told me I couldn't be in the PTO because I wasn't on Facebook.

That's terrible!! I am so sorry!! What is up with that kind of behavior?? I wish volunteers could more easily be fired...

[SnuggleBuggles]

*hugs* I'm SOOO looking forward to falling off of the PTA board at the end of this year. The president has made it very clear that it's her way or the highway. (Of the 4 officers when I joined in fall of 2019, 2 were removed from office within 6 months to be replaced by the president's friends. She made some pretty darn serious allegations about theft that, once things came to light, were obviously not exactly what she was claiming. I think in the end we were $10 off in the accounting compared to several hundreds that were claimed.) The president swore she was stepping down last year but then her hand picked successor got pregnant and decided she wanted to homeschool through Covid, so she stuck around for one more year. But I have no faith that she'll leave at the end of this year either.

Geez! Some people clearly can't handle a bit of power, can they? What absolute nonsense. it's so hard watching this stuff happen. :(

[carolinamama]

It's frustrating to see this happen, especially after working so hard to build it and implement programs. I spent 6 years on our elementary school board, the middle two as president. I worked so hard to attract new volunteers and board members and recruit from different groups. It turned around and bit me in the backside. After practically begging these people to get involved at a board level and run for the opening elected positions, they proceeded to attend meetings and tear the existing board apart, a board that worked so hard to be inclusive. They made their lives harder after being elected by refusing to continue so many of the successful programs just to do their own thing and shutting out the best volunteers. The board had been so drama-free that we were blindsided. Mean girls are alive and well for sure! I'm sorry you experienced it too.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's frustrating to see this happen, especially after working so hard to build it and implement programs. I spent 6 years on our elementary school board, the middle two as president. I worked so hard to attract new volunteers and board members and recruit from different groups. It turned around and bit me in the backside. After practically begging these people to get involved at a board level and run for the opening elected positions, they proceeded to attend meetings and tear the existing board apart, a board that worked so hard to be inclusive. They made their lives harder after being elected by refusing to continue so many of the successful programs just to do their own thing and shutting out the best volunteers. The board had been so drama-free that we were blindsided. Mean girls are alive and well for sure! I'm sorry you experienced it too.

That’s terrible. [emoji20] that’s very similar to what’s happening here. I did tell the meanest of the mean girls to read carefully because the PTO will earn a reputation that will make it very hard to be successful. Told her that we existed for years without a toxic culture. I doubt she cares. I’m glad to only have 1 year left.
It is just so shortsighted to shut out any volunteers. I don’t get it. These newbies seem to be under some delusion that the veteran parents are standing in their way. But they then don’t do anything useful. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this too.


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[zukeypur]

That stinks. Ours started to get a bit cliquey a few years ago and I stopped going. I can't wait until next year when we're finally done with elementary school.

[belovedgandp]

I'm so sorry. I too have been involved in an elementary PTO that had leadership extremely intentional on keeping every decision transparent and including as many people as possible.

I think it tends to cycle. People truly don't "get" the idea that just because YOU don't know a certain parent doesn't mean they aren't interested in helping. There are over 400 students at this school, you are not going to know every parent. So be nice and talk to the ones brave enough to show up to help.

I am on my last few months of elementary school after a 12 year run. I was a classroom type volunteer for all 12 years, but only heavily involved at the all school level the final six. It's definitely time for me to move on and I'm trying to check my own behaviors and decisions as a short timer.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm so sorry. I too have been involved in an elementary PTO that had leadership extremely intentional on keeping every decision transparent and including as many people as possible.

I think it tends to cycle. People truly don't "get" the idea that just because YOU don't know a certain parent doesn't mean they aren't interested in helping. There are over 400 students at this school, you are not going to know every parent. So be nice and talk to the ones brave enough to show up to help.

I am on my last few months of elementary school after a 12 year run. I was a classroom type volunteer for all 12 years, but only heavily involved at the all school level the final six. It's definitely time for me to move on and I'm trying to check my own behaviors and decisions as a short timer.

So true!

I am drafting my "resignation" now and tried to explain my concerns with the direction things are taking. When you are in the "in crowd" you don't realize that you could be excluding people. I hope that they do what they can to welcome new volunteers because, like you said, it's a cycle. I have been involved for 13 years and have seen so many versions of things over the years. I was told this year that one of the leadership positions didn't need to be filled because "we got this". Yes, you might but you won't be doing this job forever. You need procedures and policies that are easy to simply hand down to your eventual replacement. You need mechanisms in place that make sense long term. I also think there was an air of "we don't need *you*" which, of course, feels pretty crappy. I am writing up all of my stuff now so I can step down and not deal with this group anymore.

[gatorsmom]

So true!

I am drafting my "resignation" now and tried to explain my concerns with the direction things are taking. When you are in the "in crowd" you don't realize that you could be excluding people. I hope that they do what they can to welcome new volunteers because, like you said, it's a cycle. I have been involved for 13 years and have seen so many versions of things over the years. I was told this year that one of the leadership positions didn't need to be filled because "we got this". Yes, you might but you won't be doing this job forever. You need procedures and policies that are easy to simply hand down to your eventual replacement. You need mechanisms in place that make sense long term. I also think there was an air of "we don't need *you*" which, of course, feels pretty crappy. I am writing up all of my stuff now so I can step down and not deal with this group anymore.

I'm sorry, that really sucks, especially after you have been involved for over 13 years. It's really selfish behavior of the mean girls too, since it will affect how well the group is managed later on. It's just going to hurt the PTO in the long run. How do they get anything accomplished by alienating their volunteer base?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'm sorry, that really sucks, especially after you have been involved for over 13 years. It's really selfish behavior of the mean girls too, since it will affect how well the group is managed later on. It's just going to hurt the PTO in the long run. How do they get anything accomplished by alienating their volunteer base?

All questions/ concerns I’ve posed. [emoji4] They need to think long term or there will be no willing volunteers to step in later. Maddening.


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[MSWR0319]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I just quit a board due to similar problems. The mean girl came in and then drew her friends in and convinced them all sorts of inappropriate things. I hung on as long as I could, but when it got to the point of harming the organization I couldn't do it anymore. I quit. I worry about the longevity of the organization and how it will turn out, but I couldn't stick it out any longer. It was unhealthy and miserable.