First phones, what are your rules and restrictions?

[Melaine]

I guess this is happening.

First phones have been ordered for my twins, age 14. I was planning to wait until they turn 15 in October, but they are some of the last hold-outs in their friend group and they are missing out on a lot without texting capabilities (particularly with COVID). We're doing iphone SE's for them (by the way, Straight Talk has an amazing price!). Ordered adorable custom cases from casetify.

They will honestly be mostly texting and using a few school related apps (Spanish/math). I am fine with Pinterest app, which they both love already for art and fashion. We'll definitely allow some photo editing apps since I know they will enjoy that. Amazon music app, spotify. Kindle app and Hoopla for library checkouts. I'll probably get them Stylebook since I love tracking my closet and they probably will also. A game or two is fine. They are aware that they won't be getting Facebook, Insta, or TikTok for now. (They said they aren't really interested in those right now. Facebook and insta are passe it seems)

What are your rules and restrictions in regard to phone use and social media? They are extremely disciplined in general and have always been trustworthy but I still want some parameters. For example, I think we will have them charge the phones in the kitchen at night.

[Snow mom]

My DD is younger (12) and I also hadn’t planned to get her a phone. Hers is really more for emergencies, if she needs to call from school, etc. I locked it down pretty tight. She cannot receive phone calls or texts from numbers not on her contact list. She also can’t text/call except this list. I erased most of the apps and she needs to have me add anything she needs. The phone doesn’t do many things after her bedtime as I have it set as downtime. I got her a kids Apple ID which gives me a lot of power over the device. I can’t remember all the details but I know I googled around a bit on how to set up an iPhone for a kid and I believe common sense media had the best advice on setting things up. If many of her friends who she communicates with have phones I’m not aware of it as she hasn’t asked me to add them. She mainly uses apps or video calling on her chromebook to communicate with other kids at this point.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No real rules. They have to give me passwords (well, ds1 hasn’t had to since mid high school). I can check devices whenever (I never do). And I’ll confiscate them for a bit if they are being overused (I might have done that once). Mine don’t need rules to start but know we will adapt if a problem comes up.
eta- social media was of no interest to ds1 until high school (Snapchat and Insta). Ds2 has no interest.

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[belovedgandp]

I've always known passwords for phones, but siblings do not. It became an issue where 13 YO DS was being a pain using 16 YO DS phone.

My older two received and my youngest (just turned 11) will receive a phone at the end of 5th grade. So in the beginning no social media.

By high school age, I was OK with social media. DS1 installed Instagram/Twitter/FB by the end of freshman year. Now as a junior his friends are primarily on Instagram. A few of his clubs at school were communicating some vital information using Insta and Twitter and I was tired of taking screen shots and forwarding them to him during his freshman year, so I almost pushed for those. FB is because all the parents on there and they post fun pictures he wants to see (mostly band and robotics).

All devices for the entire family are charged in a communal spot right off the kitchen. No devices overnight in any bedrooms.

For Christmas DS1 received a smartwatch and I think it has helped him not be on his phone as much. He can see the message and it is much easier to look at wrist and know he doesn't need to respond right away. With a phone notification he'd look at phone and always find something else to look at while it was open.

[PZMommy]

My DD is younger (12) and I also hadn’t planned to get her a phone. Hers is really more for emergencies, if she needs to call from school, etc. I locked it down pretty tight. She cannot receive phone calls or texts from numbers not on her contact list. She also can’t text/call except this list. I erased most of the apps and she needs to have me add anything she needs. The phone doesn’t do many things after her bedtime as I have it set as downtime. I got her a kids Apple ID which gives me a lot of power over the device. I can’t remember all the details but I know I googled around a bit on how to set up an iPhone for a kid and I believe common sense media had the best advice on setting things up. If many of her friends who she communicates with have phones I’m not aware of it as she hasn’t asked me to add them. She mainly uses apps or video calling on her chromebook to communicate with other kids at this point.

How do you do a kid’s Apple ID? I need to get my 6th grader a phone because he will be home by himself for a few hours a day and I want to make sure he can call in an emergency.

[mmsmom]

Phones outside door at bedtime then I collect and put on chargers downstairs. They get phone overnight on weekends but weekdays they do not even over summer. If they get caught with phone out at school then they can no longer take to school. I have passwords and check occasionally. All apps are approved by me. They can not make account changes and I have content restrictions set up as well though sometimes it blocks sites it shouldn’t. We started with no social media but I lost that battle during Covid. I do check it and we have lots of discussions about it. Good social media behavior is also drilled into them constantly at school.

Also- we do not allow phones to leave the house when they are with DH or I. So if we go out for dinner they can not bring their phones. We feel the purpose of taking them out is to be able to get in touch with us when they are not with us... not to scroll on their phones when they should be social instead. They are often the only kids in a group setting without phones but usually when other parents notice they do not have them they will tell their kids to put theirs away and they’ll actually all talk or go be active instead.

[Snow mom]

How do you do a kid’s Apple ID? I need to get my 6th grader a phone because he will be home by himself for a few hours a day and I want to make sure he can call in an emergency.

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201084

[ang79]

DD1 got a hand-me down iphone in 5th grade because she was putting herself on the bus some mornings after I left for work. Then we gave DD2 a hand-me down iphone last spring so that she could Facetime with friends when school shut down. They mostly Facetime and text friends and DD1 listens to Spotify (which is actually my account that I don't use, so I can check up on it if I want to). No social media yet, they are currently 6th and 8th. My 6th grader asked me just last week if she could get Instagram to follow a friend, I said not at this point, she can text and call. They must charge the phones in the kitchen at night, not in their bedrooms. And no calls/Facetime to friends after 9pm. Their plans currently only have text/calls, no data, but they are usually somewhere they have access to wi-if.

Which photo editing apps are you looking at? They would like that. Most of their current pictures are off our pets, lol. Their phones are set up on our Apple Family Account, so if they want an app the phone asks my permission first and then I have to put in a passcode from my phone to allow then to get the app. So far they only have a few games, Remind for school, tuning app for their instruments. I think I may have to enter the world of social media with DD1 when she starts high school, not ready for that, as I don't use it myself!

[mom2binsd]

No real rules. They have to give me passwords (well, ds1 hasn’t had to since mid high school). I can check devices whenever (I never do). And I’ll confiscate them for a bit if they are being overused (I might have done that once). Mine don’t need rules to start but know we will adapt if a problem comes up.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=87652)Same here, they keep them in their rooms. No reason at our house to charge elsewhere. I have complete access and occasionally check but we haven't had issues. My kids are newly 15 and almost 18. They also have social media which is how they make plans with friends, have sports team groups etc. Both get very good grades and play multiple sports, help around the house. They know the phone will be removed if rules are not followed.

I think I parent differently than most on this board/allow access to social media etc, and although my kids feel I'm more strict than most of their friends parents. I do what works for our family and so far my kids have handled the responsibility of phones and the internet.

OP your girls sound very smart and respectful, I am sure they will enjoy their phones, it does provide for socializing, it's just how they communicate now. Around here I don't know any kid who past 6th grade who doesn't have a phone. Even some coworkers who I know have limited incomes have phones for their kids.

Highly recommended putting the 360 app on, the free version is perfect and great for seeing where they are, especially soon when your girls might be away from home more.

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[PZMommy]

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201084

Thank you!

[niccig]

He knew it was our phone and we would take it away/lock it down. We had rules and supervised at first to see how he would handle it. When he broke our rules, he got a consequence, 2nd time we installed app where we could control apps/turn on/off phone. It was a monthly subscription to the app. We had the app maybe for 6-9 months. Then turned it off (he didn’t know) as he had matured and shown he would follow rules. He knew we would put it back on again.

Anytime we give more freedoms we come up with our rules and tell him. We watch and see if we need to increase rules or restrict the freedom. Doing same thing now with driving. It’s all monitored, limits on what he can do and we’re trusting he’s following them. We’ll see if he shows he’s responsible before decrease the rules. So far, he’s fine and following them

edit to add: we have the life 360 app, great now that he’s driving


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[MommyAllison]

For Christmas DS1 received a smartwatch and I think it has helped him not be on his phone as much. He can see the message and it is much easier to look at wrist and know he doesn't need to respond right away. With a phone notification he'd look at phone and always find something else to look at while it was open.

I got a smartwatch for Christmas for this exact reason, and it has really worked for me!

In answer to your question OP, we are pretty strict. All devices are charged in the kitchen every night and I have all passwords. We set up Family Sharing and created the kids Apple IDs through that. We use Screen Time (in Settings) to set time limits on different app categories. DD1 doesn't have any time limits for apps but we do set up Downtime to help her be less distracted during school, and after a certain time at night. DS has a much harder time with self regulating his app time so he has more limits set up, and DD2 has very few apps on her itouch and does have time limits. Screen Time has a lot of great features if you want to monitor how much time they are spending on their phones. We also removed the web browsers from all of their phones (they use a computer when they need a web browser - DD1 has her own laptop so it hasn't been an issue). We don't do social media for them (none of them are interested anyway) and for now DD2 has the camera disabled on her itouch (she's still at the age of very little filter - she has a separate digital camera but we weren't ready for her to take and send selfies quite yet). DH and I saw Collin Kartchner speak in person a couple years ago, and it really clarified for us what limits we wanted to set. We want our kids to learn to use phones responsibly while they are still young enough to care what we think and come to us when they see something that alarms/confuses them - but we weren't ready to turn them loose. As they get older and show they can handle it, they get more freedom.

[carolinacool]

No real rules. They have to give me passwords (well, ds1 hasn’t had to since mid high school). I can check devices whenever (I never do). And I’ll confiscate them for a bit if they are being overused (I might have done that once). Mine don’t need rules to start but know we will adapt if a problem comes up.
eta- social media was of no interest to ds1 until high school (Snapchat and Insta). Ds2 has no interest.

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DS is almost 11.5 and got his iPhone shortly after he turned 10. This is pretty much where I am.

I did set it up so that I have to approve any apps that he wants to download. Other than that, I really haven't done a lot. He mainly watches YouTube videos -- people playing Fortnite, music videos, games, the weather. He hears some language that he probably shouldn't, but that's not a hill that I'm going to die on.

I downloaded TikTok for him a few weeks ago. I put in his actual age or either made him 13 -- I can't remember -- and I got a popup saying that videos would be limited. But he just wanted it to see his friend's TikToks. I don't think he's been back on since. I also *might* download Instagram because he plays AAU basketball, and lots of kids his age have pages with photos and videos of their game highlights. He's made some friends playing Fortnite, so he'll Facetime and text with them. One kid was sending really inappropriate stuff, so we told him to tell his friend to stop or we would block his number and that seemed to take care of it.

We don't have hard and fast screen time limits, so when we ask him to turn his phone off, he does so without complaint. It charges overnight in his room and I can tell he doesn't touch it. But, he's also on the younger side. We will probably have to put stricter rules in place as he gets older and become more savvy.

[AnnieW625]

My Dd1 got her phone at 12 and just before 7th grade because she was going to be taking the city bus home. I kept her under my iCloud account until she started high school (and it was easier for her to have her own account to link to her school issued iPad) and it was nice because I required that she keep location services on so I could use find my phone occasionally to check up on her while she was on the bus.

My phone rules are in line with SnuggleBuggles and Mom2BeinSD. I think having a cell phone is a trust issue and if you have trust issues then a cell phone should not be an option. We have been lucky with Dd1 and I honestly can’t remember her password, but I do believe that I still have to approve app. purchase for her and my credit card is linked to her account. She always asks and I honestly can’t remember the last time I got a notification that she wanted or needed something.

App wise she has Instagram, and Pinterest. Dh said no to Tiktok and Snapchat pre covid and she said she is fine seeing Tiktok through instagram, and COVID has killed Snapchat. We might revisit Snapchat now that she is 15 and if it becomes popular if things open back up again.

Now as far as Dd2 goes I would like to delay her phone as long as possible, but Dd1 got hers at 12 and DD2 will be 13 when she starts 7th grade. In an ideal world if we can wait until she is 14 and starting 8th grade I would be okay with that as Dd1 will be away at college and I am sure I may be back in my office more than once a week by then and we will need to get ahold of her by then. Her Adhd issues cause her to focus on the iPad too much and a phone would be the same. We would have to keep it under lock and key.

We have also always said that good grades (As, and Bs) are required to have a phone.

Once DD1 gets a job I would like her to pay for a portion of her monthly cell phone bill and phone upgrades if she wants one.

Eta: definitely like the no pictures of body parts rule. That hasn’t been an issue so far but as Dds get older it is important especially because in California there are strict transmission rules about that stuff for minors.


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[gatorsmom]

Electronics have been an indispensible way for all my kids to stay in contact with their friends during the chaos that COVID has caused. Ideally I didn't want them all to have phones until they learned to drive but plans changed. The only holdout now is my 13yo son who doesn't have a phone but does have an apple watch for texting his friends and me. Otherwise he communicates with friends through video games.

All electronics in our house are required to be used in public areas. No cell phones, laptops or nintendos in bedrooms or bathrooms. During the day sometimes they'll have their phones plugged into outlets in the hallway outside their bedrooms while they are doing homework. :ROTFLMAO: We used to charge ours on a multi-gang charger in the kitchen but the kids were getting up in the middle of the night to check their phones so I changed that about 6 months ago to a small table in my bedroom. They have to drop off their electronics to charge in my room at night and can pick it up first thing in the morning. They also have to be ok with my checking their text messages occasionally (sometimes I do this when they are there just to ask questions about what they are their friends are up to. They are pretty open with me so it's not a big deal). We have explained that the phones belong to DH and I and we can take them away when we think it's necessary (i have done this once for DS1 and DD). Also, all phone privileges end the first time I see any photos of body parts between the shoulders and knee caps posted. I've explained how that lunacy will leave a trail on the internet that will follow them for life. Also, they need to ask us before subscribing to any new platform like snapchat, Instagram, whatever. If they have a well-reasoned explanation why they want to join, I let them do it and then just ask for updates now and then. So far, so good.