People at work don't care about me :(

[twowhat?]

And it makes me sad. I live in TX, so was greatly impacted by last week's arctic winter storm, 2 days without power/heat, etc. On the first day without power, I got a "request" to do a rather large project for work. Cell towers weren't working well here either but I managed to get an email out about what was going on in TX (as if the national news weren't enough). My boss tried to be helpful and asked how important it was to get this project done, given my situation. The answer was basically that it was needed within a week. No email saying "are you OK?" No texts. No calls. Nothing. Just "we need it next week". From people I work with on a daily basis. So, cold, frustrated, and angry, I got it done. Don't ask me how I did it, but I consider it a superhuman feat. I'm also dang good at what I do.

And I'm so mad and so sad.

That is all.

[jgenie]

:hug: I’m sorry!

[Globetrotter]

I am sorry - they are fortunate to have someone as dedicated as you. You deserve better.

[petesgirl]

Wow, that's crazy. Hopefully it's a case of awkward people not knowing what to say so they don't say anything. Still not right though.

[carolinamama]

I'm sorry. Some people suck.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Wow, that's crazy. Hopefully it's a case of awkward people not knowing what to say so they don't say anything. Still not right though.

Not to generalize/stereotype but if these are techy people they might just not be good at that stuff. But, it still sucks and they really should figure out the basics of empathy


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[twowhat?]

Not to generalize/stereotype but if these are techy people they might just not be good at that stuff. But, it still sucks and they really should figure out the basics of empathy


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Definitely not tech. And mostly women, too. :shrug::shake:

I shouldn't let it bother me. It's not like these are friends, they are colleagues. And like with gifts, I probably shouldn't *expect* anything. But it definitely felt like piling work onto me without even a single word of compassion was like salt in the wound.

[Liziz]

How completely disappointing! It's so frustrating to find out that people you interact with routinely handle a situation so differently than you would handle it yourself (as I'm sure, if situation was reversed, you would have reached out to check on colleagues). I'd be upset too.

[wendibird22]

That really stinks. People are so wrapped up into their own world sometimes (most times!) that they don't think of others.

Are these women located in another region? I wonder if they are from the snowy northeast for example and oblivious/ignorant to how impactful snow and freezing temps are to places like Texas who aren't built for that.

I heard from plenty of my TX friends who work at colleges how they were just supposed to carry on as business as usual, while homeschooling kids whose schools were closed/damaged, work from home, respond to pandemic needs, and oh yeah can you also take care of these thousands of students without power, water, food, internet too all from your home office you squeezed out space for in your closet? While the pandemic has in some ways helped work environments give employees flexibility with hours and work from home, it has also created an unfair expectation that you can now work 24hr a day without regard to what is going on in the employee's personal life. It's not sustainable.

[petesgirl]

Definitely not tech. And mostly women, too. :shrug::shake:

I shouldn't let it bother me. It's not like these are friends, they are colleagues. And like with gifts, I probably shouldn't *expect* anything. But it definitely felt like piling work onto me without even a single word of compassion was like salt in the wound.

I learned things about my colleagues the hard way, too, when my daughter died-- some made the effort to put in on a visa gift card for us, some came to her funeral, some did not ever acknowledge it at all, and my boss was worst of all-- asking if I could come in and work the day after her funeral, even though company policy stated I could have 3 full days off.

I just think a lot of people get really uncomfortable when anything goes wrong in life and they just prefer to sweep it under the rug instead of confront the hardship. We don't know how to emotionally support each other very well in our society.

[DualvansMommy]

So sorry. People really suck. The balance of work and home always hasn’t been strong, and I find the pandemic is causing lots of unrealistic expectations cuz everyone is working from home. That fine line to begin with is disappearing rapidly.

I hope you take some time off soon to reboot and indicate why if pushed. People need the ability to reset completely if needed. I work in one of the most stressful fields; domestic violence but the other side of the coin is having a team that is very emphatic and tuned. If we had someone on our team going through what you were going through, youlll have a lot of support.


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[KrisM]

I'm sorry. I'd be pretty upset as well.

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[twowhat?]

That really stinks. People are so wrapped up into their own world sometimes (most times!) that they don't think of others.

Are these women located in another region? I wonder if they are from the snowy northeast for example and oblivious/ignorant to how impactful snow and freezing temps are to places like Texas who aren't built for that.

They are from all over the US - from the west coast to the midwest to the east coast. So, maybe they're unsympathetic but Texas was allll over the news for the crisis we were in (I grabbed a few CNN screenshots for our own memory-making since we were so front-page news), and I specifically stated in my email what I was dealing with (no power, no heat in single digit temps that dropped to negative numbers at night, no internet, spotty cell service) and still...the only response I got was "we need it in a week". No heat in a house that drops into the 40s with kids and pets is waaaaaay different than having heat in the middle of a winter storm with no kids to care for. But I guess people wouldn't know unless they experienced it. And when I delivered the project, NOT A SINGLE THANK YOU from them.

Unfortunately, fair or not, this has colored my personal opinion of these women and the "teamwork" environment that they say they are fostering but really aren't.

I mean, I had colleagues from PAST companies I worked for texting me to ask if we were OK! Ugh. Still so sad, but I am going to get over it and pull on my big girl panties and soldier on.

[echoesofspring]

Ugh I'm so sorry! My mgr lives in Austin and I know he was so busy last week just trying to survive and keep the kids warm and fix all their busted pipes, etc. He was so happy a couple days ago when he finally got a hot shower. We talked as a team about how can you possibly focus at work if your basic needs aren't being met. That just sucks that your coworkers aren't more clued in.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, that is AWFUL. i am so sorry. :hug: I would feel hurt as well.

Is this typical of the work culture in your company or industry? Is it like Wall Street where you are always expected to sacrifice family/personal life for the job type thing? While it is hard not to take it personally, sounds like a reflection of the company culture (which doesn't make it any better..) And my first thought would be - do these people not have kids at home? I would imagine any mother, no matter what location, would be sympathetic to this situation - having kids at home in a pandemic is no fun, add an unprecedented snow storm and loss of power/heat in the mix- ridiculous demands.

As someone who works in the defense side, very old-school, I honestly was pleasantly surprised after last week... without saying anything I got most of my customers reaching out and texting asking if i was ok, telling us to stay safe, they were thinking of us and postponing meetings. Most were beyond understanding, i think after seeing the news. i ended up taking 3 days PTO last week to deal with the fallout of the storm. i was without power/cell service one day (so i literally coudln't work at all) and the other days the house was still too cold to do much work, plus i had to prepare the house/kids in case it went out again. It was literally survival mode. I would have flipped if someone was expecting me to be productive as usual those days.

[zukeypur]

And it makes me sad. I live in TX, so was greatly impacted by last week's arctic winter storm, 2 days without power/heat, etc. On the first day without power, I got a "request" to do a rather large project for work. Cell towers weren't working well here either but I managed to get an email out about what was going on in TX (as if the national news weren't enough). My boss tried to be helpful and asked how important it was to get this project done, given my situation. The answer was basically that it was needed within a week. No email saying "are you OK?" No texts. No calls. Nothing. Just "we need it next week". From people I work with on a daily basis. So, cold, frustrated, and angry, I got it done. Don't ask me how I did it, but I consider it a superhuman feat. I'm also dang good at what I do.

And I'm so mad and so sad.

That is all.
I'm sorry. Last week was terrible, and not having the support and understanding of your colleagues makes it that much worse. Accomplishing anything other than survival last week WAS a superhuman feat.

Ugh I'm so sorry! My mgr lives in Austin and I know he was so busy last week just trying to survive and keep the kids warm and fix all their busted pipes, etc. He was so happy a couple days ago when he finally got a hot shower. We talked as a team about how can you possibly focus at work if your basic needs aren't being met. That just sucks that your coworkers aren't more clued in.
I feel like I spent the whole week clearing limbs, filling water bottles, and boiling water. Boiling water, cooling water, filtering water, having handwashing water, toothbrushing water, teaching the kids to brush without running water, watering chickens....it was exhausting, and we didn't have any busted pipes like many people. I still have a pot of boiled water on the stove and several water bottles full of water that I just can't seem to throw out yet.

[bisous]

I'm sorry OP. That is terrible. It was plastered all over the news so I don't know how you coworkers could have missed what you were up against! Crazy!

And petesgirl, I can't even with your story about being asked to work the day after you buried your baby. Sometimes people are so thoughtless.

[lizzywednesday]

Definitely not tech. And mostly women, too. :shrug::shake:...

There are times when I think women are worse at work when it comes to stuff like this. It's like "oh, you just found out about some devastating news, but we're gonna need that project yesterday, mmm-kay?" is standard so they don't look "weak." *sigh*

It may not be something you "should" let bother you, but I'm gonna tell you that it's OK to feel p!ssed off about it. The fact that they give lip service to "teamwork" makes it hurt more, I think.

I asked my BFF (she's near Round Rock) if her pipes were OK because my other friend, who lives near Houston, had pipes burst. (It was actually the first thing I thought of BECAUSE I'm in the Northeast - the risk of freezing to death is real, but when the temp drops drastically in your house, it increases your risk of burst pipes!)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

There are times when I think women are worse at work when it comes to stuff like this. It's like "oh, you just found out about some devastating news, but we're gonna need that project yesterday, mmm-kay?" is standard so they don't look "weak." *sigh*

It may not be something you "should" let bother you, but I'm gonna tell you that it's OK to feel p!ssed off about it. The fact that they give lip service to "teamwork" makes it hurt more, I think.



:yeahthat: I have to agree. I was just gonna say, i wonder if some women in the workplace tend to "over-compensate" with this kind of thing, and purposely act all aloof and heartless, and very demanding.. maybe so they look more "committed to the job" than other women? I think in the "Lean In" book, Sheryl Sandberg actually mentions this and how damaging it is , because it is not only is so discouraging to other women, it really promotes toxic work culture. I loved her quote "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." SO TRUE.

[twowhat?]

:yeahthat: I have to agree. I was just gonna say, i wonder if some women in the workplace tend to "over-compensate" with this kind of thing, and purposely act all aloof and heartless, and very demanding.. maybe so they look more "committed to the job" than other women? I think in the "Lean In" book, Sheryl Sandberg actually mentions this and how damaging it is , because it is not only is so discouraging to other women, it really promotes toxic work culture. I loved her quote "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." SO TRUE.

I guess this could be the case, and boy is it awful!!!


I learned things about my colleagues the hard way, too, when my daughter died-- some made the effort to put in on a visa gift card for us, some came to her funeral, some did not ever acknowledge it at all, and my boss was worst of all-- asking if I could come in and work the day after her funeral, even though company policy stated I could have 3 full days off.

I just think a lot of people get really uncomfortable when anything goes wrong in life and they just prefer to sweep it under the rug instead of confront the hardship. We don't know how to emotionally support each other very well in our society.

OK so I'm purposely not going to use the term "b*tch" because that's typically reserved for women (and I'm only assuming your boss was a woman, which I don't know). Man or woman or anything in between, THIS is such an A$$HOLE thing to do. Your boss is an A$$SHOLE. I cannot even make up a valid excuse for that kind of behavior.

[petesgirl]

I guess this could be the case, and boy is it awful!!!



OK so I'm purposely not going to use the term "b*tch" because that's typically reserved for women (and I'm only assuming your boss was a woman, which I don't know). Man or woman or anything in between, THIS is such an A$$HOLE thing to do. Your boss is an A$$SHOLE. I cannot even make up a valid excuse for that kind of behavior.

Woman boss. And completely the kind of person mspacman is talking about. All the leadership was at that company, you climbed the ladder by stepping on everyone below you. It's why I refused to work anything other than the evening shift when management had all gone home. Ha ha.

[carolinacool]

Last week, my state was expecting a monster ice storm that ended up petering out. I work on the communications team, so before the storm, we sent out various emails to employees. While they were all kind and said mostly the right things, there was a line that said people could get permission to come into the office and work if they lost internet and/or power. My first thought was even if the roads were safe enough to drive, people might have more pressing matters to attend to, especially if they had kids.

I agree the pandemic has blurred the lines between home and work. It's amazing the number of emails and Team messages that fly back and forth between 5 and 6 p.m., with the expectation of getting a prompt response. In the office, most folks are heading for the doors no later than 5:15.

I'm sorry that happened, OP.

[AngB]

This is so ridiculous. I'm sorry! :(

[liz]

Ugh, that's terrible [emoji17] I would be sad and upset as well.
Sending prayers and well wishes to all those affected, here from us in NE. No power, no heat, deadly cold temps, no running water etc - it takes a real toll, physically and mentally. Your office should have given you time off until things settled and you were ready, yeesh. I would feel pretty bitter honestly.

[KpbS]

I'm really sorry. That is so surprising, so insensitive, and hurtful. It all just stinks. And to think that that was the response AFTER you told them about your situations boggles the mind. Heartless.

[gatorsmom]

I just saw this and I’m so sorry. I hope in the last 2 weeks someone from your company asked about your well-being even if just as an afterthought.

We care about you here!!

[twowhat?]

You know, the more I try not to stew about this, the more I stew, LOL. I think you guys are right - all these women in higher-level positions do NOT subscribe to the "women lifting up women" thing at my company, even if they say they do. They just want to make themselves look as good as possible, and will throw someone else under the bus to do so. I know of at least a few cases here of people leaving to go to another company because they couldn't stand their woman boss. I have also noticed woman bosses making things REALLY difficult for a woman employee, but NOT for a male employee at an equivalent position. Why???

I'm at a mid-level position (but came from a very senior level position in a slightly different industry) so I see both sides of the coin. It makes me want to tough it out so that I can work my way to a higher level position here so that I can be a woman lifting up other women. I know that for me, and most other women in this industry, we do our very best work when our leaders support us and care.

So...thank you all for caring!! Be a woman leader who cares!!!

[JustMe]

I am just seeing this. Just wanted to say that I am sorry that happened to you! We do care about you here!

[Kestrel]

It's amazing how the lines between work and home life have blurred during the pandemic. My dear niece was called to an "emergency" 7pm meeting a couple of weeks ago. (That really could have waited; but that's another post...) She didn't have her zoom camera on, but had participated in the discussion. Near the end of the meeting, the female boss called her out in from of the group about not having her camera on. She snapped back - I'm nursing the baby, do you REALLY want me to turn it on????

There needs to be more care that workers have a life outside of the job.

[bcafe]

I too have seen women "leaders" making working life difficult for other women and not men. It's a head scratcher for sure. Unfortunately, it is one reason that I prefer working for men. A shame, isn't it?

[jgenie]

I too have seen women "leaders" making working life difficult for other women and not men. It's a head scratcher for sure. Unfortunately, it is one reason that I prefer working for men. A shame, isn't it?

I never had a woman boss who wasn’t out to make it difficult for other women. They wanted to make sure there wasn’t any competition from below. I always preferred male bosses. Expectations were clear and there wasn’t any behind the scenes drama.

[zukeypur]

I never had a woman boss who wasn’t out to make it difficult for other women. They wanted to make sure there wasn’t any competition from below. I always preferred male bosses. Expectations were clear and there wasn’t any behind the scenes drama.

While this has historically been true for me, my current boss is female and she is amazing. Always looking out for me, always siding with me, and even threw a temper tantrum to get my stipend that Admin decided I didn't need this semester. I hope that I am a good boss as well.

[zukeypur]

I never had a woman boss who wasn’t out to make it difficult for other women. They wanted to make sure there wasn’t any competition from below. I always preferred male bosses. Expectations were clear and there wasn’t any behind the scenes drama.

While this has historically been true for me, my current boss is female and she is amazing. Always looking out for me, always siding with me, and even threw a temper tantrum to get my stipend that Admin decided I didn't need this semester. I hope that I am a good boss as well.

[klwa]

I never had a woman boss who wasn’t out to make it difficult for other women. They wanted to make sure there wasn’t any competition from below. I always preferred male bosses. Expectations were clear and there wasn’t any behind the scenes drama.

Honestly, the only truly crappy bosses I've had were male. The worst was the one who talked down about every single person under him and cost multiple people promotions. In our office, the women have historically been known as tough but fair, myself included.

[klwa]

*double post*