Obstacles to the Reentry into Society?

[bisous]

Is anyone else a little worried about how you're going to feel about getting "back to normal"?

Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED about all the good news with the vaccine! I think it will be such a blessing for so many people, including our family! What I thought might never happen--getting back to school, work, a social life, etc. I now believe will HAPPEN! I was trying to be so strong that I purposely put off wishing for and wanting normal back. And honestly I did find peace in a slower schedule. I found my inner "introvert" so to speak.

Now I'm starting to think I might actually have a hard time actually seeing people again. Yikes! (While at the same time I really want time completely ALONE in my house more than I want air.)

One of my obstacles is that I feel like without actually seeing people (and having had a REALLY hard and divisive year!) I don't feel as warm and fuzzy to people in my community and my social circle as I used to. I'm really reaching down deep to try and be more loving, forgiving and accepting in preparation for meeting with people again.

So part of this really IS emotional preparedness.

Another problem is more physical/logistical. What will it be like to have to wear SHOES every day again. And be on time to places and drive every day in the car?

I know this will be so welcome for my kids (and for all of us). But I'm a little nervous too. I wonder if anyone is "talking" about this anywhere? Do you have any resources to share?

Part of me wants to lean into the weeks remaining (nobody in our family is vaccinated yet) and enjoy the together time while it lasts. Another part of me wants to prepare myself and my family so it isn't a big jolt when the change happens.

Anyone else feeling these things?

[SnuggleBuggles]

You might enjoy this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pRUls7UiPsg


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

[bisous]

You might enjoy this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pRUls7UiPsg


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)

Oh wow. They really nailed it for me. That's exactly what I need! A couch to cocktail party training plan, lol!

[nfceagles]

Yes, I very much feel similar. I actually moved away from our small town where I know everybody in the summer of 2019. We returned June 2020 in the middle of a pandemic. People know I’m around and we wave to each other from our cars at school drop off and such, but I really haven’t seen most of my friends here for two years. And yet, for no good reason, I don’t really want to. I’m eager to be able to travel and attend events like sports and concerts, but I’m not eager to socialize. I feel like I’ve lost all faith in human beings. I know it’s not rational, but it is how I feel emotionally. Going out with my girl friends like we used to doesn’t appeal to me. And I dread having to turn down invites.

Also like you, I’m desperate to just have some time alone.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nfceagles]

And I don’t want to have to wear hard pants again. Or makeup.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Kestrel]

How about clothes? I've bought nothing but sweatpants for at least a year! Fast-growing DS doesn't have any jeans/pants long enough to fit anymore, and I've not taken him shopping since this whole mess started.

We also moved fall of 2019, and don't really have friends here yet. While I'd like to get out a bit soon, I don't even know where to start! DS will have been in remote school an entire year next week.

[StantonHyde]

I've been going to work every day so that part will stay the same. I am so effing sick of Zoom meetings, I can't stand it. BUTTTTT I love it on occasion when there is an 8 am meeting and I can join while I eat my breakfast and then go to the office after. And DD really, really needs to go back--she is 2 days a week since February and will be 4 days in April. DS goes back 4 days next week. And, please sweet baby Jesus, can i just be in my house alone for once..... Yeah, I'm pretty much ready to go. Except for I really will have to figure out how to socialize again. I'm awkward enough. This should be fun...

[MSWR0319]

Alone time in the house??? What is that? I can't wait for it!!

MIL just got her second shot and DH and I will have our second one by the end of the month. MIL called tonight and said she's coming to stay for a week once our two week post shot time is up. Really? I mean, I know I should be grateful that she can come visit, but I just don't like having people stay at my house, especially for a week. And we aren't doing anything because the kids are obviously not vaccinated. DH works from home, the kids are doing online school. So there will be an additional person in my house 24 hours a day for a week. I have to admit. This is the part I did not miss. I'm an introvert. My house is my space.

It's finally getting warm here and tonight when I was waiting for the kids at soccer practice, two of the moms came up and knocked on my window wanting to know if I wanted to walk with them. I didn't think I missed things like that, but it was wonderful!! A bit embarrassing because I was wearing DS's slides because I didn't plan on getting out of my car, but it was so nice to chat with humans that don't live in my house. Guess I'll have to start dressing appropriately for pick up now that people will get out of their cars.

[dogmom]

I hear you about trying to be around some people. There are some friendships that are just never going to heal for me. In the spring I was sweating my @$$ off in PPE, struggling to take care of patients in the ICU, moved out from my house so I didn’t bring in home and kill my MIL, and I would have a to listen to friends “thank” me then turn around and tell me it’s all overblown. I was, “Hey, I’ve been doing this for almost three decades, NOTHING has been like this.” I tried to tell them the death rate doesn’t tell the whole picture. It’s about all the suffering on the ones that live. It they just kept on believing what they want to believe. The lies spread on social media. People saying I was acting “scared” when I know if they had to do my job they would have broken down. The idea of making small talk and going about of my way to spend time with them is.....well, I-just-can’t. Not now. I don’t know if I ever will. But not now. The reality is I’ve had to do a lot of work to be OK through this, so in many ways I’m happier. I don’t feel like putting that at risk.

[dogmom]

And I don’t want to have to wear hard pants again. Or makeup.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I know, right?! I also hit menopause right before this, so I’m like, “Bring on the mumus!” Is hard to look at all that stuff now and not think they are tools of capitalistic oppression, lol. I mean, Spanx, I actually own a pair. That is never going on my body ever again.

[MSWR0319]

I hear you about trying to be around some people. There are some friendships that are just never going to heal for me. In the spring I was sweating my @$$ off in PPE, struggling to take care of patients in the ICU, moved out from my house so I didn’t bring in home and kill my MIL, and I would have a to listen to friends “thank” me then turn around and tell me it’s all overblown. I was, “Hey, I’ve been doing this for almost three decades, NOTHING has been like this.” I tried to tell them the death rate doesn’t tell the whole picture. It’s about all the suffering on the ones that live. It they just kept on believing what they want to believe. The lies spread on social media. People saying I was acting “scared” when I know if they had to do my job they would have broken down. The idea of making small talk and going about of my way to spend time with them is.....well, I-just-can’t. Not now. I don’t know if I ever will. But not now. The reality is I’ve had to do a lot of work to be OK through this, so in many ways I’m happier. I don’t feel like putting that at risk.

Yes! I can’t even imagine how it is for those of you on the front line, as I have friendships that will never be the same after seeing how they acted or hearing things they said. I have learned this past year that it’s ok to be selective in friendships and who I’m good friends with. I’m not going pretend that I want to be good friends with people who can’t think of anyone but themselves.

This past year has helped me realize which friendships were real and which were more superficial. People I thought were good friends aren’t and people who I thought were just acquaintances have turned into good friends.

Life won’t be the same when we all return to “normal”. It’ll be a new “normal” and once I get through some of the struggles associated with the change, I think life will be better than before.

[gatorsmom]

Every time I get excited about having the first vaccine dose and thinking of things I can do again, my kids throw a “can we have sleepoevers now” at me. We were in a comfortable isolating routine and now I have to start the risk assessment thing again. They’ve been asking for sleepovers, friends hanging out in our house, other families over for dinner, etc. I don’t feel comfortable with that yet!

At least with the summer coming, I can open windows, we can have friends over outside for dinner and spend more time hanging out outdoors. And hopefully by then we will have more statistics about kid Long Covid in kids.

[gatorsmom]

It’ll be a new “normal” and once I get through some of the struggles associated with the change, I think life will be better than before.

I love this sentence and I agree. There is nothing like losing something you love to make you appreciate what you have.

[carolinamama]

It will feel so strange (and probably uncomfortable at first) to go into other homes, have people in our home, and eat in restaurants. Along with some of you, my friends have changed over the last year too. My kids are excited for sleepovers but I'm not sure when I'll allow. It seems safer to even have kids of vaccinated adults over but I know multiple adults who still say they won't get one. But I really look forward to more socialization on my terms, especially in the warmer weather. It will certainly be a new normal and hopefully better!

[KpbS]

I mentioned it in another thread a while back but this whole process has made me realize I don’t have the friends I wish I had. I have a handful of acquaintances who are nice people, one old friend, and one closer friend in a different stage of life. So reentry will be lonely I think seeing more people hanging out on social media. :/. Not looking forward to that.

[lizzywednesday]

It's going to take me a bit to trust the other parents in the school community for sure, but I've been OK with others I interact with.

I'm not champing at the bit to go to the mall or the grocery store or whatever else, mostly because I'm broke, nor am I in any rush to work in person in an office. (Well, assuming I manage to get a job; I'm going to re-tool my resume and remove dates so I don't get nixed due to time away from the workforce and/or ageism for one thing ... and then figure out where I want to invest time/money for retraining and skill development, because I'm still lost.)

I'm looking forward to getting DD's and my hair trimmed, but will be holding off on getting my brows threaded for a while yet - it's too much close contact, even with masking, for me to feel completely comfortable. (Waxing is not an option bc it makes me break out.)

[bisous]

I love everyone's positivity. I feel like I've "learned" things about people that I didn't want to know. Honestly, my own "judgmental-ness" is hurting me. I'm praying and meditating a lot to try to overlook some of the things I've "seen" on SM over the past year. This is primarily not in my close friends and family (though it is an issue for me with DH's family!) but in a wide net of acquaintances that I do care about and feel are a part of my community. Part of me has become very fearless in my convictions. I value this development. But I need to temper it with love and patience. This will make more effective but it will also make me happier.

If you were to craft a "couch to cocktail party" plan what would it include?

I'm thinking I need to:

Survey all my kids clothes to see that they fit and they could go back to school, social activities without too much trouble.

Spend a lot of time praying and reading my scriptures to help me feel more confidence in my society and acquaintances.

Maybe spend some time reflecting on what I did like about quarantine life and what I didn't like? Like maybe it is time to make some boundaries or changes to "normal"?

I feel like I need to continue with emotional self-care. I'm going to need exercise, meditation and good amounts of rest!

I feel like there are some holes here though. What do my kids need besides clothing? Do we need to have some conversations to prepare them?

[lizzywednesday]

...

If you were to craft a "couch to cocktail party" plan what would it include?

This is a really good question!

I think, for me, a lot of being able to be comfortable with other people starts and ends with trust.



...
Maybe spend some time reflecting on what I did like about quarantine life and what I didn't like? Like maybe it is time to make some boundaries or changes to "normal"?

I feel like I need to continue with emotional self-care. I'm going to need exercise, meditation and good amounts of rest!

I think that reflecting on the positives you had - more family time! feeling empowered to say "that doesn't work for us" and "no"! - will help you keep the boundaries that matter most to you. So many of us have had the experience that we feel pressured to always say "yes" when others make requests of us, that learning the blessing of "no" and "that doesn't work for us" is such a massive thing!



I feel like there are some holes here though. What do my kids need besides clothing? Do we need to have some conversations to prepare them?

What kinds of things, if any, have your children said they miss? Socializing with friends? Team sports? One-on-one time with you & your DH? Youth groups at church?

I think that having conversations about what their thoughts are - fears, hopes, challenges, wants - may be in order, especially if you're not already having them now.

Are there events/activities through your church, for example, that maybe your eldest children were looking very forward to but now feel less exciting and more fear-provoking?
Are there events/activities at their schools that now feel more necessary or meaningful than they did before lockdown?
Are there events/activities you used to commit to because you felt you "had to" but now feel less important?

[gatorsmom]

I'm thinking I need to:

Survey all my kids clothes to see that they fit and they could go back to school, social activities without too much trouble.

Spend a lot of time praying and reading my scriptures to help me feel more confidence in my society and acquaintances.

Maybe spend some time reflecting on what I did like about quarantine life and what I didn't like? Like maybe it is time to make some boundaries or changes to "normal"?

I feel like I need to continue with emotional self-care. I'm going to need exercise, meditation and good amounts of rest!

I feel like there are some holes here though. What do my kids need besides clothing? Do we need to have some conversations to prepare them?

I think the conversation with kids is a great idea. I want mine to learn empathy. We have been discussing how other people of different races must feel and how it’s hard for a young, privileged white kid to understand. But that empathy has to spread to everyone. We do not know the ways others have struggled this past year whether it’s been from sickness, loss of income, isolation, fear, guilt, or anger. I’ve been trying to emphasize the old saying not to judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Nonjudgmental kindness, and trying to see things from someone else’s perspective is the only way to rebuild our angry, vocal society.

Of course, teenagers are notoriously self-involved so repetition of this lesson will be key ;)