Grade Anxiety/High School stress: Twin Edition.....Advice welcome

[Melaine]

My girls are in 8th grade and doing four high school classes this year. We homeschool, however, we do a university model hybrid schooling set up so they are on campus two days a week and home three. It's a very effective set up for us. Although I was proficient in math as a teen and clepped out in college, it's been way too long for me to really help with their Algebra curriculum too much and their curriculum is more advanced (truly more like Algebra 2 according to the teacher). Also there are several students who are exceptionally gifted in math, and it comes very easily to them, which is always annoying. We don't have separate honors classes, the honors students are in with the rest and sometimes not very sublte about their proficiency.

My girls are extremely motivated and concientious. They have always been at the top of their class and get a lot of praise from teachers. I'm very proud of them, but their hardwork is also part of their sometimes unhealthy competitive nature and perfectionism. This year has been helpful because I need them to grasp that sometimes you can work your very hardest and still not get A+'s across the board. Sometimes you can be proud of a non-A grade because you have earned it and it was difficult!

About a month ago, I hired a tutor and she has been wonderful. They have only had 4 one hour sessions, but I could tell that they were both feeling a lot more confident. The problem with a hybrid setup is that the teacher really has to cover a lot of material and truly can't slow down much if students are behind the curve.

This week they had four big tests, one of them the dreaded Algebra 1 test. They have studied very hard. There were only 12 questions. They were both very nervous, but DD2 seemed more nervous.

Last night we had major, major drama because DD2 saw both of their grades right before bedtime. DD2 made a 50. DD1 made a 97.

You guys, having twins is so hard. DD1 felt horrible, I think even guilty, and I know that she felt robbed of her proud moment. DD2 is angry, disappointed and is convinced that she is just simply not as smart as the rest of the class (granted we don't know how they did). She is already eaten up with stress about the math final at the end of the year. I am positive that we can work through this and build her confidence back up. Obviously we will continue working with the tutor and I'll talk to the teacher.

Maybe there is no advice to give. I have told DD2 all the things I can think of: I'm so proud of her. She is very smart and being a hardworker will get her there and be more valuable in the long run than brainiacs who are just coasting. It's ok to not know everything all the time. We don't expect you to be perfect!

[gatorsmom]

I’m sorry this happened. Are your girls identical twins? I’ve always found it fascinating that numerous studies show that any differences between identical twins are due solely to outside factors. So if your girls are identical, you could point out to your Dd2 that maybe she was more nervous going into the test and that affected her grade. Or is could be that she didn’t sleep as well or didn’t ask as many questions. But studies show she is equally capable of producing a 97% like her sister.

I think you could also point out that if there had been more questions on the test, there probably wouldn’t have been the huge discrepancy in scores. She only had to improve a couple of her answers to get a high score.

My DS2 has been working hard to get all A’s in his classes this year as a freshman. He’s very serious about it. Recently he started adding up and averaging his grades and realized he was getting a B- in chemistry and a high B in literature. I suggested he reach out to his teachers asking for any extra work he could do to improve his grades. He was hesitant and gave me lots of excuses why it wouldn’t help but emailed them explaining his concerns and his hopes for high grades. Secretly I didn’t think it would make a difference either but I just didn’t want him to give up. I wanted him to keep trying to achieve his goals. Turns out, his chemistry teacher asked him to write 2 essay papers of no less than 3 pages each with sources cited, a bibliography and grammatically correct. One topic was to explain what are the many factors which make elements lose or gain electrons to form a pseudo-noble gas structure versus a noble gas structure. She gave him 3 days to do the papers. It was hard and he lost sleep getting them done but he finished them. The teacher admitted that maybe her tests didn’t adequately assess how well DS2 grasped the subject so she would use the essays to help determine a better grade.

All this to say, I’d recommend to your daughter that she could reach out to her teacher and explain how hard she’s worked, explain why she might have done poorly on her test and would her teacher give her an opportunity to improve her grade? Or maybe retake it for an average of the 2 test scores? I think it’s an opportunity for her to learn to dig deeper on her own to achieve something she really wants.

Hugs to you and her. Growing up is hard. :hug:

[hbridge]

Your DD2 should definitely contact the teacher to see where the problems were and determine if there is anything she can do to bring up her grade.

DD1 should still be able to celebrate her achievement :).

That being said, is there anyway to keep them in separate classes in the future? Oh, I just noticed that you homeschool... However, if the girls are in different classes, the competition can be minimized somewhat.