Would you email the teacher?

[PunkyBoo]

UPDATED IN POST 11-
In DS2's 7th period class (last class) today, a small group of kids were being unruly so the teacher kept the whole class after for a few minutes as a consequence. DS2 subsequently missed the school bus home. (He claims that he was not one of the unruly ones but it would not surprise me if he were and just lying). So he called me asking me to send DS1 to pick him up because I work FT at home (I have set hours and my time is not flexible). It's over 4 miles away on the completely opposite side of town, so there is no chance of him walking home. But DS1 was at his own school for sports practice. DH works about 30-45 minutes away so it would take him about an hour to pack up and get to the school. I couldn't pick him up because I didn't have a car at home today (3 drivers in our house, we have 3 cars but one of them only DH can drive but he has my car today). So I had to call a retired neighbor to help- she wasn't home, her daughter wasn't home, I finally had to call the only other neighbor I know well enough to ask the favor and she drove me to pick him up and I had to take PTO for the time.
I want to email the teacher and ask that staying after school not be used as a consequence again. I know how hard this year is for the teachers, I know my kids isn't the easiest student, but really this was much more of a punishment for me as a parent than for my child. Would you email? If so, what wording is appropriate, to not sound like my son is entitled to special treatment or to undermine his authority?

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[PZMommy]

I would email the teacher and CC the principal on this. I’m sure your son was not the only one to miss his bus. What if a child didn’t have someone who could come get them??

[carolinacool]

I would definitely email. And I’m sure he wasn’t the only kid that missed the bus.

Over the years I’ve learned through this board that busing situations vary around the country. Here that just wouldn’t fly. Kids are dismissed at the end of the day unless there is something so egregious that parents need to be called or there’s some reason that they aren’t allowed on the bus. But maybe this is just one of those regional differences.

ETA: I agree with CCing the principal.

[sariana]

I started teaching over 25 years ago, and I've never worked at a school that allowed teachers to keep students after ("detention") on the same day. We had to notify parents in advance.

Part of the purpose of detention (or whatever) is to inconvenience the parent(s) so that they will get on the kid's case, but same-day detention was not allowed and could be dangerous. In this case it sounds as though the majority of the class was NOT misbehaving, so even that aspect does not apply.

I agree with PPs about emailing. And it doesn't matter whether your child was being unruly or not.

[ett]

I would email the teacher and CC the principal on this. I’m sure your son was not the only one to miss his bus. What if a child didn’t have someone who could come get them??

I absolutely agree.

[Liziz]

Definitely email, with a cc to the principal or whoever is in charge of bussing at your school (at mine it's the assistant principal). However, before I emailed I would probably have a really serious discussion with my DC and make sure that the missed bus was a direct result of being held back in class (vs. dawdling/goofing off after being released and missing the bus, then blaming it on the class being held back). I am in NO WAY saying your DS did that, but I know that I've had times where I get upset about something that happened at school, then realize that the story I got from my DC wasn't necessarily the full picture/was presented in a very one-sided way -- and I would have handled differently if I'd realized the full story from the outset.

I would likely email the teacher something like this:

"Dear Teacher, It sounds like today was a rough day for behavior in class. I've already talked with DS and reinforced my expectations about appropriate behavior in class. My understanding is that as a consequence, the class was held back after dismissal, which resulted in DS missing his bus home. Due to our family situation, we rely on bus transportation. I was put in a bad situation today, requiring me to take time off work and contact several neighbors before I found a ride to come get DS. In the future, if after-school consequences or detention are needed, please schedule these for a future day instead of applying them same-day. That would allow for myself (and other parents in our situation) to plan ahead. Thank you!"

As another thought for the future (though hopefully this never happens again), in my district the bus is required to bring home any child who is supposed to be bussed (at least for elementary and middle school -- I'm not sure how they handle hs). If the bus misses picking up a kid at school, and the parent/school calls the transportation office, they send the bus back to the school to pick up the kid. It's often frustrating (b/c it delays the whole bussing lineup then), but for those families who absolutely rely on the bus to get their children home, it's important. Not sure how your district works but might be worth a call to transportation if it happens again to see what they'll do.

[PunkyBoo]

Definitely email, with a cc to the principal or whoever is in charge of bussing at your school (at mine it's the assistant principal). However, before I emailed I would probably have a really serious discussion with my DC and make sure that the missed bus was a direct result of being held back in class (vs. dawdling/goofing off after being released and missing the bus, then blaming it on the class being held back). I am in NO WAY saying your DS did that, but I know that I've had times where I get upset about something that happened at school, then realize that the story I got from my DC wasn't necessarily the full picture/was presented in a very one-sided way -- and I would have handled differently if I'd realized the full story from the outset.

I would likely email the teacher something like this:

"Dear Teacher, It sounds like today was a rough day for behavior in class. I've already talked with DS and reinforced my expectations about appropriate behavior in class. My understanding is that as a consequence, the class was held back after dismissal, which resulted in DS missing his bus home. Due to our family situation, we rely on bus transportation. I was put in a bad situation today, requiring me to take time off work and contact several neighbors before I found a ride to come get DS. In the future, if after-school consequences or detention are needed, please schedule these for a future day instead of applying them same-day. That would allow for myself (and other parents in our situation) to plan ahead. Thank you!"

As another thought for the future (though hopefully this never happens again), in my district the bus is required to bring home any child who is supposed to be bussed (at least for elementary and middle school -- I'm not sure how they handle hs). If the bus misses picking up a kid at school, and the parent/school calls the transportation office, they send the bus back to the school to pick up the kid. It's often frustrating (b/c it delays the whole bussing lineup then), but for those families who absolutely rely on the bus to get their children home, it's important. Not sure how your district works but might be worth a call to transportation if it happens again to see what they'll do.Yeah, it occurred to me last night that there is a chance DS2 is blaming the teacher when he could have just missed the bus on his own. He is an unreliable story teller. I don't know this teacher, but his counselor knows him and me (he has a 504 plan and we discussed his propensity for storytelling). So I called her this morning to see if she can find out if there actually was a situation in the class yesterday, and if so, discuss options for not keeping him after school in the future. If it was not due to the 7th period teacher, then I can address it with DS2 without embarrassing him with that teacher.
I'm glad you all agree I should contact the school. Bussing is not common here at all, but when our tract was built 50 years ago the developer made a deal with the school district to provide bussing forever because we are pretty removed from the main part of our little city, separated by a very major business corridor with high volume traffic streets. But the schools don't publicize it- you kinda have to know and then call the district transportation office to find out pick up/drop off times and bus number each year.
If that second neighbor couldn't help me, I honestly don't know what we would have done- I guess he would have had to wait the hour or so for DH.

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[Kestrel]

Honestly, I would have told him to go to the office and tell them he missed the bus because a teacher kept them late. They should either make the bus come back or transport the student to the bus in route.

The only thing your child could have done is tell the teacher he had to catch the bus home, then they could have contacted the bus to wait for him. (We had to have the teacher do this when DS was on crutches.)

[dogmom]

I would also insert some language in there “is my understanding this led to him missing his bus” and a “please correct me if I am wrong” just in case there are some pertinent details that got missed in the telling.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would also insert some language in there “is my understanding this led to him missing his bus” and a “please correct me if I am wrong” just in case there are some pertinent details that got missed in the telling.

Definitely add this!


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[PunkyBoo]

UPDATE: OP here. Thank you for your support! I talked to the counselor this afternoon and told her there is a chance he was blaming the teacher for his own delay, so if she could investigate sensitively. Ten minutes later DS2 texted me he missed the bus due to the teacher AGAIN!!! Fortunately DS1 had just gotten home so I sent him back out to pick up his brother. I then called the counselor back- she had just spoken to the teacher. Turns out yesterday the class had been a bit rowdy, causing a delay to get all the school Chromebooks put away. Nobody was in any trouble, it was not meant as discipline, they are just required to get the Chromebooks put away and it wasn't finished until several minutes after the last bell. So apparently today, same thing- delay getting Chromebooks put away so DS2 took it upon himself to tell the teacher that this caused him to miss the bus 2 days in a row now, and that ends up being "more punishment for the parents than the students"!! [emoji23] ( He's still such a parrot, that's a direct quote from me yesterday!) So now the teacher is aware that they need to get everything put away earlier in the class time, and even if they can't, DS2 (and anyone else who takes the school bus) will be allowed to leave on time. Both teacher and counselor were very apologetic, and the teacher complimented DS2's maturity in coming to tell him this was causing a problem.
I'm so relieved that he wasn't lying AND he wasn't in any trouble!! Hopefully it won't happen again!

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[Liziz]

UPDATE: OP here. Thank you for your support! I talked to the counselor this afternoon and told her there is a chance he was blaming the teacher for his own delay, so if she could investigate sensitively. Ten minutes later DS2 texted me he missed the bus due to the teacher AGAIN!!! Fortunately DS1 had just gotten home so I sent him back out to pick up his brother. I then called the counselor back- she had just spoken to the teacher. Turns out yesterday the class had been a bit rowdy, causing a delay to get all the school Chromebooks put away. Nobody was in any trouble, it was not meant as discipline, they are just required to get the Chromebooks put away and it wasn't finished until several minutes after the last bell. So apparently today, same thing- delay getting Chromebooks put away so DS2 took it upon himself to tell the teacher that this caused him to miss the bus 2 days in a row now, and that ends up being "more punishment for the parents than the students"!! [emoji23] ( He's still such a parrot, that's a direct quote from me yesterday!) So now the teacher is aware that they need to get everything put away earlier in the class time, and even if they can't, DS2 (and anyone else who takes the school bus) will be allowed to leave on time. Both teacher and counselor were very apologetic, and the teacher complimented DS2's maturity in coming to tell him this was causing a problem.
I'm so relieved that he wasn't lying AND he wasn't in any trouble!! Hopefully it won't happen again!

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I'm glad that worked out so well! I mean, obviously not the missing the bus again today, although it seems it was less of a hassle today, thankfully. But glad you understand the full situation and that the teacher will make sure it doesn't happen again.

[PZMommy]

That is a good update (not the missing bus again part). But it sounds like you handled the situation great by checking it out first, and that your son spoke up to let the teacher know it was a problem. If not a lot of kids ride a bus, she probably didn’t even realize what a problem she was causing.