What do you think?

[jgenie]

Parent of Child A reaches out to Parent B to get the kids together. Parent B agrees and plans are made. Parent C reaches out to Parent A for the same time frame. Parent A checks with Parent B before replying to Parent C. Child B says they prefer just Child A & Child B as they aren’t very close to Child C. Parent A says not to worry and lets Parent C know that day doesn’t work but we can figure alternate date. Parent D then reaches out to Parent B to see if Child B is available. Parent B tells them Child B will be with Child A and Parent D says Child A can join Child B and Child D. Parent B relays the new plans to Parent A. Thoughts?

[mikala]

It seems rude of parent B to relay the plans to D and essentially set a new plan without checking with A, especially after B turned down the addition of C.

[twowhat?]

It seems rude of parent B to relay the plans to D and essentially set a new plan without checking with A, especially after B turned down the addition of C.

I totally agree with this. But how I would proceed depends. If A would be more than happy to have D join, then I’d let it go but next time would propose a “A would love to have a 1:1 play date with B”, if parent A isn’t open to additions. Parent A would also be right to assume Parent B might invite others of B’s choosing and proceed accordingly in the future. 😊

If A would prefer a 1:1 with B this time, in order to keep the peace I’d probably say something like “A was looking forward to 1:1 time with B so let’s schedule something separately for another time” and then chalk up the unplanned ABD play date as a learning experience.

[roobee]

I'm a bit curious if this the play date was going to be at A's house, B's house, or somewhere else? If it's at B's house then I could give them a pass (and then I would think A a bit rude for asking if C could go). If it's at A's house and B invited D AND dictated that C couldn't go then that is so far out of bounds that I would have a hard time ever interacting with that parent again.

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[AnnieW625]

Parent B should have told parent D they had other plans and left it at that.


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[jgenie]

I'm a bit curious if this the play date was going to be at A's house, B's house, or somewhere else? If it's at B's house then I could give them a pass (and then I would think A a bit rude for asking if C could go). If it's at A's house and B invited D AND dictated that C couldn't go then that is so far out of bounds that I would have a hard time ever interacting with that parent again.

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It’s was an outing to a place.


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[gatorsmom]

Parent B should have told parent D they had other plans and left it at that.


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Yes to this. If Parent and kid C are at the same school and hangs out with all these kids, he’s going to feel excluded and sad that they all got together without him. If he’s at a different school and know the kids through a different route- like he knows Parent’s A& B through Boy Scouts or another outside group, then I think it’s probably ok.

[Liziz]

Wow, this is a perfect example of why I find playdates so immensely stressful and frustrating. Parent B is in the wrong. In parent A's shoes, I'd be worried about this seeming like an outing excluding child C now.

However -- it sounds like Parent A handled things correctly, in that they simply told parent C that they were already busy and looked for another date to get together. If this is the case, then I think it's still fine to let child A go on the hijacked playdate with B and D. (If parent A had told parent C "I'm sorry, I already scheduled a 1:1 playdate with B", then it's a different story). Even if Parent C found out that A, B, and D got together, they'd just assume that was the reason you said that particular date didn't work. I never expect my kid to get invited to every get together, so if I was parent C I wouldn't be bothered if I realized this after the fact. Basically, parent B is totally wrong in what they did, but I don't know that your child should be "punished" for it by losing out on a playdate all together that day.

If I was parent A, I would be irritated with parent B and keep it in mind for future potential invitations (or lack-thereof....). But, I'd probably still let my child go. I would also get on planning a (different timed) playdate with child C ASAP.

ETA: If I was a bit more comfortable being direct (and was parent A), I would call Parent B and let them know that they put me in a really bad position, by first asking for child C to NOT be included, but then not just declining the invite from D. I think this can be done nicely and parent A is absolutely within their rights to speak up. But my answer above comes from my actual personality, which would deeply want to say something, but I don't think I'd actually be able to.

[carolinacool]

It seems rude of parent B to relay the plans to D and essentially set a new plan without checking with A, especially after B turned down the addition of C.

This. I’m also a little annoyed that the way it’s worded, it sounds like Parent D says Child A can hang out, when in actuality Child D is the one who is last to the party. I also think it could be confusing for Child A, who is now wondering why C couldn’t come but all of a sudden D is.

I would have a hard time biting my tongue with B.

[MSWR0319]

I don't understand why Parent B even brought it up to Parent A. B should have just said "Sorry Parent D, we have plans." Especially when Parent B told Parent A that they weren't hanging out with Child C. That's rude. Sorry A, I don't like C so I want to just be A & B. But then D comes along and oh yeah, let's all hang out. Um, no.

[Corie]

I don't understand why Parent B even brought it up to Parent A. B should have just said "Sorry Parent D, we have plans." Especially when Parent B told Parent A that they weren't hanging out with Child C. That's rude. Sorry A, I don't like C so I want to just be A & B. But then D comes along and oh yeah, let's all hang out. Um, no.

Totally agree!!

[bisous]

I don't understand why Parent B even brought it up to Parent A. B should have just said "Sorry Parent D, we have plans." Especially when Parent B told Parent A that they weren't hanging out with Child C. That's rude. Sorry A, I don't like C so I want to just be A & B. But then D comes along and oh yeah, let's all hang out. Um, no.

Yeah. I agree with this. Apparently the preferences of Child B dictate how this whole thing will go down and it isn't supposed to work that way!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I don't understand why Parent B even brought it up to Parent A. B should have just said "Sorry Parent D, we have plans." Especially when Parent B told Parent A that they weren't hanging out with Child C. That's rude. Sorry A, I don't like C so I want to just be A & B. But then D comes along and oh yeah, let's all hang out. Um, no.
A huge :yeahthat:

Parent D was in the wrong and seems overbearing and wanting to control (wanting to disrupt existing plans). I hate that.
Parent B was also wrong for letting Parent D take over and change plans like that.

[MMMommy]

A huge :yeahthat:

Parent D was in the wrong and seems overbearing and wanting to control (wanting to disrupt existing plans). I hate that.
Parent B was also wrong for letting Parent D take over and change plans like that.

Totally agree with this.

[carolinacool]

Has this outing happened yet? What was the outcome?

[jgenie]

Has this outing happened yet? What was the outcome?

Child A wasn't aware that Parent C had reached out. Child C reached out directly and asked if they could join with Child A. Child A said of course have your parent contact my parent so they can work out the details. Parent D drove all the kids but the kids ended up splintering off into two groups Child A & C and Child B & D. Parent B & D took over and were completely oblivious that the original plans were disrupted and that B & D did their own thing. Parent B is great. They just handle things very differently than Parent A. Parent D may not have known about Parent C being originally told no or that plans had been made with Child A. Glad to hear Parent A isn't completely out in left field with thinking how things typically go.

[Melaine]

Something similar happened last night for Halloween with my twins and it was SO stressful. I think there isn't really a right answer, but I hate when stuff like that happens.