Advice for dealing with Elderly Parents

[westwoodmom04]

We live in the same part of the city as my in-laws and one of dh’s siblings (he has two others that live elsewhere). In-laws are approaching mid-80s. We have been extremely fortunate that they are in excellent health, amd extremely active. However, there are more and more signs of cognitive and agility decline, because they aren’t super human. FIL had a national reputation in his career field and is use to getting his way most of the time. They still live in the large home where they raised their children which has several sets of steep stairs and driveway , way more space/acreage than they need and have no plans to move. They, especially fil, have ruled out any type of assisted living arrangement which most of their friends have moved on to. They have made comments in past about staying in house until they die.

The process of registering for vaccines has brought home some of their current deficiencies, as they basically were unable to do this on their own. In addition, both of fallen on ice this winter (they have a home in a warm climate but refuse to spend more than a few weeks there, preferring to be close to family). I have raised with dh that he and in-town sibling need to monitor them because they are going to need increasing care. They really aren’t safe in current home.

Does anyone have tips for helping elderly parents who are starting to need more assistance but are somewhat resistant to it?

[hillview]

My experience with grandparents and parents is that if they would be seen as cognitively competent by a judge then I respect their wishes to stay in place. I would encourage them to address high risk areas / areas of concerns. Examples from my experience: put a runner on the stairs and put a rail on both sides of the steps (steep steps). Redo front steps with tacky paint so that they slip less. TBH the inability to register for the vaccines is not a red flag for me -- having done it for my mom it was almost impossible.

[legaleagle]

Since I do estate planning - are powers of attorney, trust/will, advance medical directive, HIPAA waivers etc in place and reasonably up to date?

Are they anti independent living/senior community as well as assisted living?

How familiar are you with their financial situation?

Agreed with hillview about modifications - there are people that specialize in these types of safety/universal design modifications and it's definitely worthwhile to have a full evaluation. Our county actually has a property tax rebate for these as well.

[westwoodmom04]

My experience with grandparents and parents is that if they would be seen as cognitively competent by a judge then I respect their wishes to stay in place. I would encourage them to address high risk areas / areas of concerns. Examples from my experience: put a runner on the stairs and put a rail on both sides of the steps (steep steps). Redo front steps with tacky paint so that they slip less. TBH the inability to register for the vaccines is not a red flag for me -- having done it for my mom it was almost impossible.


No question the vaccine process is complicated and my spouse and his sibling actually did the signing up. But I’m talking about things like an email with a link for appointments being sent and not being used or even realized what it meant despite being read.

The house simply can’t be made safe. The main entrance is down about a dozen or so narrow concrete steps with large retaining wall alongside as house is built into hillside (which is why driveway is also unusually steep). I’m not comfortable walking down in any kind of weather event. The interior stairs are circular and treads are carpeted, but also narrow. The stairs are wide enough that railing on ther side wouldn’t be helpful as couldn’t be reached at same time.

[westwoodmom04]

Since I do estate planning - are powers of attorney, trust/will, advance medical directive, HIPAA waivers etc in place and reasonably up to date?

Are they anti independent living/senior community as well as assisted living?

How familiar are you with their financial situation?

Agreed with hillview about modifications - there are people that specialize in these types of safety/universal design modifications and it's definitely worthwhile to have a full evaluation. Our county actually has a property tax rebate for these as well.

There is a will and plenty of financial resources. Not sure of POA or medical directives, I’ll need to ask dh about that. I know they see their financial advisor regularly but fil not willing to give up control or even much info in this area. Their homes were paid for long ago, so think their expenses are not high currently.

Thus far my fil is opposed to even an independent living community because he doesn’t want to admit he’s old. There are a few high end condo/townhouse in our area that are popular among people their age, that would probably be the most appealing, to the extent anything is.

[Kestrel]

My patents are in their late 70's and still in the house I lived in when I was in high school. Split level with 2nd floor deck and steep entry stairs.

We added motion activated lights to help them get in the house safely, as well as non-skid strips on deck stairs. We help them to hire out big physical jobs like storm clean-up, roof treatment, gutter cleaning, and the like. They are not to the point of needed something on the body, but we did add extra landline telephones so there is now one in every space. We arranged with their pharmacy to be able to pick up their medications if needed. My sister is health care proxy, and has been given access to medical files/records at their doctor's office. We know where their wills/final papers are and have combos to their safe.

They live alone in a four-bedroom house. It has been discussed to perhaps get them live-in help if needed, as their set-up lends itself to that easily. It was also tossed about that my youngest sibling (41) might move in with them at some point in the future. It would take a lot to actually get them to move.

[hbridge]

Definitely make sure they have HELP with the house... Plow/shovel/salt contract, cleaning person, ect. Call the town senior center and see what resources they have available. The one in my parents town has transportation to medical appointments and errands, they don't need it yet, but I have the information when they do. Can they still drive? If that is getting iffy, set up Lyft/Uber and work with them on how to use it. Would having meals or groceries delivered help at all (my parents have refused)?

We are in the same situation, except my parents moved into an "over 55" community about 10 years ago, but there are no real "supports", just a lot of neighbors. At the moment, as long as they are able to support each other, I am letting them do their thing, but check in daily by phone. When one of them is no longer able to manage on their "own", I am stepping in.

The vaccine issue has shed light on some things that concern me. Especially realizing that my mother is very reliant on my father right now. Once we are all vaccinated, I need to get over there and figure out what the situation really is.

My IL's are in a completely different situation, but have even worse cognitive decline and refuse to face reality. They will NOT even consider moving to an "over 55" environment, even though they have moved twice in the last 6 months. They don't want to live with "old people". It is so strange, because my parents LOVE it...

[mom2binsd]

I work in long term care, that house sounds like our worst nightmare and I have met a number of people like them who refuse to see that the home is not safe. Sadly a fall and inability to navigate the stairs will probably be the only thing that gets them to see the issue clearly.

Definitely contact a physical therapist to do a home assessment, they will look at the house and give ideas for how to make it safer (I'm assuming private is PT will charge upwards of 80/hr depending on location and this is not billable. I would not start doing too much until someone like a physical therapist who specializes in this comes out to the house. Putting treads on stairs etc is not usually recommended, and the height of grab bars etc is also super important. We do home visits (now virtually with families doing video camera phone walk throughs) to help families figure out what to do.

Keep talking to them, if you can, enlist a friend of theirs, they may listen to them more than their kids.

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[candaceb]

I see this from problem from the periphery in my role as a downsizing/decluttering specialist and also saw my mother-in-law go through it with her mother. Often, the best thing you can do is hire a geriatric social worker to serve as a "middle-man". They have lots of experience talking to the elderly about these issues and know all the local resources. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-geriatric-care-manager

[gatorsmom]

We live in the same part of the city as my in-laws and one of dh’s siblings (he has two others that live elsewhere). In-laws are approaching mid-80s. We have been extremely fortunate that they are in excellent health, amd extremely active. However, there are more and more signs of cognitive and agility decline, because they aren’t super human. FIL had a national reputation in his career field and is use to getting his way most of the time. They still live in the large home where they raised their children which has several sets of steep stairs and driveway , way more space/acreage than they need and have no plans to move. They, especially fil, have ruled out any type of assisted living arrangement which most of their friends have moved on to. They have made comments in past about staying in house until they die.

The process of registering for vaccines has brought home some of their current deficiencies, as they basically were unable to do this on their own. In addition, both of fallen on ice this winter (they have a home in a warm climate but refuse to spend more than a few weeks there, preferring to be close to family). I have raised with dh that he and in-town sibling need to monitor them because they are going to need increasing care. They really aren’t safe in current home.

Does anyone have tips for helping elderly parents who are starting to need more assistance but are somewhat resistant to it?

Do they have enough money to have live-in help? If they insist on living there, are they willing to make some adjustments to make the house safer? Redo the front entrance- wider, less-steep stairs? Ramp of some kind? Rework a different entrance to the house? Rework some of the interior staircases to make them less difficult? Install a chairlift?

Can you hire someone to salt and shovel the driveway?

Both of my parents came from big families and I have helped with and seen different ways of handling this process. If the parents are digging their heels in about moving, then maybe compromising is the best you can do. If the kids take away their freedom and force them into assisted living, they will be miserable and depressed. I’ve seen this so many times. It’s so sad.

[legaleagle]

I see this from problem from the periphery in my role as a downsizing/decluttering specialist and also saw my mother-in-law go through it with her mother. Often, the best thing you can do is hire a geriatric social worker to serve as a "middle-man". They have lots of experience talking to the elderly about these issues and know all the local resources. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-geriatric-care-manager

A good care manager is a *lifesaver*. If anyone wants a rec in DC/Maryland let me know, I have a great company I've worked with many times (ref to clients and also as a trustee for clients).

In terms of inaccessible houses, I've had multiple clients not be able to ever set foot in their homes again after a medical emergency, which is the absolute worst way to have a move happen, of course.

[westwoodmom04]

Thanks everyone for all the input, lots of things for us to think about. They do drive and have paid help for most things related to taking care of the home. I honestly don’t think they would agree to any renovations to current place but perhaps such a discussion would open them up to considering a move, I believe my fil would consider if it were to a “normal” condo but my mil is the one who would be less likely to leave for emotional reasons. There are plenty of extra bedrooms for overnight help if they stay on current home. If they spent the winter in the warmer climate house, as originally planned, a lot of issues would be resolved, at least for the short term, but they don’t want to put the effort into building a social circle there, even though it is mostly retirees and they have friends in the area. I think they would love a newer smaller place once they were in it, the challenge would be the persuasion. There will be no forcing anything. It’s all complicated by being my in-laws, and not my own parents, so dh and his sibling will be lead and I think they are a bit less willing to see the state of things with clear eyes. All of this brings back memories when my grandmother was basically unable to take care of herself before the need for around the clock help became apparent.

We aren’t at the point where anything drastic needs to be done, but with recent evidence of declines, realizing things won’t stay this way forever and there will be issues relating to their aging that will need to be dealt with in the not too distant future. When it’s just one of them, a move will be a necessity and probably not resisted. Just don’t want any avoidable accidents.

[Philly Mom]

For my parents, moving to their second home full time was the best thing for them. They probably have a similar background to your in laws. They moved to a golf community with friends. They have made a ton of additional friends since being their full time. I think it has kept them younger too. They probably play golf 4-5 days a week. They walk daily. My mom does water aerobics classes. They are 80 but many of their new friends are in their 50s and 60s. They moved from a 6500/7000 square foot 4 story house to a 3000 square foot one story house. With the financial ability to pay for nursing care when needed, they will be able to stay in their house forever. I really think you need to figure out how to convince them to spend more time in their second home. Once they make friends they will be so happy there.


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[ezcc]

My parents moved to a large, high end condo building in an urban area when they were fairly young- in their 60s- and my father unfortunately passed away quite suddenly not long after they moved. It was honestly such a great thing they had already done that move- it was so much easier for her to be a widow in her new place. Now that she is in her 70s she is moving to a different building closer to my brother and me but still just a regular condo- not assisted or senior living. The covered parking, doorman, repair people she can easily call etc, etc, have just made her life so much easier- she can travel (in normal times) without worrying about leaving her house. There are restaurants and grocery stores she can walk to, neighbors in her building that she is friends with- it's just a great lifestyle for an older person. I would encourage them to at least consider something like that.

[niccig]

ILs downsized to a condo community that has duplexes. It is not a retirement community but as only 2 bedrooms, their neighbors are all retired or close to retirement age. The home is all one level and they finished the basement for more space when family visit. The HOA takes care of garden, snow plowing etc. They are more social now as neighbors are similar age with similar interests. There’s always bridge or small get together going on with the neighbors.

They made the decision and initiated the move when FIL was diagnosed with a degenerative medical condition knowing that he would need one level and MIL couldn’t take care of larger home by herself. It’s been a good example of controlling the process yourself. My parents are setting the opposite example . My dad needs more care, but he didn’t want assisted living and my mother had to be forced by medical team to get more help in the home. They have some help now. They could have more, but she won’t allow it. My siblings and I all live far away and mom has alienated family that are close by, so there is no family help. Dad is no longer capable of making care decisions himself. We think it’ll be dad getting hurt and the medical team forcing assisted living move. We can’t make them do anything as mom has all decision making right now. She won’t even discuss other options.

Maybe trying to get them to downsize to more manageable home, but it’s not assisted living is the first step. I agree with getting someone to help have the discussions.


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[StantonHyde]

Honestly it sounds like you are just going to have to wait until there is a crisis that forces them to move. That’s not the way you want to do it but if they aren’t incapacitated you can’t force them

[chlobo]

Honestly it sounds like you are just going to have to wait until there is a crisis that forces them to move. That’s not the way you want to do it but if they aren’t incapacitated you can’t force them

This is where I am with my mother. She refuses all advice and won't consider moving. She had an anxiety attack last time we talked about it.

[westwoodmom04]

Honestly it sounds like you are just going to have to wait until there is a crisis that forces them to move. That’s not the way you want to do it but if they aren’t incapacitated you can’t force them

Probably so.

[niccig]

Honestly it sounds like you are just going to have to wait until there is a crisis that forces them to move. That’s not the way you want to do it but if they aren’t incapacitated you can’t force them

I know it sounds awful, but there’s nothing you can do.

My sister worries about my parents’ situation saying it’s going to be a mess to resolve. I agree, but I’ve accepted it’s going to be messy. We’ll just have to deal with it. Getting them to change things now just isn’t going to happen.

Sorry you’re in a similar situation

[gatorsmom]

My parents moved to a large, high end condo building in an urban area when they were fairly young- in their 60s- and my father unfortunately passed away quite suddenly not long after they moved. It was honestly such a great thing they had already done that move- it was so much easier for her to be a widow in her new place. Now that she is in her 70s she is moving to a different building closer to my brother and me but still just a regular condo- not assisted or senior living. The covered parking, doorman, repair people she can easily call etc, etc, have just made her life so much easier- she can travel (in normal times) without worrying about leaving her house. There are restaurants and grocery stores she can walk to, neighbors in her building that she is friends with- it's just a great lifestyle for an older person. I would encourage them to at least consider something like that.

My great aunt and uncle did this when they were in their 60’s. They actually downsized into a condo that was connected to an assisted living facility as well as a full-time nursing home. It’s where she had been volunteering for a long time. It worked out so seamlessly. Moving there at a young age while still active meant they became familiar with the campus, the staff and facilities as well as the neighborhood area. So when my great aunt finally gave up her drivers license she could still give directions for people helping her. They lived in their condo for nearly a decade before my great uncle passed away and my great aunt needed more care. She still had her own little place but received a lot more help. How they handled that transition is so different from how some of my other aunts and uncles have handled it which were agonizing and stressful for their kids. I hope Dh and I can follow their lead.

[DualvansMommy]

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice, all i can say is start dropping info in the conversations (in your case, DH & the siblings) to consider moving to their warmer climate 2nd home or downside to a condo/townhome type of home.

My mom is like your in-laws. I’ve tried so many different ways to get her to downsize from her 5 bedroom 2 story home for 20 YEARS!!! Nothing worked. I’ve gotten so resentful that i had to seek therapy to address it on my own, since i knew her care/house etc will all fall to me as only child. Then she got a medical situation few weeks ago that left her unresponsive for 20 hours. Luckily her neighbors got to her, and she was kept at the hospital until arrangements were made for better support in the house. Visiting nurse is set up, but it’s still a temporary fix.

As hard this is, it’s likely only work until something happens to either of them to reconsider their plans.


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[dogmom]

The only extra advice is can think of is do an honest assessment of who is the best person to talk to the in-laws that get the least pushback. Between myself and my brother my Mom gets less defensive with him, so he takes the lead now even though he’s bipolar and has his own issues and I’m the nurse. I don’t take it personally.

Also, make peace with it. My mom won’t leave her house or get the help she needs, and she’s a retired nurse. She’s probably going to wind up at the bottom on the stairs one day with a broken something, but I am not going to beat myself up about it. Her anxiety about change is clearly overriding other issues. Both are real concerns. Right now she’s so frail because she got sick and refuses to see the doctor. If we did manage to drag her to the hospital I think she would never get back home. That would be horrible for her, so in some ways her decisions are logically.

I told my kids to make a video of me complaining about this and play it back to me in 20 years when I’m my mother’s age and I don’t listen to them.

[twowhat?]

Has anyone been able to convince their elderly to move BEFORE cognitive decline starts to set in, while they are still able to think logically? Like before they hit their 70s? I'm curious about this now because the ability to think logically just starts to go away when, around 70-80? Even without a diagnosed condition.

Otherwise I feel like something has to HAPPEN to convince an elderly person to move from "their house" that they've lived in for decades. For my MIL, we tried for YEARS to convince her to move closer to us when housing prices were good and choices abundant - we'd be able to easily get her a NICE one-story 3-4 bedroom home (that could double as our own retirement home down the road). But she resisted. Finally, when housing prices were skyrocketing, she got stuck on one of the most treacherous highways in north texas trying to get to our kids' dance recital. She had to find a way to turn around and go back home and missed the entire recital. She was so upset by it that that's what convinced her to move closer. Otherwise, no amount of logical thinking (being closer to use, us being able to more easily help her, smaller lot to have to worry about, kids could visit more frequently, etc. etc.) would sway her, even when put forth to her as "Look, when you need help and you live this far away, that makes it harder for us to help you. That means we would have to find a babysitter for the kids, or just drag the kids with us in order to get to you to help - that's not good for us either". Unfortunately she waited until housing prices were high and supply was low, so we weren't able to get her as nice of a house as we would have liked, or even as close to us as we would have liked.

Still, I'm glad it happened when it did (she was already in her late 70s and is now in her mid-80s) because just last night, she texted DH during dinnertime to let him know she ran out of the water he collected for her the day before and was MELTING SNOW for water. This was despite him checking on her multiple times throughout the day (and despite me telling her yesterday that the containers she filled were nowhere near enough). Fortunately, since she's now only 3 miles away, DH was about to get to her over icy roads and get her set up with more water. So...her cognitive decline is more apparent now and if she had not been convinced to move several years ago...I shudder to think what would have happened during this historic Texas weather/power event.

This is my single biggest fear about getting old - losing the ability to think logically.

[gatorsmom]

..

This is my single biggest fear about getting old - losing the ability to think logically.

I’ve started thinking about this already. As I mentioned before, my great aunt and uncle moved into an assisted living residence when she was early 60’s and he was early 70’s. For me that would be in about 15 years. That time will fly by. As I age, time seems to move faster and me slower. I can’t fathom moving in 15 years. I don’t love the idea of moving to a smaller residence. But, the advantages of moving them would be to know the area, become extremely familiar with the inside of the apartment, the shops in the area and where to find what, etc.

Trying to remember and getting confused where I put things and where I am scares me. My home is my sanctuary.

[ezcc]

I was listening to a podcast recently that said people are way more likely to make these moves in a positive way if they do it in their 60s- for whatever reason after that it become way less likely, unless of course it is done by necessity. It got me thinking as DH is in his 50s already, and although I love our house I think I would be happy to live in a smaller, less upkeep and less yard situation with more walkability (it is good here, but we have a long steep driveway). The woman on the podcast was so happy to get out of her kid-centric neighborhood where she was feeling irrelevant after her kids had grown- she moved from a NY suburb to New Orleans. I think I would like to have a sort of new post-kid life, dh would like to move out west- I doubt I would ever leave the east coast for family reasons though.

[dogmom]

Has anyone been able to convince their elderly to move BEFORE cognitive decline starts to set in, while they are still able to think logically? Like before they hit their 70s? I'm curious about this now because the ability to think logically just starts to go away when, around 70-80? Even without a diagnosed condition.

Otherwise I feel like something has to HAPPEN to convince an elderly person to move from "their house" that they've lived in for decades. For my MIL, we tried for YEARS to convince her to move closer to us when housing prices were good and choices abundant - we'd be able to easily get her a NICE one-story 3-4 bedroom home (that could double as our own retirement home down the road). But she resisted. Finally, when housing prices were skyrocketing, she got stuck on one of the most treacherous highways in north texas trying to get to our kids' dance recital. She had to find a way to turn around and go back home and missed the entire recital. She was so upset by it that that's what convinced her to move closer. Otherwise, no amount of logical thinking (being closer to use, us being able to more easily help her, smaller lot to have to worry about, kids could visit more frequently, etc. etc.) would sway her, even when put forth to her as "Look, when you need help and you live this far away, that makes it harder for us to help you. That means we would have to find a babysitter for the kids, or just drag the kids with us in order to get to you to help - that's not good for us either". Unfortunately she waited until housing prices were high and supply was low, so we weren't able to get her as nice of a house as we would have liked, or even as close to us as we would have liked.


This is my single biggest fear about getting old - losing the ability to think logically.

Well, I think it’s a self selecting and self reinforcing group. My parents got married young, got divorced. My Dad sold other house and moved into a smaller two family. My Mom and stepdad had a house, but after she died she sold it and moved into a townhouse. We are planning to sell our house and downsize, probably even an apartment because we will be mid 60’s and we wants that work?

But if you are someone that feels the house is the home, makes all the kids come to your house for the holidays, is part for the local neighborhood/community, moving is a bigger thing. So the people it matters to stay until they are in the 70’s, and the people who don’t feel as strongly leave before then. Because it’s driven by their values, not by getting old.

[jgenie]

I was listening to a podcast recently that said people are way more likely to make these moves in a positive way if they do it in their 60s- for whatever reason after that it become way less likely, unless of course it is done by necessity. It got me thinking as DH is in his 50s already, and although I love our house I think I would be happy to live in a smaller, less upkeep and less yard situation with more walkability (it is good here, but we have a long steep driveway). The woman on the podcast was so happy to get out of her kid-centric neighborhood where she was feeling irrelevant after her kids had grown- she moved from a NY suburb to New Orleans. I think I would like to have a sort of new post-kid life, dh would like to move out west- I doubt I would ever leave the east coast for family reasons though.

Do you happen to remember which podcast?

We had to move two elderly relatives into assisted living due to dementia very recently. They were both well into their 80’s and had been living alone and driving way longer than was safe for them and the public at large. Both relatives insisted they were fine. One had a daughter who was living away and flew in to move her into assisted living. It happened very quickly. We spoke with her about moving then called the daughter in. Relative moved into assisted living within a month. The other family member had no children or spouse so we as a family spoke with her then had her move to assisted living. It was really a hard situation. No one wanted to be the person to make her move but she was a danger on the road and refused to quit driving. She adjusted very quickly and it has been such a blessing during the pandemic.

[niccig]

Well, I think it’s a self selecting and self reinforcing group.

I think it also depends on how you’ve seen family deal with getting older, and how realistic you are about getting older. MIL was a nursing home administrator- she and FIL downsized in their early 70s. They knew they needed less house, all one level etc, they have things planned out.

My parents haven’t planned, but they never planned for anything so why would this be different?

I hope to be like my ILs and make decisions when I can and not follow my parents’ example

[niccig]

I’ve started thinking about this already. As I mentioned before, my great aunt and uncle moved into an assisted living residence when she was early 60’s and he was early 70’s. For me that would be in about 15 years. That time will fly by. As I age, time seems to move faster and me slower. I can’t fathom moving in 15 years. I don’t love the idea of moving to a smaller residence. But, the advantages of moving them would be to know the area, become extremely familiar with the inside of the apartment, the shops in the area and where to find what, etc.

Trying to remember and getting confused where I put things and where I am scares me. My home is my sanctuary.

DH and I talk about selling when he retires or a few years after as I’m younger and may keep working. So 65 for him, 60 for me. We may get to 70-65 depending on work. Some of it will be driven by living costs, retirement will go further in lower COL. Our house isn’t too big and it’s all one level.

The ILs move was pushed by the weather and house/yard upkeep. They did hire out for garden, snow plow, and house maintenance, but it was still a lot to coordinate. A smaller home means less maintenance, less to clean, and the HOA takes care of yard and the driveway in the winter. They have a condo that’s a duplex. So not assisted living, but much less house to maintain. FIL was still able to get out and be social. He now can’t go out of the house, but neighbors will stop by to see him


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[klwa]

Has anyone been able to convince their elderly to move BEFORE cognitive decline starts to set in, while they are still able to think logically? Like before they hit their 70s? I'm curious about this now because the ability to think logically just starts to go away when, around 70-80? Even without a diagnosed condition.


We didn't have to convince my parents to move from the house where I grew up. The women in my mom's family have a history of living to a very old age (99+) and dementia and the men in my dad's family have historically not lived very long. My grandfather was the oldest male ever in their family when he died. At 65. So, they agreed to move into my grandmother's house, which is catty-corner to one of my brother's home. While it has an upstairs, all the necessary rooms are on the main floor and it's in town so people could check on them. My mom had also gotten her paperwork together so that if she started to show decline, we could get her moved into the nursing home within walking distance of this house. They did all of this in their early 60s so we wouldn't have to worry about them. Momma ended up passing away at 62, and Daddy is still going strong at 75, but the care that was taken to ensure Momma would be safe has been able to keep Daddy safe.